My daughter

[tvsnacking]

I need to know if i am an complete cow..
we live in the middle of nowhere. Not uk. My daughter , 12, going to School 3 km from home. Now she ride a bike to School , but winter is coming.
I am sahm.
We have a possibility to her to drive to and from School in a sort of a taxi , cost nothing. But you only book one Seat and it is booked the Day before.
My daughter Think i should drive her, in case she want friends home with her.
I say, if you know the Day before, i am happy to book 2 seats. But no, they always make plans on the Day, so she Can never have friends home.
The reasons for me to sah is irrelevant - i Think - but i Think my offer for her to go in taxi (or use her bike?) is good enough.
She think I am the worst mother for not driving her.
What do you think?

[quote QueSera]@MidnightCitrus

I am aware of all that, but thanks for a very patronising summary. I am entitled to an opinion, OP asked people for their opinions.[/quote]
So you think that the OP who suffers from anxiety driving, should go and collect dd every day on the off chance she wants a friend to visit that day?

Apologies, I assumed you had misunderstood the thread, as no one can think that the above is reasonable

This thread is bizarre why on earth would the op need to drive her when she can have a free seat in the school taxi system?

DS is 11 and walks a similar distance to school every day in all weathers, and has done for about a year, by himself, in Scotland. It does get pretty cold and wet. Bus is a rarely used option, hasn't been taken since covid and probably won't be. I don't have a car so he won't be getting a lift. Hundreds of children round here do exactly the same, often longer distances as the buses were slower than walking when schools first went back.

Thank you, all of you.

Will she get teased at school for using the taxi? Little rich girl stuff?

I loved driving dd. Best time to chat.

Obviously if you live in a town/city, it’s fine to allow your 12 year old to walk or cycle to school. But would any of you in all honesty allow your 12 yr old to walk or cycle if you live in the middle of nowhere? I lived rural for a while and no way would I walk alone, as an adult, on some of country lanes. Likewise cycling - no cycling lanes on country roads, and dangerous narrow bendy roads.

OK, I haven’t read the full thread but could I just point out for those saying “walk it” it sounds very much like the OP lives rurally and I’m envisioning national speed limit roads with no pavement and the taxi is provided by the Council because either they are either 3 or more miles from their nearest school or there is no safe route home.

Ok it is really safe for ridning a bike. No cars . Lots of pfeasant. (Birds)
All people houses from here to School is School friends . Which, funny enough, also ride a bike or take taxi. Or go to after School club, and driving with parents. ( at 7 morning and 4/5 afternoon.
She want just to go to school . From 8 to 2. And she can. She even get a taxi.
And no, no rich kids here. Yes it is a private school. But the next school is 10 km away so it is the closest. And nobody here is rich.

YANBU. 3km is a half hour walk, they’ll spend it chatting all the way home - it won’t be nearly as boring as when she’s on her own.

How lazy are these kids that can’t walk less than two miles because it’s cold or might be raining? Sure if they have a portfolio case or guitar or loads of kit, then fine. But cold or wet? Get a suitable coat.

This! Where I live lots of kids walk or bike to and from school, winter and summer.

Why can't you arrange to drive her yourself one or two days the same every week, then she knows she can have a friend on these days and either taxi or cycle the remainder.

Reading on I think you seem a bit mean tbh! Surely you have the rest of the day to fit in all these personal activities. Maybe the anger she's expressing is a result of feeling that you won't go out of your way for her.

@Holiday21plea

How long is there walk just from your house to school in minutes? You sound like you need a clear plan. Let her know to communicate in advance.

She is only 12 and dark nights... if anything happened OP it would be your responsibility.

That's a terrible thing to say! You should feel ashamed of what you have posted.

@outofthemoon

Will she get teased at school for using the taxi? Little rich girl stuff?

I loved driving dd. Best time to chat.

It's free school transport I think.

Sometimes I'm blindsided by MN. The super selectives in London have kids traveling for 2 hours, via bus, underground, coach, bike all perfectly acceptable apparently

OP please stop questioning your decision. You have arrangements in place for your DD to get home safely. You are also able to make arrangements for her to bring a friend home with very little notice. The fact she does not want to plan slightly ahead is not your problem. She is 12, one of your responsibilities as a parent is to allow her to learn increasing independence, planning and also compromise. Also with a 12 year old girl it is time to start picking your battles, this should not be one of them.

