Losing faith in Mumsnet?

[TheWho67]

People post for validation or genuine comprehension over an issue.
Replies go either way, agree or disagree, sometimes quite strongly. I've seen a lot of posts were OP has been flamed and wished they had never posted. I've been there, under a different name. I've asked Mumsnet to have more moderators, to keep things on track but I guess that wont happen. I've seen a few posts get mentioned on DM recently and think, thank god that wasn't me! Some posts get quite out of hand and once one negative post starts, other pile on.
YANBU - to think people should stick to the question asked and not unpick every single thing.
YABU - people will naturally be critical because it's on-line and not face to face and why post on a public forum if you can't handle it.

I'll bite too. Homophobia was perfectly legal until it was illegal.
A lot of us feel that denying transwomen the right to define themselves as women is transphobic/trans-hating

There's a very interesting parallel to gender critical viewpoints today and homophobic views back in the day. A lot of opposition to making homosexuality legal was voiced as concern for children, protecting the family, going against nature, which is very similar to the 'genuine concerns' and 'biological reality' objections today.

The AD lot have kind of made it impossible to have a sensible conversation about Corona without it turning nasty.

It's becoming a huge problem when people don't feel they can talk about their concerns without being piled on by them all.

I'm sick of reading "leave him" "get a divorce" on every relantionship issue thread, even when the issue is small and can be worked out!

Let’s be honest, it’s a load of bored women and some men that have different opinions.

Like in real life, some people speak their mind. Some people respect them for their. directness, otters think they’re rude.

Some people on here are nasty for fun but I would say that most people contribute in a positive way. Whether it’s what the OP wants to hear or not, the pp are giving an opinion that has been asked of them.

I used to take everything at face value but not so much these days. If a post sounds too far fetched it does make me question it. If it’s legit the OP could simply answer the question. I thunk some posters you’re being ‘mean’ to dare question an OP, but the reality is, people suck the life out of you if you let them and there are trolls out there.

Let’s be honest, it’s a load of bored women and some men that have different opinions.

I think that's a bit harsh and dismissive. Many ordinarily dynamic people can be felled by the relentlessness of child-rearing. Especially when sleep-deprived. And Mumsnet provides a lifeline to people who are parents of DC with SEN, people who are caring for elderly parents, forces ohs, expats etc etc, in other words, loads of people who might otherwise feel somewhat isolated through circumstance.

And it's perfectly possible to offer a different opinion without being offensive.

I posted a few years ago under a different user name about something very sensitive that was causing me sleepless nights, I received a lot of support until one of the ‘MN’ royalty come on and threatened to out me with my previous username. Put me off ever posting with a problem again. Overall there are good uns on here but there are a spiteful few who I avoid when posting on threads.

I find myself wondering about going on mn a lot lately. I had covid so it's kind of something I'm interested in now if that's even the right way to put it but I've learned it's better to stay away from all covid threads. Same with a lot of aibu, anything about racism, trans issues ... sigh, to be honest it is just a much more negative place, I suppose reflecting the world at the moment. I'm not very bright/articulate and if I give my opinion I generally have someone laugh or bang into me. I miss the wacky threads where people debate about comparing two foods or someone talks about how theyve lost something really random or wedding threads about strange gifts/people snoring, snap and farting etc.

I agree OP. It can be a toxic, vile place and is the last place I'd ever post for advice. There is also a huge amount of inconsistant moderation and threads which are blatantly trolls left because it generates traffic.

There has been an upsurge in unpleasantness this year and apparently being goady and inflammatory gets you what you want over being polite. Numbers are dropping here in a significant way due to all of this.

There has been an upsurge in unpleasantness this year
Someone says this every week - and has for the last 10 years at least.

YANBU. I have been a really bad mood this week and posted a reply in a bad mood. I was rude, which I try not to be. However I did think to myself everyone else is ruder, which isnt a excuse. I try to scroll or hide normally.

It is getting more hostile, more threads have a first hostile reply then the next ten posters pile on.

I think the more nasty posters, the more it becomes the norm.

I dont agree with a lot of posts, but like in RL I dont particularly care what others think. Neither do I agree with "re educationing" those not as enlightened as me. It's like the dickish relative who posts shite on FB. You ignore it, but the more you see, the more likely you are to snap.

And breeeeeeattthhh......

Something that does puzzle me is why people don't report if they think a poster is being abusive. I saw someone who loftily declared that she wouldn't be reporting the post that she believed was abusive and bullying, but she would give a rebuke instead, and that was apparently more likely to make the offender hang their head in shame and reform than MN stepping in and taking actual sanctions with actual consequences, should the behaviour really be so unacceptable.

Another person who also declared she was above reporting, but rebuked the offender for apparent abuse before finishing with something along the lines of "so fuck off, bitchface". Post was gone within an hour, obviously, and presumably words had backstage. That was ironic.

Honestly, if you really think someone is being abusive and breaking the rules, report it. Mods are the only ones who can actually do anything about it. If someone is trolling or abusive, they're not likely to give much of a shit about a random on here, but action from mods might get them to change, if only because they don't want their posts to be hidden or to get a ban.

I know moderation is a bit inconsistent, never knew a forum where it wasn't, but it's all we've really got and it's there for a reason.

