Cleaner lying about her age

[sausage133]

I'm going to acknowledge from the outset:
A) that the age of my cleaner and her children are none of my business - but the information was volunteered; and
B) that I've NC in case she and/or the friends I've mentioned this to are on mumsnet

After much discussion DH and I decided to get a cleaner recently. We wanted someone with DBS check and insurance, and picked someone with a recommendation on a local Facebook page who appeared to fit the bill.

It's not a conventional house so she came to have a look before providing a quote. My toddler pounced on her (not literally) at the door and I apologised - she said not to worry, she had two of her own, one of whom was a teenager. I must have looked surprised as she laughed and said she looked younger than she was but was 32.

All fine with quote etc and we made arrangements for her to come and do the deep clean. She seemed surprised I wanted to actually see the DBS and insurance docs but said she would send them through.

She sent through a DBS dated that day saying she hadn't realised it needed updating - I was going to accept that but then noticed the dob (part obscured) would make her 29. I didn't say anything at the time but asked for the insurance docs to be sent across along with a photograph of some photo ID. She sent those and the dob tallied with the DBS.

I was a bit concerned but wondered if she might have done it as, even with a 13 yr old, she must have had DC1 at 15/16 yo and perhaps had added a few years to hide that for some reason.

My mum met her on the day she came as we weren't in. They had a very brief discussion in which she told my mum that her oldest DC was due to start second school (this year or next, not sure - but either way not a teenager) and said she was 31. So not what she told me re either age, and not the truth at least re hers.

I wouldn't care how old she was but I'm a bit twitchy about the lies. She otherwise seems lovely and the house looks and smells great but would it be enough to stop you using her again? If not, would you ever mention it?

When I hired my cleaner I asked her to bring the original of her driving license or passport and a proof of address, which I copied. I needed this for my insurance.

That’s more reliable than asking her to email you a photo as you have no idea if it’s a genuine copy.

I also think the random lies are odd and don’t believe the posters who say “ it’s judgey people like you that force her to lie “.

If you don’t want to tell your own age or your kids age you don’t lie - you just brush off the question or you give a vague answer.

Eg my kids are in primary school.

I’m over 21 / old enough / mid 30s.

If people say you are young / old to have kids / whatever, you just brush that off too. Too many Unnecessary details is one sign the person is lying. Their story sounds unconvincing to them to they embellish it.

So she lied about her age

To check someone’s dbs they need to give you a ref and birthdate

You can then check.

If someone was working in my house I would want to see some id like driving license

I personally would go with recomendations. Dbs check for a cleaner is hilarious. Are you housing the crown jewels?

I'd have to agree with another poster on here, if someone can lie about something so petty I'd be inclined to worry about what else they may lie about, or be hiding for that matter. Yes possibly she may be sick of people judging her as others have said, but having children so young is quite commonplace these days. I would maybe call her out on it saying that you couldn't care less how young she had her children but when you allow a complete stranger into your house you need to be completely sure they are completely honest and are who they say they are... if your satifisfied with her answer then fine, if something still doesn't sit right with you find someone else. YANBU

@Jeeperscreepers69

I personally would go with recomendations. Dbs check for a cleaner is hilarious. Are you housing the crown jewels?

It doesn't matter if she doesn't have a pot to piss in, it is in her house with her family.

I think you should just ask her in a friendly manner to clarify her age as she told you she was 32 but her ID shows differently. You do have responsibilities as an employer and you should have accurate info. If it’s as you suspect and she had a child at 16 she may be used to being judged and it may be a relief to come clean to someone who doesn’t judge. If she’s evasive you need to decide if she’s the right person

I could not have someone cleaning my house they I did not trust. It was a bare faced lie.

Fuck that.

When you know someone is a liar how can you trust anything that comes out their mouth??

If something gets lost, would ever believe that she didn't take it!

God no. Liars are liars! Keep away from your home.

