Losing faith in Mumsnet?

[TheWho67]

People post for validation or genuine comprehension over an issue.
Replies go either way, agree or disagree, sometimes quite strongly. I've seen a lot of posts were OP has been flamed and wished they had never posted. I've been there, under a different name. I've asked Mumsnet to have more moderators, to keep things on track but I guess that wont happen. I've seen a few posts get mentioned on DM recently and think, thank god that wasn't me! Some posts get quite out of hand and once one negative post starts, other pile on.
YANBU - to think people should stick to the question asked and not unpick every single thing.
YABU - people will naturally be critical because it's on-line and not face to face and why post on a public forum if you can't handle it.

Mumsnet has its issues - because literally every online space does - but the description you just posted is bizarrely OTT and probably defamatory from a legal POV.

If you want to set up a forum with a very narrow ideological platform which people have to sign up to in advance, then go start that forum. But having been in those forums in the past, my experience is that they turn very extreme very quickly

@Seventybillionnamechanges sadly I think you’re probably right.

[quote Mumtumwobble]@wigglerose you’re absolutely right. We need the days of ‘fat balls’, ‘little Korean lady’ and ‘your minge’. Those were laugh out loud funny. The last really funny thread I can remember was a parking one where the OP put a giant Olaf outside as a parking warden 😂. Wish there was more of those sorts of threads.[/quote]
The minge was at least believable.
The other two? Never.

Really? What I find depressing are the number of women on MN who will defend horrible/inappropriate/misogynistic behaviour by men. It sometimes feels as if feminism has never happened

Agree although of course we never know for sure if a poster is female and we do know the place gets attacked constantly by MRA/F4J activists.

For something to be defamatory it has to be untrue. What or whose description are you referring to SomewhereEast

[quote Seventybillionnamechanges]@Mumtumwobble if EKL happened right now you’d have

• why are you specifying her race op
• you let someone you don’t know into your garden
• you need to grow a pair op and tell her to fuck off[/quote]

Actually, there was so much thinly veiled racism on the thread, it is often still called out.

MN no longer exists as a place of support for parents - it’s just entertainment now, right?

C8H10N4O2 I've no issue with male posters posting whatever their views, once they're not nasty bastards.

@TheSeedsOfADream I haven’t read it for years but recall is being a very nice, very restful thread. I’ve also never seen anyone call it out either.

C8H10N4O2 I've no issue with male posters posting whatever their views, once they're not nasty bastards

I haven't said otherwise. However presenting or posing as female and posting misogynist views is a common tactic. I never take the sex of a poster for granted, especially if its a name I haven't seen posting over a prolonged period.

Thing is though, that as one former sex worker, you cannot speak for the whole community, only for yourself

I've no idea why you think I'm trying to speak for an entire community, especially such a diverse one. Many, many, many sex workers have experienced this on mumsnet, but even if they hadn't it doesn't make the behaviour ok, and it doesn't mean you shouldn't listen when it's pointed out to you.

Some people on here are so judgemental I get upset on behalf of OPs sometimes!

People need to remember that having kids is HARD, and being in relationships is HARD, and reading a thread gives you the benefit of seeing everything in black and white - but when you're in the middle of a situation, with lots of other things going on around you, it's very different.

It makes me feel less of a person sometimes, like everyone else is perfect and has their shit together other than me. Relationships threads with calls of 'LEAVE HIM!' like it's that simple. All the stepparent flaming - like they have to treat your kids like one of their own, but god help them if they DARE to dole out discipline. Double standards I think.

I'm far from perfect. Very far in fact. But what I do try and do is be honest in posts about what I think, and let people know if I have experiences that are similar. What I won't do is tell people they're bad parents, bad partners, bad people etc .. as that doesn't help anyone.

@barskits

The humour and the wit has gone out of the place, certainly. I can't remember the last time there was a genuinely funny thread on here.

It is also really frustrating to start reading a thread from someone asking for support, and to see fairly near the beginning, the start of a bitch-fest pile-on. It's almost as if as soon as one person starts, loads of others think it is all right to give the OP a kicking as well. Nasty.

