Losing faith in Mumsnet?

[TheWho67]

People post for validation or genuine comprehension over an issue.
Replies go either way, agree or disagree, sometimes quite strongly. I've seen a lot of posts were OP has been flamed and wished they had never posted. I've been there, under a different name. I've asked Mumsnet to have more moderators, to keep things on track but I guess that wont happen. I've seen a few posts get mentioned on DM recently and think, thank god that wasn't me! Some posts get quite out of hand and once one negative post starts, other pile on.
YANBU - to think people should stick to the question asked and not unpick every single thing.
YABU - people will naturally be critical because it's on-line and not face to face and why post on a public forum if you can't handle it.

I think there's not so much hatred of men here as there is a fear of men.
I like the opposite sex. Yes I've encountered some prize arseholes in my life, but in general, if I choose my company wisely, they're pretty ok and usually entertaining.

I agree there is less humour, more tetchiness, and very few people seem to give others the benefit of the doubt anymore! A robust debate is fine but it all seems to be about point scoring. Often when you start out polite and moderate in tone, others will not hesitate to run you over, so you in turn then tend to answer more firmly than perhaps you would in RL, and it becomes a race to the bottom. It's a bit wearying.

@Galacticat

For me, it was bringing out the begging bowl during lockdown when people were scared about losing their jobs and on a reduced income or unemployed that made me question MN. It really was a shit thing to do.

There has been an upturn in nastiness across the boards recently. It used to be a safe space for help and information for women but when you have a male moderator telling women what they can or can't say, then I'm out.

I still nip on for a long standing support thread as I've made real life friends here but thats about it now.

Its a shame as there used to be so many funny, informative and helpful posters on here.

You do realise that you're using a site that is only free for you because it is subsidised by that sort of thing? Your comment is just a bit ironic. Mumsnet isn't a government service that should be free, it's a private business that needs to make money.

When I see someone being nasty, I take note of the username. Then when I see those same people being nasty on other threads, I make a point of ignoring them. A lot of the not so nice users I've come across don't change their usernames.

@Mumtumwobble if EKL happened right now you’d have

• why are you specifying her race op
• you let someone you don’t know into your garden
• you need to grow a pair op and tell her to fuck off

@Chocaholic9 I’ve started to do that... there are some who you can quite easily spot even if they name change.

Mumsnet isn't a government service that should be free, it's a private business that needs to make money.

There are more ethical ways to make money than running a website where vulnerable posters are frequently bullied, ridiculed and picked on - and that's at the mild end of the spectrum of nastiness here.

People are rude and obnoxious on here because they know that their shit wouldn't be tolerated in real life and they can act like a bitch in a cowardly fashion behind an anonymous platform without any repercussions. Maybe better allowing the vipers to spew their bile here and get all their frustrations out rather than them slithering out in real life and being dicks to folk face to face.

@Roussette

it's like listening in to an argument in a pub.

You're not wrong there!

... or watching an episode of EastEnders.

Not this shit again. YABU OP.

The DM is a souce of much more problems here. Ever since they started lifting stuff from here, especially on Megan Markle, the raging racists migrated here and the racism on here has got completely out of hand.

@Rumbledstitlskin

Mumsnet isn't a government service that should be free, it's a private business that needs to make money.

There are more ethical ways to make money than running a website where vulnerable posters are frequently bullied, ridiculed and picked on - and that's at the mild end of the spectrum of nastiness here.

I've had some really good advice here.

I was picked on too by a couple of posters but by and large I have got a lot out of this site. So personally I don't mind if they bring the begging bowl out, no one is forcing us to pay, you can keep on using it for free.

@AwaAnBileYerHeid

People are rude and obnoxious on here because they know that their shit wouldn't be tolerated in real life and they can act like a bitch in a cowardly fashion behind an anonymous platform without any repercussions. Maybe better allowing the vipers to spew their bile here and get all their frustrations out rather than them slithering out in real life and being dicks to folk face to face.

Lol, my what an eloquent and image conjuring post! It rather pleased my linguistic faculties!! It's not the openly abrasive that I take umbrage to. Those I can deal with. It's the slithering slimy followers of Chief Bitch on threads that I have a problem with, as their modus operandi is to chime in with Hear Hear behind Chief Bitch, thus evading capture.

I agree. My posts sometimes come across as strong, but if you actually heard me say it and speak it you wouldn’t think I was being like that. Sometimes not hearing tone doesn’t help.

