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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To refuse DS his 'greatest wish'

419 replies

Toomuchstuffwillkillme · 20/09/2020 11:29

DS2 has always been a bit dog obsessed and has recently mounted a concerted campaign to persuade me we should get one.

He will love it to bits, walk it lots, play with it, it will be his best friend, his life will be enriched.

I'm just not convinced. I don't mind other people's dogs, but I'm just not a dog lover. (Surely that's a fairly basic requirement for dog ownership?) I really, really don't want to share my home with one. DH is sitting firmly on the fence on this one, so it's me who is being made to feel like the evil mean parent. DS promises he would feed, walk and love said dog, which is probably true. I have no doubt whatsoever who would end up doing the extra hoovering, floor washing, dog-food-buying, poop scooping etc.
We have several other non-furry lower maintenance pets who are loved, but would all be dead by now if I didn't look after them.
Apparently this would be different if we had a dog, I'd get loads of help looking after it, it would be hardly any work (Yeah right, while you're at school all day & I'm trying to work part time from home.)
And yes our existing pets are non-furry because I have pet hair allergies, though to be fair not usually to dogs.

I loathe going to houses which have dogs and getting covered in dog hair. Even if said houses have people who vacuum daily, they ALWAYS smell of dog. I suppose if it was our dog I'd get used to it.
Picking up dog poo is repellent.
Also, I am the polar opposite of Mrs Hinch. I dislike cleaning at the best of times, keeping the place vaguely straight and cleaning up after the kids is bad enough, the thought of adding a dog frankly terrifies me.
Oh and I like my garden. A lot. I don't want it dug up or pooed on or peed on.

As a family we enjoy travelling and visiting people, in the UK and abroad (2020 has not been a great year Sad). Closest family are over 3 hrs drive away. There is no-one here who would look after a dog for us. Most of the family would not appreciate us bringing a dog when we visit. We will end up either restricted to local dog-friendly holidays or spending a fortune on kennels.

Please help me out here, people who don't have a dog, or even people who do. What can I possibly say to DS to get him to see things from a different perspective. He's convinced that having a dog will make his life better and therefore mine too. I think it will be expensive, stressful, massively restrict my freedom and create a load of mum-work for minimal gain.

YABU - parenting is all about making sacrifices to keep your kids happy, if you can afford it you should suck it up and let DS have what he wants

YANBU - this is a huge lifestyle/financial commitment and if you're not 100% on board you'll end up regretting or resenting it - kids can't always have what they want

OP posts:
Waspie · 20/09/2020 11:31

YANBU. If your son wants a dog he can get one when he's older and has a home of his own.

Undies1990 · 20/09/2020 11:32

How old is your DS2?

milienhaus · 20/09/2020 11:33

YANBU, all your reasons are 100% accurate. He’s going to have to wait until he has his own house.

Heptember · 20/09/2020 11:33

You definitely shouldn't get a dog, and your DS just needs to accept the word no in this instance.

MsEllany · 20/09/2020 11:33

@Waspie

YANBU. If your son wants a dog he can get one when he's older and has a home of his own.
Yeah this.

This is what I say to my children for things I absolutely don’t want in my home. Pets come under that.

Personally I think you’ve given it far too much thought already. DS probably thinks he’s almost worn you down.

HugeAckmansWife · 20/09/2020 11:33

absolutely not. I let my dd get a cat and its a pain the arse. They are much less work than dogs and can be left for short periods but its still expensive, a hassle to clear up the dead things she brings in and DD does not do all the feeding.

I'd say either your ds has 6 months to show he will do ALL of the chores associated with your existing pets, without being constantly reminded or nagged. He has to work out how you would deal with travelling, holidays etc and come up with an ACTUAL plan that would work. OR you just give a flat no. You have allergies and are entitled to live in a house that doesn't make you ill.

GreyishDays · 20/09/2020 11:33

We went for a non smelly, low maintenance, needs little exercise adult dog. She’s still like half a child in terms of work. But the children absolutely adore her. I’d do it again, but I did want her in the first place.

Could your husband walk it?

Weebitawks · 20/09/2020 11:34

Have told him no or told him you're considering it?

DaughterX · 20/09/2020 11:34

Don't forget you'll need to train it unless you want to be the subject of a MN thread... Smile
No way would I get one. I would maybe consider it for an only child but I don't have that dilemma...

Florencex · 20/09/2020 11:34

You don’t have to say anything other than no.

The whole family needs to be onboard in getting a new pet and you can be just about certain that it will be you / DH doing most of the work.

SapphosRock · 20/09/2020 11:35

YANBU!!! Dogs can be cute but they are massively high maintenance and they stink.

