To refuse DS his 'greatest wish'

[Toomuchstuffwillkillme]

DS2 has always been a bit dog obsessed and has recently mounted a concerted campaign to persuade me we should get one.

He will love it to bits, walk it lots, play with it, it will be his best friend, his life will be enriched.

I'm just not convinced. I don't mind other people's dogs, but I'm just not a dog lover. (Surely that's a fairly basic requirement for dog ownership?) I really, really don't want to share my home with one. DH is sitting firmly on the fence on this one, so it's me who is being made to feel like the evil mean parent. DS promises he would feed, walk and love said dog, which is probably true. I have no doubt whatsoever who would end up doing the extra hoovering, floor washing, dog-food-buying, poop scooping etc.
We have several other non-furry lower maintenance pets who are loved, but would all be dead by now if I didn't look after them.
Apparently this would be different if we had a dog, I'd get loads of help looking after it, it would be hardly any work (Yeah right, while you're at school all day & I'm trying to work part time from home.)
And yes our existing pets are non-furry because I have pet hair allergies, though to be fair not usually to dogs.

I loathe going to houses which have dogs and getting covered in dog hair. Even if said houses have people who vacuum daily, they ALWAYS smell of dog. I suppose if it was our dog I'd get used to it.
Picking up dog poo is repellent.
Also, I am the polar opposite of Mrs Hinch. I dislike cleaning at the best of times, keeping the place vaguely straight and cleaning up after the kids is bad enough, the thought of adding a dog frankly terrifies me.
Oh and I like my garden. A lot. I don't want it dug up or pooed on or peed on.

As a family we enjoy travelling and visiting people, in the UK and abroad (2020 has not been a great year ). Closest family are over 3 hrs drive away. There is no-one here who would look after a dog for us. Most of the family would not appreciate us bringing a dog when we visit. We will end up either restricted to local dog-friendly holidays or spending a fortune on kennels.

Please help me out here, people who don't have a dog, or even people who do. What can I possibly say to DS to get him to see things from a different perspective. He's convinced that having a dog will make his life better and therefore mine too. I think it will be expensive, stressful, massively restrict my freedom and create a load of mum-work for minimal gain.

YABU - parenting is all about making sacrifices to keep your kids happy, if you can afford it you should suck it up and let DS have what he wants

YANBU - this is a huge lifestyle/financial commitment and if you're not 100% on board you'll end up regretting or resenting it - kids can't always have what they want

I can’t believe you’re even considering this. I would never ever have a dog for all the reasons you’ve mentioned and more. I can’t stand them (when I was a kid and young adult I had a massive phobia), I find them smelly, noisy and annoying, I hate it when they lick you it makes me feel sick, they’re loads of work, I can’t bear their poo, they massively curtail your freedom to do what you want. DD wants a dog and I’ve told her very firmly it is never going to happen in my house, which she accepts. It doesn’t stop her going on about it, but she knows what the answer is. She says she’ll get one when she’s older which is completely her choice.

@SapphosRock

YANBU!!! Dogs can be cute but they are massively high maintenance and they stink.

How about directing your DS to borrow my doggy until he's old enough to get his own place:

www.borrowmydoggy.com

The BEST idea! (Although tbh I have only read thus far ;-)

Dogs can indeed be complete nightmares, and this is because the humans get it wrong.

Exercise, training, {everything you do with a dog is training}, you have to really want to do it.

Getting a breed/type that suits your personality is essential.

I can't bear yapping, dog smell or a fussy dog...so when the Dog's home staff member guided me as a first time owner to the Lurcher pup, I was like ''But I wanted a bigger, adult dog''.....But Denise's decades of rescue experience gave her a good 'Matchmaker' sense....and she couldn't have chosen a more suitable dog for us

In the private sector, where profit is the driving force, not welfare, grossly unsuitable dogs are bought ''because they look cute'' or impressive.

A Belgian Malinois is a remarkable dog doing his or her job in the Army, but bought on whim, left to get bored in a family home...It will be a nightmare for dog and human alike.

I adore dogs and can’t wait til we can get one (our last one died a few years ago and our kids are too small at the moment for another one), but I absolutely DON’T think you should get one from everything you’ve said. They ARE a big commitment, and although for me the pros hugely outweigh the cons- if they don’t for you, then it’s honestly not worth it. DS needs to understand that a dog isn’t just something fun/ a friend to play with, it take a lot of work cleaning up after it, paying for food, vets bills, kennels when you’re away, time investment every day to walk it etc etc, and it HAS to be the adults of the house’s overall responsibility and decision. If you were on the fence about it it might be different but you seem firmly on the ‘no’ side, so I just wouldn’t.

@GetUpAgain

Don't get a dog. You don't want one. You don't need any other reason or debate or to defend your decision.

And this :-)

We have several other non-furry lower maintenance pets who are loved, but would all be dead by now if I didn't look after them

Your answer is in this sentence.

