To refuse DS his 'greatest wish'

[Toomuchstuffwillkillme]

DS2 has always been a bit dog obsessed and has recently mounted a concerted campaign to persuade me we should get one.

He will love it to bits, walk it lots, play with it, it will be his best friend, his life will be enriched.

I'm just not convinced. I don't mind other people's dogs, but I'm just not a dog lover. (Surely that's a fairly basic requirement for dog ownership?) I really, really don't want to share my home with one. DH is sitting firmly on the fence on this one, so it's me who is being made to feel like the evil mean parent. DS promises he would feed, walk and love said dog, which is probably true. I have no doubt whatsoever who would end up doing the extra hoovering, floor washing, dog-food-buying, poop scooping etc.
We have several other non-furry lower maintenance pets who are loved, but would all be dead by now if I didn't look after them.
Apparently this would be different if we had a dog, I'd get loads of help looking after it, it would be hardly any work (Yeah right, while you're at school all day & I'm trying to work part time from home.)
And yes our existing pets are non-furry because I have pet hair allergies, though to be fair not usually to dogs.

I loathe going to houses which have dogs and getting covered in dog hair. Even if said houses have people who vacuum daily, they ALWAYS smell of dog. I suppose if it was our dog I'd get used to it.
Picking up dog poo is repellent.
Also, I am the polar opposite of Mrs Hinch. I dislike cleaning at the best of times, keeping the place vaguely straight and cleaning up after the kids is bad enough, the thought of adding a dog frankly terrifies me.
Oh and I like my garden. A lot. I don't want it dug up or pooed on or peed on.

As a family we enjoy travelling and visiting people, in the UK and abroad (2020 has not been a great year ). Closest family are over 3 hrs drive away. There is no-one here who would look after a dog for us. Most of the family would not appreciate us bringing a dog when we visit. We will end up either restricted to local dog-friendly holidays or spending a fortune on kennels.

Please help me out here, people who don't have a dog, or even people who do. What can I possibly say to DS to get him to see things from a different perspective. He's convinced that having a dog will make his life better and therefore mine too. I think it will be expensive, stressful, massively restrict my freedom and create a load of mum-work for minimal gain.

YABU - parenting is all about making sacrifices to keep your kids happy, if you can afford it you should suck it up and let DS have what he wants

YANBU - this is a huge lifestyle/financial commitment and if you're not 100% on board you'll end up regretting or resenting it - kids can't always have what they want

Soz about spelling, exercise!

Absolutely not, if you don't want one, don't get one. It will ultimately be you who has responsibility for it, and if that's not something you want to commit to then it's not fair. I really, really, wanted a dog growing up, but volunteered to walk a neighbours dog and enjoyed it.

YANBU. Absolutely do not get a dog, it wouldn't be fair on you and it wouldn't be fair on the dog!

How old is DS? Do any friends or neighbours have dogs that they might let him walk occasionally? The burning desire might wear off if he's taking them out in the pissing rain and dark in winter, not to mention picking up all the poop

I was like your DS as a kid. I absolutely loved our dog but I never walked it. Luckily the dog was more of a family decision.

My mum looked after all of our numerous pets when I was growing up and I wish for her sake she had said NO to some of them.

Never get a dog unless all the adults are on board. I adore my dog but he's mine and I didn't get a dog until I was prepared to accept all the (many) downsides.

I could have written this post - obsessive DS, my only wish etc

Except because he knows his father has really problematic asthma hes set his heart on having a Capybara instead . We have been able to keep rabbits and guinea pigs but only outdoors/live in their heated shed and DH has nothing to do with them. In fairness he is very good and conscientious about them but I have been asked about this bloody Capybara every day for the last 3 months

So far I have been able to say no this request as fairly reasonably our garden is too small and we don't have a pond. However his birthday this year is to be 'zookeeper for a day' at a small zoo with lots of South American animals so we show we are at least listening to his interests and enthusiasms. He knows my bottom line is I as the adult who has the overall responsibility and we will not take on any animal if we are not in a situation to meet its needs and look after it as well as possible.

