Boyfriend thinks I am not ambitious.

[ambioussssssssss]

I am 25. I have been to university studying a degree related to animals. I hope to go on to do a postgraduate degree in something more technical in around two years time. I just want to make sure I know what I want to do.
I find there are not really much jobs about working with animals in my area and if there are, they get tons of applications.

Before university, I had a part-time job as a receptionist.
After struggling to find a job related to animals, I have decided to go back to receptionist work but I have only been able to find work through an agency (I don't know if this is because of coronavirus or if receptionist jobs are usually hard to get?).

The past 2 weeks, I have had quite a bit of work, but today I didn't get a call.
I phoned boyfriend, who has a contracted job which is relatively well-paid and he didn't go to uni, he did an apprenticeship once he left school and has made his way up in his company. I told him that I am feeling anxious about the work situation and I am not loving zero-hour contract/temporary work and I hate the inconsistency of it.
He asked if I was still applying for jobs and I said yes (as I am). I have an interview in 2 weeks, which I feel nervous but excited about. Even if I don't get it, it's nice to get an interview.

However, I was a bit struck back by what he said. He told me he understood how rubbish agency work is and said that I must lack ambition as if I really tried hard enough, I would have a full-time job by now. I debated him with this and said it's easy for him to say in the job he has about how 'easy' it is to find a job if you have the drive.

His reasoning for saying this was that he hasn't been out of work since leaving school because he has the drive and motivation.
I don't understand why he doesn't see the ambition in me?
I left school, I worked part-time. I went to uni. I got a first-class degree. Yes if I could go back in time I would probably choose a different degree in terms of career prospects but being young, I chose what I would enjoy. But I can't think like that as it is done.

I am not on agency work and hoping to do further studies within a couple of years. But I don't want to rush into it and make a mistake.

I feel he's embarrassed by my job. When people ask what I am doing now I have left uni and I say I am doing agency work as I am finding the job market quite tough, I feel he cringes.

I'm feeling really down now. Like my life is going nowhere and that it's my fault.

I think you need to put a plan in place to decide what you want to do. You're not going to wake up one day and suddenly know what job you want. Your work experience plan is good but vague. Could you not do a block of work experience in one go for a month and decide based on that? You're so frightened of making a wrong decision, you're drifting, doing nothing that will help you progress towards making a decision. Doing a postgrad doesn't mean you have to do that job forever either. All of the 'mistakes' are actually learning experiences that help you decide what you want to do and progress your career forward. You have gained an excellent degree which has helped you narrow down your career path and is a stepping stone to a postgrad. Your postgrad may be your future career or else may be a further qualification that provides you with experience and skills going forward. There does not need to be a fixed destination, your career can develop over time.

'Yes I have done an animal degree and i don't want to work with children anymore'

Oh so that's changed from 2 days ago??

I thought you were thinking of becoming a TA and eventually a teacher
....if you liked it.

Your 'animal degree' sounds rather woolly....

TBH I can kind of see his point.

Good luck though, it's tough out there at the moment.

OP, I wish MN had existed in the late 90s when I started university to give me straight talking.

The thread took a weird turn because of bookmum but people have tried to help, not be nasty. Shame you can’t appreciate all the people who posted to try and help.

OP, there are different ways of having drive. I was more like your DH when I was young. Never out of work. took any job that came along. My sister drove me nuts, passively waiting for 'the right' job to come along. But it did in the end and she has had a career in a field she loved for the rest of her life. Whereas I was so busy 'being employed' I didn't really get the experience int he field I liked until I was almost thirty.

Her son was the same as her. He did rubbish zero hours jobs for a decade while holding out for the job he wanted. He now has a dream job in a profession that is incredibly hard to break into.

Why don't you keep pushing for work in the animal world you love as well as looking for anything that will keep you ticking over. You never know, the right job might eventually come along.

@MarthasGinYard I corrected myself underneath and said 'animals'

Apologies Op

MarthasGinYard my animal degree was to do with veterinary nursing as I mentioned previously this is what I thought I wanted.
You seem to have a chip on your shoulder about animal degrees. Although I don't want to go into working with animals anymore, a lot of people are in careers to do with animals. Don't be small-minded.

I find most people in forums post about and with what is presented to them and all the posts, not aiming at any one individual and not all replies are aimed at the OP

Apologies OP, you disappeared midway through and this thread became a debate about financially supporting partners and a whole host of issues that might not be connected to your situation. But I hope the first part at least would be helpful?

Also it sounds from your update that you’re not working part time, yes it’s tempting but you’re doing long hours? If so that’s an entirely different situation—if you’re doing FTE then you are bringing in a good income and able to pay your way. The first few pages, I think everyone thought you were doing 15 hours a week

Havaiana and good morning to you too. I don't know how my advice (which is actually similar to what some others have suggested) meant this thread took 'a weird turn'. The only people on here that were 'nasty' seemed to aim their nastiness at me. Charming. I was one of the first people on here to try to give the OP advice because it always makes me sad when I hear of people lost in the world because I was there once myself.
I tried to help. Next time I won't bother and will stick to funny light-hearted threads.

A veterinary nursing related degree is very respectable and not at all fluffy. Do you have any interest in working with horses (that’s what I would want to do!).

