To refuse DS his 'greatest wish'

[Toomuchstuffwillkillme]

DS2 has always been a bit dog obsessed and has recently mounted a concerted campaign to persuade me we should get one.

He will love it to bits, walk it lots, play with it, it will be his best friend, his life will be enriched.

I'm just not convinced. I don't mind other people's dogs, but I'm just not a dog lover. (Surely that's a fairly basic requirement for dog ownership?) I really, really don't want to share my home with one. DH is sitting firmly on the fence on this one, so it's me who is being made to feel like the evil mean parent. DS promises he would feed, walk and love said dog, which is probably true. I have no doubt whatsoever who would end up doing the extra hoovering, floor washing, dog-food-buying, poop scooping etc.
We have several other non-furry lower maintenance pets who are loved, but would all be dead by now if I didn't look after them.
Apparently this would be different if we had a dog, I'd get loads of help looking after it, it would be hardly any work (Yeah right, while you're at school all day & I'm trying to work part time from home.)
And yes our existing pets are non-furry because I have pet hair allergies, though to be fair not usually to dogs.

I loathe going to houses which have dogs and getting covered in dog hair. Even if said houses have people who vacuum daily, they ALWAYS smell of dog. I suppose if it was our dog I'd get used to it.
Picking up dog poo is repellent.
Also, I am the polar opposite of Mrs Hinch. I dislike cleaning at the best of times, keeping the place vaguely straight and cleaning up after the kids is bad enough, the thought of adding a dog frankly terrifies me.
Oh and I like my garden. A lot. I don't want it dug up or pooed on or peed on.

As a family we enjoy travelling and visiting people, in the UK and abroad (2020 has not been a great year ). Closest family are over 3 hrs drive away. There is no-one here who would look after a dog for us. Most of the family would not appreciate us bringing a dog when we visit. We will end up either restricted to local dog-friendly holidays or spending a fortune on kennels.

Please help me out here, people who don't have a dog, or even people who do. What can I possibly say to DS to get him to see things from a different perspective. He's convinced that having a dog will make his life better and therefore mine too. I think it will be expensive, stressful, massively restrict my freedom and create a load of mum-work for minimal gain.

YABU - parenting is all about making sacrifices to keep your kids happy, if you can afford it you should suck it up and let DS have what he wants

YANBU - this is a huge lifestyle/financial commitment and if you're not 100% on board you'll end up regretting or resenting it - kids can't always have what they want

No. Reminds me of a thread I read recently, you should read it too OP.
No pets unless you want it and you want to look after it because that is what will happen!

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4016403-To-force-DD-to-keep-the-guinea-pigs-in-her-room

Has he actually used the phrase ‘my greatest wish’? That sounds like the kind of over-flowery phrase I used to use to try to emotionally blackmail my parents. It rarely worked

I’d dig your heels in. Every bit of evidence you have shows that you are going to be the one doing all the work (and shelling out all the money). He can do it himself when he grows up.

Definitely no.

Your DS doesn’t look after the pets you already have so you can guarantee he won’t be solely responsible for the dog. Dogs are huge commitments and, if you’re not fully onboard, will cause resentment.

I always wanted a dog as a child. Begged and begged and begged. My parents just said no. My dad has allergies and they didn’t want the hassle. Now I’m an adult, it’s me saying no. We have looked after a friend’s dog a couple of times and a week was enough for me.

Maybe your DS could make an arrangement to take someone else’s dog for walks or go round whilst they work to play with it.

I kind of think with these things that you think you yourself doing 100% of the work, and anything the children do is a bonus. If you’re not prepared to do that (because it will likely happen to some extent, as it has with existing pets) then I would just say no. Firmly and repeatedly.

Don't do it, I have dogs because I wanted them and assumed full responsibility for them as a condition of getting them. DH now adores them as much as I do and happily shares the load, the (now adult but 7 &11 when we got the dogs) children walk them when I ask them to but were never going to be the main carers..
One of mine is failing now and cleaning up after her is a labour of love, not resignation.

I would say no.

I had to look after MILs dog for 2 weeks very recently and my god, I will never have a dog.

I love dogs, I really do and my parents had dogs growing up, but from an adult perspective I couldn't stand it.

The dog smelt, I was having to allocate an extra 10 mins each morning to lint roll DDs uniform before school, it shat on my hand woven rug, barked at the TV every time a dog came on and wouldn't shut up for 20 minutes (see also someone knocking on the door, or any door in a 10 mile vicinity), I was hoovering like fuck, burnt through a £40 candle in 48 hours and it woke me up at 6am each morning.

I was so pleased to deliver the dog back home. DD on the other hand, had the best two weeks of her life!

It's really not all play and happiness and takes a LOT of commitment. Walking and feeding really is the tip of the iceberg.

Thank you all so much for the support I'm so glad it's not just me. If borrowmydoggy will work I think that would be a great solution, will definitely try.
Yes my little brother was always desperate for a dog, now his is mid thirties with his own house (and a toddler) there is no dog....

No is a complete answer here.
How old is he, could he volunteer for a local animal rescue shelter? A winter of walking dogs come rain, snow and wind might bring the reality home a bit...

The person who will end up doing all the work gets the final say. That would be you. No way. It's such a long term commitment.

