To refuse DS his 'greatest wish'

[Toomuchstuffwillkillme]

DS2 has always been a bit dog obsessed and has recently mounted a concerted campaign to persuade me we should get one.

He will love it to bits, walk it lots, play with it, it will be his best friend, his life will be enriched.

I'm just not convinced. I don't mind other people's dogs, but I'm just not a dog lover. (Surely that's a fairly basic requirement for dog ownership?) I really, really don't want to share my home with one. DH is sitting firmly on the fence on this one, so it's me who is being made to feel like the evil mean parent. DS promises he would feed, walk and love said dog, which is probably true. I have no doubt whatsoever who would end up doing the extra hoovering, floor washing, dog-food-buying, poop scooping etc.
We have several other non-furry lower maintenance pets who are loved, but would all be dead by now if I didn't look after them.
Apparently this would be different if we had a dog, I'd get loads of help looking after it, it would be hardly any work (Yeah right, while you're at school all day & I'm trying to work part time from home.)
And yes our existing pets are non-furry because I have pet hair allergies, though to be fair not usually to dogs.

I loathe going to houses which have dogs and getting covered in dog hair. Even if said houses have people who vacuum daily, they ALWAYS smell of dog. I suppose if it was our dog I'd get used to it.
Picking up dog poo is repellent.
Also, I am the polar opposite of Mrs Hinch. I dislike cleaning at the best of times, keeping the place vaguely straight and cleaning up after the kids is bad enough, the thought of adding a dog frankly terrifies me.
Oh and I like my garden. A lot. I don't want it dug up or pooed on or peed on.

As a family we enjoy travelling and visiting people, in the UK and abroad (2020 has not been a great year ). Closest family are over 3 hrs drive away. There is no-one here who would look after a dog for us. Most of the family would not appreciate us bringing a dog when we visit. We will end up either restricted to local dog-friendly holidays or spending a fortune on kennels.

Please help me out here, people who don't have a dog, or even people who do. What can I possibly say to DS to get him to see things from a different perspective. He's convinced that having a dog will make his life better and therefore mine too. I think it will be expensive, stressful, massively restrict my freedom and create a load of mum-work for minimal gain.

YABU - parenting is all about making sacrifices to keep your kids happy, if you can afford it you should suck it up and let DS have what he wants

YANBU - this is a huge lifestyle/financial commitment and if you're not 100% on board you'll end up regretting or resenting it - kids can't always have what they want

My kids want a dog.

It's just a no. I don't want one. The children (teens and a pre teen) are home alone regularly and in my opinion it would be vastly more irresponsible to allow the pre teen especially to be alone with a dog than just alone. Dogs are like guns - they can kill and injure If the owner treats them irresponsibly, and it's always the owner's fault. Leaving a child alone with either is reckless and asking for something awful to happen.

Dogs are one of the most restrictive House pets. They restrict owner's lives massively in terms of not just holidays and free time but work too.

We're out too much to settle a new rescue dog or puppy in. Most dogs bark endlessly and destroy stuff if left home alone.

You have to shut doors if you have a dog. All the doors in our house are always open. Rooms get stuffy or even damp If the doors are always closed. Dogs steal food and destroy stuff and smell.

In a selfish and absolutely petty level I cannot stand the sound of a dog licking itself in a quiet room. That Sound going in and in in acquiet room would be genuine torture and drive me over the edge... It'd honestly destroy my pleasure in sitting quietly in my own living room.

The children can have dogs when they're grown up if their working lives are flexible enough. I don't want to live with one.

We have other pets.

Just say no. It's a complete sentence.

You can always follow up with
We have several other non-furry lower maintenance pets who are loved, but would all be dead by now if I didn't look after them.

You would be downright irresponsible to get a dog on the promise that all its care would be the responsibility of a child that doesnt look after the existing family pets and doesn't have experience of looking after dogs.

@Clariana

Oh dear, this sounds like my childhood. All I ever wanted from being about 5 years old was a dog and riding lessons. I never got either of them, so from about 12 I walked the neighbours dog, without fail and in all weathers. I left home at 18 and have never been back since.

I have virtually no relationship with my parents, not that we fell out or anything dramatic, but we are very different and have nothing in common, and I suppose if i am honest I feel I was never important to them. It is quite sad really.

This situation sounds literally nothing like your childhood.

Your situation sounds a bit odd to be honest, which is a great shame, but not like the OPs.

We currently have three cats and a dog but have had more animals, in the last year we have lost two .

Every single time we have adopted a pet it has been my pet. The children have fed them and in some cases cleaned them out, but I have always assumed I would take the biggest responsibility.

Four years ago we got a dog. She is MINE! . The children sometimes come with dh and I when we walk her but don't take her on their own as they don't want to pick up poo. I have no issue with that.

I think you say no. No matter what your son says it is outrageous to abandon other pets to the point they would be dead with out, never mind ask for a dog!

YANBU

You have thought about all the negative consequences of getting a dog and you have decided it is not a good idea for multiple reasons. This is much more admirable than the clowns who have a passing whim for a furry toy and put it out on the street after the reality fails to match the sanitised fantasy. Don't cave.

It’s pretty clear you don’t want a dog, so I would say no. I wouldn’t go along the lines of making deals, making him go for walks or help with smaller pets to prove his responsibility etc because you would be hoping he failed the whole time because you really don’t want a dog. And if he did go for the walks, help with smaller pets etc, would you then go out and get a dog you don’t want?