A first class degree in veterinary nursing is extremely commendable Op.

Do you mind if I ask why you no longer wish to peruse this? How did you find the placements? When did you finish your degree?

My Niece is currently studying the same. She first wanted to do animal behaviour but she's glad she opted for the nursing.

OP you came to whinge about your boyfriend.
And when posters say he has a point you whinge about them.

I appreciate everyone who posted really constructively and didn't just jump into how embarrassing, lazy etc. I was.
The constructive criticism was fantastic and I took it all on board. I would say I am a passionate person. I work hard when I get calls to be a receptionist and I take whatever I am given - I am not fussy and want to work.

@ambitiousssss2

And never ever did I say I was living off my boyfriend. I have a couple of thousand saved (not enough for a mortgage) from my previous agency receptionist work. I said part-time in the sense it was temporary but I was working plenty of hours in the week before I went to uni and I have never asked my boyfriend for anything, sometimes long-term. So many people have presumed I live off my boyfriend when I expect handouts from nobody. I don't even know why this debate has started about me living off my boyfriend

Nobody has said you were living off your boyfriend, they have said that they understand why he would be concerned about your current situation and potentially you holding him back or relying upon him financially in the future. For now, people have said you must be living off your parents, because nobody lives off fresh air.

You worked as a part time receptionist from the age of 18 until about 22, you have also said you had no trouble finding work back then, so you seem lazy. Why is an 18-22 year old not working full time (if not in education)? You are dithering around still, with the maybe doing a masters in a few years, that you would “love to think about teaching”. Do something now!

I don’t think people were being nasty, you said you were not happy with how things are turning out. I think some responses were home truths that you probably needed to read and were intended to provoke you into actually doing something.

I think the reason I don't want to go into it is because I don't feel that passion for it. I loved my degree and all that came with it but it's not what I want in the long-term and maybe it's because there are not a lot of jobs in my area so I feel I have lost that motivation

So one of those drip feed threads, doesn't give full information upfront then comes back and defend themself and name call posters.

Lol why come on here whinging then

sounds like your happy with what your doing so your post is pretty pointless.

Did you do the BSC in Veterinary nursing?

It's taking my DN 4 years full time.

You must have worked very hard.

Was there no aspect you found you may want to specialise in.

OP you sound a bit like me at your age. I went into admin and now work as a medical administrator with the NHS at band 4. It pays about up to £25k pa which I feel is good for me. If i was you i would suggest getting into a large organisation such as the NHS because there is a lot of variety and you are doing meaningful work. And in your spare time you can pursue hobbies and interests.

Try not to wait around too long until you iniw the “right” parh for you. You could wind up age 70 and still not know.

Knowledge of what the right jib is for you doesn’t just hit you one day, it’s something that comes through trial and error and doing things, just keep your options open and donmt make and financial commitments (e.g. buying a house) that might keep you in a job you dislike. IF you fancy teaching, go for the pgce right away. If you don’t like it, you will have learned why it wasn’t for you and can try something better. You may never find the “perfect” job (many of ys don’t) lots of people don’t get a solid sense of who they are and what they want out of life until their mid 30s anyway, so don’t waste your 20s just waiting to get there, try different things and use it as a chance to earn and learn!

But do consider would your DP be a supportive of you if you had to go on maternity leave for example and had a reduced income? This is a red flag for me if he wouldn't either do this or if he wouldn't reduce his own hours to cover childcare etc.

Also apologies OP because I read 'part time work' as not working a typical full time 40 hours a week - which is why I suggested volunteer work to gain experience etc.
So you work as a temp. Plenty of hours so all adds up to 'full time' work. You enjoy what you do. Quite frankly I don't see a problem with that. If your boyfriend doesn't like that he can go jump in a lake.

Also you have your whole life to find the perfect career but only a small window (ideally age 25-35) to have a family. I wish I'd settled on any job at age 25 so I could focus on having a family. Trying to conceive at age 35 was not fun at all for me. It often doesn't work out at all for some.

ambitiousssss2

Most people haven’t been nasty. They have tried to point out you don’t seem to have direction and are dithering and putting off making decisions.

You have just finished a degree but a few weeks later don’t want to use the degree to pursue a career in that industry and are back doing receptionist work which you were doing before your degree.

Whilst I appreciate that today times are really really hard to get a job (local pub had over 160 applicants for a p/t bar job) and I can understand people holding out for their dream job but atm you seem to be reverting to your comfort zone of receptionist work and are applying for f/t jobs doing that and even though you think your dream job might be teaching there seems an avoidance to try to do anything to do with it.

You mentioned about doing TA work. What is stopping you from doing agency work in that.
At least in a couple of weeks you would know that you either really liked working with children or you could dismiss it as something that wasn’t for you so it would then leave you free to pursue another career.

Atm it looks like you are thinking of doing teaching so in a couple of years you are going to do a masters then look into teaching but with no experience you could find you don’t like it and then you are back looking for a different career at 30 without any experience apart from reception work.

I think @Oliversmumsarmy is really on to something with the poing about “comfort zone”. You need to remember that not making a decision IS making a decision. And time passes without you getting a dirdtion, and it becomes more and more difficult to do so.