Cleaner lying about her age

[sausage133]

I'm going to acknowledge from the outset:
A) that the age of my cleaner and her children are none of my business - but the information was volunteered; and
B) that I've NC in case she and/or the friends I've mentioned this to are on mumsnet

After much discussion DH and I decided to get a cleaner recently. We wanted someone with DBS check and insurance, and picked someone with a recommendation on a local Facebook page who appeared to fit the bill.

It's not a conventional house so she came to have a look before providing a quote. My toddler pounced on her (not literally) at the door and I apologised - she said not to worry, she had two of her own, one of whom was a teenager. I must have looked surprised as she laughed and said she looked younger than she was but was 32.

All fine with quote etc and we made arrangements for her to come and do the deep clean. She seemed surprised I wanted to actually see the DBS and insurance docs but said she would send them through.

She sent through a DBS dated that day saying she hadn't realised it needed updating - I was going to accept that but then noticed the dob (part obscured) would make her 29. I didn't say anything at the time but asked for the insurance docs to be sent across along with a photograph of some photo ID. She sent those and the dob tallied with the DBS.

I was a bit concerned but wondered if she might have done it as, even with a 13 yr old, she must have had DC1 at 15/16 yo and perhaps had added a few years to hide that for some reason.

My mum met her on the day she came as we weren't in. They had a very brief discussion in which she told my mum that her oldest DC was due to start second school (this year or next, not sure - but either way not a teenager) and said she was 31. So not what she told me re either age, and not the truth at least re hers.

I wouldn't care how old she was but I'm a bit twitchy about the lies. She otherwise seems lovely and the house looks and smells great but would it be enough to stop you using her again? If not, would you ever mention it?

It is slightly worrying, but there might be a good reason for it. I don't know what I would do.

She probably lied quickly because you were judging her with the surprised look on your face then probably forgot how old she told you and told your mum something similar. 11 is a preteen so some would just day teenager.

Why the fuck would a cleaner need a DBS cert?

Why the fuck would a cleaner without one apply for one requiring one. and be able to produce it on same day too.

I had my oldest at 18 and I never tell anyone how old I was unless they specifically ask. I actively avoid mentuoning things to do with age because I know people judge, I have seen it in their faces before, so she probably felt she had to lie to you, because she could already see the judgment.

She's not a liar. She just doesn' t OWE you the truth about her age!

I agree she lied to avoid judgement.

Everybody at work assumes I married my x, assumes I"m divorced not a lone parent. I let that one float because people are judgemental.

I'm not a liar and I don't owe anybody not even my BOSS the truth.

I'm surprised you cared enough to start a thread @sausage133

It’s dishonesty so it’s understandable that you are twitched. However, it sounds like a white lie she tells regularly to stop people looking down their noses at her. So you should let it go.

I sometimes tell white lies to avoid telling people personal details, I’m sure we all do. It’s one of those things.

@Dancingwithdaftness

Why the fuck would a cleaner need a DBS cert?

Why the fuck would a cleaner without one apply for one requiring one. and be able to produce it on same day too.

For the basic dbs it can come back same day for the online one.

A elderly close family member of mine has lied her entire life to everyone about her age to cover the shame of a young teen pregnancy. She even lied to her own children. Unfortunately the stigma still exists. Call her up on it if you like but she may have told the lie for so many years she even believes it herself.

Could she be increasing her age so that she's taken more seriously, as someone in their 30s is less likely to have their skills questioned in a role like cleaning than someone in their 20s? I did ironing for a while and used to get comments about how they would have expected me to be older. While not a teen officially until 13 I know a fair few who call their 10/11 year olds teenagers if they've matured/hit puberty or started secondary so that could potentially have been miscommunication rather than deliberate lie?

Hmmm I don’t know OP. You know what they say when about if your going to tell a lie... (remember it) at least!

I get the judgemental comments but the cleaner put herself in this so I can’t understand! I’d probably ask her OP to get there full picture other no I wouldn’t employ her.

WiserOwl that is different. Someone assuming a situation and you not saying anything to correct their thinking is different to someone saying they are 32 when they are not.
OP hasn't assumed cleaner's age. The cleaner told her. Therefore she lied.
Whatever the reason is her business. But she did.

I've never been able to get a DBS updated on the same day!! Normally it takes weeks to come through.

I often forget how old I am.
I routinely refer to my 12 yr old as a teenager, because it’s just quicker and easier.
And I got my last DBS through within hours.

