To think being early is as rude as being late

[LG93]

Disclaimer, I come from a historically late running family. I know its rude and Ive tried really hard to address it particularly since meeting DH who's family are always early for everything.

His parents ALWAYS turn up excessively early when invited over. (Usually about an hour) it's always annoyed me as it usually means I'm not home/ready for them, even more annoying since having DD who is now nearly 2 for MIL's 60th. They've come over today and DH particularly told them aim for 1.30, please no earlier than 1 as we want to get DD down for her nap first. They turned up at 12.30 mid way through toddler lunch, wound her up until DH came in and told them to go and sit in the living room and I'm now dealing with a toddler banging on her bedroom door shouting for nana as she wants to see her, which is precisely why we wanted her down before they arrived as we knew ther wouldn't be sufficient time for them to see her and her calm down before nap time. I also haven't had time to change or finish getting ready as was going to do that once she nalpes. Aibu to think this is just as rude as turning up an hour late and to consider telling them to arrive at 2 when we want them at 1 in future?

It is, but to be honest I would just go with the flow in those circumstances. Let her out to play with nana while you finish getting ready and then she can nap wherever she falls. When we were out visiting family or they came to us I’d put the play mat on the floor and just cover them with a blanket when they inevitably nodded off.

I agree, but I would just tell them an hour later than you actually want them.

When they get there early, what do you say? When people do this to me and they are more than an hour early, I have sent them to the wee coffee shop in our town. Obviously not the first time they did it but after several time of me answering the door and saying "you're an hour early. I'm not ready yet. Dont do it next time" and I reminded them when we next made plans, but they still did it so I just stopped letting them in until the agreed time. Wouldn't do it to someone I actually liked! But did do it eith obligation visits.

An hour early? Yes, that is very inconsiderate. Have tried telling them a meet time of an hour later in future and seeing if they will turn up when you are ready for them.

But actually, your H should be sorting them out. They are adults and capable of being polite and arriving at the requested time.

My STBExH has a terrible reputation for being late. It got to the stage when my family would state an earlier rendezvous time to meet in the full knowledge he would be late.

This kind of behaviour - being late or early - is disrespectful and says your don’t matter as much as I do’.

* you don’t matter *

An hour early is inconsiderate, but being a little early is fine in my opinion (same with lateness). You should mention it to them.

I am always about 10 minutes early, but even then if I was specifically asked not to arrive early I would sit in the car.

Just let her go and see her nana surely? I've never understood this rigid obsession with nap times, why leave her banging on the door upset?

Yes, an hour early is inconsiderate but you let them in. You should have told them to come back an hour later and given the reasons as to why.

I suppose it depends.

Turning up early and expecting to be entertained is pretty rude.

Turning up early because that's what time the train got you there and it's raining outside, I would view differently.

Turning up early by car, well there's no reason why you can't sit in the car and read a book or something. Although admittedly it would be pretty strange to pull up on someone's driveway and then sit in the car for an hour...

Excessively early is rude but a little early is better than late.

Agree to telling them a later time.

The worst is when I've been running events and people turn up early when you are doing all the last minute frantic stuff and the someone has to deal with them / chat to them etc.

I guess if being early puts expectations on other people then yes its rude. I'm always early, my parents were always late and I hated it however I would never put expectations onto others. I'm happy to get a coffee or wait in the car or whatever.

I have friends who are always late and they drive me mad

It's very rude but let her play with her Nan

Did your DH not ask why they didn't respect his wishes?

If they have form for this, just add two hours into the calculation. Tell them you won't be home earlier.

Being very late or very early shows disregard for the other person's time.

Different context but I have not given someone a second stage interview on the basis that they turned up 40 minutes early. It was sales role with lots of client facing meetings and I couldn't cope with the idea of them doing the same in that situation!

I do understand you can explain this to someone but really if they didn't know by the age of 35ish there's no hope

So basically YANBU

I remember years ago when I was doing a 4th Birthday party for my DS.

A parent from the school turned up more than an hour early, while I was still sorting food/decs etc.

She apologised and said "Once Lucy got her party dress on, she just simply had to leave there and then. You know what kids are like"

Then she made her way to the front door!

I told her she wasn't going anywhere unless she was taking 'Lucy' with her and coming back later, so she proceeded to sit there with a face like a slapped arse.

Drives me mad too

If they always turn up a hour earlier just say a hour later. So today you should have said 2:30 and then they would have arrived at 1:30 which would have been perfect. Going forward I think this is the only way to sort it as telling them hasn’t done anything.

It’s rude to be that early but if you know they do it repeatedly, factor it in when you arrange stuff. There’s no need for your dd to be banging on the door wanting to see her nana. Just let her see them and learn for next time. People make such a big deal out of in law stuff.

@WorraLiberty well done! Nice to see someone stand their ground 👏

I agree with you - I am pathologically punctual and can't abide lateness, but extreme earliness is every bit as rude.

I would hand them the toddler and be like “here you go get her to sleep since you turned up early and ruined nap time.” They’ll never do it again, trust me.

Yea it is rude, especially when you have young children who need to nap. To those suggesting letting the kid see the nan, have you ever met an over tired 2 year old? They're not really people you want to be around.

Tell them to come later next time. Or hand DC over to the in laws as they walk in early and say "oh good, you're just in time to do nap time while I get ready!"

It’s too early. My DPs have form for this, actually the best way to deal with it was to be out until about 10 minutes before the set time, not always possible but worked well the few times I achieved it. But it’s not the worst thing in the world, let your DD play with them and go and get ready in peace and quiet! Though I know you’ll all pay for it later when your DD gets grouchy and irritable. My DPs are too old to arrive early now and I rather miss it, nowadays I have to fetch them to our house as my dad no longer drives.

That is very rude of them.

Very frustrating, ILs were exactly like that. Too much time on their hands