Boyfriend thinks I am not ambitious.

[ambioussssssssss]

I am 25. I have been to university studying a degree related to animals. I hope to go on to do a postgraduate degree in something more technical in around two years time. I just want to make sure I know what I want to do.
I find there are not really much jobs about working with animals in my area and if there are, they get tons of applications.

Before university, I had a part-time job as a receptionist.
After struggling to find a job related to animals, I have decided to go back to receptionist work but I have only been able to find work through an agency (I don't know if this is because of coronavirus or if receptionist jobs are usually hard to get?).

The past 2 weeks, I have had quite a bit of work, but today I didn't get a call.
I phoned boyfriend, who has a contracted job which is relatively well-paid and he didn't go to uni, he did an apprenticeship once he left school and has made his way up in his company. I told him that I am feeling anxious about the work situation and I am not loving zero-hour contract/temporary work and I hate the inconsistency of it.
He asked if I was still applying for jobs and I said yes (as I am). I have an interview in 2 weeks, which I feel nervous but excited about. Even if I don't get it, it's nice to get an interview.

However, I was a bit struck back by what he said. He told me he understood how rubbish agency work is and said that I must lack ambition as if I really tried hard enough, I would have a full-time job by now. I debated him with this and said it's easy for him to say in the job he has about how 'easy' it is to find a job if you have the drive.

His reasoning for saying this was that he hasn't been out of work since leaving school because he has the drive and motivation.
I don't understand why he doesn't see the ambition in me?
I left school, I worked part-time. I went to uni. I got a first-class degree. Yes if I could go back in time I would probably choose a different degree in terms of career prospects but being young, I chose what I would enjoy. But I can't think like that as it is done.

I am not on agency work and hoping to do further studies within a couple of years. But I don't want to rush into it and make a mistake.

I feel he's embarrassed by my job. When people ask what I am doing now I have left uni and I say I am doing agency work as I am finding the job market quite tough, I feel he cringes.

I'm feeling really down now. Like my life is going nowhere and that it's my fault.

I'm so glad I posted this as you have all got me thinking.
I chose to study animals as I just loved animals. When I was 18, I wanted to be a veterinary nurse. Over time, I just found this wasn't the career for me.
I would love to look into teaching but in order to get onto a PGCE, I'll need to work within schools which is why I think the TA agencies seem idea and maybe I can do receptionist work alongside it.

I know how little TAs earn but my goal is not to be a TA forever, but I think it'd be a great experience to see what the world of teaching is like and then hopefully apply for a PGCE.
I would happily have a low wage if it means finding something I enjoy and can go on to be a teacher.

Yes my boyfriend and I are quite different in terms of our ethics and goals, but we do get on really well but I think he has issue with my work.

Don’t beat yourself up. You only graduated this year and then came out slap bang into the middle of the worst jobs market for years due to this. If you want to explore teaching through being a TA first then do so. Don’t let your boyfriend hold you back. If he keeps having a dig, bin him off. You are 25. Plenty of time for all that mortgage etc.

So how old were you when you started this degree?

You seem to be quite indecisive and jumping about careers trying to find the perfect one (from my experience there isn’t one). By doing this though you’re not actually getting anywhere. You need to decide what you want to do and make moves to get it- don’t back down if there’s an element you don’t like, move up the ranks so that you don’t have to do that bit anymore. Temp work until you maybe do a masters is just treading water- you will blink and you’ll be in your 30s with just lots of little jobs behind you.

Of course this is only my advice- I am motivated by money. I’m in a job I love now but I have done a hell of a lot of ones I didn’t to get here.

Your boyfriend is a dick. I would be looking for a new boyfriend rather than worrying about ambition!

You finished uni this year, give yourself a break. Nobody I know went straight into a graduate job. I was one of the first to get into a graduate job and I started in October after finishing uni in the June. Some of my friends picked up their jobs from before uni again. A friend was working at a shop for two years. She’s since worked out what she wants to do and made some great strides in her career. On the other hand, I have a career and have lost my sense of direction so need to work out what to do next.