I am laughing my head off at the disingenuous posters who said they have never seen racism on MN.

You are either stupid or lying. Just post anything regarding Megan Markle and the frothers will crawl out en masse.

Every thread that starts with “ What’s your unpopular opinion” is just an exercise for racists and ableists to openly write about their disgusting views.

MN is a nice place to spend some time being entertained. It really isn’t a safe space to spill your torment to the masses.

Elements of Mumsnet have a terrible reputation. And rightly so imo. It's the mean girls all over again.

@amusedtodeath1

The AD lot have kind of made it impossible to have a sensible conversation about Corona without it turning nasty.

It's becoming a huge problem when people don't feel they can talk about their concerns without being piled on by them all.

Haven't they just. And anybody daring to say anything remotely scientifically based gets baited and called a troll. The funny thing is, there are far more masks pah/let the elderly rot/I'm alright Jack posts than there are "I'm worried" posts. The ADs shut down any discussion of ongoing or new negative developments (like those of the past week's figures) by saying "you'd only be happy in full lockdown you WANT this you do" in the manner of petulant primary school children.

@SecretWitch

I am laughing my head off at the disingenuous posters who said they have never seen racism on MN.

You are either stupid or lying. Just post anything regarding Megan Markle and the frothers will crawl out en masse.

Every thread that starts with “ What’s your unpopular opinion” is just an exercise for racists and ableists to openly write about their disgusting views.

MN is a nice place to spend some time being entertained. It really isn’t a safe space to spill your torment to the masses.

Very true.

Add to that the ones who post their -isms and then add as their final sentence "btw I'm black/disabled/98/vulnerable myself"

In which case mate, you're either
A) not
B) even thicker than you come across

Not sure if many people are aware but there is a 30 day thread where the post only stays for, yep, 30 days, then disappears. So, if you post something sensitive and in hindsight regret it, you can ask for your post to be moved there.

@TheSeedsOfADream, I love the people who attempt to disguise their racist/ableist/ misogynist posts with those caveats.

When it comes to Megan Markle, people will state they are not racists but don’t like her because of A,B, C.... sure, Sis, you keep telling yourself that..

“There's a very interesting parallel to gender critical viewpoints today and homophobic views back in the day. A lot of opposition to making homosexuality legal was voiced as concern for children, protecting the family, going against nature, which is very similar to the 'genuine concerns' and 'biological reality' objections today.”

Would just like to point out that my worries are based on dodgy men (not specifically trans people) exploiting a new law (which has already happened) not trans people being respected. Self Id in law has genuine real world consequences attached to it. Gay sex/relationships being legal never did. The arguments do look similar, but that does not mean that they come from the same place.

I am very left wing, liberal minded, and bisexual. I am overly inclined to worry about other people’s rights. I don’t imagine I would have been in favour of Section 28 if I were alive in the 1980s.

Mumsnet has its problems and I do think that there is a fair bit of racism and classism on here. But I like that there is somewhere where being gender critical does not make you an evil social pariah.

Freedom of speech has gone.
I just got a post removed for speaking about covid propaganda.
I didn't attack or insult anyone, or break any rules I'm aware of.
You used to be able to say what you like on here, not any more.

@Devlesko

Freedom of speech has gone. I just got a post removed for speaking about covid propaganda. I didn't attack or insult anyone, or break any rules I'm aware of. You used to be able to say what you like on here, not any more.

For spreading conspiracy theories, you mean.

I think YANBU OP although I do think there are some great posters on here, and topics. Personally I hate to see threads that are 'pile ons' as well as lots of sanctimonious posters turning up to say 'bloody hell I'd never let that happen to me'. I have a soft spot for the 'No is a complete sentence' and 'did you mean to be so rude' responses as well as folks that believe 100% in their Paddington 'hard stare'. I think the reality of these is more how the poster would like to be perceived!
There are some brilliant threads though, recently the Pride & Predudice was ace, and when posters really need help some posters advice is supportive and accurate.

One of the best thing about MN for me is the relationships board. There are women that have suffered the most horrid abuse, and have found strength and support from the most wonderful MNetters to help them leave and realise they will be ok.

For that alone MN will be invaluable.

This is the first time I've responded to a thread like this but I've read variations on this one a lot. They pop up all the time, and have done for as long as I've been around and doubtless longer. What exactly is the point of them?

Is it likely that posting a thread about nasty online behaviour is going to make those posters pause, reflect on their nastiness (subjective) and suddenly become models of #BeKind? Hardly. If you object to bullying, cliques or 'Mumsnet Queens' then when you see them in action it would be far more effective not to join in with 'pile ons' and call out that behaviour when and where you see it. Respond to the sanctimonious grammar police in-thread, or scroll on by the topics you know piss you off. Covid is one that really grates on my tits, so I tend to avoid it or risk responding in Mumnset style like a sarcastic, negative harridan with a hellbent mission of excoriating the OP.

Negative energy is a waste of energy and threads like this are the last thing that will help. They only ever descend into gossipy, malicious commentary about specific threads and, worse, specific posters. How is that any better than the 'nasty' behaviour you decry? All it does is perpetuate the cycle of negativity. Which would lead me to question people's motivations for posting such a thread in the first place.