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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think I need to have a word with lodger?

220 replies

beautifullybonkers · 04/10/2020 23:27

But of a long one but don’t want to drip feed information and think a bit of background might be useful.

Mid July we took in a new lodger. She seemed fine and moved here as had long term partner living locally. Few teething problems in her breaking a couple of things in the house and leaving her possessions all over (kitchen, lounge etc) but no big deal really although admittedly a bit irritating. Within a month she split up with partner and I supported her through break up. She is now 10 days into a new relationship and is spending most of the time outside the house with him. Within the first week of their meeting i received a late night text asking if he could stay over I had agreed previously to her long term partner staying one night a week but had asked her to be mindful that this was mine and my teenage son’s home and they needed to be respectful of thatcher . However I didn’t feel comfortable having a man I had never met and she had only known 4 days stay in my home so replied saying that and I had to consider my son and his well being. At this point I should point out that I have older children no longer living at home and would not have agreed to them having people they had known less than a week stay over either. She replied and said she understood but has said very few words to me since.

At 11 o’clock this evening she texted my teenage son who is in bed to ask if he could stay up to let her in as she has mislaid her keys. My son came to let me know as obviously I would hear him up when he should be asleep. He had texted back to say he would but I have told him no, he needs to go back to sleep, and I am now lying in my bed waiting for her to return so I can let her in. Incidentally she still hasn’t arrived back. AIBU to think she should not be texting my son when he is in bed to let her in, especially when he has to be up for school in the morning and has a paper round at 7am? Would it BU of me to speak with her about this and ask why she would text him and not me?

OP posts:
QuestionableMouse · 04/10/2020 23:30

I wonder if she planned to sneak the new fella in if your son had let her in?

beautifullybonkers · 04/10/2020 23:32

Hmm I hadn’t thought of that

OP posts:
BloggersBlog · 04/10/2020 23:32

Wow, she has a cheek asking your son!!! Yes you must speak to her, it'll only get worse not better now she's been at yours a while

MahMahMahMahCorona · 04/10/2020 23:32

I was just about to say the same @QuestionableMouse...

CoffeeNeeded2019 · 04/10/2020 23:34

I reckon she was hoping to sneak new guy in ; and to be honest sounds like a chat is in order tomorrow.

burglarbettybaby · 04/10/2020 23:35

Very strange. I don't think its working out to be honest.

Shopgirl1 · 04/10/2020 23:37

I would be asking her to move out. Very odd texting your son and it sounds like her lifestyle is not compatible with your family life.

Igotthemheavyboobs · 04/10/2020 23:41

These arrangements don't really work long term do they? This sounds more like a mother and adult daughter situation than a lodger. She is pushing your boundaries exactly how I used to with my mum.

I would persoanlly get rid and think if you realy want to be policing visitors, staying up waiting for forgotten keys etc for someone you are not actually responsible for.

HollowTalk · 04/10/2020 23:43

She needs her own place. She can't expect to live at your house in the same way she could in a flat of her own or in a shared house.

beautifullybonkers · 04/10/2020 23:44

BurglarBettybaby - yes I’m beginning to feel that way too. She seemed quiet, not socialising with peers but inviting herself To join in when I had friends around. But despite being quiet she was somewhat oddly very very confident for a young adult - friends have said there’s something slightly offensive about her confidence but can’t quite explain why.

OP posts:
AintNobodyHereButUsChickens · 04/10/2020 23:45

I see I'm not the only person who immediately assumed she's trying to sneak in the new guy.

Pantsomime · 04/10/2020 23:47

Totally out of order simply from covid point of view - NO to strangers in your house full stop. Anyone new to your life is a risk. Also serve notice as she’s free to meet and have new people in her life but it doesn’t fit with yours

Newkitchen123 · 04/10/2020 23:47

Def sneaking him in

Tinty · 04/10/2020 23:49

Am I the only one who thinks it’s odd that your lodger doesn’t have a Key 🔑. It sounds more like an old fashioned boarding house where you had a curfew and had to be in by 10 in the evening.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 04/10/2020 23:49

I’d sit down with her and have a frank discussion “I wonder whether this is the right environment for you” then run over your expectations and no hard feelings if she doesn’t feel she wants to stay....

beautifullybonkers · 04/10/2020 23:49

Igotthemheavyboobs - yes, I wouldn’t have even agreed to do that for my own children, if they’d mislaid keys they’d be staying at the house they’d been at all weekend and if not found they’d be paying to have the locks changed. She’s not a child - mid 20s starting a professional career but I’m starting to feel like a mother with a boundary pushing teenager (and even my teenager doesn’t do that).

OP posts:
beautifullybonkers · 04/10/2020 23:51

Tinty - she has keys, she texted my son as she’s been out all weekend and now can’t find them!!

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 04/10/2020 23:51

I think she was going to sneak him in, too. Does she know that you're going to answer the door?

Cheeky of her to invite herself to a night with your friends, too.

Aquamarine1029 · 04/10/2020 23:51

Definitely trying to sneak him in and completely inappropriate to text your son. I would be seriously doubting her judgment, honestly. I would be asking her to leave as I don't feel she can be trusted.

HollowTalk · 04/10/2020 23:52

She needs to be in a house share with people her own age. Is your place cheaper?

lborgia · 04/10/2020 23:53

And the door is that way ->

Awful, awful person. Get rid.

Aquamarine1029 · 04/10/2020 23:53

Also, if I were you, I wouldn't allow a lodger to have overnight guests at all, even if it is a long-term partner.

Rainbowbagel · 04/10/2020 23:54

Sounds a bit like you’re wanting to have your cake and eat it..

Happy to have the lodgers money but not prepared to share your house and understand the grim reality that is living with a stranger.

She is taking the pee, it’s not working. From both sides.

shesgonebatshitagain · 04/10/2020 23:56

I wouldn’t and couldn’t put up with that
She’s spoiling your home and your security and peace of mind

Riv · 04/10/2020 23:58

I’d also need her to find where she’s mislaid her keys fairly quickly. (If they have indeed been mislaid) Anyone can mislay their keys, but it could pose a security risk, depending on where they have been left or lost.
If she doesn’t know where they are she’ll need to pay for all of your locks to be changed and have new keys cut for you.