I have pets that are much loved. They live shorter lives than dogs. I am feeling the strain of looking after them all the time and cleaning up after them. I will not be replacing them when they are no longer here

And I very much wanted them in the first place.

My brother really wanted a dog when he was around 7 and mentioned it often. He swore he'd have 3 when he was older.

By the time he was a teenager, it stopped; he was far more interested in seeing his friends, his computer, his bike.

Now he's an adult with his own family he says he won't get a dog ever. It's too much of a tie.

You're the one who'll get lumbered with the extra work and if you don't want it, of course you shouldn't agree. Also, you say you're not usually allergic to dogs. That suggests you sometimes are. Sounds a good reason in itself.

Ah just seen your update Op. Maybe we have the same brother!

I love my dog but he is a massive tie, and you have to think who will look after him if I go on holiday and kennelling can be really expensive.

Don't get one. I love my dog (and my chickens, cats and rabbit) but everything you say is true and if you don't love the idea, you'll resent the reality even more.

Just say no!
My DD starting asking for a dog at Christmas when she was 5 and has asked most years since, I like dogs, grew up with dogs and understand the work and mess involved.
However I work full time and will not leave a dog at home for 8 plus hours a day. I have a DH and whilst he enjoys long walks he has always been against a dog and he would be unable to help most days as he goes out very early and come home late or is away.
My DD is now over 21 and she still would like a dog but I know that even if she lived here full time (uni student) I would still being the person doing 90% of the care.

We've always had dogs. When our last one passed I said no more. 4 years later we have a cat and my life is vastly improved. I'll probably get another one day when I retire but right now I am certain I made the right choice (and my kids really were good at doing their share of the care).

Your reasons are solid, just say no and keep saying it.

I have a dog - I’ve always wanted one, spent years researching breeds and rehomed one that is perfect for my family. It is bloody hard work so if you are not committed, it will not work. It’s a lot of money (insurance, regular medicine, food, etc), you have to keep on top of training and have a lifestyle that suits the breed’s needs.

I love my dog and he’s made a huge difference to our family. But I don’t think it would have worked if I hadn’t been so committed and if I didn’t have DH’s support.

We have several other non-furry lower maintenance pets who are loved, but would all be dead by now if I didn't look after them.

This is reason enough to say no, without any of the other (completely valid) reasons you include in your post. It's all very well DS saying it would be "different" with a dog, but you have no way of knowing for sure. It might be "different" to start with, but once the novelty wears off the chances are it will be down to you again and by that point it will be too late.

You're not "denying" your DS anything. Pets aren't a basic human right. Getting a dog is a big commitment that impacts on the entire family, it's really not about one child's 'wish'. I also think that a child shouldn't be able to pester their Parents into sharing their home with an animal they don't even want- something about that just doesn't sit right with me.

EVEN IF your son and husband did all the work (which, let’s be honest, isn’t particularly realistic) you would still have to live with a dog. Your house would still smell like dog. There is no compromise to be had.

Well he can look after the small animals for year entirely on his own to show how mature and dedicated he is and how well he will look after a dog? And obviously help with hoovering more.

YANBU, it’s not fair when someone has to live with an animal they don’t want. I had to live with dogs throughout my childhood and hated it, even though I didn’t have to look after them. I’d hide in my bedroom a lot just to get away from them. Clearly that’s not an option you have!

Kids always promise they'll do all the walking. Then the dog arrives and suddenly they can't be arsed. So be prepared to be the one doing all the walks, whatever the weather. Then there's the expense. You'll need insurance, you'll have routine vet bills, all the usual doggy equipment (beds, leads bowls etc which quickly mount up) and food. At a rough guess I reckon my dog costs me between 100-150 per month. Finally, there's the commitment. Whenever you want to go somewhere it will either have to be dog friendly or you'll need to plan your schedule around not leaving the dog too long. When you go on holiday you will either have to limit yourselves to dog friendly accommodation or pay for boarding kennels.

Get a dog if you want a dog and fully understand all that involves. Getting a dog just to pander to a child is a silly idea.

Oh dear, this sounds like my childhood. All I ever wanted from being about 5 years old was a dog and riding lessons. I never got either of them, so from about 12 I walked the neighbours dog, without fail and in all weathers. I left home at 18 and have never been back since.

I have virtually no relationship with my parents, not that we fell out or anything dramatic, but we are very different and have nothing in common, and I suppose if i am honest I feel I was never important to them. It is quite sad really.

I got conned like this. I grew to love her, realised how much when I held her as vet did the necessary. After 15 years it was a terrible loss. Never again.

I forgave children, however I used to threaten that when they grew up I would use their furniture as trampolines like they dd mine and DD recently told me she is still nervous I am going to do it. I am tempted, revenge is tempting.

YANBU!

I was your DS who promised to walk my dog and look after it, etc. I didn't... my DM did everything for that dog, he would wait for her outside the bathroom when she went for a wee.
Don't get me wrong, I loved him, but I was a kid. I loved playing with him but didn't want to take him out for a walk on the cold dark wet mornings of winter!

How old is your DS? Could he offer to walk a neighbour's or friend's dog? Or join the "borrow my dog" schemes?