Boyfriend thinks I am not ambitious.

[ambioussssssssss]

I am 25. I have been to university studying a degree related to animals. I hope to go on to do a postgraduate degree in something more technical in around two years time. I just want to make sure I know what I want to do.
I find there are not really much jobs about working with animals in my area and if there are, they get tons of applications.

Before university, I had a part-time job as a receptionist.
After struggling to find a job related to animals, I have decided to go back to receptionist work but I have only been able to find work through an agency (I don't know if this is because of coronavirus or if receptionist jobs are usually hard to get?).

The past 2 weeks, I have had quite a bit of work, but today I didn't get a call.
I phoned boyfriend, who has a contracted job which is relatively well-paid and he didn't go to uni, he did an apprenticeship once he left school and has made his way up in his company. I told him that I am feeling anxious about the work situation and I am not loving zero-hour contract/temporary work and I hate the inconsistency of it.
He asked if I was still applying for jobs and I said yes (as I am). I have an interview in 2 weeks, which I feel nervous but excited about. Even if I don't get it, it's nice to get an interview.

However, I was a bit struck back by what he said. He told me he understood how rubbish agency work is and said that I must lack ambition as if I really tried hard enough, I would have a full-time job by now. I debated him with this and said it's easy for him to say in the job he has about how 'easy' it is to find a job if you have the drive.

His reasoning for saying this was that he hasn't been out of work since leaving school because he has the drive and motivation.
I don't understand why he doesn't see the ambition in me?
I left school, I worked part-time. I went to uni. I got a first-class degree. Yes if I could go back in time I would probably choose a different degree in terms of career prospects but being young, I chose what I would enjoy. But I can't think like that as it is done.

I am not on agency work and hoping to do further studies within a couple of years. But I don't want to rush into it and make a mistake.

I feel he's embarrassed by my job. When people ask what I am doing now I have left uni and I say I am doing agency work as I am finding the job market quite tough, I feel he cringes.

I'm feeling really down now. Like my life is going nowhere and that it's my fault.

Also, can I just add -
I think he may be feeling and saying I lack ambition, because he has his deposit ready for a house which he wants to sort out next year.
I have a few thousand saved from my part-time jobs, but nowhere near what I need for a house deposit.
I feel like I'm holding him back.

What post grad qualifications will lead to a career working with animals?

I think you lack direction as opposed to ambition but can see why he’d think that it was ambition, as it could be, you’re 25 and on a zero hours contract doing reception work with no real idea of what you wish to do, other than a vague uni in a couple of years.

Also if you’re 25 now, how old were you when you finished uni? Did you only graduate this year?

The problem is you probably started out with an ambition to work with animals and then realised this was not realistic for you. So that really put a dampener on your ambition all round. So you need to take a step back and reassess what's important to you and how to get there. Then you will probably have more confidence to work towards your goals.

KetoPenguin That's it. When I started uni years ago, I was set on working with animals. I enjoyed my time at uni but I would 100% change course if I could go back in time.
I am hoping to do a Masters at some point but I don't want to make the same mistake again of rushing.
I wasn't expecting the job market to be so tough as I walked into my part-time job easily years ago.

I finished uni this year

Just to add it sounds like your boyfriend's ambitions are more status and money orientated and he wants conventional success, but that might not be for you. What do you really want? Maybe you want a fulfilling, worthwhile career and are not so interested in money. Think it over.

@KetoPenguin We have spoke about this loads. He wants to make as much money as possible and have a mortgage on a house next year.
My goal in life is not about money but I want consistency and a steady income and to be happy in my job.
I love him to pieces and I don't want to come across as though I lack ambition

Rather than a change in career, I feel that perhaps a change of boyfriend might be in order. He's belittling you.

It’s does sound like you lack ambition because you aren’t sure what you want to do ... which is totally fine! The job market it hard enough so If you have a job stick with it whilst perhaps researching abit more what you want to do and how you can get there

I wouldn't choose my life to be this way. I am looking for jobs.
I am thinking about doing a masters in something related to children, or maybe joining a TA agency to get some school experience to go on to do a PGCE.
But I don't want to rush. I need to rack up experience. But it's all bad timing with coronavirus.

