Losing faith in Mumsnet?

[TheWho67]

People post for validation or genuine comprehension over an issue.
Replies go either way, agree or disagree, sometimes quite strongly. I've seen a lot of posts were OP has been flamed and wished they had never posted. I've been there, under a different name. I've asked Mumsnet to have more moderators, to keep things on track but I guess that wont happen. I've seen a few posts get mentioned on DM recently and think, thank god that wasn't me! Some posts get quite out of hand and once one negative post starts, other pile on.
YANBU - to think people should stick to the question asked and not unpick every single thing.
YABU - people will naturally be critical because it's on-line and not face to face and why post on a public forum if you can't handle it.

For me, it was bringing out the begging bowl during lockdown when people were scared about losing their jobs and on a reduced income or unemployed that made me question MN. It really was a shit thing to do.

There has been an upturn in nastiness across the boards recently. It used to be a safe space for help and information for women but when you have a male moderator telling women what they can or can't say, then I'm out.

I still nip on for a long standing support thread as I've made real life friends here but thats about it now.

Its a shame as there used to be so many funny, informative and helpful posters on here.

For me, it was bringing out the begging bowl during lockdown when people were scared about losing their jobs and on a reduced income or unemployed that made me question MN. It really was a shit thing to do.

Presumably the staff at MNHQ had the same fears in case the situation should cause the site to collapse? I don't see the problem, nobody had to pay money if they didn't want to.

I know where you mean, only a few posters have been mentioned and they are the worst offenders in terms of hectoring and bullying others so in a sense they set the tone themselves

That is outright lies because I am one of the chosen 'few'.

I wrote a far longer post but in the interests of harmony I will refrain from saying what I really think.
Bullying is a sport for some people as they try and outdo each other in nastiness.

Yes, most of the time you can ignore it, and I do. But it is still upsetting. How cowardly and easy to bully and ridicule from the comfort of another forum. .

Over the years I've been here I've had to regularly take breaks for my sanity, as sometimes it's so toxic and the lack of reading ability and empathy so lacking it gets to me.

I recently started a post in Site Stuff with a suggestion about deleting inactive accounts. Reason being is that I'm unable to log into a couple of my old email addresses so for a few years have been unable to use my beloved old usernames (which took me ages to think up). Can't log in here and can't reset my login as can't login to my registered email. If my old account was deleted then my usernames would become available again and I reregister them. OK, many replies pointed out what a bad idea that was, but one poster just had to tell me I should've taken more responsibility to ensure I didn't lose my log in details (as though people never have the same issue!) As though I was an idiot and shouldn't expect MN to sort out my stupid mistakes. I just felt there was no need for that attitude, it wasn't AIBU. So generally, I only come on MN, even just to read threads, when I'm feeling mentally resilient as it can so easily make me feel shit.

For me, it was bringing out the begging bowl during lockdown when people were scared about losing their jobs and on a reduced income or unemployed that made me question MN. It really was a shit thing to do

Did you not read the thread at the time though? The reason for bringing forward the Premium membership is because MN - like a lot of other businesses - were losing a massive amount of revenue because of Covid/lockdown. Without the money they wouldn't be able to keep it going.

It wasn't just begging for money for the sake of it.

Ive seen a lot of threads started slagging off other current threads on the board. Like "to be sick of im having another boy threads". I find those threads particularly nasty and seeing it a lot on here lately.

I’ve been on here for years now with various usernames, but regularly take breaks because it gets so toxic. I genuinely think some people just like an argument. They put out posts that they know are mean or controversial just to get someone to bite. I’ve no idea why they do this and I imagine most people wouldn’t say some of these things in real life. Online forums like this just bring out the worst in some people.

I've been on MN on and off for ages. It has always been thus!
The threads about how mean everyone has become are also not a new thing I'm afraid.
The different boards have different tones for sure, but it's a public forum, you sign away your rights to content when you sign up, like it or lump it really.
I think the site is well moderated. If you think it isn't then perhaps you haven't experienced some other internet forums!

@MashedSweetSpud

There’s another site online (which if I mention the name of it my comment will be removed) and quite a few people here are mocked/laughed at, some are mentioned regularly.

When you post online it goes a lot further than here and DM.

So true. They seem to mainly target posters that disagree with them. Then they call them bullies and act the victim.

