Boyfriend thinks I am not ambitious.

[ambioussssssssss]

I am 25. I have been to university studying a degree related to animals. I hope to go on to do a postgraduate degree in something more technical in around two years time. I just want to make sure I know what I want to do.
I find there are not really much jobs about working with animals in my area and if there are, they get tons of applications.

Before university, I had a part-time job as a receptionist.
After struggling to find a job related to animals, I have decided to go back to receptionist work but I have only been able to find work through an agency (I don't know if this is because of coronavirus or if receptionist jobs are usually hard to get?).

The past 2 weeks, I have had quite a bit of work, but today I didn't get a call.
I phoned boyfriend, who has a contracted job which is relatively well-paid and he didn't go to uni, he did an apprenticeship once he left school and has made his way up in his company. I told him that I am feeling anxious about the work situation and I am not loving zero-hour contract/temporary work and I hate the inconsistency of it.
He asked if I was still applying for jobs and I said yes (as I am). I have an interview in 2 weeks, which I feel nervous but excited about. Even if I don't get it, it's nice to get an interview.

However, I was a bit struck back by what he said. He told me he understood how rubbish agency work is and said that I must lack ambition as if I really tried hard enough, I would have a full-time job by now. I debated him with this and said it's easy for him to say in the job he has about how 'easy' it is to find a job if you have the drive.

His reasoning for saying this was that he hasn't been out of work since leaving school because he has the drive and motivation.
I don't understand why he doesn't see the ambition in me?
I left school, I worked part-time. I went to uni. I got a first-class degree. Yes if I could go back in time I would probably choose a different degree in terms of career prospects but being young, I chose what I would enjoy. But I can't think like that as it is done.

I am not on agency work and hoping to do further studies within a couple of years. But I don't want to rush into it and make a mistake.

I feel he's embarrassed by my job. When people ask what I am doing now I have left uni and I say I am doing agency work as I am finding the job market quite tough, I feel he cringes.

I'm feeling really down now. Like my life is going nowhere and that it's my fault.

Maybe he's thinking about a future with you (mortgage and children) and wants the best for you? Kids are really expensive

@ambioussssssssss you said you were interested in ICT. Please do consider it as a career. Check this out www.womenintech.co.uk/
Working on tech is relatively well paid, flexible and fun!
You are so young you can choose to do anything. But you have to choose and do it.

Not everyone needs to be ambitious. What I hope everyone wants to do is to have sufficient income and a job they find satisfactory at least, and not expect others to always fund their lives throughout their life.

Please take some decent careers advice. I too never knew what I wanted to do.
The careers advice being offered to my ds's at GCSE and A'level these days is so much better than it was 30 years ago.

I too agree that 25 is not that young. Many people go to uni at 17 and are done by 20. That was 5 years ago for you.
Please get a shifty on! And make some decisions.

What age children do you want to work with? Also what is it you want to teach?

I think the issue here is the op does wish to get a house with her boyfriend but knows financially she’s not able to do that, and won’t be for some considerable time, so either he pays and brings her along for the ride, or they end up splitting.

But I’m guessing the angst is she wants what he wants, in this they are compatible, the incompatibility is financial and her lack of direction v his (pretty normal) focus.

I don't think the pair of you are compatible, as this is one of the key life issues that couples need to be close on.

But it's also interesting why you make this about your boyfriend, not you. At 25, you are peripatetically part time employed. These are your prime earning years and the years when you put in the groundwork to establish a career.

I'm assuming you live with your boyfriend, because if you didnt, you would be on benefits due to working only part time.

I couldn't live with a man who had only part time, irregular work.

Lots of people work in fields unrelated to their degrees and I don't think vague talk of doing a masters at some time but not "rushing into it" is helpful. If it's a serious career requirement, of course you should be rushing into it! Otherwise, forget it and do everything it takes to get a full time, regular job right now.

You and your BF are incompatible. Neither of you are wrong you’re just different. I’m more like him though so you’d frustrate me. I would be scared you’d dither pre-kids leaving me to carry the financial load and then when the first kid comes you’d be trying to persuade me that it would be a good idea for you to be a SAHM and I’d be the sole breadwinner forever.