Fundamentally though, you seem to be on different wavelengths. You want a job that you love, which is fine but might not make loads of money. He wants lots of money. If you stay with him, he’s always going to be pushing for you to go into something bigger, something ‘more worthy’. So you either ignore him and feel like a constant failure or you pay attention to him and get a job you hate and then he pushes you for the next promotion.

He sounds like my dad. When I got my graduate job, in a field related to my degree and very soon after my degree, my dad said I needed a ‘proper’ job because it was a contract and through an agency. That organisation wanted me to apply to a permanent job, they asked me several times and I turned them down, my next job was civil service, fixed term role. I still needed a proper job. I also needed to stop holding DH back (I was actually earning more than DH at that point). I completed my masters part time, while working full time. My dad said it was a hobby, he asked what my very relevant and emerging thesis had to do with the real world and how it would help me. Next job was non-profit - definitely need a proper job now. Now I’m in a more corporate environment, not earning as much as I could but a technical specialist in my area. My dad still refers to me moving so I can make a decent wage. He still asks if I’d not like to use my skills in x area because I’d ‘be worth my weight in gold’. My little brother got a ‘proper’ graduate job straight away, already earning more than I do and that is held over me as evidence of my failure. My dad won’t change but I see him infrequently so I shrug and continue to do what works for me. Your boyfriend won’t change either and you’ll be seeing him everyday.

I think you lack ambition too. An animal related degree that doesn't lend itself to any kind of career path is either a pipe dream, stalling for time or a hobby.

Hi OP—I’m around the same age as you, and I have some friends in a similar position. When you don’t know what you want as an endpoint, I think it’s really easy to put off making any decisions, then years can pass quickly and you’re still none the wiser.

If you don’t know what to do, then try lots of different things, speak to a career councillor, try to get help at identifying a path for you. It doesn’t need to be something high stress and scary but it would be good to work out a rough direction, then get started on the study you need to get there.

You say you have a few options or ideas—start looking into those. Talk to people who work in that area, ask if you can do some work shadowing. Inspiration isn’t going to just strike, a lot of people have to work to find an area for them. You will also be able to get a postgrad loan to cover fees, and if you’re only working part time you can easily do a masters pt over 2 years too.

What aspect of working with animals was it, and are there any careers in this area you could work towards? Or have you done with this direction?

If you’re interested in working with children then why not get started straight away? There are loads of courses you can do in that area, you might even have options to do a nursing assistant apprenticeship or something like that? Or train to be a teacher? Why not shadow a few your’e untreated, pick your favourite and commit to studying in that area?

Most people don’t have some single driving passion. That’s fine—but you’re bf is right that it will be difficult long term for you, and by putting off making a decision it will only get harder.

However your BF’s description of ambitious is not how I would characterise it—he seems to more be thinking of a stable income, rather than ambition per se? Nothing you’ve written makes him sound particularly ambitious, more that he’s being a bit rude to you because he’s annoyed you don’t have a stable income to buy a house yet.

I also think you lack ambition.

You don’t have any clear idea of what you want, or how to achieve it.

That’s fine, not everyone is career or money driven.

That said, I really think (and learned from personal experience) that the ages of 25-35 are critical in terms of career development, especially for a woman who hopes to develop a steady career before having children.

One problem is you are always going to be judged as a bit silly and childish for doing a "degree to do with animals".

It just smacks of "I went to uni for a jolly and animals are so cute and fun but I have no idea about the real adult world"

The exception being somone who goes full on for being a veterinarian because that's on a par with a medical degree in terms of complexity and vigor. But it comes with a career so is it's own entity

If you're in a partnership, would your partner cope with your earning if little over £8000 per annum? While you wait for the perfect career?

