Boyfriend thinks I am not ambitious.

[ambioussssssssss]

I am 25. I have been to university studying a degree related to animals. I hope to go on to do a postgraduate degree in something more technical in around two years time. I just want to make sure I know what I want to do.
I find there are not really much jobs about working with animals in my area and if there are, they get tons of applications.

Before university, I had a part-time job as a receptionist.
After struggling to find a job related to animals, I have decided to go back to receptionist work but I have only been able to find work through an agency (I don't know if this is because of coronavirus or if receptionist jobs are usually hard to get?).

The past 2 weeks, I have had quite a bit of work, but today I didn't get a call.
I phoned boyfriend, who has a contracted job which is relatively well-paid and he didn't go to uni, he did an apprenticeship once he left school and has made his way up in his company. I told him that I am feeling anxious about the work situation and I am not loving zero-hour contract/temporary work and I hate the inconsistency of it.
He asked if I was still applying for jobs and I said yes (as I am). I have an interview in 2 weeks, which I feel nervous but excited about. Even if I don't get it, it's nice to get an interview.

However, I was a bit struck back by what he said. He told me he understood how rubbish agency work is and said that I must lack ambition as if I really tried hard enough, I would have a full-time job by now. I debated him with this and said it's easy for him to say in the job he has about how 'easy' it is to find a job if you have the drive.

His reasoning for saying this was that he hasn't been out of work since leaving school because he has the drive and motivation.
I don't understand why he doesn't see the ambition in me?
I left school, I worked part-time. I went to uni. I got a first-class degree. Yes if I could go back in time I would probably choose a different degree in terms of career prospects but being young, I chose what I would enjoy. But I can't think like that as it is done.

I am not on agency work and hoping to do further studies within a couple of years. But I don't want to rush into it and make a mistake.

I feel he's embarrassed by my job. When people ask what I am doing now I have left uni and I say I am doing agency work as I am finding the job market quite tough, I feel he cringes.

I'm feeling really down now. Like my life is going nowhere and that it's my fault.

bookmum08

The thread got weird when you started banging on about explaining road kill to children.

OP, I’m struggling to understand how you can have gone from loving your degree and graduating with a first a few months ago to not wanting to work at all as a vet nurse.

You mention not having a “passion” for it, yet you are content to work as a temp receptionist which, presumably, you don’t have any passion for. Why not take a job as a vet nurse and see how it pans out? There must be some elements that appeal to you and the reality may be very different to how you imagine the job to be. But at least you will have given it a good go. You also say that there are not many jobs in your area- but what is tying you to a particular area? Just your boyfriend? I reckon vets are going to a growth business with so many people having got pets over lockdown!

Dillion no actually I had been trying to give ideas for volunteer work as I was under the impression that the OP was working 'part time'. I got a bit angry and annoyed that it appeared to be that many on here seemed to consider the idea terrible because the boyfriend would be 'funding' it.
It is well known that volunteer work can give people confidence, skills, discovery of a passion they weren't aware of before and pride.
That is one version of ambition. Having a career is another ambition.
Having a steady non exciting 9 - 5 job and having something in your non work life that's more important is ambition.
But it seems in mumsnet world the only ambition anyone should have is to have a 'career' and be 'financially independent' and never rely on anyone else for emotional support.
My comments on what 'charity' work may be did get a bit extreme. I think I apologised for that. If not I apologise again.
They thing about 'road kill' was a throwaway comment relating to the idea that she's wanted to work with animals and all I was doing was pointing out what some animal related charities there are. Especially as some people made witty comments about the boyfriend "paying for her to play with fluffy kittens" or words to that effect.
I only wanted to help.

Why don’t you set up your own business? Dog walking, pet sitting, dog daycare etc etc? Your animal-related degree will be of interest to potential clients. If you charge £10 for a walk, and walk three dogs then that’s £30 an hour which is more than you’ll get as a receptionist. These areas are now increasingly regulated (dog daycare is very tightly controlled) but you could certainly investigate where there’s a gap in the market in your area. My self-employed sports masseuse knows somebody who specialises in canine massage and charges £50 an hour!!!

