Cleaner lying about her age

[sausage133]

I'm going to acknowledge from the outset:
A) that the age of my cleaner and her children are none of my business - but the information was volunteered; and
B) that I've NC in case she and/or the friends I've mentioned this to are on mumsnet

After much discussion DH and I decided to get a cleaner recently. We wanted someone with DBS check and insurance, and picked someone with a recommendation on a local Facebook page who appeared to fit the bill.

It's not a conventional house so she came to have a look before providing a quote. My toddler pounced on her (not literally) at the door and I apologised - she said not to worry, she had two of her own, one of whom was a teenager. I must have looked surprised as she laughed and said she looked younger than she was but was 32.

All fine with quote etc and we made arrangements for her to come and do the deep clean. She seemed surprised I wanted to actually see the DBS and insurance docs but said she would send them through.

She sent through a DBS dated that day saying she hadn't realised it needed updating - I was going to accept that but then noticed the dob (part obscured) would make her 29. I didn't say anything at the time but asked for the insurance docs to be sent across along with a photograph of some photo ID. She sent those and the dob tallied with the DBS.

I was a bit concerned but wondered if she might have done it as, even with a 13 yr old, she must have had DC1 at 15/16 yo and perhaps had added a few years to hide that for some reason.

My mum met her on the day she came as we weren't in. They had a very brief discussion in which she told my mum that her oldest DC was due to start second school (this year or next, not sure - but either way not a teenager) and said she was 31. So not what she told me re either age, and not the truth at least re hers.

I wouldn't care how old she was but I'm a bit twitchy about the lies. She otherwise seems lovely and the house looks and smells great but would it be enough to stop you using her again? If not, would you ever mention it?

She is probably just sick of the judgement with having a child at that age. I'd let it go and never mention it.

Not sure how her age impacts on her ability to do the job so why you would care

It's irritating to be lied to, but you're not in a close interpersonal relationship. Some people can be judgemental about teen mums (if that was her situation) so she may have wanted to hide it. You could always broach the situation with her gently in a non-judgemental way, but I'd probably just let it go if you have no other reasons for concern that she's a liar.

Someone who will lie about a basic thing like that will have no problems lying about bigger things like "where did the £5 I left on the bedside table go" etc

I had a friend who had her DD at 14 then her DD had a baby at 14 too, so she was a gran at 28.
Your cleaner is maybe fed up of people judging (even if you personally aren’t)

Good heavens. I’m amazed the poor girl can put up with all your fussing. A bit mean unless you are paying her over the odds.

I'd assume she's using someone else's ID

@FlouncerInDenial as I said, I don't care about her age - it's the lie that made me twitchy.

@Readytogogogo yeah that was my gut feeling so maybe I just need to go back to that!

You need to trust, 100%, a cleaner coming into your home.

I'd find someone else.

Do cleaners have DBS certs?

Bit weird of her to lie. She just didn't need to mention her teen or their age really. But she may have been trying to avoid judgements. I would be wary of employing someone who told these lies so blithly. Can you ask her outright why she has lied? Her response should clarify some things.

@sharpeidiem haha feel free I'd missed who had posted that but saw the BJ post myself and so that made me laugh out loud!

@freshfreesias what fussing? Asking for things she advertises herself as having?

@sausage133 I've got IKEA PSTD now

On a serious note though, would you be willing to pull her up on it? Might be a bit embarrassing but I guess it would be the quickest way to find out if she makes a habit of lying, or had a good reason for it. x

If I'm reading correctly then her DBS and insurance information is all inaccurate? This would worry me more than her lying as if something went wrong as she isn't covered.

I assume you are not going to give the cleaner a blow job so it's not really relevant is it if you're going to keep a liar in your house I would get her to swear an oath not to steal from you or lie again to be sure.

@LittleMissLockdown no Im pretty sure the ID is legit and so the DBS shows the right dob. So she's just given me and my mum different, inaccurate ages. But if the ID is correct then I have her name and address etc so does the age even matter? Trying to decide how bothered I am by the lie!

@BubblyBarbara Swearing an oath is a wee bit Medieval though, isn't it? She's a cleaner not a cult devotee.

Either she's in her late twenties or early thirties and could be insecure about having a child young-ish either way. Or she's just insecure about being in her thirties. Do you have a gut feeling you can't trust her?

[quote sausage133]@LittleMissLockdown no Im pretty sure the ID is legit and so the DBS shows the right dob. So she's just given me and my mum different, inaccurate ages. But if the ID is correct then I have her name and address etc so does the age even matter? Trying to decide how bothered I am by the lie![/quote]
Ah I did wonder after typing if I'd got it slightly confused. I do think it would bother me that she lied about something so trivial, especially when she had no reason to bring it up in the first place.

It's also slightly worrying she didn't update her DBS until you asked for it. The fact it had expired and she apparently didn't notice also wouldn't fill me with much confidence about how professional she was.

@DimityandDeNimes most don't seem to or at least don't advertise it but some do. Without being overly cryptic, my job means it was something which I wanted if someone was coming into my house, so looked for one who said they had one.

@TheMandalorian that was my concern, but I want to believe it's what @FelicityPike and others said. If I was going to raise it I'd want to do it in quite a gentle way I think, as given the id etc I think I have her real details anyway - which I suppose comes back to whether it matters.

@sharpeidiem I must have missed the Ikea bit 😂

Through what channel has she obtained her DBS? Very unusual as a self employed person

There might be a good reason behind it. I know a lady who is purposely vague about her age, children etc as she doesn't want people to have information that could get her location passed to her ex. It happens more than we realise.

@witcherbewitched I will definitely not be asking her to swear an oath 😂 I liked her when I met her, as did my husband and our toddler (though he is less discerning!) I think I'm just naturally suspicious so perhaps this set off the spidey senses a bit!

@sausage133 "BJs are disgusting anyway. Maybe something you'd do in the lustful part of a relationship but do you really want to suck on some rancid old body part of someone you later go shopping at IKEA with. No thanks."

Sorry Barbara, not making fun of you - it was just a very funny thread. All in good faith. (Though OP your username is rather comedic in this context hehe!) x

[quote witcherbewitched]@sausage133 "BJs are disgusting anyway. Maybe something you'd do in the lustful part of a relationship but do you really want to suck on some rancid old body part of someone you later go shopping at IKEA with. No thanks."

Sorry Barbara, not making fun of you - it was just a very funny thread. All in good faith. (Though OP your username is rather comedic in this context hehe!) x[/quote]
**oop sorry, used the wrong account! Am awful at switching hahaha. Both of these are me x