I totally agree with barskits and think that about sums it up really. It's a shame. I know there are genuinely supportive long-running threads on here that cover 'specific' subject areas, and admittedly I haven't been on the any of the early years threads for a long time (where I assume there are others still willing to share advice in a kind way) but I think you would have to be pretty brave to share a serious 'general' problem on here now as (a) you risk being torn down and berated for having the problem in the first place at a time when you are already feeling crap and (b) your problem might end up as Daily Fail fodder.

@LindaEllen
I love your post

Yes, great post LindaEllen

@BiBabbles

As pps have said, I'm not sure why one would have faith in an internet forum.

Especially not when regularly there are goady threads that call most women naïve if they believe their male partners, that the UK's education system has low standards, or similar and then posts in say shite about how everyone is being too defensive and they just wanted to have an interesting conversation/ask a question on whatever topic. And then there is the convenient dripfeeding or just outright fakes, but people can only respond to what's written and their own experiences of similar posts they've seen.

There are overly harsh responses, but whether the person actually believes what they're saying is also up for debate (same with the regrets). This can be true in person, though rarely against the amount of people as in an internet forum.

That was one of my threads you refer to. Was not intended to be goady but bloody hell it turned into a right pile on. There was a complete lack of irony from people who said I was making a judgment about people I’d never met whilst simultaneously calling me a rapist, misogynist, abusive c*nt with a pathetic life. I’m not easily shocked but it was clear people were commenting just to say something downright vile about me. By all means disagree with me but not liking what I say does not give anyone the right to make deeply offensive comments and post blatant homophobia

Still, I’m fairly sure the worst of the commenters only have AIBU in their lives. I see some of the more vitriolic posters commenting all the time and I wonder if they have lives beyond being angry on here

@Wearywithteens

“Mumsnet HQ I think don't believe that trans women are really women, which enables the women on here to speak without being censored about that issue.”

Ok I’ll bite. That is a legitimate and perfectly lawful viewpoint LadyH846 - why should it be censored?

I'll bite too. Homophobia was perfectly legal until it was illegal. A lot of us feel that denying transwomen the right to define themselves as women is transphobic/trans-hating.

I have a list of abusive posters (yeah, a bit sad) but with a bit of detective work have found out that they are generally nasty to most posters, are hypocritical and don't start threads themselves.
I know this is a public forum but when there are so many categories and separate threads, it's easy to think it fairly anonymous and that only people with experience or empathy for the situation would post.

I really felt for the poster who was heavily pregnant and wanted advice about whether to confess to an affair years previously. The DM printed it (on-line) word for word and a few replies. Not once did they add anything of value, not even a reply from the agony aunt. That's just cheap journalism, what's the value?

Anyway, I for one wont be starting any new threads on 'personal' topics anytime soon.

Online journalism has evolved into quick turnaround articles. If you want the in-depth old style argument, buy the printed paper or subscribe to the articles behind a firewall. The online journalists have to come up with click bait. Some people like it.

It's like Eastenders or the History Channel I suppose.

Should read: If you want the in-depth old style articles, buy the printed paper or subscribe to the articles behind a paywall.
I've been having brain farts today.

@Rumbledstitlskin

Well wearywithteens, I feel sorry for you too, that your mind is so closed to the suffering of others that you think exceptions make for good law. I feel sorry for the fear and hatred that eats up your soul.

Isn’t this an example of what the OP is talking about. Regardless of your views on the subject this thread is now likely to end up in another pile on about an unrelated subject.

I know it’s an Internet thing in general but on Mumsnet there’s a definite culture of players being unable to let a comment be, everything can and must be challenged and if you can make it personal, all the better

@Rumbledstitlskin

A lot of us feel that denying transwomen the right to define themselves as women is transphobic/trans-hating.

And a lot of us don't. But thanks to Mumsnet there is still a place where we can debate this issue and its implications.