How about directing your DS to borrow my doggy until he's old enough to get his own place:

www.borrowmydoggy.com

SmileyClare · 20/09/2020 11:35

How old is your son? A compromise might be that he offers to walk or dog sit friend's or neighbour's dogs? Volunteers at a dog shelter?

It's not quite the same but for all the reasons you've given, do not get a dog.

JontyDoggle37 · 20/09/2020 11:36

Why not try helping out looking after one on Borrowmydoggy.com. Then he could see the effort required and you could decide whether you actually like dogs once you’re around them more.

Tadar · 20/09/2020 11:36

Do you know anyone that has a dog you could borrow for a little while?
Maybe when he has one in the house, he will see the amount of work involved and the novelty will wear off.

DPotter · 20/09/2020 11:36

Yes - I'd be interested to know DS2 age. Having said that - would he be willing (able dependent on age ) to walk dog before school and after school every single day?

Actually scrap that - I know so many families were similar promises are made by kids and even the dads, and yep you guessed it, the mum bears the brunt of care after a few weeks.

Unless you're really keen, it would be a no from me. You have other pets, you have allergies, there's the additional expenses, and dogs need a lot of care.

Suggest DS gets a job walking dogs if he's keen

YouUnlockedTheGateAnd · 20/09/2020 11:37

What can I possibly say to DS to get him to see things from a different perspective

You don’t need to.. channel zammo.

My brother wanted a dog for his whole childhood. Similar campaigns were waged. Funnily enough, as an adult he doesn’t have dog. Too much of a commitment aparently.

GetUpAgain · 20/09/2020 11:38

Don't get a dog. You don't want one. You don't need any other reason or debate or to defend your decision.

Moondust001 · 20/09/2020 11:38

The weather is getting colder and wetter. So do your son a deal. For two months he goes for a walk in the park for at least 30 minutes before school. Then again for at least 45 minutes after school. Every single day. Without fail. No matter what the weather or excuse. If he can do that he can have a dog....

Oh, and that is from someone who travels a great deal, and has never found a dog restrictive - there are lots of options these days, and I rarely need to use a kennels (although I do have a very good one for the rare occasions I must). But I concede hair and dog odour. It doesn't bother me though, and I have a great vacuum!

Findahouse21 · 20/09/2020 11:38

If he's old enough, enquire if he could volunteer with the cinammon Trust as a dog walker, or walk neighbours dogs after school?

eatsleepread · 20/09/2020 11:38

In the ideal world, all kids would experience dog ownership in their childhood, as they are the best. But if you can't manage it, you can't manage it.

110APiccadilly · 20/09/2020 11:39

I think I would tell your DS he has to completely look after one of the existing pets for a year to prove he's got the commitment and responsibility to look after a dog first. (Obviously you step in if the pet's being neglected, but then he can't have a dog.)

aLilNonnyMouse · 20/09/2020 11:39

If you have existing pet hair allergies then you may develop a dog allergy after prolonged exposure.

I was allergic to dogs, but not cats. I got some kittens 7 years ago and after 4 years I developed a serious allergy to them. I'm not getting rid of them as I utterly adore them but I have to take a ton of medications daily and clean all the time to keep it under control. I'd be very weary of taking on another animal after this.

Branleuse · 20/09/2020 11:40

how old is he.

Honestly, youll be the one doing all the looking after, and I think you need to just say that while you understand he REALLY wants one, this is a living creature that is basically like having another person. Its expensive. Its quite a lot of work and its messy and smelly if you dont keep on top of it. I enjoy having a dog, but you need to want it and for everyone to love them and certainly the one thats going to be doing all the shitwork

cyclingmad · 20/09/2020 11:41

Let him join borrow a dog instead

Tappering · 20/09/2020 11:41

YANBU - and I say that as a dog lover with two of my own.

Dogs are a huge amount of work. If you get a puppy then be prepared for disruption - they need to learn to be clean in the house, they will chew, and they need to be trained and learn good manners.

Dogs are also expensive. Insurance does not cover 'routine' work such as vaccinations, worming and flea treatments, dental work... As the dog gets older the cost of the insurance goes up as well.

Going on holiday becomes very expensive. I use a kennels to house mine as I don't trust family to look after them (I am very precious about my dogs so I'd rather pay a professional who is insured in case anything goes wrong). It took me several rounds of visiting premises before I found one I was happy with. The last time we went away, the cost of kennelling them was equivalent to sending another person abroad on holiday!

Dogs are a huge commitment. I adore mine and wouldn't be without them - so I cheerfully accept the mess, the expense and the disruption. But it's not something to take on unless you really want one.