That said - trust your gut feeling. You want someone you feel comfortable with.

Surely you should have asked for her birth certificate, and school exam certificates, and proof of her children's ages.

And passport, NI number, and NHS number.

After all she is having the privilege of coming into your "unusual" house.

As you say, you can't be too careful.

Thanks all, or most at least, who gave a meaningful answer! Seems like a fairly even split in views. If I've activated voting I have no idea how to view it on the app.

Like I said, I don't care about her age per se, it's just that my job means I'm both security conscious and probably overly cynical. That's why we specifically chose her as she specified that she had the DBS check already - it wasn't me demanding that she get one when she didn't - albeit turned out she didn't. Equally we didn't grill her on her age or family details - she just said it.

It clearly isn't a sophisticated lie given what she gave me subsequently - and to be clear I'm not worried that the ID or DBS are fake. She's British so no issue with right to work (I only add that as several people have specifically asked - before I get jumped on).

I suspect that my gut feeling was right re the reasoning, as echoed by others - though of course that only makes sense on the ages she gave me and not my mum, hence doubting myself having initially discounted it as that. I don't judge her at all if she had a child at 15 and I'd understand why she might be cagey about providing that information - but in this case it was offered up freely.

Thanks again for the input!

[quote SBTLove]@sharpeidiem
I’ve fell down the rabbit hole that is bubbly barbara and her standards to live by 🤣🤣🤣🤣[/quote]
Lol

Whenever I go near an Ikea now,.I will probably start giggling childishly and involuntarily

I’ll tell a fib if it avoids a long complicated story that I can’t be bothered telling, or if I feel something just isn’t someone’s business.

Unless she’s not who she says she is, and the ID checks out, I don’t see what the issue is. But if you have security issues with your job/home you shouldn’t be lulled into a false sense of security by a DBS check either

Surely comments BubblyBarbara has made on an unrelated thread shouldn't be brought to this one?

I get that it's not malicious but is that not one of the things we don't do?

OP I'd be suspicious too. Possible fraud maybe.

She is probably just sick of the judgement with having a child at that age. I'd let it go and never mention it

^This and the fact that its nobody's business.

@yetanothernamitynamechange

Everybody lies at times, Everybody! The point is to work out what people are lying about because thats what tells you about their insecurities (what they are trying to direct your attention away from) and therefore their potential flaws. I woulnt be that fussed about a lie about age to be honest in that context. Its quite easy to tell why she probably lied and for me it wouldn't be a big problem. Plus, she isnt very good at lieing since if she'd given it a seconds thought she'd have realised you would be able to find out her real age very quickly. Which suggests it was a spur of the moment/impulsive. So either she is a generally hinest person who isn't very good at lieing because she doesnt do it much (good) or she is a compulsive lyer who does it all the time even when she can easily get caught out (not so good but at least you will be able to spot that pretty quickly.) I would be fine with keeping her as a cleaner., but it is mostly up to you and how you feel!

Sounds like she might be a bit.flaky or unstable. I'd be careful

@PomBearsArentNaice
Watch out for those rancid body parts in Ikea, in case they brush against you 🤣

I wouldn't want to continue for the reason she has lied numerous times for no reason, if she can lie over something so silly what else could she lie about or hide. I wouldn't trust someone like that in my house.

@BubblyBarbara

Someone who will lie about a basic thing like that will have no problems lying about bigger things like "where did the £5 I left on the bedside table go" etc

FGS, overreaction much!

[quote sausage133]@LittleMissLockdown no Im pretty sure the ID is legit and so the DBS shows the right dob. So she's just given me and my mum different, inaccurate ages. But if the ID is correct then I have her name and address etc so does the age even matter? Trying to decide how bothered I am by the lie![/quote]
So the important information is accurate then, she is lying only about her age??? Ffs get a grip, perhaps if you're this fussy about a cleaner you'd be better off rolling your sleeves up and doing it yourself!

@AdelaideK

Surely comments BubblyBarbara has made on an unrelated thread shouldn't be brought to this one?

I get that it's not malicious but is that not one of the things we don't do?

OP I'd be suspicious too. Possible fraud maybe.

It's not meant to be offensive, it's just taking the piss a little bit! I'm sure BB knows that. I apologised to OP if I derailed things, and we had a little laugh so I'm not sure what the issue is?