To call the school to complain DD not allowed to use toilet in class time

[BananaLlamaConCalma]

DD is 9/year 4.

They are allowed/encouraged to have a flask on their desk and drink throughout the day. DD appears to have necked hers today and needed a wee. She asked the teacher if she could go to the toilet. He said no, you can't go in class time. She asked again a little while later terrified she was going to have an accident. He again said no. She started crying as she thought she would have an accident in front of the class. She was then allowed to go.

I agree that children shouldn't waste time and did say to her that she should learn from this to drink an appropriate amount for the time but why is she not allowed a wee in lesson times? We were! She has said previously she holds it in all day. Didn't realise this was why. Also, what if she had her period? I know other girls who have started at that age!

So do I call him and say it's unfair and if she needs a wee she is to go or just leave it?

You also find it's the same kids who always want to go, as soon as it's time to do their work

That would be my DD, who for good reason really struggles with transitions between activities in class. So she’ll be the one asking to go to the toilet 5 minutes after coming back from break, and she’ll be the one asking to go just as the class settles down to work, and she’ll be the one asking to go just as everyone is getting ready to leave, because she finds transitions overwhelming and needs breathing space.

Luckily it’s not beyond the wit of her teachers to understand what’s happening for her and to accommodate her needs. My son’s teacher had similar attitudes to some here, leading to one 6 year old soiling himself and my child asking permission to go to the toilet at home “as long as I’m not interrupting you”. Teachers have a huge impact on children for good and bad.

@TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross

But as an adult, at uni and work we can just get up to go toilet without permission.

Even in the middle of a lecture or seminar at university, or mid-meeting at work? You'd just get up and walk out?

And what about at the theatre, for example? You wouldn't consider that it might be more appropriate to wait until the interval but just barge down the row mid-performance?

If i was so desperate that I thought I might wet myself, fucking right i would get up and go to the toilet.

Surely the teacher can easily and quickly identify repeat offenders

@zaffa
What about if they cried when told no?

^At school it is inhumane to not let children go to the toilet when they need to go.
People go on about what if the same child always asks, we'll maybe it's because that child has a bladder or bowel condition^

If it’s a bladder of bowel condition they get a toilet pass. My son has just had to go on laxatives, I just phoned the school and told them if he asks to go please let him go straight away. Sorted in one 2 minute call.

The trouble with the letting kids go “when they need to go” is that sometimes they are lying. They just don’t like being in lessons and will suck out at every opportunity.

I do let kids go to the loo. But it is really annoying to have your lesson interrupted 15 minutes after break. Then it gets interrupted again another 4 times with kids asking to go because “Jeffery got to go”
Like I say. I let the kids go, and I’m secondary but honestly it does disrupt your lesson.

My ds1 is 13 and has a toilet pass from school so he can leave class whenever he needs to. He has coeliac and frequently has diarrhoea and needs the toilet at very short notice.

All adults with coeliac, ulcerative colitis, crohn’s, inflammatory bowel, etc have the right to use the toilet as a disabled person. That means they often have the urge suddenly and immediately. Many kids and teens also suffer from these illnesses too. As well as girls with UTI’s and periods. We need to teach kids how to go to the toilet responsibly instead and let them go when they need as adults are allowed.

If an adult teacher had an illness listed above that caused them significant disability, the school legally would have to provide a teaching assistant so that there was always cover in their classroom so that they too could leave to use the bathroom when needed if they asked. It is a legal right under the disability discrimination act.

OP YADNBU!

You've said you've suggested to your DD that she doesn't drink so much water in one go.

The teacher should have let her go, when asked, with the same suggestion. No way should she have been reduced to tears. That's awful.

For those saying many adults work in jobs that can't accommodate toilet breaks eg never leaving a meeting midway through, nobody would even question this in anywhere I work.

I also recognise that there are some jobs (like teaching, or retail), where this isn't easy to do. But it's not impossible. If you needed a break to go to the toilet, you could arrange it & would not be questioned. (& before the teachers on this thread jump down my throat, I'm talking about in Ireland not UK but I can't imagine it's impossible there either!)

I absolutely recognise how it can be disruptive but you don't manage that by upsetting a child to that extent. There's a middle ground.

@Hercwasonaroll

Wait til you have 15 year 7s asking you to go 10 minutes after lunch time.

Very nearly my year 7’s yesterday. 6 were apparently desperate for the toilet 20 minutes after the end of lunch.

@CitizenFame

Surely the teacher can easily and quickly identify repeat offenders

@zaffa
What about if they cried when told no?

Your posts are pretty nasty tbh Citizen. I hate to think of you teaching children with that dismissive attitude. So unnecessary.