@ForTheLoveOfCatFood maybe I do come across that I lack ambition but I do want to do well in life and have a consistent job doing something I love. I just need to get my foot in the door of what I want to do.

But if I join a TA agency, am I still going to come across as lacking ambition because it's an agency?

You're so young OP. Do what you love and enjoy yourself! 25 is a baby! No need to be whacking yourself to a mortgage and a man whatsoever

@ambioussssssssss

But if I join a TA agency, am I still going to come across as lacking ambition because it's an agency?

If you want to earn enough to have a house deposit, then joining a TA agency isn’t going to get you very far, no.

The harsh reality is that first-class degrees are not what they were and I'm guessing that a degree 'related to animals' is not a veterinary degree and not from a first-class university. As you say, that's done. But while you're letting your 20s roll past because you don't want to rush it, and you're waiting for a perfect job that probably doesn't exist, those with more drive are moving up the career ladder. You don't need a post-grad degree; you do need to get up and get moving.

am I still going to come across as lacking ambition because it's an agency?

To whom? And why do you care?

@Lollyneenah I'm just feeling so much pressure atm. I really feel like crying about how things have turned out. There's so much options. I'd love to work with children but I need to rack up experience for this.
And then the other part of my brain thinks I am quite good at ICT so maybe look into more technical courses.

The pressure that he wants a mortgage next year is getting to me too. I can't afford that right now. I feel lost and stressed.

I think it’s so wise not rush into things. I rushed into a post grad degree and while I enjoyed parts of it, in terms of career it got me nowhere. I probably would have been in a better position salary wise and pension wise if I’d have not done it. But like you say no point dwelling, it’s about what you do going forward.

I would really think hard about the transferable skills you have picked up and think outside the box a bit in terms of what you want to do. Maybe look around at graduate schemes? There are some cool ones about. And often it doesn’t matter what your degree was in.

But most importantly stick to your principles as if deep down you know you want a satisfying job rather than lots of money and ‘status’, then don’t just get on a high paying career stream to please someone else. This is your life. You do things that will make you happy. If he loves you he will support you and encourage you and help you find a direction. Not just judge and criticise.

I don’t think you lack ambition. Your ambition is to work with animals. You have found that a bachelor degree isn’t enough to achieve this.
That getting a masters will improve your chances.

So what are you waiting for? I don’t understand your “don’t want to rush” you are 25. Many people finish their doctorates at 25. Why did you give up on your ambition and go back to what you did before university?

Your boyfriend is a bit too smug though. A full time job is his ambition and he got it easily, so easily that he doesn’t even recognise how lucky he has been.

You’ve not been as lucky as he, graduating in the midst of a pandemic that is currently putting millions of people out of work. The truth is the job market is terrible now. So, if I were in your shoes, I’d get back on track and pursue your original ambition to work with animals. Go back to university, get that post graduate degree.

Maybe volunteer at an animal charity in spare time to get that working with animals experience.

Ambition literally means an earnest desire for achievement in some field.

Since you don’t know what field you can’t possibly have an earnest desire for it.

No issue with that - you’re 25 - but it sounds like you and your boyfriend are out of synch.

What are your ambitions?

Not a vague “I want a job I’m happy in” but what do you actually want to do?

When you say a Masters in something to fo with children, what is that “something”?

He should supporting you regardless it’s not a competition. Jobs/ careers are so different just because he has fallen on his feet is irrelevant.

It sounds like you had a plan and have had a bit of knock, you just need to find you knew plan but that takes time - lacking ambition and not having a clear direction are two different things but easily mixed up by an outsider

When you say
'Work with animals'
What is it that you want to do?

You do know how little a TA earns?
You sound like you're looking for the perfect job with animals.
Is your degree veterinary? If so , there's plenty of opportunities. Or is your job very specific?

You and your boyfriend sound like you're both singing from different hymn sheets, with regard to your trajectories.