Cleaner lying about her age

[sausage133]

I'm going to acknowledge from the outset:
A) that the age of my cleaner and her children are none of my business - but the information was volunteered; and
B) that I've NC in case she and/or the friends I've mentioned this to are on mumsnet

After much discussion DH and I decided to get a cleaner recently. We wanted someone with DBS check and insurance, and picked someone with a recommendation on a local Facebook page who appeared to fit the bill.

It's not a conventional house so she came to have a look before providing a quote. My toddler pounced on her (not literally) at the door and I apologised - she said not to worry, she had two of her own, one of whom was a teenager. I must have looked surprised as she laughed and said she looked younger than she was but was 32.

All fine with quote etc and we made arrangements for her to come and do the deep clean. She seemed surprised I wanted to actually see the DBS and insurance docs but said she would send them through.

She sent through a DBS dated that day saying she hadn't realised it needed updating - I was going to accept that but then noticed the dob (part obscured) would make her 29. I didn't say anything at the time but asked for the insurance docs to be sent across along with a photograph of some photo ID. She sent those and the dob tallied with the DBS.

I was a bit concerned but wondered if she might have done it as, even with a 13 yr old, she must have had DC1 at 15/16 yo and perhaps had added a few years to hide that for some reason.

My mum met her on the day she came as we weren't in. They had a very brief discussion in which she told my mum that her oldest DC was due to start second school (this year or next, not sure - but either way not a teenager) and said she was 31. So not what she told me re either age, and not the truth at least re hers.

I wouldn't care how old she was but I'm a bit twitchy about the lies. She otherwise seems lovely and the house looks and smells great but would it be enough to stop you using her again? If not, would you ever mention it?

I got my basic dbs back in may as I paid for it and got access to it online all on the same day.

@Hokeywokey
It’s a reference to barbara’s comments elsewhere 😭😭

I don’t think she should have lied. Even a small lie makes you look untrustworthy. However, I do understand why she did. I had my first child really young and there is often an awkward moment when I say I’m my son’s mum. People often say I look young and I have to explain that I don’t look young I am young and had my son young.

I don’t lie about it though, I just power through the awkward part of the conversation. You can sometimes feel people are judging you.

@sharpeidiem
I did find some other nuggets of wisdom
😭😭😭

[quote SBTLove]@sharpeidiem
I did find some other nuggets of wisdom
😭😭😭[/quote]
Uh oh... I'm scared to ask! What were they?

Is she British? In my mother tongue, we don’t have a word for ‘teenager’, we use the equivalent to adolescent instead, and it’s used from puberty so possible from 10/11 - but it’s also commonly translated as teenager. Could that possibly be it? Obviously not if she’s from the UK or another English speaking country, but a possibility if she’s not.

I’m laughing about the blow job piece.

I pick my cleaners through personal recommendations, is this not an option?

I imagine it’s the judgement

I think if you care enough to insist on a DBS & insurance, you should ask to see her passport. You really don't want to be employing someone with no right to work here (& thus no DBS & no insurance).

@sharpeidiem
PMd you 🤣

(Plus, yes, identify fraud is very common among nationals without the right to live/work here)

The difference between a teenager and a secondary school starter is 2 years; it's much easier to say teenager than to say "secondary school age child". So, basically, NOYB and let it go 🤷🏻‍♀️

I subscribe to the online DBS update service. I don't have a paper certificate that's current now, but I pay an annual fee (£13) to maintain the service so that I or any employer can check online, that day, to see that I am 'clean'. This helped me a lot when wanting to move jobs quickly. And would be perfect for a cleaner getting new clients all the time. Paper certificates, in health, need renewing every 3 years, but the online service is better because you are not looking at an old certificate.
The cleaner's DBS sounds like mine. That bit sounds legit to me.

What? Before my birthday I would sometimes say I'm 39 when wasnt long until my birthday. You are reading far too much into it.

Also I call my DD a teen as she's a very grown up physically developed year 8.

I'm also someone who might mislead people deliberately about my age but am scrupulously honest in other areas.

In my case I am 56 but look younger. My oldest client is 10 years younger than I am, and most of their employees are int heir 30s. I let them think I am a bit longer than I am because I honestly think they would think a woman of my age must be clapped out (I am not)!

[quote SBTLove]@Hokeywokey
It’s a reference to barbara’s comments elsewhere 😭😭[/quote]
Yes I know. BB is always good for entertainment.

@DimityandDeNimes

Do cleaners have DBS certs?

I was thinking this. Why the fuck would a cleaner need a DBS cert?

A cleaner would want a DBS to show she is not a thief who will rob your home while you are out. Or to show she has not done this before.
My son had to get one for being a dog walker.

I would have thought it is obvious why she's not told you her age. There is so much horrendous judgement about people who were young parents.

She's saying she's 2 years older than she is. This isn't a big deal. It's a white lie. It doesn't mean she's going to break into your house when you're on holiday and set up a cannabis farm.

Fucking hell did you get her inside leg measurement while you were at it

If she's only lied by a year maybe she's close to 32, I sometimes round up if I'm nearing a birthday. Also, some people don't understand what a teenager is so could be innocent. It's not a big enough discrepancy for it to be on purpose in my opinion as those few years make zero difference

I've lied about dc because I've been openly asked in an interview how I would manage childcare about 10-15 years ago. Therefore I have a rehearsed answer that they're in boarding school, should the need ever arise again. It probably slipped out that she had children (most mothers will automatically gush about children unknown to themselves) and the lie was that they were in act teenagers. She might just want the job badly. I've really wanted jobs and whether it's obvious or not, know that I've been discriminated against.

You could sit her down and say that you're unsettled by her documented age and the one she has told you about. See what she says. Probably another lie, but could be just desperation for a job.

*in fact, not in act

Why the fuck would a cleaner need a DBS cert?

Is it really so hard for you to believe that a cleaner working in people's homes would have a DBS? You really can't imagine why cleaning clients would find that reassuring?

I lie about my age I had a child young and I’m ALWAYS judged. Who cares that I have two degrees, bought my own house and own cars. I will am always judged on the fact I had a child at 16

@BubblyBarbara

Someone who will lie about a basic thing like that will have no problems lying about bigger things like "where did the £5 I left on the bedside table go" etc

I disagree. She may have suffered years of humiliation for being a very young mum and now lies to cover that up. It's says a lot about her lack of confidence in the matter. That is a completely different motivation for lying than stealing.