To think this is beyond unfair? I can wear what I want

[WatchingWithDisinterest]

To the office itself.

I wear trainers with my dresses to work in the morning. I'm first in, usually. And have my heels on before anyone really gets there. Private office spaces, not public facing.

My boss came in early (a rare occasion), last week and smiled, did a sort of shake of the head. I didn't have a clue what he was talking about. Then I saw he pointed at my shoes! (I was just walking in at the time).

Anyway, Friday he was in early again. This time he approached my desk and said ''The shoes? Please would you wear the smart heels in instead?'' Before I could reply he chucked and said ''You're a professional! Come on!'' Then before I had a chance to say a work he turned away and started talking to a colleague about some other rubbish.

AIBU to think he's wrong to ask me this? I put everything I've got into my job. I'm usually first in, often last out

[WokesFromHome]

Stab him through the neck with your heels!

Yes, this.

Also, I'd be getting to work just the right side of start time and leaving 1 second after the finish time. You owe your sexist, lacking in management skills, boss no loyalty.

[D4rwin]

Nothing professional about a pair of heels these days anyway . The 1950's should have hit him with a shovel.

[MeridaTheBold]

How odd there was a thread just a few days ago about a boss demanding heels too. Yet I don't know anyone this has happened to in RL.
I wonder if all the aggressive and regressive sexist stereotyping all over the media is making some men think they have returned to the 1950s.

[ritzbiscuits]

I recently worked at a major bank, a lot of women came to work in a business dress/suit and trainers for the commute. Absolutely normal and reasonable.

I agree with others I would explain yourself on email, both about the trainers and also that a reference to wearing heels is sexist. Any further comments you will be involving HR - now F.... off!

[VinylDetective]

You need to point out to him that this is actually illegal. A City firm lost a tribunal over their insistence their female staff wear heels at work.

[Friendsoftheearth]

I second pp about emailing him

[CrotchetyQuaver]

Old fashioned sexist bullshit harking straight back to the 80s
If he brings it up again I'd Coolly and calmly ask him to elaborate on what he means and if he still moans suggest he starts wearing heels to walk to work so he might properly understand the issue. I suppose he thought you were going to wear the trainers all day? But that doesn't excuse his comments.

[dollypartonscoat]

Did you have the trainers on at your desk?

He can't tell you to wear heels but maybe he thinks you wore the trainers all day last week? Your OP doesn't say where he knows you changed out of them.

I'd be putting him straight

[Hadalifeonce]

If I were you, I wouldn't explain myself. I would write an email something like 'I assume your sexist comments about my shoes were a joke, but just to let you know, I didn't find it very funny. Regards Watching'

[magicstar1]

The absolute cheek of him. I'm lucky to work in an office where I can whatever I like, but when I had to be more professional, I used to wear suits etc. but with big chunky boots like docs or New Rocks. Nobody ever gave out about them. In fact, one boss gave me a small bonus one day, so the next day I showed him the metallic New Rocks I'd bought with it. He just laughed.
I'd have to pull up your manager. Go and put him straight next time you're in.

[FortunesFave]

Smart fucking HEELS!?? I'm not sure I believe this! OP wear some brogues. Do women really wear heels because they're told to???

WHY!???

[eaglejulesk]

What a dick! Aside from the trainers issue (and where has he been that he doesn't realise people wear them to go to and from work?) what right has he to tell you to wear heels. I've never worn heels in my whole working life in an office!

[OllyBJolly]

I don’t understand why you didn’t stand up for yourself OP

You're obviously very lucky to not come across these power dynamics in some workplaces.

Two things -
1/ He can't tell you what to wear as long as you fit the acceptable dress code
2/ Why are you "first in, last out"? It's not an indicator of commitment, effectiveness or productivity.

[LilyLongJohn]

He's being ridiculous! I worked in London for a while and almost every woman I saw was wearing trainers, no doubt with smart shoes either in the office or in their bag. You're more than ok to wear trainers and change when they get to work. The same with anyone who rides a motorcycle or pushbike to work, is he saying you can't get changed when you get to work? Stupid man

I'd be fuming with him telling me to wear 'heels' too

[MuminMama]

I think it's misogynist nonsense to make a woman wear high heels in an office. Having said that, if you are going along with wearing what you are told to wear later in the day, I don't know why you'd make an exception for when you first get in. Clearly at least two of your colleagues were already there.

[queenofknives]

@Lookatthat

Where do you work? The 1970s?

Hahaha brilliant!

OP, go straight to HR and make a complaint. He cannot tell you you should wear heels. Plus he needs to adjust his management 'style' to actually give other people a chance to speak sometimes. Go to HR, get it all officially recorded, let them deal with him.

[Queenoftheashes]

He is an idiot i would email HR clarifying whether you are expected to wear heels and whether men are and also if you are being told what you can and can’t wear on your journey to work

[Lardlizard]

This really does show though how impractical heels are !

[Leafbeans]

Heels? No thanks. I can see why trainers aren't always appropriate (although obviously for travelling in makes sense, and in honesty if you have no meetings etc I don't see the issue); but to be insistent on heels is grim, does he wear his loubs to the office?

[ALLIS0N]

I think he’s quite reasonable, as long as all the men wear smart heels to travel in and also all day in the office. Because they are professionals.

And of course if he is paying you for your commute. Because he has no right to dictate what you wear outside of work hours ( within reason ).

[Genevieva]

There are two different issues here - having the footwear you travel to work in scrutinised and having the footwear you wear at work scrutinised.

I would pick him up on the first point. Arrange a short one-to-one meeting, say politely that this is your travelling footwear and you have been doing this for X years - always changing shoes at work. You do not appreciate being told you are unprofessional, especially not in front of other colleagues. Please can he confirm that he will not do this again? Then send him minutes of the meeting with his promise.

The second issue has been discussed in parliament in the UK. I can't remember the details and I am fairly sure it wasn't as favourable as it should have been with the government responding with the view that high heels can be part of a uniform policy 'where appropriate' or 'where necessary' whatever that means. However, as high heels are not something that men ever have to wear I would think it would be impossible for an employer to win this in court if the employer was too draconian. Expecting people to wear shoes that are leather in appearance rather than trainers is reasonable and he hasn't told you that you must wear heels - just that he doesn't like your travelling shoes. I would like to see healthy footwear being the norm. In your shoes (excuse the pun) I would be tempted to get some women's brogues and wear those just to make the point!

[LonelyFromCorona]

Send an email, explain you change shoes when you arrive. Job done

[theemmadilemma]

What a twat, if it's good enough for Dolly, it's good enough for the rest of us.

[BehindtheBump]

Just fire him an email that says something like, 'In your recent comment made to me at my desk on DD/MM/YY, you asked that I not commute into work in my trainers and that i wear 'the smart heels' on the way to work from now on, regardless of the facts I always change into smart shoes once on the premises and that I am always the first person in. Does this match with your recollection of the conversation?'

He will then panic and start backtracking like his life depends on it. At which point you can say, 'Oh, thanks for clearing that up.' If he tries to talk to you about it in person, immediately reply with a summary of what was said in email form.

May seem like overkill, but in his mind the conversation you had may construe a verbal warning and it's far easier to correct it now than let it escalate.