If I had a son I’d caution him against getting into a serious relationship with someone like you. That’s not to say what you are doing is wrong. There are tons of guys who don’t think money is important and aren’t interested in career paths or mortgages. You’d be better off with one of them.

Could you look into combining the animals and teaching by looking for work in further education colleges etc. many offer animal courses and usually for the right candidate are willing to allow you to work toward a PGCE while on the job? There are a lot of such roles advertised at various times although you'd probably need to be flexible about location to improve your chances of getting one, at least until you are qualified.
Alternatively if you still love animals and hope to work with them look at office based roles in animal companies, many food companies, charities, pharmaceutical companies etc, employ people with animal degrees in office based roles and they are almost always better paid than the roles where you directly deal with the animals. I also have an animal based degree and of the people I am still in touch with from university all of them are working within the industry either directly or indirectly so it is possible if you think outside the box a little from the usual kennel hand, vet nurse etc.

I'm assuming you live with your boyfriend, because if you didnt, you would be on benefits due to working only part time

I suspect she lives with her parents.

Look go see a careers adviser for adults. It can be done on line. May cost a couple of hundred. Do an online strengths questionnaire to work out which jobs will suit you. Research. Then do TA work if it relates. Or do a days voluntary work each week in the sector you are wanting to get into.

There are also other child related jobs that might be of interest

I think if you wanted to work full-time and to have a career, you'd be working full-time. You sound a bit like my SIL who wanted to be an artist so she could have time to paint so she got a part-time job in a craft shop. When the craft shop closed she got a job at B&Q - at least she knows about paint. She's over 50 now and still whingeing about being skint. She has never made any money from her painting or other art work!

I’ve had this from friends who worked their way up at their weekend job or went to do an apprenticeship. I found that when they were around their mid 20s they were earning more as I’d just started out in the work force but when I reached my 30s my career really took off. Lots of jobs which are considered a career need a degree, any degree, to apply for them. I also found having an apprenticeship pigeon holed them into one career at one company.
Spend the time you have now (with no commitments) trying different career options and volunteering.

Hang on OP, what makes you think you can't get a mortgage or that your savings have to be equal?

If he has, for example, £20k towards a deposit and you have £5k, that isn't a problem - you just have a solicitor draw up a Deed of Trust so that your respective contributions are ring-fenced. Let's say that the theoretical house is priced at £250k. Together you have a deposit of 10% of the value. Of that 10%, he is contributing 8% of the total value and you are contributing 2% of the total value. That can be recognized in the legal document so each of you gets a fair share when the house is sold, providing you purchase the house as Tenants in Common (rather than Joint Tenants).

If he is in stable, well paid employment it shouldn't be an issue for the two of you to go on the mortgage - many couples have one partner who is a stay at home parent or works part time, etc. Mortgage companies are used to this scenario.

Mortgage payments are usually cheaper than rent. As long as you can agree with your BF what a fair split of the mortgage costs will be, this isn't going to be an issue.

Have you actually looked into what you can afford?

@Bluntness100

I think you lack direction as opposed to ambition but can see why he’d think that it was ambition, as it could be, you’re 25 and on a zero hours contract doing reception work with no real idea of what you wish to do, other than a vague uni in a couple of years.

Agree with this. More job security would be good for you. Good for YOU. Never mind him. Im ambitious to get a life that suits me. Dobt debate it with him. You dont need to defend yourself to him or answer to him. But if you think about what works for you and your lfe it is a good time.

Good luck.

I’m a couple years older than you and amongst my friends this is really common. There was a massive push for everyone to go to uni and it’s hard to pick a career at 17, so lots of people just chose what sounded fun or was their best academic subject at school, graduated, bounced around for a few years doing different jobs or travelling and then went in a different direction in their mid twenties. My friend who was a teacher is now working in tech, another studied event planning and retrained as a counsellor, I did a humanities course and I’m retraining as an occupational therapist- and nearly everyone on my masters is a similar age and has had a similar journey. It’s ok to not know what you want to do, you just need to work on figuring it out.

If I were you, I’d do some proper career research and talk to people doing those careers. Teaching seems family friendly but in practice it isn’t, so if that’s important to you, maybe reconsider. I disagree with a lot of pp that you shouldn’t try being a TA- how are you going to know what you enjoy if you don’t try different things? It was actually working as a TA that led me to occupational therapy, something I hadn’t even heard of!

