To think this is beyond unfair? I can wear what I want

[WatchingWithDisinterest]

To the office itself.

I wear trainers with my dresses to work in the morning. I'm first in, usually. And have my heels on before anyone really gets there. Private office spaces, not public facing.

My boss came in early (a rare occasion), last week and smiled, did a sort of shake of the head. I didn't have a clue what he was talking about. Then I saw he pointed at my shoes! (I was just walking in at the time).

Anyway, Friday he was in early again. This time he approached my desk and said ''The shoes? Please would you wear the smart heels in instead?'' Before I could reply he chucked and said ''You're a professional! Come on!'' Then before I had a chance to say a work he turned away and started talking to a colleague about some other rubbish.

AIBU to think he's wrong to ask me this? I put everything I've got into my job. I'm usually first in, often last out

[KihoBebiluPute]

definitely deal with this by email so it I'd in writing.

Ask for clarification, to HR if that exists or to him if there isn't an HR bod: "is it company policy that all staff must commute in full professional attire with no concessions in apparel due to the mode of transport (bikes, motorcycles, on foot etc) or is it the case (as I had previously assumed) that staff may dress appropriately for their mode of travel and can then change into professional attire on arrival at the office? If the former position is the case, is this universally enforced for all staff?"

[GU24Mum]

Most of the women at our office wear flats/trainers to and from the office and change when they get there. We also take heels to meetings but change in and out if we're walking/taking the tube between our office and where the meeting is. Back in the day I could probably have worn heels for longer than I do now but I'd be hobbling in pain after walking far in them now.

It's completely unreasonable.

Clearly it's a comment you can only make in your head but I'd want to say to him that you'll wear heels in and out of the office when he does the same!

[MrsKoala]

Do you think he said ‘smart heels’ just because that’s what he sees you in all the time? Or do you think he really means all women should wear heels? Do all the other women wear heels too?

I only ask because perhaps he just meant he wants to see you in your smart shoes whenever you are on the premises? (Not that I agree, but it is a big difference to specifying heels). Do you think he would make a comment if you were wearing brogues for example?

[badacorn]

that is discrimination surely.

would they accept comfortable flat shoes you can wear on the commute as well? heels look nice but they can give you long term foot and back problems.

men don't wear anything that painful or impractical do they?

[SpaceOP]

I think secretly that a lot of men in offices think this. Most of then just realise they would be absolutely stupid to say anything to the woman involved. I would be inclined not to do anything and continue as you have been, but now you're prepared. Next time he asks you, just smile politely and say, "I wear trainers for commuting and change as soon as I get to work. You surely can't think I should commute in heels? "

[ToastyCrumpet]

He’s doing it to prove his masculine superiority. You shouldn’t have to wear heels in the office either. I’d keep wearing the trainers to walk in and change into smart flats.

[makingmammaries]

Only if he agrees to wear heels too. WTAF?

[Nofty]

Men might as a whole wear a lot less ties than they used to, but people still wear suits anyway and "smart office wear" is definitively a thing!

Not in the offices I work in. I am an HR consultant so I visit several different ones (in normal times anyway!).

[MarieIVanArkleStinks]

I won't wear 'heels' under any pretext. If men are not required to wear them, then it's sexist and discriminatory. Smart flats, brogues or loafers are as much as my employer would ever get out of me (but I wear DMs to work)!

I knew a female solicitor once upon a time who was very forthright and took no shit from anyone. She used to come into the office wearing TROUSERS (ye gads!) And we are talking 1990s here. A partner of her law firm said to her: 'Surely you are not going to be wearing those in front of your clients!' The horror. 'Yes', she replied, 'and later I'll be wearing them in front of the Judge, too!'

These sexist arseholes need firmly putting back in their boxes. I thought this breed were dying out but they do seem to be coming back around full-circle. Now I wonder why that might possibly be ...

[Marmunia1975]

You can wear whatever you like en route to work. I know the law.

[custardbear]

Fuxking dinosaur! Honestly, you could report him for discrimination - wear heels 👠- what a prick! 🤨

[TheDizzyRascal]

He'd have a stiletto heel poking out of his eyeball by now if that were my boss xx

[SoulofanAggron]

I assume it was that they were trainers that was the problem. YANfuckingBU in that you weren't even wearing them to work in.

But you could wear nice ballet pumps/ mary janes/ other fairly comfortable shoes that are still smart.

[whensmynexthol1day]

@SantaClaritaDiet I think it actually is true of many workplaces now. I work for a big 4 and we can wear what we like unless we are seeing clients. Half the office are in trainers on any given day

[ptumbi]

Gosh isn't this a contentious point OP?

Who'd have thought it.

[FleetsumNJetsum]

Tell him you will wear smart heels into work if he does. Only fair.

[WarriorsComeOutToPlayay]

As PPs have said there are two issues here; 1: that he unreasonably thinks you should change into your smart shoes immediately upon arrival at the office rather than once you are at your desk and 2: That 'smart shoes' have to be high heels.

The first is twattish management the second is unlawful sex discrimination.

I would make a complaint to HR on both counts.

[RudieSmithy]

Start turning up late, when challenged apologise and say you were changing into your smart heels.

[Ozgirl75]

Where has he been for the last 20 years? I (and most of my female colleagues) was wearing trainers with suits into the office in the early 2000s and then changing into formal shoes. Then I discovered comfy low heel shoes and moved onto trouser suits with smart boots and never looked back.
Hated teetering about and having blisters.

[Oncemorewithfeelin]

I’d approach him again and ask why he’s not wearing heels. Presumably that he was letting you know that all professionals are to wear heels so you want to know were his are.

[2me2u2u2me]

I've not yet read whole thread, I would definitely send him an email, you can get it all out without him rudely interrupting or ignoring, you're outside working hours so he's no say in it, CF!

I wear suits for work and arrive in my cycling gear, have a shower then change, oh and I change back at 5pm to go home too, my CEO thinks it's amusing!

[HaggieMaggie]

Bloody hell, what year does he think it is? they wore trainers to work in NYC on the film Working Girl in 1988!

Personally I wouldn't wear heels for no man, sexist twat.

[SarahBellam]

Heels? Do you work in the 1970s? Agree with everyone else’s comments and a professional email to make him aware that he is overstepping the mark.

[AriettyHomily]

Does anyone actually wear heels any more? Pre covid pretty much everyone in my corporate office wore flats - brogues, loafers etc, not crappy ballet pumps.

I wouldn't wear heels for anyone.

[Graciebobcat]

Sounds like a twat if he can't work out that you are going to change your shoes. It's quite normal for people to come in wearing different clothes and change in the toilets if they've cycled in as well, in my experience.

And you don't have to wear heels, ever.