I would say no to having a dog that a child has a fanciful idea about owning. They won't have any idea about all the implications of such. Your own views indicate that it would be a bad idea for a dog in your home.

get a guide dog for a year and see how he goes for 12 months
Borrow a few friends dogs to look after when they are away

It soon cured it with mine when they found they were fully responsible for another life and tied to the animal

I love dogs, and have had them in the past. These are the reasons I don't want another:

1. The expense. Initial cost of dog. Equipment (collars, leads, toys, beds) Food, vaccinations and anti flea and worming stuff. Grooming costs for a dog which doesn't shed. Pet insurance. Kennels during your holidays.
2. Loss of freedom. If you go out for the day and take the dog, you're restricted as to where you can take it, ie cafes shops etc.. If you go out and leave the dog at home, you are restricted as to how long you can stay out, and you may find your property destroyed and /or neighbours complaining about barking or howling.
3. You have to take the dog out whatever the weather, however ill you feel, however tired you are, however busy you are. You have to pick up after the dog as well....and it stinks.

Adding another vote for BorrowMyDoggy. I have a friend who uses it - could have a dog due to work commitments but they signed up and regularly walk/dog sit a dog they met through it. It worked out great for them. A dog can be a long commitment. I’d stick with shorter lived pets for children otherwise they grow up and move on and you’re left with the pet!

Don't do it, it would mean massive extra hassle anytime you want to go anywhere as a family.

No. You don't want a dog. End of subject.
He can wait until he's an adult in his own home and have a dog then. He's a child, he doesn't make the rules or decisions.

@110APiccadilly

I think I would tell your DS he has to completely look after one of the existing pets for a year to prove he's got the commitment and responsibility to look after a dog first. (Obviously you step in if the pet's being neglected, but then he can't have a dog.)

Don’t do this, because if he does step up, you promised a dog. I’ve got one, she’s little, quiet and low maintenance. I love her to bits, she’s funny, gorgeous and loyal. BUT She’s just cost me a bomb to have neutered, no more impromptu (pre COVID)weekends away Or days in the city, even when it’s pissing down Or I’m knackered, she has to be walked. And yes, she can be smelly. Stick to your guns op, he can have one when he’s got his own place.

Stick to saying NO, for all the reasons you have outlined. Dogs live to be 12, 13, 14+ and whatever anyone says, don’t believe them, you will be the main care giver for the whole of it’s life.

I wish I’d stuck to my guns.

Ime a relationship between a dc and a ddog is magical to witness. Our ds 6 has such a strong bond with especially 2 of our 4...bedtimes stories are with the 3 of them curled on ds's bed.
Worth every poop I need to scoop.

The dogs are really no problem and bring so much happiness into our house. DH probably does most of the walks admittedly, but it's helped his physical fitness, his ties to the community (knows everyone in the neighbourhood now), and helps him destress after a day's work.

This makes it different to the OPs setup then, because she has reason to believe she'll be the one who ends up doing everything. You're speaking from the perspective of not having to.

YANBU. Thank you for being realistic and realising all the care would fall to you, and that care isn’t something you’ll enjoy doing! So many take on a dog/cat/reptile without a second thought then when they realise how much needs doing they either give up or keep the pet but don’t adequately care for it, which isn’t fair at all.

Op...I'm in exactly the same position. My ds is obsessed with dogs...me, dh and dd are not fans. He has written us essays putting forward his case. He has even said he was born in the wrong family and wishes he had a dog loving family.

We're not getting a dog...in all honesty, it would make me miserable and my life considerably worse

YANBU for the same reason my parents were not unreasonable when they did not get me a pony despite my 16 year campaign for a pony.

We did not have the money, space or time to look after a real life pony, no matter how much I loved ponies.

Now I am a grown woman who does not own a horse despite having the money because I do not want to get up in the winter to shovel poo.

YANBU. They’re a massive commitment - great if you like them and don’t mind doing all the looking after them - but no good if you don’t. You’d resent it.

We’ve got two cats and I love them, but when DS gets older I won’t be giving in to pestering on the more pets front - it’s too much work.

Nowadays you can’t even leave them tied up outside a shop for 10 mins while you buy something, because of the risk of pet theft; if you like going away for weekends it’d be even harder.

DS will come round eventually.

Ha. I was your DS as a child and your arguments were my mothers. As an adult I can tell you that my mother was absolutely right to say no. Her reasoning was completely correct. We did eventually get a dog when the youngest child in my family was 15, and then he was my Mum’s dog. I have had dogs all my adult life. It did me no harm not to have one as a child.

really problematic asthma hes set his heart on having a Capybara instead . We have been able to keep rabbits and guinea pigs but only outdoors/live in their heated shed and DH has nothing to do with them. In fairness he is very good and conscientious about them but I have been asked about this bloody Capybara every day for the last 3 months

A boy after my own heart. Sadly I live in a city centre flat so we made do with a small dog! I'd love a capybara. Dd wants sugar gliders and has done all the research. Another thing we don't have the space for.

I have had to be really firm about this, and I'm glad I have held the line for no dog. I just couldn't take it on myself, and I think even my children understand now that their lives are freer as they don't have to walk the dog/clean up after it, both have friends with dogs and love a doggy snuggle but it doesn't work for us as a family.

DON’T DO IT

We caved in to the kids and I was also pretty keen. I absolutely adore her, she’s the light of my life, but the cost, work and responsibility are huge. I do 99% of all work and we are hugely restricted on day trips and holidays etc.

I dread the day she dies, it will destroy me. But I will not get another one as there will also be some relief too.

Get the dog.