To think this is not free time

[chocolatte2020]

I had the day off work today due to annual leave and our dc were with the childminder as they are every Wednesday. I pay for Wednesdays whether I work or if I'm off, so if I'm off work I still send them down and use the time to do something constructive.
I used today to make a start on some Christmas shopping for our dc and family. I always shop for my in-laws as I have the time and work less so I feel it's only fair.
My husband keeps making comments about how much free time I get and how I had all day to myself. I pointed out that I didn't have the day to myself I was doing stuff and he scoffed and said so "you weren't browsing for yourself either I suppose". I was gone 5 hours with two or those hours travel time.
Aibu or should I have been chained to the sink doing the dishes all day. I even left him lunch as he was working from home.

Whatever Christmas shopping is, the weekly grocery shop for the family isn't free time - obviously its time not in paid work, but it's housework/ chores time if you're discussing division of labour and genuinely free time with your spouse.

Grocery shopping for the family, buying necessary items for the children (clothes/ shoes they need due to having grown, not sweet things you buy on a whim, school supplies etc.) cooking family meals, family laundy and cleaning the house are not free time in the context of a discussion of division of labour and genuinely free time with your spouse.

Him doing hobbies out of the house without a child in tow is in no way the equivalent of you doing the weekly grocery shopping without a child in tow!

Christmas shopping is a bit boarderline, but I'd definitely echo those saying that if he doesn't appreciate you shopping for his side of the family and making him lunch then inform him once clearly about the present shopping and stop doing both immediately and completely.

Next time book a spa day, and make it real free time. Something genuinely for you.

It is not free time dealing with the mental load of christmas. It is not free time shopping for presents for HIS parents. It is not free time at all. It is more jobs and chores.

I class that as free time but then equally your husband shouldn’t begrudge you free time as we all need some time away from work and the children!

I would call it free time, but I would own that time and enjoy it, not be ashamed of it.

I often drop the kids off at nursery during the schools holidays and have a lovely day to myself. Without such days I would be majorly struggling with life.

To those griping about the OP doing Christmas shopping now, have you been into a city centre lately? There are already queues outside the shops. Leave it two months and that is going to be much, much worse. I will be getting mine finished - in dribs and drabs, I don’t like doing it in one go - in the next few weeks.

OP, when he goes off to do his hobby, make sure tell him to enjoy his free time. And ask how his free time went when he gets home.

If he loved you, he wouldn't care

Don't waste your free time doing stuff for other people. End of.

It is your time and you should be able to enjoy the peace, whether it is reading a book, going out for lunch or doing something relaxing. Make that your last wasted 'free' day.

It’s not free time at all- it’s family admin!

Free time is going outside for a walk in the woods, or swimming, or watching a film in peace in the middle of the day.

Family admin/house chores is definitely not ‘free time’

Yup, sorry OP but another vote for free time! Sounds like you were productive though - if I had a day off mid-week I'd be slobbing about in my pjs!

It was a relatively pleasant chore, but it needed doing at some point. Same as changing the beds, or hoovering, or taking kids to swimming lessons. Different blevels of enjoyment, and really need doing at some point.

DH worked from home yesterday,he had an annual training conference that was taking place virtually this year. I saw him listening to the speakers on his laptop. Paperwork and work laptop open getting on with admin work. And his Christmas shopping for DDs on his tablet.

I suggest the best t time (and several next times) that you have feee Tim’s you use it exactly as that: time for you, not running around after everyone else’s needs.

Where’s your two nights plus one weekend morning per week to do stuff for you?

Your husband clearly expects you to do all the shot work - that obviously your ‘job’. This is your worth, in his eyes. The twat.

For me, grocery shopping without the kids is very much free time. Its stress free, at my pace, and i can pick up a coffee etc.
Working parttime means you do significantly more housework etc, so its fair.

@BritWifeinUSA
You weren’t working for your boss, you had free choice what time to leave, where you go, how long to spend there, what to wear, which route to get there, how much to spend, what to buy for whom, what to eat or to eat nothing at all. If that’s not the very definition of freedom then you have no idea how large numbers of people live in this world
Lots of people satisfy most of this criteria whilst at work (especially the self employed), but I'm not sure that anybody would suggest that this could be defined as "free time". Having autonomy and control isn't the same as having completely free time with no obligation to achieve anything or get something done.

If you live in a household then certain tasks and chores have to be done to facilitate a reasonable standard of life. Most of us see Christmas shopping as a pretty important task irrespective of whether you enjoy it, if you do it online or who ends up doing it in your household. For many, a Christmas without gifts or one which risked hurting family member's feelings with the lack of a thoughtful present would be a very sad occasion indeed. So whilst there is no boss telling OP to Christmas shop, she is doing an important family chore prior to the deadline being due. For me, it's the same category as sorting the children's school uniform and food shopping etc, which all require some degree of thought and effort.