I would just say that you don’t want a dog but when he has his own place he can get his own dog.

I wouldn't get one if you don't want them. Adults get pets not children. We have two dogs which I love but they are low maintenance types, minimal walking needed and they don't shed fur at all so no additional vacuuming. They are expensive though. Recent £800 vet bill, regular £50 haircuts. If you wouldn't love them, all if that will just piss you off alongside the general feeding and picking up poo.

If you get a dog it needs to be yours, your DS is too young for the responsibility.

Nooooo. Just say NO!
It was not my DS who wanted a dog, it was my DH. Mainly because I started filling in the forms for a rescue cat which was the pet I wanted and felt I could commit to.
But DH moved faster and got a dog. Swiftly followed by another. They are older dogs but still a lot of work and I am the one who is at home the most as I wfh.
So I am left wtih the constant barking at anyone coming within 5 metres of the house, cleaning up the accidents, walking at lunchtime (I made it very clear I would not be getting up early to walk them and to be fair, DH does that!) dealing with the poo, sorting the food delivery, worrying about them when they have eaten something they shouldn't etc.
I do love them dearly but it is like having two hairy toddlers and, if you are at home more than anyone else, you will likely end up doing a fair bit of the heavy lifting. They are adorable but I have a full time job and three kids, that was enough already for me in terms of chores and responsibilities!

Yanbu my 5yo wants a dog more than anything else in the world. I don't therefore we are not getting one . End of conversation. ( Well for me she's still whinging about it)

Forgot to add, I wouldn’t say you’re thinking about it or anything like that if you don’t want a dog.

It’s really frustrating as a kid for parents to say ‘we’ll see’ when really they mean no. If you tell him a straight answer then you can be firm in telling him not to ask any more or to keep pestering about it.

@Toomuchstuffwillkillme
I really wanted a dog...but parents are dog haters.

So..I walked other people's dogs from age 11, and when my own son was 8 got one from the Bristol Dog's Home...A Traveller's Stray found dumped after they had moved off site.

She was recommended to us by a staff member, and really cleaning up your own dog's poo isn't bad.
BUT..dogs are a massive tie.
They need lots of daily exercise in all weathers..and the more they walk, the fitter they get!

YOU will be the exerciser, though.
We had a second dog, a Whippet, who really bonded with DS from the first... and that was extremely good for DS.

He was an only child, and the Whippet was like a confidante.

Whippets and Lurchers don't smell...and the FOOD makes a vast difference to smell.

Raw and natural food, and good dental care stops the doggy smell.

BUT....even short coated dogs shed.

Non moulters like poodles tend to smell in my experience...plus they are very very Yappy.

My DS is now 28. He and his GF adopted a rescue this year. We couldn’t have managed a dog in childhood but he is so happy he finally has his wish.

I really, really don't want to share my home with one.

You just answered your own question! Of course you shouldn't get a dog you don't want just to please your son. A dog is a living creature, not a bloody Xbox!

Oh and one extra point. Don't know if you have any carpets downstairs. We did before the dogs arrived, carpets were soon destroyed and smelly. Now hard floor all the way through which was an additional expense!

Very sensible of you OP.

Can't stand to hear of people who get a pet 'because the children want one.'

I know there are exceptions but children do not generally end up taking care of pets, it almost always falls to the parents.

I got my dog as a small puppy when I retired. I love her dearly but everything you've said in your OP is true; they are hard work, expensive and an enormous tie, which I'm happy with because it was my decision and I knew what I was getting myself into.

Stick to your guns. One day he'll be the adult and he can make the decision to have a dog or not when he's more aware of what's involved.

On first night of adopting from Dog's Home. at 1am...Son overtired but excited.......She was easy to housetrain. But the effort needs to be put in by you, the adult for this :)

I would LOVE a dog, so would my boys, but realistically they are a huge commitment which I haven’t got time for at the moment. Luckily, my friend had a dog we walk!

I have a dog who I absolutely adore and would not be without but you are not BU. I had all the same promises and my dd is good but it's still me doing the majority. The difference is that I wanted the dog too. That's the crucial part. Also mine is a long lived breed so even though dc are still primary age the dog will probably be here long after they have left for uni etc. Something to think about if older age is making it more likely your ds will take more responsibility

Don't do it. My dd(10) really, really wanted a dog, was going to do everything your son says. Dh and I wanted a dog anyway so we got one. Dd was over it in 2 days. He didn't live up to the mythical dog she had built up in her head. Dh and I adore him but if we were just getting him because dd wanted one then it wouldn't have worked out well.

I've said no to this and I'm not budging. We walk dogs from the local animal rescue place as a compromise, and the kids have ever changing lists of the kinds of dog they are going to get when they are grown up and left home. A minimum of two each apparently .

Well done for making a considered, rational decision rather than giving in to whim and pressure. You will be a good role model for your child. That’s far more important than the outcome of this one decision.

I would love a dog (love all dogs) however I minded a friend's for a weekend and I could not wait for him to go. It was an extra "person" to clean up after/ make sure fed/ male sure excercised. My kids are small and still in nappies so probably that was a big factor. My mam hated dogs and we always had one. It's only now I get all the moaning she did (a LOT).

In your situation I’d say no. A dog is a pet that the whole family really needs to be on board with.

Nope; the whole household has to be on board and there are a number of perfectly good reasons you are not comfortable to have a dog in your home and you are the one who would have to do all the related work. End of story.