Losing faith in Mumsnet?

[TheWho67]

People post for validation or genuine comprehension over an issue.
Replies go either way, agree or disagree, sometimes quite strongly. I've seen a lot of posts were OP has been flamed and wished they had never posted. I've been there, under a different name. I've asked Mumsnet to have more moderators, to keep things on track but I guess that wont happen. I've seen a few posts get mentioned on DM recently and think, thank god that wasn't me! Some posts get quite out of hand and once one negative post starts, other pile on.
YANBU - to think people should stick to the question asked and not unpick every single thing.
YABU - people will naturally be critical because it's on-line and not face to face and why post on a public forum if you can't handle it.

@AlternativePerspective yes I know!
Mumsnet can be a ridiculous place sometimes.

I think theres been a lot of rudeness on some of the BLM-themed threads where people seem incapable of engaging with different opinions without swearing, flat out calling people racists, etc. I think it's a good example of the extent to which Britain has become polarised across the board. There's also a strong anti-intellectual aspect to that which is pretty representative of the country generally.

I think it follows from the introduction of AIBU. Post in this section with a tin hat, it seems to bring out all of the keyboard warriors, sometimes it’s like school ground bullying, other times akin to fox hunting. I think that has spilled into the other boards.

I don't understand why it's considered weak to be respectful of others..

It isn't. You can be a wet lettuce in any tone of voice.

And the "posted about this before" can be relevant, with some long standing posters (who are readily identifiable from their style and circumstances) who have received pages of (usually good) advice over months, yet are still saying exactly the same things. Discovering if they are prepared to acknowledge that, and finding out what are their barriers to taking any of the advice, is way more helpful than just having the same stuff listed all over again

I admit, I have jumped ship a few times and come back.
But seeing a poster being called a c* a few days ago, I think I'd jump ship and not come back. Its a shame because some people give very good advice.

YANBU.
I think there’s a huge bully culture on here disguised as people being ‘honest’ and I think some people use others vulnerability to make them feel superior.

The reclamation of the word "cunt" is a very MNetty thing. Totally deliberatel!

@TheWho67

Just had another thought. It's one thing posting on a forum about a personal issue and then having it spread out on the Daily Mail! I guess it's legal but I'm sure the OP posters never intended it to be published in the daily press. Just to clarify, this hasn't happened to me but has made me very wary.

It never fails to amaze me how many posters seem not to understand that this is a public forum, and therefore anyone can be reading posts made here.

@AuntieStella
You may think it makes sense for those reasons and I believe you. But let's get real, I think most just want to goad.

What a ridiculous post op. You framed the responses in a very controlling way. Often people just get called out for how ridiculous they're being.

I've noticed a distinct change in tone of late, and not just in AIBU. There are plenty of wise, funny and interesting posters around but they no longer have the loudest voice here. Bullying seems to thrive and the moderation is inconsistent and often irrational.

Very reluctantly I have pretty much stopped posting on MN, except for one or two treasured threads, and moved to another site. Fortunately I was part of a mass migration so it felt like home straightaway.

@ivfbeenbusy

I've never know a site that hates men so much - they can do nothing right and it's depressing

Really? What I find depressing are the number of women on MN who will defend horrible/inappropriate/misogynistic behaviour by men. It sometimes feels as if feminism has never happened.

TBH I think that when someone reads a whole post and then points out the one mistake in their spelling or punctuation shows a lack of intelligence on their part.

Posters wade in with some cutting criticism on an OP’s spelling of one word because they don’t have an intelligent response to make on the actual question being asked.

Also, the people who seem to think that people should spell check their posts etc before posting, you can’t have it both ways. Either MN is an open forum where people can post in a hurry without thought, or it isn’t....

Often spelling mistakes get to me, or people who post without paragraphs because I use a screenreader and it reads a post with no paragraphs as one continuous sentence. But then I just don’t read them. Posting “I couldn’t read your post because it didn’t contain paragraphs/was written in bad English/was too long,” is just done to look like a twat. After all, the poster will be able to get advice without that particular pedant wading in... I doubt they would have given a decent thought out response anyway if that’s their first reaction....

The are good and very bad points. The racism is horrendous, and I do agree something has got to be done about that. Likewise the sudden influx of misogynistic posters that think women should shut up and be ‘nice’ at all times.

