Cleaner lying about her age

[sausage133]

I'm going to acknowledge from the outset:
A) that the age of my cleaner and her children are none of my business - but the information was volunteered; and
B) that I've NC in case she and/or the friends I've mentioned this to are on mumsnet

After much discussion DH and I decided to get a cleaner recently. We wanted someone with DBS check and insurance, and picked someone with a recommendation on a local Facebook page who appeared to fit the bill.

It's not a conventional house so she came to have a look before providing a quote. My toddler pounced on her (not literally) at the door and I apologised - she said not to worry, she had two of her own, one of whom was a teenager. I must have looked surprised as she laughed and said she looked younger than she was but was 32.

All fine with quote etc and we made arrangements for her to come and do the deep clean. She seemed surprised I wanted to actually see the DBS and insurance docs but said she would send them through.

She sent through a DBS dated that day saying she hadn't realised it needed updating - I was going to accept that but then noticed the dob (part obscured) would make her 29. I didn't say anything at the time but asked for the insurance docs to be sent across along with a photograph of some photo ID. She sent those and the dob tallied with the DBS.

I was a bit concerned but wondered if she might have done it as, even with a 13 yr old, she must have had DC1 at 15/16 yo and perhaps had added a few years to hide that for some reason.

My mum met her on the day she came as we weren't in. They had a very brief discussion in which she told my mum that her oldest DC was due to start second school (this year or next, not sure - but either way not a teenager) and said she was 31. So not what she told me re either age, and not the truth at least re hers.

I wouldn't care how old she was but I'm a bit twitchy about the lies. She otherwise seems lovely and the house looks and smells great but would it be enough to stop you using her again? If not, would you ever mention it?

My DBS check took weeks to come back. I would ask her about it. It seems pointless to request a DBS check and then not question it when it appears wrong. Did you see any photo ID?

You can't do a DBS check on yourself can you?!

I would be uncomfortable with having someone who lies to my face in my house, sorry. I have had very bad experiences with cleaners though.

She might Foster or have adopted or look after family. If they are teens she probably sick of judgement.

@BubblyBarbara

I assume you are not going to give the cleaner a blow job so it's not really relevant is it if you're going to keep a liar in your house I would get her to swear an oath not to steal from you or lie again to be sure.

Ah you never fail to make me laugh man. one day you'll top that.

Fraudy fraud fraud. Not her ID. I wouldn't ask her about it. I just wouldn't hire her.

You can't do a DBS check on yourself can you?!

You can as far as I know. Costs full whack though.

The eqivalent of DBS in my country takes several weeks and is a printed certificate. Is it really just a screenshot in England ?

I have to show the certificate and complete a form giving permission for the new employer to contact them and get another updated form.

@sausage133 you’ve worked out the age she probably had her children so you’ve done the judgemental maths. She’s probably just embarrassed and didn’t want you judging her (which I kind of feel you did).

Even if that's the case, she clearly didn't have a DBS check, despite saying she did, and only got one when the OP asked to see it

Or she just realised it was a couple of years or however long old and thought that was too long or she might as well renew it. A DBS doesn't have a time period or expiry date on it, it's only valid when you get it so maybe she thought it was too long. I'm not saying that's what happened, of course, because none of us know, but it wouldn't be massively unusual for someone to renew a DBS when someone asks to see it.

I occasionally make comments that suggest I am older than I am because I often feel like my opinions and work are respected more when other people believe I am a bit older 🤷🏼‍♀️

She's only lied by three years!

I was expecting you to say you had a nana at the door!

@sharpeidiem
I’ve fell down the rabbit hole that is bubbly barbara and her standards to live by 🤣🤣🤣🤣

If she is enrolled in DBS Update then a screenshot, with today's date is entirely plausible. DBS Update is a database which is updated daily. But being a member means paying the full whack for your initial disclosure, and then an annual subscription.

It's a system which works well for people like nurses and care workers who want to move regularly between lots of different trusts and want to start working right away without waiting for enhanced checks. Not heard of it being used for cleaners.

@Busybrain2020
Yes you can, I’m self employed and pay for my own check as I need it for my job.

[quote SBTLove]@sharpeidiem
I’ve fell down the rabbit hole that is bubbly barbara and her standards to live by 🤣🤣🤣🤣[/quote]
Maybe one day Bubbly Barbara will top everything, and come up with an oath against blowjobs

Everybody lies at times, Everybody! The point is to work out what people are lying about because thats what tells you about their insecurities (what they are trying to direct your attention away from) and therefore their potential flaws.
I woulnt be that fussed about a lie about age to be honest in that context. Its quite easy to tell why she probably lied and for me it wouldn't be a big problem.
Plus, she isnt very good at lieing since if she'd given it a seconds thought she'd have realised you would be able to find out her real age very quickly. Which suggests it was a spur of the moment/impulsive. So either she is a generally hinest person who isn't very good at lieing because she doesnt do it much (good) or she is a compulsive lyer who does it all the time even when she can easily get caught out (not so good but at least you will be able to spot that pretty quickly.)
I would be fine with keeping her as a cleaner., but it is mostly up to you and how you feel!

i had my son at 15 so i’m now 28 with a teenager. i’ve been known to bump my age up by a few years sometimes to save the potential judgement.

@BubblyBarbara

I assume you are not going to give the cleaner a blow job so it's not really relevant is it if you're going to keep a liar in your house I would get her to swear an oath not to steal from you or lie again to be sure.

What are you on?

Someone who will lie about a basic thing like that will have no problems lying about bigger things like "where did the £5 I left on the bedside table go" etc

Not true at all. I don't actively lie about my age, but I am very secretive about my age and birthday; whereas I'm pretty frank and honest about most things.

And there's nothing illegal about lying about your age, whereas it would be illegal to steal, or to lie about things that are directly relevant to your job.

Don't judge your cleaner.

I had one once who was the same age as me but was a grandmother when mine were still toddlers.

I worked out both she and her daughter had kids at 16.

She was a lovely person and a good cleaner too.

Something doesn't ring true about the DBS check either. They usually take weeks. I'm not sure how she got hold of one dated that day.

It's enhanced ones that can take weeks. Basic ones are usually very quick.

I feel very uneasy about someone who get's caught out lying however small the lie.
Not sure i would have her alone in my home .

Almost certainly did it because that age would mean she was an adult when she became a mother. There is still a lot of judgement about young mums, even though the couple that I know personally have done an absolutely splendid job - despite being put in that position much younger than they might have expected.

This would worry me

I’d look for someone else

She’s probably insecure about her age for reasons others have mentioned