“Whine whine the free thing I’m under no obligation to use isn’t doing what I want it to do”

And stop talking about “Mumsnet” as if it is one homogeneous thing. There are thousands of people who post, there are many different views. If you don’t like what they say, find another site, or start one yourself.

As we always say here, don’t let the door hit you on the way out.

It sometimes feels like there's no sense of humour any more. Some posters are just gratuitously nasty. I think there's a difference between saying, "Come on OP, don't you think you're being a lil bit precious here" and "Wow. You sound hard work."
The frequent refusal to see nuance also annoys me.

@wigglerose even on the most lighthearted of threads some grouch usually comes along to say “I don’t see what’s so funny about x, or y”
It’s like they rush to kiss on everyone’s chips.

The ageism that MN allows is just awful.

Try saying what is regularly said about older people about BAME or Trans community and it's deleted before you can draw breath.

I love kissing a chip meself... too much

Agree... the ageism is pretty bad.

The humour and the wit has gone out of the place, certainly. I can't remember the last time there was a genuinely funny thread on here.

It is also really frustrating to start reading a thread from someone asking for support, and to see fairly near the beginning, the start of a bitch-fest pile-on. It's almost as if as soon as one person starts, loads of others think it is all right to give the OP a kicking as well. Nasty.

I do think the moderation over the last year or so has become a bit like pin the tail on the donkey.

The sketchiness started with the whole trans issue and then went on to the issue of the new Black Mumsnetters topic.

There just seems to be no rhyme or reason to why some posts are deleted while others that are far worse, are left to stand. Reporting of late just seems to be met with 'Thanks, we'll look into it' and you're left none the wiser.

The thing that I've noticed is that there is a lot of ganging up on some threads. Reporting doesn't work as MN seem to only take posts in isolation, they don't seem capable of reading a thread and its posts in context where there is collective school girl type sneering and goading.

Examples such as
'what she said',
'haha, you win the thread for wittiest post' and
'i agree with AnnaBubbles' following a pretty nasty or sneering attack on the OP.

That way posters get away with not breaking the guidelines and it means that threads can be pile-ons and I don't think the OPs come out of it feeling well at all. Then they're goaded for not coming back to the thread and stuff. Bitchiness I guess you'd call it.

@MintyMabel

“Whine whine the free thing I’m under no obligation to use isn’t doing what I want it to do”

And stop talking about “Mumsnet” as if it is one homogeneous thing. There are thousands of people who post, there are many different views. If you don’t like what they say, find another site, or start one yourself.

As we always say here, don’t let the door hit you on the way out.

Don't include me in your "we" ta. I've been here since 2004 and never felt the need to claim ownership either of the site or of people's behaviour. That kind of comment used to be common among the famous "mean girls" though.

@MintyMabel

“Whine whine the free thing I’m under no obligation to use isn’t doing what I want it to do”

And stop talking about “Mumsnet” as if it is one homogeneous thing. There are thousands of people who post, there are many different views. If you don’t like what they say, find another site, or start one yourself.

As we always say here, don’t let the door hit you on the way out.

You see this is typical of these sorts of threads where nastiness is called out. Someone comes along to tell the people complaining or voicing their opinion to more or less 'well fuck off then'.

And stop talking about “Mumsnet” as if it is one homogeneous thing.
Then you say "As we always say here". If it's not homogenous, how can you speak for the "many different views".

[quote BIWI]@ivfbeenbusy

I've never know a site that hates men so much - they can do nothing right and it's depressing

Really? What I find depressing are the number of women on MN who will defend horrible/inappropriate/misogynistic behaviour by men. It sometimes feels as if feminism has never happened.[/quote]
I agree.

@Roussette

I like it.

I don't have many people who's opinion I could ask IRL. I live alone. Sometimes, when the nights (or days) are long, I hang around on MN and just read threads - it's like listening in to an argument in a pub.

Some posts may be ill informed, incorrect, just plain daft, but I can ignore those. Sometimes I may have genuine insight. And yes, there is racism, trans and homophobia, ageism, all the other things you get in a general population,, which is wrong, but, again, a general population.

it's like listening in to an argument in a pub.

You're not wrong there!

@wigglerose you’re absolutely right. We need the days of ‘fat balls’, ‘little Korean lady’ and ‘your minge’. Those were laugh out loud funny. The last really funny thread I can remember was a parking one where the OP put a giant Olaf outside as a parking warden 😂. Wish there was more of those sorts of threads.