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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is not free time

289 replies

chocolatte2020 · 30/09/2020 22:42

I had the day off work today due to annual leave and our dc were with the childminder as they are every Wednesday. I pay for Wednesdays whether I work or if I'm off, so if I'm off work I still send them down and use the time to do something constructive.
I used today to make a start on some Christmas shopping for our dc and family. I always shop for my in-laws as I have the time and work less so I feel it's only fair.
My husband keeps making comments about how much free time I get and how I had all day to myself. I pointed out that I didn't have the day to myself I was doing stuff and he scoffed and said so "you weren't browsing for yourself either I suppose". I was gone 5 hours with two or those hours travel time.
Aibu or should I have been chained to the sink doing the dishes all day. I even left him lunch as he was working from home.

OP posts:
Pinkyponker · 30/09/2020 22:45

That's what I would call free time to be honest.

CostaCosta · 30/09/2020 22:47

Sorry, another vote for 'sounds like free time.'

DueNumberTwo · 30/09/2020 22:47

I would call that free time.

Leaannb · 30/09/2020 22:48

Definitely free time

PurpleDaisies · 30/09/2020 22:49

That’s free time in my book.

JustBumblingAlong · 30/09/2020 22:50

You were doing useful things but it was your choice, so agree - it was free time.

WaterOffADucksCrack · 30/09/2020 22:50

You could have used it for whatever you wanted. So yes free time.

Xmasbaby11 · 30/09/2020 22:50

Well. It is free time. I have Fridays off and usually use that time to do useful things like shop for the family, some housework.. but also go to the gym and meet friends. I thoroughly enjoy my day off and appreciate not working!

SantaClaritaDiet · 30/09/2020 22:51

YABU

Of course it's free time. You chose to go shopping, no need to be a martyr when it was how you decided to spend your free time.

We are still in September...

MadameButterface · 30/09/2020 22:51

Next time you have free time take all your in laws’ presents back and do not do another hand’s turn of wifework for him.

Hercwasonaroll · 30/09/2020 22:51

Definitely free time

NancyBotwinBloom · 30/09/2020 22:52

What does he think you should be doing?

Feelingconfused2020 · 30/09/2020 22:53

It is free time but who begrudges their loved ones free time though, unless you are taking the piss and sponging off him and it doesn't sound like you are doing either. The fact that you travelled an hour both ways no idea why when the shops are all online is not his fault, you chose to do that.

Next time you have annual leave don't shop for his parents just do something entirely frivolous for yourself. You won't ever get credit for Christmas shopping for his parents so I would be reallocating that particular chore.

Takemetothebar · 30/09/2020 22:53

Free time. Definitely free time. Free time surely doesn’t mean square root of fuck all..... not for adults with families.

AnneLovesGilbert · 30/09/2020 22:53

Free time. And your choices to make him lunch and shop for the in laws, you need to own those.

SantaClaritaDiet · 30/09/2020 22:54

This is MN, so how much free time does your DH have - days when he is off but the children are away?

OverTheRubicon · 30/09/2020 22:54

It's free time.

How many hours do you both work over the week? How many hours do you spend doing house work / caring for children? Sounds like there must be some back story for you to be so miffed.

JustThinkingAboutThis · 30/09/2020 22:55

I must be the odd one out here but even if it is free time WTF does it matter?
Do you dictate what your husband does in his free time because I’m sure he has some?

Anyway I agree, you were busy doing things for your family. But even if you went to a spa for the day (if they are open) you can do that if you want surely? Why does your time get dissected? Does your husband justify every minute of his non working day?

I would suggest next time you have a day off you don’t mention it and just do what you want, that way he can’t pass comment.

Why do you allow him to speak to you like this?

Twofurrycatsagain · 30/09/2020 22:58

It is free time that you used to do shopping. Which was a choice. Some might view this as a delightful bit of retail therapy or a tedious chore.
The more pertinent point is why is your husband carping about it?

MadameButterface · 30/09/2020 22:59

@NancyBotwinBloom

What does he think you should be doing?
This is the heart of this. The question shouldn’t be whether or not it’s free time, more like why is he making comments/‘scoffing’ at you about it? Is he being funny and lighthearted or is he moaning and groaning and being passive aggressive? If you asked him a direct question such as ‘dh, are you making these comments because you think i should be the one to put the bins out/make the packed lunches/do the washing up this evening because i have had the day off and you have been working?’ what would he say do you think?
CatSmith · 30/09/2020 23:00

A child free day off of work sounds like free time. You just chose to fill your free time by shopping. But you had a day with lots of free time.

BubblyBarbara · 30/09/2020 23:02

I used today to make a start on some Christmas shopping for our dc and family

I would say YABU if not for this so YANBU. You are clearly doing the emotional labour in your family of taking care of things like Christmas that I bet a million shillings your useless husband wouldn't take care of unless you did. This was not therefore really free time but time you are forced to spend doing chores he won't do.

Original poster
chocolatte2020 · 30/09/2020 23:04

My husband works Monday to Friday and has hobbies on two nights a week taking him out of the house from 6-9 both nights plus he is also out Sunday mornings from 8-12.
I work part time and generally I'm home doing stuff around the house during the week. My youngest is at home with me but my older two are in school

OP posts:
wingardium8 · 30/09/2020 23:04

Nope, shopping for my ILs would be a favour for DH. If he called it my ‘free time’, I simply wouldn’t do it ever again.

But I hate shopping so there would be nothing in it for me; might be different for you?

GrumpyHoonMain · 30/09/2020 23:04

Next time spend your free time how you want rather than doing useful stuff.

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