@ambioussssssssss

I know how little TAs earn but my goal is not to be a TA forever, but I think it'd be a great experience to see what the world of teaching is like and then hopefully apply for a PGCE. I would happily have a low wage if it means finding something I enjoy and can go on to be a teacher.

You say you want consistency but your plans are to leap from junior training role to junior training role

You have a first in your degree and have employment (sporadic)
So I think you are doing well. Maybe your boyfriend feels of you make a life together he will have all the financial responsibility and mortgage repayments etc while you do another post grad etc. Perhaps that's the issue?

@PlanDeRaccordement

I don’t think you lack ambition. Your ambition is to work with animals. You have found that a bachelor degree isn’t enough to achieve this. That getting a masters will improve your chances.

So what are you waiting for? I don’t understand your “don’t want to rush” you are 25. Many people finish their doctorates at 25. Why did you give up on your ambition and go back to what you did before university?

Your boyfriend is a bit too smug though. A full time job is his ambition and he got it easily, so easily that he doesn’t even recognise how lucky he has been.

You’ve not been as lucky as he, graduating in the midst of a pandemic that is currently putting millions of people out of work. The truth is the job market is terrible now. So, if I were in your shoes, I’d get back on track and pursue your original ambition to work with animals. Go back to university, get that post graduate degree.

Maybe volunteer at an animal charity in spare time to get that working with animals experience.

But now her ambition is to work with kids not animals....

OP why do you keep saying you would need experience in certain areas? Your undergrad degree is not going to be a huge help to you, so you first port of call needs to be further study. This matters more than experience at the moment, and you can get experience in the holidays and around study. Plus, when you start study it will be easier to get experience—because you’ll have some evidence you want to work in that area.

Why don’t you look at teacher training? They’ll actually pay you to do that, you just need to apply you don’t need experience.

It doesn’t sound like your boyfriend is trying to push you towards a high stress career, just a solid paycheck. To be fair to him, it would be hard to take the next step in a relationship with someone if they’re not on a stable financial path

I agree with the boyfriend. You show no signs of ambition at all. You wanted to be a vet's nurse, why not a vet? Now you think you want to be TA and then maybe you'll think about teaching. You seem to be dithering around with no real focus or passion.

As for working with animals, yes it's very competitive. Even voluntary work with animals is very competitive (but can open doors to paid work with animals if you're dedicated enough). Did you not do any research first?

You seem to be content to carry on drifting along without putting much effort in.

Tbh i agree with your boyfriend. He is allowed to have this as something thats a potential dealbreaker for him. You sound very indecisive and jumping between ideas. 25 isnt as young as people seem to be making out. Without it needing to be a big final decision, surely you can get some more stable employment than agency work.

This is the age where ideals take a more secondary role (not gone completely but not the main priority anymore) and practicalities take over.

You’re coming across a bit commitment phobic about work, which is natural but might be worth dealing with a careers councillor? Your plan to enter teaching via the lowest rung, then see if you plan to study to work in the area, sounds like a plan to spend years doing the work without getting any stability.

What is your degree actually in?

You say you don't know what to do. You'd better get your skates on you're 25. I'd be irritated as your partner too. Let's face it the job world isn't looking too dandy for people who don't grasp the nettle is it?

@ambioussssssssss

Yes my boyfriend and I are quite different in terms of our ethics and goals, but we do get on really well but I think he has issue with my work.

You seem to be in quite different pages about goals? If you plan to take another half decade or more to commit to an area of work, but he wants to get stable in the next year or two, those are not compatible goals.

I’m glad to see others also see the boyfriend’s POV.

I think if the sexes were reversed and a woman was talking about her boyfriend temping because he did a degree that had limited employment opportunities, and then wanted to spend more time doing a masters to get a low paid job while she worked and saved towards a mortgage, it’d be a different story.

Sorry meant to saying being on different pages with goals is a huge deal—it’s much of the basis of a relationship