To refuse DS his 'greatest wish'

[Toomuchstuffwillkillme]

DS2 has always been a bit dog obsessed and has recently mounted a concerted campaign to persuade me we should get one.

He will love it to bits, walk it lots, play with it, it will be his best friend, his life will be enriched.

I'm just not convinced. I don't mind other people's dogs, but I'm just not a dog lover. (Surely that's a fairly basic requirement for dog ownership?) I really, really don't want to share my home with one. DH is sitting firmly on the fence on this one, so it's me who is being made to feel like the evil mean parent. DS promises he would feed, walk and love said dog, which is probably true. I have no doubt whatsoever who would end up doing the extra hoovering, floor washing, dog-food-buying, poop scooping etc.
We have several other non-furry lower maintenance pets who are loved, but would all be dead by now if I didn't look after them.
Apparently this would be different if we had a dog, I'd get loads of help looking after it, it would be hardly any work (Yeah right, while you're at school all day & I'm trying to work part time from home.)
And yes our existing pets are non-furry because I have pet hair allergies, though to be fair not usually to dogs.

I loathe going to houses which have dogs and getting covered in dog hair. Even if said houses have people who vacuum daily, they ALWAYS smell of dog. I suppose if it was our dog I'd get used to it.
Picking up dog poo is repellent.
Also, I am the polar opposite of Mrs Hinch. I dislike cleaning at the best of times, keeping the place vaguely straight and cleaning up after the kids is bad enough, the thought of adding a dog frankly terrifies me.
Oh and I like my garden. A lot. I don't want it dug up or pooed on or peed on.

As a family we enjoy travelling and visiting people, in the UK and abroad (2020 has not been a great year ). Closest family are over 3 hrs drive away. There is no-one here who would look after a dog for us. Most of the family would not appreciate us bringing a dog when we visit. We will end up either restricted to local dog-friendly holidays or spending a fortune on kennels.

Please help me out here, people who don't have a dog, or even people who do. What can I possibly say to DS to get him to see things from a different perspective. He's convinced that having a dog will make his life better and therefore mine too. I think it will be expensive, stressful, massively restrict my freedom and create a load of mum-work for minimal gain.

YABU - parenting is all about making sacrifices to keep your kids happy, if you can afford it you should suck it up and let DS have what he wants

YANBU - this is a huge lifestyle/financial commitment and if you're not 100% on board you'll end up regretting or resenting it - kids can't always have what they want

The short answer is ‘no’

No - you will be the one who will end up doing everything for the dog. I won this battle by giving my son a subscription to the dogs trust which lets him sponsor a dog and gives him regular updates on the dog he sponsors. He loved sponsoring Digby, who was re homed and then Danny. I told him he could get one when he was 15 - he was that a year ago and hasn't reminded me of my promise

You do not want this dog. You do not like dogs. You do not want to walk said dog in the rain in the winter. You do not want to be left to care for this dog. I'm going to go with the fact that a dog deserves to be in a home where it will be loved, and not treated as a pest. So do not give in. DS can get one when he leaves home.

I could have written this. I am in exactly the same position. I am, apparently, the World's Worst Parent and Most Mean Mother Ever. There are times when I think a doggie would be quite nice and then I remember: poo bags. STAY STRONG.

I have 2 dogs and I love them to bits BUT I can tell you this... You can't go out for the day without the dog or getting a dog walker or a friend to help out. There is a lot of poop not all of it soild. Even your most faithful well trained dog of 10 years who never puts a foot wrong with vomit all over your sofa, kennels will cost as much as your own holiday and so many are awful. You will do all the work.... Even when you love your dog to the moon and back - they are a major commitment and you will have to tailor your life around them for the next 16 years.

As you will be the main career and you arent keen then absolutely no way should you get one.

I had the same with my son when he wanted a parrot - i told him if he could save enough pocket and birthday money for the bird and cage then he could have one... Won't lie when he saved nearly £200 I was starting to panic that he meant it... Then he realised he could afford a games console and blew it on that instead. Maybe tell your son to save up... By the time he gets enough (if he manages to save at all) the phase will pass.

