To call the school to complain DD not allowed to use toilet in class time

[BananaLlamaConCalma]

DD is 9/year 4.

They are allowed/encouraged to have a flask on their desk and drink throughout the day. DD appears to have necked hers today and needed a wee. She asked the teacher if she could go to the toilet. He said no, you can't go in class time. She asked again a little while later terrified she was going to have an accident. He again said no. She started crying as she thought she would have an accident in front of the class. She was then allowed to go.

I agree that children shouldn't waste time and did say to her that she should learn from this to drink an appropriate amount for the time but why is she not allowed a wee in lesson times? We were! She has said previously she holds it in all day. Didn't realise this was why. Also, what if she had her period? I know other girls who have started at that age!

So do I call him and say it's unfair and if she needs a wee she is to go or just leave it?

As a secondary teacher I let them go one at a time and stamped their planner to show they had permission to be put of classroom. Girls with periods obviously need to use the loo when necessary. No teacher should make an issue of this.

@fastandthecurious

I've always found this so so weird. Never have I worked in a job where I had to hold my urine till my break time. Why should young children have to? As long as they aren't taking the pods and going every 30 mins I don't see the problem with allowing a child to use the bathroom when they need to.

not a teacher then?

or worked on a fatcory floor where you can't leave the belt?

Or been a fitness instructor? (hold on there class while I nip out for a wee)

Exam invigilator? Not allowed to leave the room?

Or course there are dozens of jobs where you have to go in your break.

But in this case I agree the teacher should have let her go.

As an ex teacher I do remember once being really exasperated with an otherwise veyr sensible boy who constantly asked to go to the loo, or to go for a drink.

About 2 months into the year his mum came to me to tell me he had been diagnosed as diabetic.
I felt terrible for all the times I had done my best teachery "really? Again? If you MUST" to him, poor kid (and yes i did have a chat with him and apologised)

You cant compare an adult needing to hold their bladder to a child, their bladders are smaller and weaker, they've only been potty trained a few years. And an adult can have less water if they need to but a child learning all day needs to be hydrated. A child should never be uncomfortable for needing a drink or a wee.

My daughter easily gets uti's. I only have had to mention this once to school. Some students will just use it as a chance to get out of the classroom, steal from other areas, vandalise etc. Yes, including primary school. They won't stop a child going but they do try to encourage children to structure toilet breaks around free time.

You can't concentrate either if you need to go and then they're worried about holding it. I got stuck on a phone call at work once for 2.5hrs and ended up having to get my manager to take over the call while I ran to the toilet and back! I can't go exactly when I want at work but it's fairly flexible

@fastandthecurious

I've always found this so so weird. Never have I worked in a job where I had to hold my urine till my break time. Why should young children have to? As long as they aren't taking the pods and going every 30 mins I don't see the problem with allowing a child to use the bathroom when they need to.

Teachers have to wait.

I'm intrigued about all these jobs where you absolutely can't go because your supervisor/manager will kill you.

I get there are jobs (surgeon springs to mind) where you absolutely can't. In fact I've done a job like this and as a grown up i made sure to use the facilities even when i thought i didn't need to in order to mitigate it.

If you worked in, say, a call centre and i absolutely needed to go and policy was that you aren't allowed - what happens if you pee yourself. I mean literally wet yourself? Humans aren't machines and sometimes you absolutely have to go. And company policies need to cover that.

FWiW i have left lectures, lessons and meetings in the past to use the loo when it's been unavoidable. Nobody has, yet, fired me for that. I wonder what the legal position on that is?

@Brefugee emergency call handler. So yes I could go but not if I'm stuck on a call, if you are absolutely desperate and someone is free they might be able to take over your call for a few minutes (see a few posts further up!)
Also my job now means I need to keep my personal time off the phones low so less than 10 mins a day including time to make brews/toilet etc

i get that you can't go if you're stuck on a call. I used to be in the Army so i know that there are times when you absolutely can't. But we signed up for that - and it's a valuable skill we learn at adults either to pace our drinking around the availability of toilet opportunities, or to train our bladders to last longer (absolutely essential if you're wearing NBC gear, believe me)

But all these "well some jobs don't allow you" are things like call centres for customer services and i simply cannot believe that if you're about to have a bladder (or worse) blow out, that there would be enormous repurcussions beyond "you know it's not policy, try not to do it again"

I hold my hands up and say as an NQT some years ago I was draconian in not letting my primary pupils (Year 4) go to the toilet in lessons. Someone at the school had told me not to.

Well, one day a mum came to me and said very nicely that the week before her daughter had pooed her pants and sat in it all afternoon. She got an infection afterwards and the mum presumed it was from that incident.

I was absolutely mortified. The mum was so, so nice about it, not blaming me, just making me aware. But I knew it was my fault. I apologised to them both.

Since then, my only stipulation is that there are no toilet trips during the roughly ten minutes in every lesson I'm actually teaching to the whole class. But apart from that, the children can ask and I pretty much don't say no (although it can depend on the child, their age, when they last went, and other factors).

I never want another child to suffer like that girl did. My feeling of guilt is still there whenever I think of it. If the mum is reading and recognises the situation, please know I'm still sorry!

OP, if you can, don't go in all guns blazing. I vividly remember how nice that mum was and it affected my future teaching more than any rant would have done.

I read the full thread. It might be down to maintaining bubbles. When I was teaching before the summer each bubble was assigned strict times for toilet visits to allow for adequate cleaning and maintain the integrity of the bubble.

@WhoseThatGirl in instances like that, if you speak to the school she'd get a toilet pass so wouldnt be asked to wait a bit

@RedHelenB
She’s in primary. The school know but she gets worried that her teacher will get cross when she has been shouting at other kids in the class for not having gone at lunch or whatever. My daughter isn’t confident enough to say anything. They also often have substitutes or different TAs and they seem incapable of sharing information.

You need more information from the school...

• Had DD just been to break?
• Were other children already there? Can be an issue at the best of times but particularly with social distancing
• Do the school have restrictions about who can go and when due to Covid
• Does your DD frequently need to go to the toilet in lessons? If so, it might be worth seeing if there is a medical reason (diabetes, UTI)

It is also worth finding out what the teacher said. 'Can you wait 5 minutes?' is not unreasonable for example (it gives the child chance to say 'no'.

@ThisIsMeOrIsIt teachers like you give me hope :)

I ended up pissing on my teachers shoe and on the floor in year 5 😳

@WhoseThatGirl suggest she has a pass she can have on her table, it's a commonly used strategy.

This is not allowed in our school,the children are quietly encouraged from day one to go with no disruption etc. It's really never been a big problem within the school. Children often have smaller bladders and cannot hold it. As an adult if I'm in work and I need the toilet i go, children should be afforded the same right.

Bloody hell. I was going to send the message suggested by a PP as it was perfectly worded to not cause offence. However, at 4pm I got a message saying I had a missed call from the school at 3.45. DP hadn't bloody collected her. Apparently a work call over ran and he couldn't leave 😡

Certainly can't be complaining about anything when her dad can't pick her up on time!

You’ve got bigger problems than bladders.

Mine are allowed to go when the teacher isn’t teaching.

So during the input stage of the lesson when the children get the information they need.

During the lesson, is allowed.

They aren’t allowed just after break or lunch (again input time) as they should go during break.

I would complain. Kids shouldn't be forced to hold wee like this. It's one thing if a child is continually asking to leave class but this is ridiculous.

They can use the toilet before class, break, lunch and afternoon break.

If she went each time she shouldn’t be desperate.