But the good outweighs the bad for me. There are some incredibly knowledgeable, astute and interesting MNetters that I have learnt absolutely masses from. You just have to head away from AIBU and Chat to find them.

Tbh if you’ve been here a while you do get sick to death of the same troll/ridiculous posts and so get short with them. Not always the best way of dealing with it, but it is what it is.

I don't actually think it's especially brutal...have spent time on forums that were like the Wild West complete with doxxing and death threats so maybe that's why. Not a good bar, obviously. But I don't think MN is hugely vicious.

I do, however, think it is absolutely class obsessed and full of sanctimonious moralising about things with no moral value. Obviously everyone denies they're doing it, which is brilliant because you get posts that quite literally go: "Of course I'm not moralising, are you on glue? I just think it's vapid, vacuous, vain, stupid, chavvy and common and I would never do it. Hahaha, so hilarious that you would think I'm moralising!"

But class obsession and misplaced moralising aren't really things you can moderate for; they're just in the overall culture of the place, so you have to accept that if you want to participate. You can still take the piss, of course, within reason.

It depends on where you look. I started on AIBU but am much less interested now.

I lurk on the coronavirus data thread. I would never post on a 'style and beauty' thread but love reading them. Love the meal planning threads and advent calendar threads. I like the feminism board.

I would suggest you move away from AIBU and look broadly.

One thing I would say in response to another poster is no online forum is a safe space.

I've never know a site that hates men so much - they can do nothing right and it's depressing

I think it's far more respectful of men to treat them as the grown ups that they actually are, and to expect them to behave accordingly, than it is to accept poor behaviour because the poor men can't help themselves. People who think that men can't see dirt/don't know you have to clean the toilet/can't help but touch women because they're ruled by their hormones and don't understand it's annoying/don't have the same bladder control etc etc are the ones who hate men.

The ageism, and to a certain extent the disablism, is very deeply ingraned

And the 'grammar police' aren't remotely interested in clear use of standard English. They're just being gits.

MN does champion clear use of standard English though - it arose from consideration of those who accessed the site using assistive technology and the wish not to exclude them. And it continued with an expectation that those who can use standard English, do so. Because that makes the content much more accessible for those with dyslexia and those for whom English is not a first language.

I don't have any faith in mumsnet at all,it is a place for idle chitchat and trivia and I set no more store by it than I would the folk in the pub. I wouldn't go in a pub and ask what they thought of my sex life/marriage/children and here is no different.

I do report when it spills out of AIBU to Chat or Relationships.

I do think it's extremely cruel to behave like that on Relationships and really is harmful. You are poisoning a place people really need when you carry on in an AIBU type way on some boards. (General you!!)

I think sometimes we need to rescue people who have posted in AIBU with something real. But what can you do.

Same. Some threads are just a competition to see who can be the biggest dickhead.

I wonder if more people wfh and therefore having less face to face conversations has made 'keyboard warriors' worse, or even MNers just taking out their negativity this way?

There is Much more to MN than the schoolyard bitching of AIBU

I find the Style and beauty, property, telly and health boards completely supportive and fun.

There is absolutely no nasty vibe there. In fact I’ve never seen anybody correct anybody’s grammar at all.

But they are forums that don’t offer much drama so to speak.

There is no “you’ve been here before, OP, banging on about downpipe!”
Or
“RTFT People; she’s NOT getting Botox
Now!”
Or
“Are you the Coronation Street troll?”

@AuntieStella
*I agree with you. MN doesn't feel a safe space"

MN never was, and never pretended to be, a safe space. It's a wide open chat site with extremely light moderation.*

I don't agree with the phrase extremely light moderation. It's become a site where long-standing posters have been banned for standing up to accusations of racism or for holding a different view to the Teflon-coated goady bullies on certain boards or even for asking the 'wrong' question. No wonder another site is gaining in popularity when its members can disagree respectfully and then agree to differ without slinging snarky abuse, with no partisan Mods needed. My use of the word 'safe' was obviously wrong (and I take it back), I should have said respectful.

I don’t understand why people worry about topics being taken up by the DM. The DM is no more or less public than MN. If you post on MN your story is there for the entire world to read so it doesn’t make much difference if it’s also available on another website.

If you want something to remain private don’t post it in a public forum on the World Wide Web.