My daughter

[tvsnacking]

I need to know if i am an complete cow..
we live in the middle of nowhere. Not uk. My daughter , 12, going to School 3 km from home. Now she ride a bike to School , but winter is coming.
I am sahm.
We have a possibility to her to drive to and from School in a sort of a taxi , cost nothing. But you only book one Seat and it is booked the Day before.
My daughter Think i should drive her, in case she want friends home with her.
I say, if you know the Day before, i am happy to book 2 seats. But no, they always make plans on the Day, so she Can never have friends home.
The reasons for me to sah is irrelevant - i Think - but i Think my offer for her to go in taxi (or use her bike?) is good enough.
She think I am the worst mother for not driving her.
What do you think?

Average temp of -2 isn't really cold though, and 3km is not far

Rural Denmark so likely rural roads with no pavements in typical winter weather with rain or sleety wind and rain with cars possibly passing close by. Starting to get dark about 3.30pm.

Rather different from a suburban walk with lots of friends.

I had parents like this. I did grow up very independent but didn't feel very loved. I saw a psychologist, and it was like a bell going off in my head when she said it was a shame that some parents just didn't have any interest in spending time with their children.

Possibly projecting, but the OP's daughter seems to be a right nuisance to her.

Please read what i write - in winter, and any time she feel like it, she Can go in a car. She is not walking in Winther. She go in a car.
My point is, it does not have to be my car.

[quote PlanDeRaccordement]@supersonicginandtonic
Exactly. The DD is only 12yo. There is no school or public transportation. We are only talking about winter time in Denmark where the average temperature is -2C and it snows every third day. It’s not the UK where the average temperature is much warmer and it snows maybe once every ten years.

We may not be talking about a child walking “miles in an Antarctic winter” but we ARE talking about a child walking miles in an Arctic winter.

My DH and I always worked full time, we’d never have told our DCs at age 12 that it’s up to them to get to and from school 3km away every day in such a rural and cold location! We managed it, so a SAHM who has more control over her schedule is is literally a 5 minute drive away can certainly take the time out of her busy day to get her child to/from school. School and ones child’s education should be a priority. One that you work around for exercise and book writing.[/quote]
She's not even being told to walk or that it's 'up to her to get herself to school'.

She's being driven in a prearranged taxi like plenty of other school children.

What's with the dramatics?

Please read what i write - in winter, and any time she feel like it, she Can go in a car. She is not walking in Winther. She go in a car.
My point is, it does not have to be my car.

she isn't walking though

How cold rural Denmark is or whether it has pavements is irrelevant because she's in a car. It just isn't OPs.

@PlanDeRaccordement

We are talking about a 12yr old walking for almost 2 miles along rural roads during a Denmark winter. Like this picture which is on a nice winter day in Denmark. But the day could be windy, with snow obscuring vision too...

No we aren't. Because she's not walking is she.

We are talking about a 12 year old being driven to school.

Won't somebody think of the children faints

And just to get it Right - some of you really Think that children who use School transportation, with sahms, are somwhat neglected? Really?
Because this is what we use the "taxi" for - instead of a School bus..
but you agree with my poor daughter, i should drive her instead?

So the 12 year old has to plan ahead and arrange booking of seats for friends in a taxi or not have a social life outside school? But the mother hasn't to be burdened with driving her to school in bad weather in a car she already has sitting there?

Do you manage to use the car for other stuff, or is it completely unused now?

Don't you want to spend time with your daughter? They grow up so fast that mundane things like trips to school are soon a memory.

So the 12 year old has to plan ahead and arrange booking of seats for friends in a taxi or not have a social life outside school?

No... She just has to let her mother know 2 hours in advance so her mum can arrange the taxi for her friend too.

You're right. Someone call the authorities.

Christ she is only 12. I havent read the full thread but OP makes a right song and dance over having driven her for the past 4 years... Well, yeah, she was bloody 8! I dont think you get a big pat on the back for driving your 8yo to school from a rural location. That is just basic parenting, no?