I also think you need to look a bit deeper beyond “working with animals” or “working with children”. Do you like working as part of a team or on your own? How do you cope with stress? Do you want flexibility or structure? How do you feel about office work? What are your strengths in a working environment? Etc. Being a paediatric oncologist and being a swimming teacher are both “working with kids” but they’re wildly different careers.

Focus on what you do want to do - are you moving towards your goal/dream?
There are fields which are not easy to get paid full-time work in straight away - you have to build up relevant experience and sometimes further study. But the sooner you start, the sooner you'll get there.

I cant work out whether you gave up on your dream of being a vet nurse because it was hard to get a job as one after you graduated? Or for another reason? If it's the former you need to give your head a wobble.

Please don't go off to be a teacher just because this month's whim is to 'work with children'. Last year you wanted to 'work with animals' - what will it be in a few months time?

@Porcupineinwaiting

I'm a zoologist, that's a "degree to do with animals". Only had 3 months unemployment in the past 32 years.

For those that think that its somehow childish, go give your head a wobble.

Tbf, I think of OP had said she studied zoology, instead of “to do with animals” it would have given a different impression!

With that phrase, the OP came across like a teenager wanting work experience somewhere that she gets to cuddle kittens.

I do believe in, “do what you love.” But - that’s also for the ambitious. If you are lacking in confidence and direction, then I say, “if you don’t know what you love, do what brings in the most money until you work out what you love.”

OP doesn’t actually sound like she wants to teach - just that she can’t think what to do, and kids and (like animals) cute. (well, not always!)

Ambition doesn’t mean earning the most money.
Someone who is ambitious to secure a PGCE place might be working part time evenings for NMW - because it leaves their day free for volunteering in a school.

Ambition is about action, not drifting.

My dd dropped out of uni ( doing zoology) after a year and started working full time at pets at home.
She absolutely loves it,looking after the animals and getting a regular income.
Yes it's not great money,though more than minimum wage and she has the opportunity to do courses there whilst she works to improve this,which she is doing.
We all follow different paths and what's right for one isnt right for another and your boyfriends frustration over your situation isnt kind or helpful.

Perhaps BF doesn’t see the point of you doing a Masters? His background suggests he values what he thinks is ‘hard graft and motivation’ above education.

Hang on OP, what makes you think you can't get a mortgage or that your savings have to be equal?

Because maybe he doesn’t wish to carry her, if she’s a part time receptionist on zero hours, and maybe even being carried by her parents currently there is a high chance she won’t be able to contribute to the mortgage and utilities in any meaningful way. Many people don’t wish to carry their partner, this isn’t wrong.

As said, I suspect the angst here snd the panic about what to do is the ops does wish to buy with her boyrfriend and is worried that dream is slipping away from her.

“I would love to look into teaching”

This is the key phrase in OP’s posts for me.

An ambitious person would say, “I’d love to teach” or “I am looking into teaching”

Instead, you’re loving thinking about it

You talk about a masters in a vague few years that is “something to do with children.” What masters, where, why in a few years (an ambitious person would say: 2 years time, the delay is I have calculated what I need to save first), how is that masters going to further your career?

Then you talk about a TA agency. Surely TA agency places go to TAs? Or at the very least, those with school experience? I’m sure they even have qualified teachers on their books who have their own reasons for wanting to do agency work.

An ambitious person would have already spoken to the agencies about whether they’d get any work. An ambitious person would have posted on MN to ask for feedback from TAs about agency work. Instead, you’re posting about your boyfriend...

You sound lacking in confidence and direction, but also drive. You’re equating ambition with money, and in so doing you’re possibly being unfair to your boyfriend. I earn 4x my husband. He’s never going to earn much at what he does - but he had the ambition to take it self employed, and expand the business. The latter expansion actually failed, and he lost money. It wasn’t a foolish decision - he took a risk, it didn’t pay off. He suits me as a partner, as I like his drive - his ambition. That’s about personality, not money. If my husband said, “I’m thinking about teaching” - he’s the kind of person that would then say, “this age, this subject, this is what I’d need to do to get there”. Personality wise, that’s a good fit for me.