I think its a good opportunity for you to teach DS some important things - you don't say how old he is but he needs to think about the others in the situation instead of focusing on just what he wants and will get out of it. He needs to realistically think about you, with allergies and extra work, sharing your space with a dog, whether you and DH want to take on the extra cost and responsibility and the dog itself (is he out at school all day? who spends time with dog, what about holidays and the practical bits, is it really the best environment for dog, what if it goes wrong, how does dog get trained etc)

Dog sharing/walk my doggie/relationships with friends pets might be a much better way of allowing and acknowledging his enthusiasm and wish to care for and nurture a pet, and letting him experience some of the relationship with a dog while being fair to you , the rest of the family and the putative animal itself.

OP, please don't have a dog: you wouldn't like it and the poor dog would suffer knowing it was merely tolerated.

Just one thing I need to say and that is that not all dogs smell or shed. I've had a border terrier which barely shed and a Lakeland terrier which didn't shed at all and both smelled lovely and sweet and were very rarely bathed. I have a theory that the more you shampoo a dog the worse it smells because you strip the natural oils from the coat. But that's a digression.

I am sometimes astonished at how bad households with dogs that have long soft coats smell. Collies and spaniels seem particularly bad.

I can guarantee you’ll end up doing 99% of it all. My husband and kids all wanted a 2nd dog, I didn’t. They won, I do everything and when she’s barking or runs out the front door it’s because I haven’t trained her 🙄

I would absolutely not get a dog if you don't want a dog. And I say that as a dog lover.

It's not just their physical needs, but their emotional needs too. Dogs shouldn't really be left home alone for long periods of time or they can get bored, obviously some dogs are worse than others with this. You could end up with a dog with separation anxiety. Or even just a dog like mine that will constantly nudge you and get in your face until you give her cuddles and bum scratches.

My husband thought he would be ok with getting a dog, but he was wrong. Don't get me wrong, our dog is a very high needs dog because of her breed (which he helped choose) so that doesn't help the situation. But all he ever does is moan about her, he would be quite happy to not have her around. She really does annoy him, and she is very clever and knows that he doesn't really like her all that much, so she always misbehaves for him and won't listen to him. He is fine as long as I basically do all her care, but he does admit that if he could go back in time, he wouldn't have chosen to get a dog. He is only really happy to have her around when I've taken her for a really long walk and she's asleep in her bed for the evening. It's such a big committment that you shouldn't make unless it's what you really want.

For the record, our dog is very much loved and well cared for by me and my children. We just provide all the physical and emotional care for her

Not speaking to your parents because they wouldn't get you a dog or a pony sounds like Violet Elizabeth Bott behaviour tbh!

Oh dear OP I feel your pain. DD is like this about a dog. But it's your house and you can say no! We have cats, who DD adores and that helps a lot with my argument. But I also tell her:

• Everyone in the house has to want a dog - and me and DS don't
• I will not do it because I don't like dog smell
• I can't guarantee to have time to walk it and that's not OK for the dog

Also, there are other options for your DS as he gets older - helping a neighbour with dog walks, or being a paid dog-walker, or volunteering at a rescue place etc looking after dogs. And I tell DD she can always have a dog when she has her own place.

Several of DD's friends have recently got dogs which is bad in one way as she's jealous, but also good because she can hang out with them, and gets some idea of the downsides too. One family have got a puppy and it's definitely put me of ever, ever doing it - its a nightmare. You're not into it so don't. It's not terrible for your DS to not get something he wants. It's just life.

You tell DS he has to prove his commitment to existing pets for a period of one year during which he alone provides top-notch care for them.

IF he succeeds then I'd seriously consider letting him have a dog. IME dog rescue charities are very good at matching dogs to owners so you don't need to dread garden digging, misbehaviour , excessive shedding etc.

Meanwhile, why not look around the neighbourhood for some older or infirm person who would appreciate free walks for their dog by your son. Another chance to prove his dog commitment and reliability, practice the use of poobags etc.