OP these parents who are too scared to let their 12 year olds get a bus or taxi to school are fucking nuts. Mumsnet is full of neurotics but in the real world most 12 year olds are perfectly capable of getting a bus, let alone a bloody taxi to school. Heck my two eldest got a train to school from aged 11, and as far as I know no one reported us to social services! Whats more they even managed to plan ahead at a lot younger than 12. I know, fucking child geniuses my lot!

This thread is absolute crazy madness. No wonder there’s an epidemic of obesity and laziness when 3km - less than 2 miles - is considered too far for a child to walk to school. Even when it has been stressed there are collection options available when the weather is bad.

Would OP have got the same responses if the ask was to collect the daughter from a half an hour drive away because otherwise a friend couldn’t get the bus with her because she failed to tell mum another seat was required? Because that happens to a lot of kids who get the bus to school I would have thought. At my school at least, every seat was allocated so I never went back to my best friends house after school, although she sometimes came to mine.

I feel a bit sorry for the parents who had so little quality time with their own kids that a ten minute drive made all the difference.

Yet another thread where OP asks for opinions and then spends the whole time disagreeing with those opinions .
Why ask if you’re so sure you’re right?
And those saying 3km isn’t far , it bloody is in winter !

But flug - she get a taxi in the Winther! What part of that sentence dont you understand??

Not flug - fluffy 😊

This is one of the more insane threads I've seen recently... Normally I'd say people need to rtft but in this case people need to just read the op - THERE IS A TAXI. NO-ONE IS MAKING THE CHILD WALK. And breathe.

I do understand there is a taxi but is it so hard to just at least pick her up if she wants a friend round on that particular day??
Again , why ask if you’re so sure you’re in the right ?

@ChalkDinosaur

This is one of the more insane threads I've seen recently... Normally I'd say people need to rtft but in this case people need to just read the op - THERE IS A TAXI. NO-ONE IS MAKING THE CHILD WALK. And breathe.

Then what’s the point of the bloody thread of the op thinks this is acceptable?!

@Fluffybutter

I do understand there is a taxi but is it so hard to just at least pick her up if she wants a friend round on that particular day?? Again , why ask if you’re so sure you’re in the right ?

Is it so hard to give 2 hours notice if you want a friend round?

Then what’s the point of the bloody thread of the op thinks this is acceptable?!

I think the point is that posters keep going on about some poor child walking for miles in the dead of winter in rural Denmark with no pavements and 20 inches of snow and howling wind.

When actually that isn't the case at all and the child is in a car. It's just not OPs car.

Talking about walking is irrelevant to the thread because that's not what the DD is being asked to do.

@LikeClockWork

Then what’s the point of the bloody thread of the op thinks this is acceptable?!

I think the point is that posters keep going on about some poor child walking for miles in the dead of winter in rural Denmark with no pavements and 20 inches of snow and howling wind.

When actually that isn't the case at all and the child is in a car. It's just not OPs car.

Talking about walking is irrelevant to the thread because that's not what the DD is being asked to do.

Exactly. Debating car vs taxi is perfectly valid, debating car vs walking is totally irrelevant.

Literally all the DD is being asked to do is tell her mum at lunchtime that day if she wants to have a friend round so she can add them onto the taxi. It really isn't tantamount to neglect.

I'd actually prefer that myself so I could make sure I had enough in for tea etc... If my child's friend was joining us.

I can't really remember ever randomly bringing friends home without any prior arrangement at all when I was in school.

I lived rurally and walked to the train station. Sometimes in bad weather my parent would drive me but if the alternative had been a taxi, that would have been fine also. I'm sure id still be alive today if I'd have had to. It certainly wasn't common so far as I can remember for parents to pick up and drop off at the school gates in secondary school. Nearly everyone got public transport, walked or yes, a few got a taxi.

@tvsnacking I think you're totally reasonable.

Let her get the taxi and if she can't be bothered to plan even one day ahead then she doesn't have friends round. Easy.

I came to the same conclusion. And it is not even the Day before - just 2 hours before.

She Can always choose between riding her bike - get a taxi at 8, or be driving with her father at 7.15 and go to morning club. Which she dont want. And it is fine. Bike or taxi it is.
I know. Poor Girl .
Thank you all 🌺