Asking on this forum probably will not help because the readership is mainly UK based and there has been an increasing tendency over the years to be risk averse and wrap our children up in cotton wool. Risk has to be balanced and it is also risky to not teach children life skills at an age appropriate time. Getting to and from school from middle school from pre-teen is far less common in the UK than the rest of Europe. I was asthonished at the number of parents outside of my DC's high school today when I passed it as I had to come home early from work to get DC to an appointment. We live in a major city with bus routes and I doubt many had to travel far enough that they could not walk or take a bus (unless special needs etc). I could hardly get passed for parked cars and then could not park outside my house 10 mins away!

Cycle with her and then you get some exercise. This is pretty simple.
I cycle 8 miles to work and 8 back, it's the best ever exercise and I'm lucky to live in a country very similar to Denmark where it's flat and we have dedicated cycle paths. 3km is not far

It is almost free.

The road is totally safe. Worst harm would be a fox.
And yes . I have made up my mind. She can use her bike. She can walk. Or she can get a taxi. And if she text me 2!hours in advance, I can even book in a friend.
Thank you all of you

Also, just to add. The fact you are a SAHM makes no difference. You have your reasons. DC has to accept I work full time, particularly in the last 5 years since I have been a lone parent. That is life and you have your reasons for needing to be at home. We cannot shield our young people too much from the responsilities of adult life. They will be joining it soon and surely better they are prepared as much as possible and are sensitive to the different circumstances people have to manage.

Your home area sounds idyllic, tvsnacking, and the options you've given your daughter are absolutely fine. There's no need to feel bad about expecting your 12 year old not to regard you as a personal chauffeur service.

I'm shaking my head in amazement at those on here who won't let their precious secondary school cherubs walk or cycle 3km to/from school. The way some of those people have spoken to you I suppose it's not hard to guess where their cotton wool wrapped kids get their attitude from.
Seriously MNers, some of your responses to the OP are shameful.

The differences in opinion here may be a class thing rather than cultural. I suspect that you'd get far more understanding if you posted on a less middle class leaning forum.

At 12 I think she should be able to plan ahead. I would insist she uses the taxi during colder weather.

I used to go to school 1hr & 15mins in to London when I was a 11, on a bus. You are not being unreasonable Op.

In the UK (or my part, anyway!) there’s DRT (Demand Responsive Transport) which is a taxi you book the day before, only really in rural areas where there used to be a bus service that ceased as unprofitable / too expensive. It’s subsidised by Council as cheaper than subsidising the bus service. The cost is the same as a bus journey, and it’s used by people who don’t drive, can’t afford a car, or whatever. It’s about as posh as a local bus service. This sounds similar to what you’d DD gets.

I would absolutely have her get that rather than drive, she only needs to tell you the day before that she’d like a friend to come round! Or they can cycle or walk, if she prefers.

OP,

I think you made a mistake posting on AIBU on Mumsnet. There are some very unpleasant posters that love to insult OPs and love to try and upset them. I think there must be something wrong with them.

I often don’t agree with OPs but I Try to give my opinion in a decent way. It’s not difficult.

You sound like you have a lot on your plate. I think you should stop worrying about this and trust your opinion that it’s ok if she walks or takes a taxi. You need to have confidence in yourself and you definitely need to STOP FEELING GUILTY.

Good luck with everything.

You are still pandering to her a little by letting her know that if she gives 2hrs notice she can bring a friend home.

I mean-how is that not being able to make plans on the day!

If you're children are at school and you're a sahm...you have all day to yourself. Chaufferuring your child is in the job description. What you're basically arguing is that the sahm in this case should have never ending free time.

This is interesting. To the poster who wrote this, how judgemental! The OP clearly does have quite a lot going on in her life, but the point is that if she actually waved her daughter off to school in the morning and spent the rest of the day lying on the sofa eating chocolates every day she is perfectly entitled to! Who the hell do you think you are to tell her what she should be doing? A 12 year old should be taking steps towards independence, not expecting her mother to be at her beck and call, whether that mother is a sahm or not. Good grief, after reading some of the tripe on this thread I really fear for future generations - they will be lucky if they can get themselves dressed in the mornings without help!