But it seems in mumsnet world the only ambition anyone should have is to have a 'career' and be 'financially independent' and never rely on anyone else for emotional support

This is just nonsense and I suspect just spiteful petty posting.

I’m sure you knew what was said was it is expected people work and pay their own bills. With no reference to emotional support or a career v a job. But yes, of course we should aim to be financially independent at twenty five and with no kids, we should not be aiming to find someone to fund us, be it parents, partner or benefits.

Honestly I think we all understand you don’t work. For a number of reasons. Your husband financially supports you. That’s great. Honestly that’s fabulous for you. Seriously we get it. We are all pleased for you.

However this is not about you. It is about a twenty five year old woman and her lack of direction.

Bluntness (and all the others) you know what. You can all just shove off. I know this isn't my thread (apologies OP for how it went) but I was so upset last night that I ended up in tears because I had essentially been called a female cocklodger and made me feel that the last 12 years of my life have been pointless and worthless because I don't have a 'wage' even though I do a lot that contributes to society and my family.
Thanks a lot for that. Thanks a bloody lot.

You weren't though. 🤷🏻 You seriously weren't. You just decided you were for some reason. People kept repeating it's nkt the same scenario at all.

And I have to say that if you end up crying because you think this was said about you when it wasn't, you really need to speak to someone and look at your situation, because you obviously aren't happy with something.

@bookmum08

Bluntness (and all the others) you know what. You can all just shove off. I know this isn't my thread (apologies OP for how it went) but I was so upset last night that I ended up in tears because I had essentially been called a female cocklodger and made me feel that the last 12 years of my life have been pointless and worthless because I don't have a 'wage' even though I do a lot that contributes to society and my family. Thanks a lot for that. Thanks a bloody lot.

You’re one of the most narcissistic people I’ve encountered on this site for quite some time.

This thread isn’t about you.

The OP’s situation is not the same as yours.

Nobody has said many of the things you’ve attributed to them. The term “female cocklodger” was not used on this thread, except by you.

Advice given to the OP was not intended for you.

I’m beginning to see why work wasn’t something you found yourself compatible with.

If you must know I have had (and are currently getting) a lot of help with my situation. Covid hasn't helped which has made some stuff not go to plan. That's out of my control. All I bloody said from the START was that the OP needs to find out if her and the boyfriend are actually heading in the same direction and want the same type of life - together as a unit. Geez. That's not a complicated thing to suggest. And then I suggested volunteer work as a way of trying things out (and that was when I was under the impression the OP was working part time - not full time). Again not a shocking suggestion.
Maybe I lost the plot somewhere along the way. But I have apologized several times.
I don't know what else I can say. It's such a shame this thread turned out how it did. My only intention was to help. God I wish someone had been available when I was 25 to give me advice.
I really don't know what I have said and done wrong. Really I don't and this is upsetting me again.

EXCUSE ME. I NEVER said cocklodger first.
Maybe I did 'make it about me' but how the bloody hell are people meant to give ADVICE if they can't share experiences.
Seriously. Answer me that.

AND I DO WORK. I DO A LOT THAT HELPS SOCIETY. JUST DON'T EARN A WAGE FOR IT.

The OP just reminded me of how I felt at 25.
I just wanted to help her.

And I am probably the completely opposite of narcissistic. I am generally quiet and not that confident. I joined mumsnet to get some advice originally. I then evolved to trying to offer advice and experiences to others.
I have hadn't enough of you middle class snobs.
Fuck the lot of you.
OP take care. Live your life in a way that makes your happy. Good Luck.

@bookmum08 this thread is obviously making you really stressed and unwell, I think it would be best for you to step back and not keep spiralling. That's a healthier thing to do than continue to spiral, throw insults and judgements around and then say "fuck the lot of you".

Fuck the lot of you

You’re such a lovely person.