Not unreasonable at all... for all the reasons you mentioned and it's a commitment of some 15 years

Don’t do it. I have a cat, my third, and I adore him, but he is a tie and everything has to be arranged around him. If your son is old enough, he could walk someone else’s dog.

How old is your son?

Ds is the same and has been since he was little. He's going to live in the Antarctic when he's older with a team of huskies, and a helicopter.
Or have a huge house with 6 dogs, 2 cats, an aviary of budgies, a parrot (on his shoulder) and a huge pond of fish. Plus possibly a few rabbits and guinea pigs for good measure.

Because I've been consistent in just saying it isn't going to happen until he leaves home he does accept it.

The number of people I know whose dc/dh adored dogs and was desperate for one and they gave way, and within a month the dc/dh was bored of them and they've been left doing everything.

Lots of support for your perspective OP... here is an alternative story. My DC begged and begged for a dog. I grew up with them so was ok with idea. My DH absolutely opposed. Adadmently did not want one. Lots of reasons similar to yours.

Fast forward 7 years and 2 dogs later. DH besotted with dogs. Admits it was the best thing we've ever done. My DC loves them both so much and helps walk and picks up mess. Has been so good for DC in all kinds of way. Being responsible for a living creature. Having someone who loves them unconditionally.

The dogs are really no problem and bring so much happiness into our house. DH probably does most of the walks admittedly, but it's helped his physical fitness, his ties to the community (knows everyone in the neighbourhood now), and helps him destress after a day's work. We found a local dog walker who helps out for a v reasonably fee. Have never had to ask for help from family or friends despite us going away as usual.

You are thinking of the worst attached to a dog. It is rarely as bad as you think it will be and, as my DH found out, is more often that they bring so much more to you than the time it takes to look after them.

I have one, I wanted him and love him to bits. He doesnt smell because he's half poodle. But I dont think you ought to get one as it would purely be for your son's benefit. A dod would be a 12-15 year commitment. Toilet training a puppy is hard work, just like having a new born baby (in terms of waking up all through the night!) We are restricted in terms of holidays and visiting family, as we can't always afford the kennels. The vet bills are expensive and special food, if it develops a food allergy. In your case I'd say no. When he grows up, he can have his own dog.

Most children want a dog. (apart from me, I wanted a cat)
But it's a rare child that really REALLY does all the looking after.
And no child ever paid for all that dog's food and vet bills

I have a dog and voted YANBU. The hair, mud, poo, dog food, vets bills, boarding bills etc. They are all real. Plus you will end up walking it.

Sure if you get one you will love it - but you will also be adding a lot of extra work to your life.

YANBU at all, any pet requires care and attention, and the whole family needs to be on board with the idea. I personally think dogs are lovely and rewarding pets, but they're not for everyone.
Also it's worth remembering that as the adult you'll be the one paying for vet bills, etc. not your DS.

Dog boarding is £25-30 a night by the way. And holidays involve you dropping your dog off before going unless they live very locally. Vets are extortionate. Mine got run over (£6k 10 years ago) and needed an emergency speying(£2k). That's before the shots and ear infections etc.

You don’t want a dog so that’s the end of the conversation , when he has his own home he can get as many dogs as he wants . Saying no to this is no different to saying no to children about anything else .

Yanbu. Dog owners homes do smell doggy, even if they think they don’t! Your garden will become a churned house sea of mud, future holidays will need an extra £200/300 budgeting for kennels. Dogs vomit and fart and shake slobber and mud everywhere (my now DH even had dog slobber in the freezing ceiling when I met him, luckily his old dog didn’t last too long).

Ifyou don’t want to be the ‘bad’ guy can I suggest you get a rescue dog, something old, placid and happy to be adopted. That way you get a year or two to see if DS lives up to his promises, an old dog gets a loving home and you’re not stuck with a shitting, farting, hair dropping dog fir the next 15 years!

@chipperfish a capybara is that even a pet