To think this is beyond unfair? I can wear what I want

[WatchingWithDisinterest]

To the office itself.

I wear trainers with my dresses to work in the morning. I'm first in, usually. And have my heels on before anyone really gets there. Private office spaces, not public facing.

My boss came in early (a rare occasion), last week and smiled, did a sort of shake of the head. I didn't have a clue what he was talking about. Then I saw he pointed at my shoes! (I was just walking in at the time).

Anyway, Friday he was in early again. This time he approached my desk and said ''The shoes? Please would you wear the smart heels in instead?'' Before I could reply he chucked and said ''You're a professional! Come on!'' Then before I had a chance to say a work he turned away and started talking to a colleague about some other rubbish.

AIBU to think he's wrong to ask me this? I put everything I've got into my job. I'm usually first in, often last out

In London its really common to see people either cycling in clad in full lycra gear, or people on the tube wearing trainers - its not comfy to commute in heels! I've not worn heels to the office for years, comfy posh looking flats is my limit and no one's ever said a word!

I would nip it in the bud now though and address it via email so you have a recorded response. No dress code can possibly exist in this era which makes women wear high heels surely!

There was a well-publicised case a few years ago when an employer tried to insist on female office staff wearing heels and got into all sorts of trouble for sex discrimination. I think they ended up having to issue a public apology and change their policies.

I'd suggest you check whatever policy your employer has in relation to what people wear at work and, if necessary, talk to HR about clarifying it to make it clear that (1) women are not required to wear heels and (2) people can wear what the hell they like on the way to and from work.

I wear my black Sketchers into work and then change. Sometimes I forget to change if I have no client meetings and I wear my trainers all day. I would defend myself very strongly against anyone who wished to comment.

eh, why didn't you just tell him that they are for commuting in. Also the 50s were a long time ago and we no longer have to totter around in heels for the pleasure of men

I also agree with the sending him an email but copy in your HR rep and ask for clarification on the dress code, especially the section on whether heels must be worn at all times including when travelling to and from the workplace. And does this apply to both men and women in equal measure?

And I definitely echo suggestions from others. Stop coming in early and leaving late, that way burnout lies (i can personally vouch for it, if you're in any doubt just work out what your hourly rate drops to or how many hours you're giving them free) And even under COVID, yes on the looking for another job unless you absolutely adore it as this attitude tells you a lot about the general ethos behind the place. You can probably tell it's really hit a bit of a nerve with me!!

I agree with everyone else. If your office has a dress code then that dress code only applies during your working hours. If you choose to arrive an hour early in a Chewbacca onesie & get changed 5 minutes before your day starts then that is your prerogative.

To moan about the style of shoe you arrive in is ridiculous & probably sexist. Would he have the same issue with a male employee changing out of trainers after arriving?

@Choosingmyring

He surely doesn’t realise you’re going to change when he first sees them.

''The shoes? Please would you wear the smart heels in instead?''

I read that as meaning that he did.

Omg I’d be raging about the heels comment. Smart shoes fine.

@Lookatthat

Where do you work? The 1970s?

This!!! And is your boss about 100 years old???

I work in a professional job, in a profession that’s always been quite old fashioned. But things have changed over the two decades I have been working. Now everyone wears trainers in the office, unless they have a really important client meeting to go to.

I'd stop the being first in and last out. It will get you nowhere, especially with a twat boss like this. And I'd stop wearing bloody heels altogether.

He is on very very shaky ground (for all the reasons outlined) and if he says anything again I would confidently but politely pull him up on it (in person) and then send an email ...Further to our conversation earlier I am just clarifying.. (and bcc it into HR)

I would never wear heels again.

And what a twat not even giving you a chance to reply. I teach four year olds and when I ask them to do something and they had something to say, I'd listen. I wouldn't say 'put your coat on' and then stride off before they had a chance to say 'I can't, I left it at home'.

Ridiculous. It’s like saying your outdoor coat isn’t workwear appropriate and must be removed before you enter the building and replaced with a smart jacket.

I'd speak to a union rep, although have a feeling unions might not be encouraged in your workplace. He is on very dodgy ground - although forcing women to wear heels in the workplace isn't specifically against the law, this kind of sexism in the workplace is. It has been discussed in the press after some high profile cases www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-39667912

And I'd be buying smart, flat brogues. Much more comfortable.

fuming on your behalf op

Would be so tempted to tell him you'll start wearing heels the minute he does.

YABU for being first in and last out

He sounds a bit of a prat to me.
Personally I’d just ignore his comments for now and if he mentions it again be prepared with a suitable response!
I live out in the sticks and one of the things I notice when I stay in London is that lots of woman of all ages wear trainers on the way to and from work - I’ve no idea whether they put shoes on when they’re there but I wouldn’t say you are at all unusual - just sensible.
He needs to get a life!

Polite, non-emotional, friendly EMAIL explaining the situation. Because EVIDENCE is always important in these interpersonal possible HR situations.
Do not change your behaviour, you are in smart "Acceptable" shoes soon enough.
And make sure you're in a union in case he escalates into a bigger prick as this progresses.
IME there are certain bosses that incrementally overstep the mark if they think they can get away with it.

You are the boss of you.
grrrrrr.

God this has given me the rage this morning! How fucking dare he?

It is completely normal for women to wear trainers to work and then change. I don’t know where’s he’s been for the last 20 or 30 years

@diplodocusinermine

Would be so tempted to tell him you'll start wearing heels the minute he does.

This is brilliant.

Ridiculous. I cycle to work and turn up in shorts and a t-shirt with holes in. sometimes I even have - wait for it - HAIRY LEGS!! Get it up ye!

I look smart and professional within 5 minutes with bike gear hanging up out of sight behind a door.

What's the dress code policy?

I'd clarify this with HR and also tell them he questioned your professionalism and spoke to you in a derogatory way.