When you post and other people are ‘strong’ towards you it’s easy to take it personally I think, but you shouldn’t, it’s just mumsnet

They get to use my content, so it's quid pro quo. They don't need a subscription service. Not something I would pay for really. Maybe a token sign up amount like £3 or something, but not a monthly subscription.

I often wonder how many people on Mumsnet are actually mums and how many are 15 year old boys trolling.

I'm actually amazed that so many people are surprised about the bullying and racism on here as if it's a new thing.

There's been a culture of it in some parts of the forum for a long time. There are posters who think it's absolutely fine to say anything they like to and about certain people and seem to think it's not rude if they don't swear, but allowing the dehumanisation and 'othering' of certain groups is just as dangerous as straightforward abuse.

Mumsnet have been allowing people to dehumanise older people, working class people, transgender people, sex workers and I'm sure many other groups for a long time. When this is allowed it not only emboldens those posters to become more direct with their intolerance, but leaves the door wide open to other forms of hatred (often from the same people) like racism and far right views.

I've repeatedly asked mumsnet for their policy on dealing with abuse of marginalised groups and have been repeatedly fobbed off and patronised so I'd wager that the people in charge have at least some views in common with these posters.

15 year olds have better things to be doing I'd say than reading a bunch of women discussing shit.

I have been here for a long time but I am very cautious about the threads I post on. The cancer support thread is amazing and supportive and helpful and, in my view, an example of the very best of the internet. Other threads seem to be just opportunities to be unpleasant or to disagree with people for the sake of it. I use the internet and sites like this for relaxation and amusement not for being unpleasant to people or have them be unpleasant to me. Easy enough to find that in real life.

@Rumbledstitlskin

They get to use my content, so it's quid pro quo. They don't need a subscription service. Not something I would pay for really. Maybe a token sign up amount like £3 or something, but not a monthly subscription.

And you don't have to pay. It's entirely voluntary.

I never said it wasn't BIWI.

@FeminismIsForALLWomen

I'm actually amazed that so many people are surprised about the bullying and racism on here as if it's a new thing.

There's been a culture of it in some parts of the forum for a long time. There are posters who think it's absolutely fine to say anything they like to and about certain people and seem to think it's not rude if they don't swear, but allowing the dehumanisation and 'othering' of certain groups is just as dangerous as straightforward abuse.

Mumsnet have been allowing people to dehumanise older people, working class people, transgender people, sex workers and I'm sure many other groups for a long time. When this is allowed it not only emboldens those posters to become more direct with their intolerance, but leaves the door wide open to other forms of hatred (often from the same people) like racism and far right views.

I've repeatedly asked mumsnet for their policy on dealing with abuse of marginalised groups and have been repeatedly fobbed off and patronised so I'd wager that the people in charge have at least some views in common with these posters.

Mumsnet HQ I think don't believe that trans women are really women, which enables the women on here to speak without being censored about that issue.

As for sex workers, I think women are ruder about the people who use sex workers, but not as rude about sex workers

*I should say, women on here.

As for sex workers, I think women are ruder about the people who use sex workers, but not as rude about sex workers

I used to be a sex worker and I can tell you that women who constantly talk down to us, tell us we don't know our own minds, tell us we can't consent and tell us we are damaging to all women despite knowing nothing about us is just as damaging, if not more so, than insults. There are women here who say they support sex workers but insist on doing all of these things and refer to us by terms we find degrading. That, along with the blatant misinformation, dehumanises and infantilises us and people keep on doing it despite being told this.

I would hope that if any other marginalised group told you something was insulting to them you would listen.

Ignoring this sort of abuse of marginalised people has left the door open, and the now blatant racism, bullying, far right, covid denying mess is the result of allowing whole groups of people to be 'othered'.

@FeminismIsForALLWomen

As for sex workers, I think women are ruder about the people who use sex workers, but not as rude about sex workers

I used to be a sex worker and I can tell you that women who constantly talk down to us, tell us we don't know our own minds, tell us we can't consent and tell us we are damaging to all women despite knowing nothing about us is just as damaging, if not more so, than insults. There are women here who say they support sex workers but insist on doing all of these things and refer to us by terms we find degrading. That, along with the blatant misinformation, dehumanises and infantilises us and people keep on doing it despite being told this.

I would hope that if any other marginalised group told you something was insulting to them you would listen.

Ignoring this sort of abuse of marginalised people has left the door open, and the now blatant racism, bullying, far right, covid denying mess is the result of allowing whole groups of people to be 'othered'.

Thing is though, that as one former sex worker, you cannot speak for the whole community, only for yourself.