I had a dog as a child and he was great company growing up so would be lovely for your son and he may well take responsibility for it, I certainly did. We have a dog who it took me years of nagging my husband to get as he had never had a dog and didn’t feel the need. He is now totally smitten and we fight over who gets to walk the dog. That said dogs are hard work, need at least one good walk a day rain or shine, messy, expensive and a big tie. Mine is currently wet and muddy (Despite being hosed down) from her two hour walk earlier and just jumped on the sofa 🙈 definitely get a short haired dog that can be towelled dry in minutes if you do! There are probably dog sitters in your area who would look after it while you’re away but still adds expense. Are there alternatives such as the ‘borrow my doggy’ scheme locally? There are probably people who would like someone to walk their dogs? Good luck whatever you decide!

I adore dogs. My dogs are my life-savers, really, after very bad stuff. I love them so much - possibly as much as my children!
You'd think I would definitely side with your son. If you knew me you wouldn't want me near him because you'd be so sure I would lead him on. But I wouldn't. The way you feel it is far better not to have a dog. You are a sensible mum who knows herself and recognises what would go wrong. I respect you a lot. Your son just has to wait until he is an adult snd has his own house. He's not the only boy who will have to wait. Anyway, he will be at school and the dog at home with you, so he won't be with it all day. Dogs attach to the person who is with them all the time. If you go out to work tell him you definitely cannot have a dog as it is cruel to leave it alone all day.
Your son will manage. I feel for him but he will survive. Best of luck to you both.

@Jods90

All kids say how they'll do the lions share of the pet care and walks, until the novelty wears off and it's left to parents.

I wouldn't get one if I were you, they are alot of work as you already know.

It'll be a firm no from me if mine ever ask.

Which is why the dog is mine though tho it was dh and I wanting a dog not the kids asking for one. You, generally, not you Jods90, are a fool if you believe your kids will do the work without evidence of this.

Do not get one. Everything you say is true. Just don't if you feel that strongly. He can get one when he's older

Don't have a dog if you are not happy with the idea. A Dog is very sensitive and deserves to be loved by everyone in the family. I love them and have spent years with 2 but they can be a challenge. Feeding them is expensive, plus insurance for vets purposes, and having them cared for if you are away. Walking and picking up after them is a binding duty and the novelty can wear off unless there is a lot of commitment. Kids often crave for pets but often will not care for them when it is not convenient. Mine dont.
I do not have a dog now, and to be honest, I am glad.

You could try fostering a dog and see how it works? My (grown) son fosters cats through a shelter, while they are waiting for their forever home. It's a limited commitment of a few weeks only. Good trial run?

Do not get a dog.

Dogs a hard work and you will really struggle if your heart isn't in it.

What if DS gets bored and you have a whinging dog needed walks every day, whether it's raining or snowing. It will all fall on you. You might have a million and one things to do but a dog still needs daily exercising

It's a huge responsibility

They are LOADS of work. But I remember as a child the longing and desperation for a dog and how much I adored and looked after it when it finally came. I was 12 by then and really did look after it.

Also having a dog as an adult isn’t the same as sharing a childhood with one, having that furry best friend when life is tough. And an outlet and reason to be outside kept me calm I think although that is still true as an adult. I’m a huge dog lover though and see all the mental And physical health benefits. I think you need to adore them for their stink and their hair to become insignificant, and everything you say about that is true. Would you want one if your dc hoovered and mopped daily for six months say, to prove It was going to continue?

However pets are ultimately the adults’ responsibility and depending on dc ages, you may still have a dog when they leave home!

Jods90
All kids say how they'll do the lions share of the pet care and walks, until the novelty wears off and it's left to parents

This isn’t always true. It wasn’t for me and it hasn’t been for my dc.

Definitely do not get a dog. It's like having another child and you clearly aren't committed

Honestly do not get a dog. You will be left to do all the care. Also if your ds is not even a teenager yet, I personally think he is far to young to be left to walk a dog responsibly ( he wouldn't anyway).

You borrow someone else's dog and he will put in the effort to show you how much he is capable of, to convince you to get one. That won't last.

Go to 'Borrow My Doggy'. Brilliant website & company where you can borrow a great local dog for a walk, play at home, or just for company, for a short while and then you can give the dog back. Best of both worlds.

There's a further complication. I bought a second one of a terrier breed after the first highly social (dogs, humans) one died. For whatever reason the second while loving humans hates other dogs despite puppy classes, trainers etc. So it can't go to kennels or be looked after by dog carers (since they often have their own).

And please never succumb to fancy mice. I ended up cleaning up after a pair of them and dog poo has nothing on it. I do like a fancy rat though ....