My mother hit my child

[LenaBlack]

I have a 4 year old DS. We don't see my parents frequently due to distance. My mother visited recently, last time she has seen us was almost a year ago.

A day before her going back home she engaged with a play with my 4 year old DS where he was behind her on a sofa, at some point he pushed her and in response she pushed/slapped him back.. They engaged in a "game" of slapping .This was all light slapping at this point. My DH was in the same room, I was in the kitchen.
I came in and asked DS to help me in the kitchen ( he likes to "help"). He was giddy and overexcited (from the "game") and I cought my mother saying to him that if he hits her she will do it harder. He run to me and then turned and slapped her on leg..not very hard. He is 4!
It happened very quickly and my mother slapped him across his back in response. HARD. VERY HARD. Hard enough to see that it was hurting and he arched his back sharply, there was a red mark too.
I lost my temper and shouted at her asking what the hell is she doing...She was very angry and said my child assaulted her and nobody has the right to do that. That this will teach him to never do it again..I told her that she shouldn't have engaged in this kind of "play" and that she is an adult and should have told him to stop. She insisted that she did and he hit her....He is freaking 4 years old, really not that strong!!! I told her to tell me or DH if she can't handle him but she said she won't...
Showed absolutely no remorse and said she would do it again.

We don't hit DS, it was a big shock to him. It's days later he keeps saying that "grandma hit me really hard"..
My DH is shocked at what happened and that she absolutely refused to back down/apologise even when I was saying to her it's absolutely unacceptable.

My DS doesn't hit people. This "game" was encouraged by her and got him giddy..

I had a difficult relationship with my mother as a child and she used to hit me and my siblings. I never though she would hit a grandchild..

I can't trust her, can I?

I'm not overreacting in never letting her have him without very close supervision?

I would be very unhappy with my mother.

As OP stated she doesn’t want NC and the game was started by son not grandma then I suggest supervising them closely in future.

Don’t leave them alone together. Monitor them. If DH is in the room he needs to be keeping an eye on their interactions not ignoring them.

Of course grandma won’t apologise, in her eyes she warned him and he hit her again, so she (wrongly) retaliated as she did with her own kids. Hitting him on the back was dangerous. If I were OP I’d be educating her about the risks of hitting near the spine or kidneys. Possibly she meant to smack his bottom and missed. Only she knows why she did it.

I’d be telling the child grandma did a very bad thing hitting him; but I’d tell him he was also was wrong to hit an adult.

Presumably grandma grew up in the 50s/60s and was herself disciplined by smacking, the cane, or given a ‘hiding’ if she was naughty. I know lots of women that age who say they were hit at school and home, sometimes with a belt.

Education for grandma, close supervision and a ban on games that get out of hand might help.

RattleOfBars

*As OP stated she doesn’t want NC and the game was started by son not grandma then I suggest supervising them closely in future.

Don’t leave them alone together. Monitor them. If DH is in the room he needs to be keeping an eye on their interactions not ignoring them.*

Nope, too much like hard work! Can't leave the room to make tea, go to the loo etc?

Nope, easier NC if a visitor can't be trusted.