Can't believe they PPs on here who think you're making a fuss!!

Did you obtain references?

Absolutely would feel very twitchy having someone in my home who had lied to me. Doesn’t matter what about. Have had many people working from my home for the past decade, so this comes from experience. If you feel uncomfortable about it, don’t do it. 🌷

Clearly she had her child young and has been judged accordingly in the past.

I would let it go. It's her work ethic that is important not her age.

Besides, she came with a recommendation so she must be half decent at her job and good cleaners are like gold dust.

I’d leave it alone. She probably has lots of judgement having a child that age

We had our fingers burnt by a cleaner who stole hundreds of pounds from the children, plus items and goods worth hundreds.

We didn't put two and two together for a long time.

This would ring alarm bells for me. It's letting someone have access to your home, it's very high risk, and in retrospect I would be far more cautious.

I tell everyone all sorts of ages. Anyone important that needs to can check but I often shave a few years off. I wouldn't pinch anything.

How did she get an updated DBS check back so quickly? It usually takes the Police several weeks to get the information back as it’s not a priority job for them in their long list of jobs. She didn’t do a diy job on the computer did she? Can you see a passport or something else to confirm her details although it won’t say if she’s got a criminal record of course.

Wow ... anymore judgy and there'd be a picture of a white wig and black robes.

Seriously OP your ONLY business in this is her accreditation is good and her cleaning satisfactory... oh and she doesn't nick or break things on the job. Other than that maybe you should stop fishing (never ends well) and wind your neck back in.

Perhaps she said teen because 11 year olds are like teens these days, and when she had to then elaborate on age she thought oh shit this is awks now i’m going to have to go in to a big explanation about how she’s not quite a teen yet but i just refer to her like that etc and decided a white lie would be easier / less awkward. My sis was calling her kid a teen long before he actually was.

That being said. I still wouldn't trust her just yet. I’d ask her out right in a nice way, and if the answer doesn't make you 100% comfortable, don’t have her in your house.

If she’s passed her DBS then surely that’s enough? Maybe as PPs have suggested she’s just fed up with being questioned about having DC so young. I was young(ish) when I had DS (19) and felt quite judged so I know I it can feel.

Really surprised about the number of people saying just leave her be and forget about it. Seriously? Telling lies is quite a big deal in my book, if the girl is a liar she’s not to be trusted. I agree she should be given the opportunity to explain, but if somebody is going to be in your home you want to know that they are trustworthy.

@Newmum3200

Really surprised about the number of people saying just leave her be and forget about it. Seriously? Telling lies is quite a big deal in my book, if the girl is a liar she’s not to be trusted. I agree she should be given the opportunity to explain, but if somebody is going to be in your home you want to know that they are trustworthy.

Same here!! This would be a deal breaker for me!!

If she’s passed her DBS then surely that’s enough?

You don't pass or fail a DBS. It's a statement of fact. What the employer does with those facts is up to them.

@BrazenlyDefying

If she’s passed her DBS then surely that’s enough?

You don't pass or fail a DBS. It's a statement of fact. What the employer does with those facts is up to them.

Its about your criminal record and any concerns raised (which have to be proved)

Not about what you've managed to get away with or might do.

I wonder how she got a DBS through on the same day? I get lots done for new employees and they take at least a week to come. I have never ever had one come through quicker.

She will of done the basic one as self employed, they come through incredibly quickly compared to enhanced, I've always had a same day turn around normally within an hour or two online.

Go with your gut instinct. If you feel uneasy about this lady's lies.then maybe try another c leaner. There may be a perfectly innocent explanation as PP s have said but do you want to take the risk?

Re the teenager point maybe she meant she has an almost teenager? Sometimes people call kids who aren't teens but almost are teens. I'm always using the wrong terms. I constantly refer to my toddler as a baby not because I'm trying to lie but I'm just flaky with my definitions.

With my own age I honestly forget half the time and I have to have a think!