Unhelpful 'strange' man during medical emergency

[JoMoJaney]

I'm returning after a bit of time not posting. So this happened last week. Aibu to not be able to help feeling angry about this unhelpful man.

My 16 year old DS was walking home alone after seeing friends at around 8.30 / 9PM. He suddenly felt a 'really strange' sensation in his chest and noticed his 'breathing felt a bit funny' he then noticed that his heart seemed to be beating very very fast. Within a couple of minutes he felt like he couldn't keep walking home as he was feeling very faint and dizzy and like he might pass out. He went to his phone to call me or his dad only to discover his battery was dead. (I'm always telling him to make sure his phone is well charged and believe me we have now had a very big conversation about always doing this in the future, but that's a side issue). Starting to panic my son approached a man who was cycling and who had stopped to do something to his bike and said I'm really sorry to bother you but .... (explained the situation) and asked if the man could ring us for him or just call him an ambulance as he was very scared and something was obviously wrong. Before I come back to the man in question what happened was that he had a heart rate of 210 due to going into an abnormal heart rhythm called SVT (supra ventricular tachycardia). The paramedics established this as the cause and he was taken to A&E. They corrected the abnormal rhythm in A&E with drugs. When I arrived at the hospital it was so scary as I expected to find him in a normal cubicle but he was in the 'resus' area and attached to so many things will all these wires. He stayed in hospital overnight for observation and left the following day after the consultants ward rounds. The condition and what we have to do next has been fully explained to us and it should not have a debilitating effect on his life. He can continue as normal and if he keeps getting these episodes there is a very effective key hole surgery type procedure that can provide a cure. I'm cutting a long story and lots of information short.

I should say the staff of a local restaurant near were my son was taken ill were wonderful. Both me and my son have been to talk to the manager and staff who helped him and thanked them. I'm so grateful those people helped. Also the doctors and nurses - absolutely amazing can not praise enough. My son said the paramedics were also brilliant...... the man who my son approached for help - not so much.

Firstly, my son is a softly spoken and polite boy who isn't especially big for a 16 year old and this was a middle aged man so I don't think there is anything intimidating about my son. My son said to him that he was really sorry to bother him but explained what happened. My son did not ask to use his phone but asked if he (the man) could call us (his parents) or an ambulance for him. He explained everything and I know he must of looked and sounded terrified because the lovely people in the restaurant told me that he did. The man in question had the initial response of "I don't know, it's a bit strange" my son replied I know I'm sorry it's just I don't know what's wrong with me I just (proceed to explain what happened and his symptoms again and show his phone was dead). My son then sat down on the floor at this point because he felt like he was about to pass out. When he sat down and said he felt very faint the man said "now this is getting even more strange. I think you need to walk to one of the restaurants if you need help. I do have a phone but this is just all very starnge". At this point my son decided no matter how faint he felt he needed to do that and walk to a nearby open restaurant. As he walked away the guy said "well I hope you get better but this is all very strange".

I know I shouldn't dwell too much on one person who wouldn't help when the people in the restaurant were so good - called an ambulance, called me, sat him down in the restaurant in a private area, talked to him, tried to keep him calm etc. But my son keeps saying he doesn't understand what the guy meant. Its bothering him because he wonders what the guy thought he was doing. He keeps saying he was "looking at me like I was a crazy person, like I was totally mad." I know it's not common to be approached by someone asking for help / saying that need an ambulance but if someone approached me saying that, without question I'd phone them an ambulance. I'm sure the vast majority of people would.

I'm so grateful for all who helped and I'm focusing more on that but I can't imagine how if anyone of any age approached you in the street in need of help and having an urgent medical problem why you wouldn't want to help. It's frustrating there are people like that. If it was them or their child or any member of their family in need of help presumably they would want someone to help. aibu to think the only one who was 'strange' in all this is him?

Also to add: the paramedics literally wouldn't let my son walk from the restaurant to the ambulance, they brought the stretcher in. My son said he though he could walk as he didn't want to be stretchered out but they said they couldn't let him walk with such a high heart rate and a low blood pressure (apparently the SVT episode can also often cause blood pressure to drop) and that it would be possible to pass out... so its not overkill to say in getting up from where he sat on the floor to walk to the restaurant could have made him pass out.

Obviously I was just so worried and stressed and the thought of someone basically telling him to f off when he needed help is horrible

If the man was that nervous of OPs son he could have gone to the restaurant himself to seek help. What sort of human being just ignores another asking for help when there is a way to safely get that help?

I'm glad to see you've moved on and are letting it go OP I think we do focus on different things in emergencies especially afterwards.

On the man though I suppose I swing to two extremes on the one hand perhaps he was worried and anxious about being mugged. Sad but understandable in this day and age. Also within this possibly he does have MH concerns or LD. totally understandable to hesitate.