@CitizenFame

But she was allowed and did go

You're on a real roll tonight aren't you 🙄

I would kick off no doubt about it. End of

What about if they cried when told no?

@CitizenFame you’d obviously make them sit there, crying, until they pissed themselves and go home with that warm glow of knowing your lesson hadn’t be interrupted.

also recognise that there are some jobs (like teaching, or retail), where this isn't easy to do. But it's not impossible. If you needed a break to go to the toilet, you could arrange it & would not be questioned. (& before the teachers on this thread jump down my throat, I'm talking about in Ireland not UK but I can't imagine it's impossible there either!)

I can clear that misunderstanding up for you. Most certainly teachers cannot walk out of lessons to go use the toilet.

I also once upon a time worked in retail and leaving the shop floor would most certainly have been questioned.

I’m very glad that it’s not my job teaching children Earrings if this is the sort of stuff teachers have to put up with.

Let me get this right
A grown man tells a 9 year old girl she is not allowed to go and empty her bladder?
And some of you think this is acceptable..
It’s wrong. It’s abusive.
Was she meant to stand there and just wee
Disgusting .

I have told my kids since they started school that if a teacher refuses to let them go to the toilet and they can't wait that they should then politely tell the teacher that they are sorry but they are going.

My son still has to do this at 14, he says the last time he did it the teacher threatened to get the head of year into the class to deal with him but nothing came of it because what could she say? "I want him punished because he went to the toilet after telling me he couldn't hold it in"?

I would advise your child to do the same poor thing.

Ironically all those "power" mad teachers have to hold their urine in
I'd sneak into the DC bathroom pretend I was checking the loo roll for a sneaky wee.

I would not call the school if it was a one off but agree your DD should not't have been brought to tears asking a 3rd time.

I've always hated this. I don't time my bladder as an adult so why should children have to??

They used to do this to us at school and I hated it. 'You should have gone at lunch' what, two hours ago??

I can clear that misunderstanding up for you. Most certainly teachers cannot walk out of lessons to go use the toilet.

I also once upon a time worked in retail and leaving the shop floor would most certainly have been questioned.

Yep. See also: till staff, factory workers, callcentre agents, refuse collectors, taxi drivers, just off the top of my head...

Most certainly teachers cannot walk out of lessons to go use the toilet.

Did I say this?

And re retail, I too worked in retail over the years. If you needed a break urgently, you could absolutely notify a colleague or supervisor.

Regarding teaching of course you don't walk out - you ask another teacher to supervise as required.

Obviously it would be an unusual occurrence - but that's the point, it's when it is unexpected that it's necessary to have the option. Just like OP's DD.

(Side note: the supercilious nature of some of the teachers posting here is very unappealing)

I guess that’s the thing though, you’re teaching children who are still growing physically, emotionally and psychologically - who are developing their executive functioning, who are coming from all kinds of backgrounds and experiences and who may have their own challenges to face in just getting over the classroom door.

They aren’t mini adults, with adult capacity, reasoning and coping skills - they’re growing and learning in every sense of the word and their lives and concerns (and bladder function) don’t fit neatly into a 30 minute lesson. If they need to go to the toilet, let them go.

you’d obviously make them sit there, crying, until they pissed themselves and go home with that warm glow of knowing your lesson hadn’t be interrupted.

@Jellycatspyjamas
There’s a joke just screaming to be made from your comment but something tells me you might not be the humorous type, so I’ll leave it unmade.

@MaintainTheMolehill

I have told my kids since they started school that if a teacher refuses to let them go to the toilet and they can't wait that they should then politely tell the teacher that they are sorry but they are going.

My son still has to do this at 14, he says the last time he did it the teacher threatened to get the head of year into the class to deal with him but nothing came of it because what could she say? "I want him punished because he went to the toilet after telling me he couldn't hold it in"?

I would advise your child to do the same poor thing.

Have you actually investigated why a 14 year Old Boy cannot got without a wee for 2 hours at a time? As that would be a massive concern for me.

@CitizenFame

I’m very glad that it’s not my job teaching children Earrings if this is the sort of stuff teachers have to put up with.

Wait. You're not a teacher with all this laying down the law about what's ok & not in a school setting.

FFS. Even worse.

Tho I am glad you're not engaging with children professionally.

He's a knob. It's primary school, she'll get a complex about peeing if he keeps denying her xx

My DS wet himself in class in primary school because the teacher told the kids that morning they couldn't go during class and to stop asking because she would say no and he took her word for it and tried to hold it until he couldn't. Then she had the gall to ask me (when I brought dry clothes) why he didn't ask her again if he was desperate. I replied "you told him he shouldn't, would you rather he not take you at your word??"