Can MNHQ hide the thread for Bookmum? It's obviously needed for her wellbeing. I would say lock it, because everything has been said, but the re reading could be tempting and further upsetting👀

OP - haven't read many of the 15 pages of PP (just 4 pages)! Just a thought - if you went into a good children's day care centre to work you would get experience and could qualify in that field studying part time. Later you might own a day care centre yourself as a business. I think they do well financially; can be big or small etc. There are more financial opportunities in day care for children than in teaching IMHO. You might get a loan to start a day care business. You would be your own boss. OR - same thing regarding working at a vets' - take further qualifications part time and get experience and maybe later be a part owner of a surgery? Doing agency receptionist work may not lead to much.

Bookmum you really should stay off this thread—nobody is talking about you, nobody insulted your life. You’re clearly getting very distressed and I don’t doubt your genuine emotion, but this thread is not about you, and comments about the OP’s situation are not relevant to you.

Take care of yourself and speak to someone? There is clearly something going on in your life, I don’t believe anyone here wishes anything badly on you but you are lashing out in a really irrational way.

Book mum just hide this, when people say it is not about you, you have not understood that that means the comments made to the op were not relevant to you.

Your situations are not the same, as we tried to explain, No one called you the things you suggest, or even insinuated it. You’ve taken the comments being made to the op and thought they were meant for you too. They were not.

That’s what people meant when they said the thread wasn’t about you and kept saying it was different for a 25 year old with no kids.

Just hide the thread. And maybe speak to your gp about getting some further help,

Good luck 💐

Reading the thread people have been really quite condescending and nasty to bookmum. Quite a horrible thread to read really, feels like gang mentality and low and behind a usual mean poster just loves to stick the boot in.
@bookmum08 I think you should hide the thread, I didn’t get the impression you was making it about you, you were only engaging with other people who had tagged you and were responding to your posts. It’s quite clear to me you were happy to turn the convo back onto the OP after it went a little in the wrong direction but other posters kept going and on and on about you. I really hope you’re okay after all the comments because some were really mean and patronising. Take care.

@Palavah

Focus on what you do want to do - are you moving towards your goal/dream? There are fields which are not easy to get paid full-time work in straight away - you have to build up relevant experience and sometimes further study. But the sooner you start, the sooner you'll get there.

I cant work out whether you gave up on your dream of being a vet nurse because it was hard to get a job as one after you graduated? Or for another reason? If it's the former you need to give your head a wobble.

OP I am with @Palavah that it is not clear why you abandoned your original plan to be a vet nurse. Is it because you found it was hard to get a job after you graduated or because the reality of doing the job is rather different what you thought the job would be like?

Most (if not all) 18 years old do not have a realistic idea of what would be like working in their chosen professions (I know I did not)

Examples:
Writers/Journalists do not spend their days daydreaming/chasing stories, number of hours are spent rewriting their work again and again, late at night.
Doctors suffer permanent lack of sleep
Paramedics sometimes receive verbal abuse from patients
Most architects do not spend their working life designing cool and interesting buildings but bog down standard office buildings/houses.
I do not know any vet nurse but I strongly suspect only small part of their jobs are satisfying & interesting. Rest of it, like most jobs are hard work, boring, stressful and necessary.

This is a pure speculation so may not apply to you OP but worth considering as I sense you are a young 25 and still hold a rather idealistic (rosy?) vision of a perfect job. A brilliant job that make you happy and you love wholeheartedly.

@CheetasOnFajitas

OP, I’m struggling to understand how you can have gone from loving your degree and graduating with a first a few months ago to not wanting to work at all as a vet nurse.

You mention not having a “passion” for it, yet you are content to work as a temp receptionist which, presumably, you don’t have any passion for. Why not take a job as a vet nurse and see how it pans out? There must be some elements that appeal to you and the reality may be very different to how you imagine the job to be. But at least you will have given it a good go. You also say that there are not many jobs in your area- but what is tying you to a particular area? Just your boyfriend? I reckon vets are going to a growth business with so many people having got pets over lockdown!

@CheetasOnFajitas made number of valid points, this one particularly:

You mention not having a “passion” for it, yet you are content to work as a temp receptionist which, presumably, you don’t have any passion for