To refuse DS his 'greatest wish'

[Toomuchstuffwillkillme]

DS2 has always been a bit dog obsessed and has recently mounted a concerted campaign to persuade me we should get one.

He will love it to bits, walk it lots, play with it, it will be his best friend, his life will be enriched.

I'm just not convinced. I don't mind other people's dogs, but I'm just not a dog lover. (Surely that's a fairly basic requirement for dog ownership?) I really, really don't want to share my home with one. DH is sitting firmly on the fence on this one, so it's me who is being made to feel like the evil mean parent. DS promises he would feed, walk and love said dog, which is probably true. I have no doubt whatsoever who would end up doing the extra hoovering, floor washing, dog-food-buying, poop scooping etc.
We have several other non-furry lower maintenance pets who are loved, but would all be dead by now if I didn't look after them.
Apparently this would be different if we had a dog, I'd get loads of help looking after it, it would be hardly any work (Yeah right, while you're at school all day & I'm trying to work part time from home.)
And yes our existing pets are non-furry because I have pet hair allergies, though to be fair not usually to dogs.

I loathe going to houses which have dogs and getting covered in dog hair. Even if said houses have people who vacuum daily, they ALWAYS smell of dog. I suppose if it was our dog I'd get used to it.
Picking up dog poo is repellent.
Also, I am the polar opposite of Mrs Hinch. I dislike cleaning at the best of times, keeping the place vaguely straight and cleaning up after the kids is bad enough, the thought of adding a dog frankly terrifies me.
Oh and I like my garden. A lot. I don't want it dug up or pooed on or peed on.

As a family we enjoy travelling and visiting people, in the UK and abroad (2020 has not been a great year ). Closest family are over 3 hrs drive away. There is no-one here who would look after a dog for us. Most of the family would not appreciate us bringing a dog when we visit. We will end up either restricted to local dog-friendly holidays or spending a fortune on kennels.

Please help me out here, people who don't have a dog, or even people who do. What can I possibly say to DS to get him to see things from a different perspective. He's convinced that having a dog will make his life better and therefore mine too. I think it will be expensive, stressful, massively restrict my freedom and create a load of mum-work for minimal gain.

YABU - parenting is all about making sacrifices to keep your kids happy, if you can afford it you should suck it up and let DS have what he wants

YANBU - this is a huge lifestyle/financial commitment and if you're not 100% on board you'll end up regretting or resenting it - kids can't always have what they want

I think people have already suggested some good ideas about letting him walk dogs for other people and gain some experience and understanding of what it really takes to look after a dog properly. Depending on his age and character you might also try appealing to another aspect and see if he would be willing to help train 'aid' dogs or guide dogs. He could start out finding local people that have a dog but maybe age, health, disability etc means they can't walk the dog or play with it in the garden as much as they would like to, so maybe your son could help out and share in the responsibility (without you having to own a dog or have one in your house!) Once he has gained some skills, learned how to build a trusting relationship with an intelligent animal like a dog & realises how much time and money you need to invest (would he use pocket money to contribute towards the cost of a pet?) Perhaps by then he'd be a little older and wiser and may be ready to commit to volunteering with a dog-related charity or organisation. Obviously whether he helps a local individual or a charity for aid dogs you would need to know where he was, be able to trust any people he has contact with, and trust him if someone is relying on him. Good luck, this is a tough one though you have listed lots of good reasons as to why he should not be able to have a pet dog in the family home.

YANBU. We got a dog recently. She's a lovely girl and we will give her the best life we can but dear God it's like having another toddler in the house....

No, stand your ground.
Dogs are hard work and it probably, will be down to you.
Dogs are expensive and finding kennels when you go on holidays, add to the expense.
You have put a lot of thought into this, which is reassuring, as I have seen dog programs where, someone has brought a dog, with out thinking it through. My son would love a dog, but I have had to tell him, we don't have the money, but if we ever did, it would be a small dog, as myself and partner work, so it would be unfair on a bigger dog.
Depending on his age, why not suggest, he walks a neighbours dog, or put an add saying he could walk someone's dog. This way he gets the experience, but not the commitment.