On the other though, some people genuinely cannot comprehend anything outside their narrow existence and I personally have little time for that. I've seen in on here and in real life a lot the faux wide eyed "but it's so strange , why is it so strange" it's a somewhat arrogant belief that anything outside of your own experience and perception must be off somehow so he could be one of those. In that case refusing to help because he doesnt "understand " is abhorrent.

Either way you are never likely to find out. In reality for most people who are rational and have capacity there are lots of ways he could have helped and kept himself safe. But he didnt and thankfully you are all ok.

I think he was thinking it was a mugging tactic. He didn't need to keep saying it was strange, he should of just asked him to go into a restaurant and said he didn't have a phone. I would in that circumstance gone with him on my bike to the door.

Glad your son is ok !

Focus on your son.

Perhaps the man was Asperger's or has anxiety or whatever but why is this the focus

My DD collapsed when out running on the local golf course and despite a number of golfers walking past her not one stopped to help her. They also didn't help me locate her after she called me and I was running about the golf course like a loon looking for her. Some people just don't give a shit. I had to half carry her to my car and still no one assisted. We hardly looked threatening.

I have SVT, it’s very scary when an episode happens but it’s good to know that an episode isn’t dangerous short term, while it happens it feels horrific but it will be ok.
I had the procedure I think you’re talking about- an ablation, was life changing, highly recommend.

Tell your son if his heart does that again; to hold his breathe and push down like he’s doing a poo, whilst holding his breathe. Splash super cold water on his face, and generally to avoid alcohol and caffeine, and avoid bending down and standing up too quickly- that can set off an episode.

Regarding the man, maybe he was mugged before or something.

Really glad your son is ok and on the bright side it’s a cracker of a coming out story!

Any first responder training teaches you to make sure you are aware of risks around you and to ensure your own safety before responding to an incident. It was very clear by his response that this man felt unsafe in this situation. Please bear in mind that he did not know your son or his background and you don't know this man's background either. Fixating on this man and trying to blame him for what happened to your son is not helpful or fair.

The cyclist was being odd. YANBU. I've helped distressed teens before, and I'm 5 foot nothing.

Glad your son is ok and sounds like the local restaurant staff were super.
This man sounds like he may have some kind of learning difficulty or maybe ASD or maybe just a very nervous person.

You can say what you would do all you want, but your actions may not correspond when you are actually faced with that specific situation.

Yesterday a man brashly asked me to move from some seats at the exit of Tesco as he needed to sit down, I did, and he was really apologetic. Thinking nothing more, I walked to my car but by the time I got in, he had collapsed on the floor (cutting his head) and was having a seizure. I felt awful because I could have done more to help him - I could have asked if he was okay, possibly calling the ambulance myself or provided reassurance. He may not have hurt his head etc. Instead there I was thinking he was a bit rude for asking me to move, but in reality he was very unwell and even at his lowest point he had the courtesy to apologise to me.

Strangers approaching you in need of emergency assistance is a rare occurrence and you may not always notice the signs. It is slightly more likely that they’re okay and you might be overreacting, or that they are trying it on

I was once stopped outside a a London station by a woman who said that she'd injured herself and just wanted to get back home but didn't have enough money, asking if she could just have enough money for that purpose. Her clothes had bloodstains, she did seem quite distressed, and my immediate instinct was to give her the money. But my first offer was to call for an ambulance, and she didn't want that; I also suggested that they'd have first aiders in the station, and/or would give her a free ticket, but she didn't want help in exploring that either. Then I realised that I'd expect someone with that sort of injury to show signs of shock, e.g being pale and sweaty, and she didn't; I also became aware that her distress was turning into impatience with every alternative offer of help I suggested. So I ended up saying that all I was prepared to offer was to call an ambulance and if she didn't want that there was nothing I could do, and I walked away to a bit of a volley of abuse. When I came back later, she was still there approaching people coming out of the station.

It's a really sad fact that no-one can really take cries for help at face value.

As an autistic poster who's married to an autistic man, I'm a bit about the endless "maybe he's autistic/dim" comments. Can you knock it off now please? Its disablist and plenty of posters here have said they'd assume this was a scam.

@Oxyiz

As an autistic poster who's married to an autistic man, I'm a bit about the endless "maybe he's autistic/dim" comments. Can you knock it off now please? Its disablist and plenty of posters here have said they'd assume this was a scam.

It's bit of a standard response to anything now, isn't it. I always wondered how actually autistic people feel about it.

He sneezes differently.
Maybe autistic.
He has this annoying habit.
Maybe autistic.
She is rude to me.
Maybe autistic.
He murdered 6 people and thinks it's ok.
Maybe autistic.

Please note that if the subject is over 50, it is not autism, but dementia.

Back to the thread. I would think "yeah sure. No way, mate. I am not that stupid" too tbh. I wasn't always a cynic. The shitbags made me and many others into that over the time🤷🏻