DH home from deployment and already annoyed me

[Rhynswynd]

My husband has come home from deployment an hour and a half ago. He ruined the big surprise I had set up by not telling me when he was close to home so I could get the kids ready to see daddy for the first time in months. He just rocked up to the front door ignoring all the decorations and didn’t let me know he was close. I am so upset. I worked really hard on the surprise for the kids and he just turned up. I messaged multiple times asking what time he was arriving, if he was close etc.

I am really happy he is home but also devastated. Am I completely unreasonable to feel this way?

That vide was for social media wasn’t it? Be honest...

Take a step back and be grateful you saw your beloved partner arrive home in the flesh, rather than second hand through the screen of your phone.

I’m thinking about when our son has returned home from various deployments. Usually we’ve gone to meet him when he’s landed at Brize or Heathrow, latterly with his girlfriend.
The first time we tried to make fuss. We’d arranged a special homecoming meal.
He didn’t want that. He wasn’t being ungrateful, he was simply exhausted and having travelled for over sixty hours including a stopover at some desert, very basic, military airport in the Emirates he just wanted to sleep, to bath and to eat in that order. He wanted nice meals and celebration of his return but not immediately. He needed to reacclimatise to civilian life.
You are not being empathetic.

Just be glad he's alive.

OP, having a partner on deployment is hard work and it means that for the entire time you do 100% of the “keeping this show in the road” work - food, uniforms, clothes, school, pets, garden, car, grandparents, repairs on the house, etc if it happens it is your problem and for yourself you should acknowledge that is not easy

I have experienced a similar family arrangement and the first few days with DH back are kind of odd and you WILL argue, whether about this or something else, it will happen

Give yourself some breathing space and some time to get used to him being back. I can understand why you feel annoyed as the pressure to snap back to happy family life is so much and I sometimes feel frustrated at that too

Vinyldetective, of course you are entitled to your opinion, I knew mine wouldn't be popular. Noth my parents were in the forces during WW11 (they joined up voluntarily), they witnessed some truly awful things, and still thought it was the best years of their life, and my dad nearly died in the Med.
To the other pp's who mentioned me, I was talking about when they are away and caught up in the action. I think it is absolutely disgusting the way they are treated once home, especially those with physical or mental health issues. Anyone who signs up for the forces has my utmost respect and gratitude, but so do their partners.

@VinylDetective

it’s almost as hard if not harder on the parent left behind

Of course it is. It’s so much harder to stay at home with the kids than get shot at or at risk of being blown up by an IED.

I'd say that worrying about your partner possibly not coming home alive might suck a bit too.

[quote Leaannb]@Maskingforit....They are definitely in a war zone training people to fight their own battles. They are very much in danger. Even in the Green Zone. They are very much a target because the opposing forces do not want them to teach. They are still very much in danger from IEDs,roadside bombs and children strapped with bombs. They are not on a holiday. They are providing a very much needed service. Respect it. They nlr their families know if they are coming back[/quote]
Absolutely this- a 26 year old Scottish Ta Medic Lance Corporal Brodie Gillon was killed by enemy action on 11th March 2020 while serving in Iraq. Its not a jolly training course they are over for, they have to actually go out and engage in active combat.

OP, could you tell us , whilst discussing this surprise for the kids, did you actually ask him what he wanted?

I thought Iraq was still very dangerous, in no small part because of ISIS.

its more Shia paramilitaries in Iraq now, loads of them sent in by Iran-if you remember just before this Covid madness Trump nearly decided to start a war with Iran. Thats who killed Gillon, although I believe she was the first British soldier to be killed since 2014 there.

There is so much going on under the surface at the moment with that in Iraq and Kurdistan VsTurkey and with the Russians poking around as well. Its still very dangerous for any armed forces in the middle east.