MASSIVE life changing commitment, don’t do it, it has to be a family commitment.
I’d never had dogs, we got one because my daughter is an only child and really wanted one. I love my fur babies but they are a huge commitment.
We can’t go away easily & don’t go abroad now
We don’t have days out to non dog friendly places for more than a few hours
Ours don’t malt particularly but the dirt they bring in is disheartening and we are always cleaning!
Dogs baby teeth during mouthing stage ripped numerous holes in skin and clothes
Non malting dogs require regular grooming = expensive
Kennels / house sitter = expensive
Decent pet insurance =
Expensive & goes up every year and that without claiming and not £6pm like I’d thought initially!
Dog we can burn lawns, DH constantly removing burn patches and replacing with fresh grass so we have a nice lawn
Picking up poop is gross especially if you get a sloppy one and get it on your hands 🤢
Walks in ALL weathers rain or shine every day at least once a day pref 2
Or 3!
Fire works are a no no
Garden needs escape proofing

Plus side they give you a lovely welcome home, always happy to see you. They are loyal and love their pack (you). Mine especially cockapoo love to cuddle. You never feel lonely at home. They make a home feel like a home. I miss them when they’re not there.

YANBU. If you are having to look after and care for the previous furry members adopted to your family then you can be certain that this is how DS dog ownership will go.
Perhaps when it is cold an raining in the coming months as him to walk to the shop for some milk or bread, if he complains remi d him of the need to walk a dog twice a day ( at least ) in all weathers.
Many people get dogs and then spend a fortune putting g them in doggie daycare while they attend work. Personally I think this is barmy and if you don't have the time for a dog you shouldn't get one.
I'm with you on this, stick to your guns, if your DS is old enough he might find someone elderly who would appreciate someone to walk their four legged companion, he might even get paid for the opportunity too!

Yeah .... don’t get a dog. You know it.

I second (third?!) the suggestion of borrow my doggie!

Yanbu. I desperately wanted a dog all throughout my childhood and begged my mum to let me have one, with no success.

I was sad about it at the time, but in hindsight she totally made the right decision.

You’re probably not being unreasonable but .. We’re in a similar position but it’s my hubby who’s saying no. The kids and I would love a dog but he will not even consider it ever. I’ve wanted one since I was a child but my parents said no and now it’s my hubby. I’ve said I’ll wait till I retire (early hopefully) so that I can be at home with a dog but it’s still a no. After being seriously ill and near death a month ago I’m considering my options. I’ve told him that I will get a dog when I retire and that it might be better if we live apart. When he saw I was serious he did say that he might be able to share our home with a dog xx

YANBU.

I love my dog and she has been a complete joy for the last 9 years but I will NOT be getting another dog once she has departed.

They are toddlers that never grow up, they require far more training, are expensive to own, make more mess than anyone else in your house and you're right: you will be left walking, feeding and cleaning up after this dog.

Everything in your house will be covered in hair and your house will smell of dog, particularly in the summer.

You need to put a stop to this campaign immediately. No means no and DS will have to get used to it.

You're not a dog lover so don't even consider it.

@GoodGirlsGuide

I second (third?!) the suggestion of borrow my doggie!

Try 23rd

Yup! Everything you listed is what Dog ownership is! It’s one thing sacrificing all of that for the pure joy of having a Dog because you are a Dog lover, but if you don’t like Dogs it’s madness to even consider it. You will resent it even if your DS does everything for it and No dog deserves to be owned by someone that doesn’t like them. The Dog will know. For me it’s a trade off. Yes I have all of those issues because of my Dog but because I totally adore him, I accept the mess, the ruined lawn, the poo scooping, missed holidays etc.

As other PP have said, tell him No. He can have one when he gets a home of his own.

If you are not totally on board with it OP then it would just not work. And I am total animal lover and did get the dog for my boys. They take work to train and several daily walks in all weathers (dogs not my boys!). And lots of dogs have their little antisocial quirks,

Borrow My Doggy is a great idea. A couple of friends do it and they say it works well.

YANBU - I have two dogs, love them stupidly but they are constant work and expense so you have to really be committed. The whole family needs to be on board or it just doesn’t work. They bring so much joy but are smelly, hairy, destructive. My 10 month old pup has eaten the kitchen cupboards, dining chairs, living room floor, destroyed several expensive items like prescription glasses and AirPods and we are at home all day (even without Covid). That one pup costs us about £180 a month without any surprise items. This week I’ve had an extra £75! Wouldn’t change my life but you’ve got to be all in 👍

OP You really answered your own question.
You sound like me when I was being emotionally blackmailed--convinced
I love my dog to bits, but would never do it again.

We had a dog, it massively restricted what we could do, much more than we'd realised it would. Always having to have low end caravans, no nice hotels etc due to not accepting dogs and kennels are extortionate. When I was expecting my 4th child, the dog reacted very badly, started messing in the house even after just being walked. Took her to the vets, ruled out anything physical and he said she could pick up the changes going on and was getting stressed, so after discussions with the rescue place we got her from, she went back and was homed with a single person and she's now very settled and happy. It was horrible at the time, we all cried for days, but now we can go where we want for as long as we want and I can work full time now the kids are at school and I don't have to worry about the dog being home alone all day.

