To call the school to complain DD not allowed to use toilet in class time

[BananaLlamaConCalma]

DD is 9/year 4.

They are allowed/encouraged to have a flask on their desk and drink throughout the day. DD appears to have necked hers today and needed a wee. She asked the teacher if she could go to the toilet. He said no, you can't go in class time. She asked again a little while later terrified she was going to have an accident. He again said no. She started crying as she thought she would have an accident in front of the class. She was then allowed to go.

I agree that children shouldn't waste time and did say to her that she should learn from this to drink an appropriate amount for the time but why is she not allowed a wee in lesson times? We were! She has said previously she holds it in all day. Didn't realise this was why. Also, what if she had her period? I know other girls who have started at that age!

So do I call him and say it's unfair and if she needs a wee she is to go or just leave it?

Similar happened to my DS (yr 3) in the first week back. He was told no and subsequently wet himself. I emailed the school, very politely stated that if he asked to go to the toilet it’s because he needs to go so please let him. I got a very apologetic response back. I have also spoken to my DS about going when he can, breaks lunch etc to make sure as much as possible he doesn’t need to go during class time.
I wouldn’t expect someone to tell me I couldn’t go to the toilet, I don’t expect it for children either.

but why is she not allowed a wee in lesson times? We were! She has said previously she holds it in all day.

A horrible experience for her today, but perhaps part of her learning from it could also be to remind her that she should go to the loo at break & lunchtime? She shouldn’t be holding all day.

Our schools here have changed their policy on this now due to covid and children are told not to go during breaks (when many will congregate in the small bathroom and doorway) and are told specifically to go during class so they can distance better.

That can then interfere with teaching input with the constant disruption of kids going in and out the classroom. It them then means I have those kids not understanding the concept being taught and I then have to spend time with them explaining it all again,

I wonder how those teachers with, shall we say, a more flexible approach manage.

* Never have I worked in a job where I had to hold my urine till my break time. Why should young children have to?*
Exactly!! I’ve had bladder problems since a child which worsened in secondary. So many teachers wouldn’t let me go to the toilet, even if the toilet happened to be right next to class. But as an adult, at uni and work we can just get up to go toilet without permission. I know my sibling and I both wet our self in primary just because we weren’t allowed to go toilet

Wait til you have 15 year 7s asking you to go 10 minutes after lunch time.

I would hope that there are times when parents expect their child to be able to wait to go to the loo eg the cinema, queuing for a rollercoaster ride, on a car journey etc etc. Sometimes in life, we can't just go there and then and have to wait.

This is normal in my dc’s schools.
I think the teacher should allow it if the child is obviously desperate though.

It's because there is some sort of 'crusade' to ensure that everyone has to be constantly sipping water in order to keep 'hydrated' whatever that may mean.

It maybe guidance in Wales but that didn’t stop the deputy head from repeatedly ignoring my daughters attempts to ask her permission to go to the toilet. She had an accident aged 6, in front of her friends. I was fuming especially as the explanation was that they were trying to limit interruptions during teaching time.

It didn’t happen again.

@Jellycatspyjamas I wonder how those teachers with, shall we say, a more flexible approach manage.

If they can share that info by all means. But I have a duty to ALL the kids in my class, and that includes those that need extra support due to LDs, which would be impacted if I had to keep catching kids up during the input because they didn't understand having been in the loo for 5mins!

I don't think I'm asking for the earth - they get an opportunity to go before lesson starts, and then can go about 30mins later.

I would hope that there are times when parents expect their child to be able to wait to go to the loo eg the cinema, queuing for a rollercoaster ride, on a car journey etc etc. Sometimes in life, we can't just go there and then and have to wait.

On a car journey I’d stop at the next available toilet, in the cinema they can easily slip out to the toilet, queuing for a rollercoaster they’d understand that they’d lose their place in the queue. All are very different situations to having a toilet freely available close by and being told they can’t use it.

I wonder how those teachers who do allow pupils access to the toilet manage to teach their class. Certainly the vast majority of teachers in my children’s school seem to cope.

Oh come on, we all know how the conversation with a 9 year old goes. They need a wee just as you’ve all sat down to dinner or got in the car. You say, you’ll have to hold it for a bit, you should have gone before we left/not drunk all that water in one go. They ask again, you say, can’t you wait until we’ve finished/arrived at our destination. They say they’re desperate and cant wait so you let them go. That’s how it went with the teacher too. They’re expected to go at break time and not disrupt the class activity, they told her this a couple of times but realised she was really desperate and let her go before that. Fine.

Hercwasonaroll your comments border on the ridiculous. Likening a full grown adults bladder to a nine year olds 🙄

And what is your point about 15 year 7s? We aren't talking about secondary school kids who could be messing around. OP is talking about a 9 year old having to ask 2/3 times to go to the toilet. If she is always asking and being a disruption, am sure the teacher would have spoken to the OP about it before So your experience or whatever it is has no relevance

I also try and avoid letting kids go during class - secondary school. If they nip in between change of class fair enough. That said if they ask twice I always let them go.
my son has just started primary and can go when needed and still learning when is an appropriate time to go. As a parent though, I will be telling him that if he needs to go and thinks he is going to have an accident to just leave the room. Better to get a bit of a telling off than wet yourself. Maybe worth telling your daughter this.

This subject makes my blood boil , luckily my 3 kids have mainly had sensible schools/ teachers so this problem has'nt occurred .
Of course it's distracting having kids popping in and out during lessons but no one has the right to refuse some one the use of the toilet.
I think i have made it crystal clear to my youngest child , 12 , that if she needs to go and feels that she would have an accident if forced to wait that she gets up and leaves the room and i will deal with the consequence.
i have never been a trouble maker and have trusted the schools my kids have gone to but this is one thing i will never excuse .

@Jellycatspyjamas On a car journey I’d stop at the next available toilet

Which would mean waiting.

So your experience or whatever it is has no relevance

Whatever it is.... You're delightful

Yes, because a toilet wasn’t physically available. I don’t expect my DC to wait when there’s a toilet immediately available to them.

You need more info. Was the lesson being delivered, were others asking, was there a mass request. Had they been reminded to go already. Had they just returned from break, has the teacher noticed a pattern, is there a safeguarding issue in school, are there times toilets are cleaned in the day

What was the teacher thinking, knew or what was discussed earlier? I would be asking questions about their procedures first.

At present its the covid 'bubble' rules... ie bubbles have their allocated slot and the the toilets are then cleaned. If kids go in between it breaks the bubbles. However typically they have 4 opportunities to go in a 6 hour day.

In this case I'd have let her go second ask.
However there are some bonkers people on here thinking teachers want to control bladders. We just want students to be in the classroom when they should be. Open access to the toilet at all times leads to a follow my leader style revolving door.

I don’t know there are some schools/teachers so militant about this.

I personally never argue with a child who asks to go to the bathroom. Even if they are lying, and actually just need a walk to clear their head or need a breather for 5 minutes then so what? As long as they catch up what they missed and don’t make a song and dance out of it - I don’t need to work myself up into a frenzy by trying to control the bladder functions of teenagers.

I think i have made it crystal clear to my youngest child , 12 , that if she needs to go and feels that she would have an accident if forced to wait that she gets up and leaves the room and i will deal with the consequence.

This. Both my children know to excuse themselves, go to the toilet and return as quickly as possible and I’ll deal with any fall out. They also know if I find they’re messing about, they’ll face the consequences of that.