So what happens if we assign the time spent doing all of these "important family chores" under the category of "free time"? For starters I believe it suggests a level of choice and martyrdom that isn't actually there. If you have a household without food, clothes or Christmas presents then many people would (quite accurately IMO) accuse you of neglect. I also think it makes a mockery of the MN concept, that I generally agree with, of both people within a couple having the same amount of free time. Following this principle then OP has enjoyed a day of "free time" essentially serving the family's needs so her DP can spend his time serving his own needs doing his hobby. That would be fair though right, as both had the same amount of free time? She also can spend her free time doing the housework and cooking, whilst he can sit on his arse watching Netflix and going to the pub.

@chocolatte2020

I had the day off work today due to annual leave and our dc were with the childminder as they are every Wednesday. I pay for Wednesdays whether I work or if I'm off, so if I'm off work I still send them down and use the time to do something constructive. I used today to make a start on some Christmas shopping for our dc and family. I always shop for my in-laws as I have the time and work less so I feel it's only fair. My husband keeps making comments about how much free time I get and how I had all day to myself. I pointed out that I didn't have the day to myself I was doing stuff and he scoffed and said so "you weren't browsing for yourself either I suppose". I was gone 5 hours with two or those hours travel time. Aibu or should I have been chained to the sink doing the dishes all day. I even left him lunch as he was working from home.

Hmmm,it is possible that he thinks you should have spent the day at the golf course or fishing (or whatever blokes do in their days off).

I sympathise with you as I too find shopping a chore not a pleasure but can understand you wanting to get it all done and out of the way before crowds start flocking/or another lockdown. Thinking this year that online might be a better option.

@PyongyangKipperbang

So if the OP didnt "choose to use [her] free time" to shop for Xmas, what would happen? Santa is a lovely idea, but lets face it, without some poor sucker doing the shopping and the planning and the cooking, it wouldnt happen.

I would just not bother getting him or his family anything and when he inevitably gets the fucking hump, tell him that you used your free time for yourself.

Yes indeed . What would happen on Christmas Day if you spent your 'free time' pleasing yourself entirely (rather than pleasing everybody else)? YANBU!

My husband keeps making comments about how much free time I get and how I had all day to myself. I pointed out that I didn't have the day to myself I was doing stuff and he scoffed and said so "you weren't browsing for yourself either I suppose".

Your H sounds unsupportive - why wouldn't he want you to enjoy some free time, rather than making snarky comments about browsing for yourself. He sounds bitter.

Sorry I meant to say, I'm not quibbling about whether it can be defined as free time or not, he shouldn't even be trying to make the distinction! He should care about you enjoying your day not whether "these hours are when you're on duty" and "these hours are your leisure time".

Petty guilt trip if you ask me!

What does it even matter how you define it. Your husband shouldn't be moaning about how you spend your time. I'm a single parent and the idea that another adult would find it appropriate to decide how I spend the hours that I am not with my children Osmond boggling. Presumably he's one of these men that thinks xmas just appears all sorted on 24th December and no one has had to put any thought or time into it.

Shocked at responses. This is what you all classify as free time? Sod that. I bet you he wouldn't like to buy all the presents for his side of the family.

as mind boggling. Not Osmond!

Time at home with one child isn't free time.
Family food shop is questionable free time - I like to potter and get a coffee afterwards so it's a mix of free and duty. If you're less enamoured with it, go in get shopping, feel you're on a timetable to get it done Def not free time.

Pottering round the shops alone in September to buy Christmas stuff? Definitely free.

But there's nothing wrong with that. Yl

You seem to want to be seen as having no free time to do anything fun ever unless your husband galavanting around carefree.

No one is saying you should be changed to the kitchen sink, your husband included, but maybe he's feed up of the martyr routine

You aren't working and you don't have the children - @chocolatte2020 it's free time!

I can see both points to be honest.

I had the day off yesterday too.

I waited for a doctor phone appointment (half an hour late), met a friend to help them with their cv, had lunch at home, went to pharmacy for DH, renewed car insurance.

Then picked DS up from school and took him to soft play so he wasn't under DH feet wfh.

DH sees I had my day off, I did, but I was damn busy with the mental load and facilitating the household, so it is not equivalent to say him spending a day off playing golf

I too think it's free time.
Christmas shopping in September is a choice.

Two points though- why are you doing christmas shopping for your in laws?
Presumably they have no health or mobility issues- you said they wotk longer hours than you.
If getting to the shops is hard for them then they can buy online.

The other is your OHs criticism. You left him his lunch???
He sounds about 12.
My OH doesn;t care what I do with my time.
If he comes hme from work and I tell him I had my hair cut and went for a walk in the forest he will be glad I have had a good day- even if he has to make his own dinner.