My daughter decided she wanted a dog enlisted her brother and father to persuade me. I’d grown up with cats as pets and my mother telling me a story about finding an Alsatian in our garden baring it’s teeth and snarling at me when I was a toddler so had always been scared of them.
I agreed to walking dogs with them at the local rescue centre which persuaded me that it might be a good idea if we got a puppy. He arrived and was a right handful to start with but loved by the kids, their friends, my husband and eventually me.
He died recently and is greatly missed, walking him and watching the the kids play with him were a great pleasure and when the kids left home and my husband was working away he was company.
If you have a rescue centre it might be worth trying a few walks with a friend who has a dog without telling the family.

Don't ask me I'm A DOG PERSON!! Get one, get one, get one, get one !!!!!
I know lots of people who didn't like dogs - got one and are now converted dog people. It is AMAZING for kids - responsibilities, kindness, understanding, companionship ... oh so enriching in so many ways....

This said - I totally understand. They are hard work (some are far easier than others).

I had mine from being a pup (I didn't want a pup - but I was cajoled by 2 small children twisting my rubber arm). This said they are true to their word - they love, feed, pick up after, train, walk and even hoover up after him! That's not saying I don't do all the same as well - and he's still my dog!

Yes, he can be dirty, smell and shed like buggery (you can get non-shedders that are far less allergic - though I'm not sure hyperallergenic actually truly exists).

Ours is very well trained, doesn't , up, travels brilliantly, does a multitude of VERY entertaining tricks - which my daughter has literally spent hours, days, weeks training him to do. She has the patience of a saint!

My suggestion would be to go with your DS to Dogs Trust or similar - see if you can find an older (non-shedding dog) who needs a good home. If it doesn't work out for any reason - Dogs Trust will ask you to return the dog directly to them... nothing lost if you honestly regret it.

Otherwise, like has been said before, give your DS a firm 'NO' and he can get whatever doggy he likes when he has his own home. Good luck with that one! runs for cover

I have dogs, but I would always say to anyone considering getting one that you shouldnt unless you really REALLY want one with everything you have. Dogs are hard work, and unless you can maneuver your lifestyle to easily suit a dogs needs (exercise, company, vet treatments etc) it's not worth it.

YANBU
I have a dog that I love very much but he still needs feeding, walking, cleaning up after, creates extra laundry and housework - all the things you mentioned.
Effectively, its like having another child. It is a personal decision and you have to want it yourself.
If you don't want a dog in your household, that's a (perfectly reasonable) decision which your DS should respect. Although he may be upset, it would be worse for him and the dog if you got one and then found that you really couldn't keep it.

I can't bear people that have dogs that they don't train, research the breed and understand their breed specific needs EMG. Spaniels need to play find type games, terriers need to dog and hunt, collies need mental stimulation.

You don't just get a dog.

Don't do it. Just don't.

I was that child, and I thought my Mum was the most unreasonable person on the planet.
I was determined that I was going to grt one as soon as I was living independently. I'm 54 now and I still don't have one, because I grew up and realised that my Mum was right. I've used exactly the same words to my children on yhe yopic as she did to me in fact. I still love dogs, and I will seriously look at getting one when I retire. I have always loved the idea of having a dog and I still do, but I know that the realities mean it is not yet practical for us. It isn't fair on either the dog or the humans to get one if you can't willingly give it the necessary time and attention. You aren't depriving your son, you are being a sensible adult.

Dogs are a nightmare and high maintenance, especially if you get a puppy. If you and your DH work and the dog will spend a lot of time alone, it’s also unfair on the dog. He can wait until he’s an adult and take the responsibility on himself. I love dogs, but I would never own one, as the responsibility is huge.

Well OP, My DS and DD promised the world and beyond. We have just gotten a puppy 5 years after they first asked. DH was against it until now as he believed it was too much commitment. But he is on board and so am I as I wanted a dog. YOU need to want the dog as does your DH as both you and DH will do EVERYTHING with the dog from day 1.

We now adore our puppy but my God, it is HARD, HARD work. I am chained to the house until she gets her vaccines and I do all the toilet training (DH does it when he is here and DC take her out but as I am 100% here with her, I am in charge of it. It is exhausting. However, the rewards are great. But, a huge but, only if you can love the dog - otherwise, honestly, why would you do it? It is a huge commitment and the reward is the love you feel for the dog, but if, like my DSis, you are not a dog person, then you should say no.