To call the school to complain DD not allowed to use toilet in class time

[BananaLlamaConCalma]

DD is 9/year 4.

They are allowed/encouraged to have a flask on their desk and drink throughout the day. DD appears to have necked hers today and needed a wee. She asked the teacher if she could go to the toilet. He said no, you can't go in class time. She asked again a little while later terrified she was going to have an accident. He again said no. She started crying as she thought she would have an accident in front of the class. She was then allowed to go.

I agree that children shouldn't waste time and did say to her that she should learn from this to drink an appropriate amount for the time but why is she not allowed a wee in lesson times? We were! She has said previously she holds it in all day. Didn't realise this was why. Also, what if she had her period? I know other girls who have started at that age!

So do I call him and say it's unfair and if she needs a wee she is to go or just leave it?

But she was allowed and did go

@CitizenFame

But she was allowed and did go

Yes, but she shouldn't have to be reduced to tears in front of her peers before she is allowed to go! Y4 pupils are still very young.

She shouldn’t have to cry to be allowed to go to the loo.
My Dd has bladder problems and is very shy. She has wet herself rather than risk annoying teachers on more than one occasion.
It makes my blood boil.

Bit of an overreaction imo. I'd go with your approach of teaching her how to manage her liquid intake and recognise that she may have to wait until break as to not miss teaching time. At year 4, I dont think that's unreasonable

You shouldn't need to cry to go to the toilet! Dd10 would wet herself and wouldn't cry before, she'd just be mortified after.

@CitizenFame she shouldn't have to cry to get a basic right. What lesson does that teach her?

In Wales this is not allowed.

I just think it’s a waste of time complaining and I would be annoyed if I were the teacher and a parent came to me bothering me with this. It’s not a surprise someone will need the toilet after they have necked a whole flask of water. It would certainly be a hindrance if the entire class decided to do the same.

@Ritasueandbobtoo9 what's not allowed? Going to the toilet or stopping them?

@CitizenFame but it wasn't the whole class. It's one child. I understand the guidance of it but if someone needs a piss, they need a piss.

I’d ask to see the school policy on this. I’ve worked in very strict academies where toilet trips in lessons were not allowed (academy wide policy). I would never allow students in my Year 4 class to have to go through this. I of course monitor if they’ve gone 5 times in a hour, but a desperate wee because they’ve drunk too much water is absolutely fine!

I've always found this so so weird. Never have I worked in a job where I had to hold my urine till my break time. Why should young children have to? As long as they aren't taking the pods and going every 30 mins I don't see the problem with allowing a child to use the bathroom when they need to.

Guidance in Wales says that children should be allowed to use the toilet if needed in lesson time.

It’s fairly standard to expect children to go during breaks and not learning time. If they’re absolutely desperate I let them go but generally I encourage them to go during playtimes if they can.

The issue is that there have been times that when one asks to go, then the next thing is half a dozen then want to go. That can then interfere with teaching input with the constant disruption of kids going in and out the classroom. It them then means I have those kids not understanding the concept being taught and I then have to spend time with them explaining it all again, which is unfair on those that need support due to LDs. There are also kids that use going to the loo as an avoidance tactic...or even to just muck about with their mates.

So I give the kids a chance to go before class starts. After that, it's a no, until I have finished teaching and they have started their work. I am responsible for them catching up on their learning and making progress, so disruption need to be kept to a minimum.

This makes me really angry and I hear the same from my primary aged children all the time. No one should be able to tell you that you aren't allowed to empty your bladder and it really pisses me off the power that teachers have in these situations.

At my school we brought it in because there were just ridiculous numbers of children using it as an excuse to wander slowly down the corridor and miss lessons. I had a TA watching and quite a few never even went into a cubicle! I’m obviously careful though and have got much better at telling genuine desperation for a bit of boredom.

Any child that has any medical need requiring the loo should have a note written by their caregiver/parent sent in, then that can be managed discreetly.

Yanbu. I work in secondary and we are not supposed to let children go in lessons but I hate saying no. My general theory is I say ask me again in 5 minutes if you still need to go. If they are just using it as an excuse to leave the classroom They often forget to ask again. In your daughter’s case I would have let her go on her second ask so no tears required.

"the power" fgs.

We just don't want interrupting every 5 minutes

but it wasn't the whole class. It's one child. I understand the guidance of it but if someone needs a piss, they need a piss.

OP, I didn’t say it was the whole class, I said it would be a hindrance if it was. Which it would be if the whole class decided to knock back a whole flask of water and ended up needing to go to the toilet as a result of it as well.

Never have I worked in a job where I had to hold my urine till my break time

Fast, there are loads of jobs where this is common place. If you haven’t had one then fair enough but it’s not just a rule imposed on children.

How ridiculous that a child be reduced to tears to access the toilet, never mind human rights it’s a basic bodily function, the teacher humiliating her is utterly unacceptable.

My DD has recurrent UTIs and anxiety issues which mean she excuses herself to go to the toilet more than might be expected for a 9 year old. The teacher is easily able to manage this within the class context. My DS teacher instilled such a fear in him of asking for the toilet that he started asking permission at home. I know which approach was healthier and supported the health and well-being of the child.

I would (and did) complain.

I work in a mix year 3/4 class and always say yes when they want the toilet. Some really down their water in the day, especially if it's on the desk, meaning more toilet time!

It's inhuman to stop anyone from using the loo; but this constant drinking all day long is ridiculous, too.

Ironically all those "power" mad teachers have to hold their urine in.

Speak with the teacher and confirm reasons. Could be Covid rules to stop children wondering corridors and mixing with other bubbles etc ... clutching at straws for reasonable explanation