Unhelpful 'strange' man during medical emergency

[JoMoJaney]

I'm returning after a bit of time not posting. So this happened last week. Aibu to not be able to help feeling angry about this unhelpful man.

My 16 year old DS was walking home alone after seeing friends at around 8.30 / 9PM. He suddenly felt a 'really strange' sensation in his chest and noticed his 'breathing felt a bit funny' he then noticed that his heart seemed to be beating very very fast. Within a couple of minutes he felt like he couldn't keep walking home as he was feeling very faint and dizzy and like he might pass out. He went to his phone to call me or his dad only to discover his battery was dead. (I'm always telling him to make sure his phone is well charged and believe me we have now had a very big conversation about always doing this in the future, but that's a side issue). Starting to panic my son approached a man who was cycling and who had stopped to do something to his bike and said I'm really sorry to bother you but .... (explained the situation) and asked if the man could ring us for him or just call him an ambulance as he was very scared and something was obviously wrong. Before I come back to the man in question what happened was that he had a heart rate of 210 due to going into an abnormal heart rhythm called SVT (supra ventricular tachycardia). The paramedics established this as the cause and he was taken to A&E. They corrected the abnormal rhythm in A&E with drugs. When I arrived at the hospital it was so scary as I expected to find him in a normal cubicle but he was in the 'resus' area and attached to so many things will all these wires. He stayed in hospital overnight for observation and left the following day after the consultants ward rounds. The condition and what we have to do next has been fully explained to us and it should not have a debilitating effect on his life. He can continue as normal and if he keeps getting these episodes there is a very effective key hole surgery type procedure that can provide a cure. I'm cutting a long story and lots of information short.

I should say the staff of a local restaurant near were my son was taken ill were wonderful. Both me and my son have been to talk to the manager and staff who helped him and thanked them. I'm so grateful those people helped. Also the doctors and nurses - absolutely amazing can not praise enough. My son said the paramedics were also brilliant...... the man who my son approached for help - not so much.

Firstly, my son is a softly spoken and polite boy who isn't especially big for a 16 year old and this was a middle aged man so I don't think there is anything intimidating about my son. My son said to him that he was really sorry to bother him but explained what happened. My son did not ask to use his phone but asked if he (the man) could call us (his parents) or an ambulance for him. He explained everything and I know he must of looked and sounded terrified because the lovely people in the restaurant told me that he did. The man in question had the initial response of "I don't know, it's a bit strange" my son replied I know I'm sorry it's just I don't know what's wrong with me I just (proceed to explain what happened and his symptoms again and show his phone was dead). My son then sat down on the floor at this point because he felt like he was about to pass out. When he sat down and said he felt very faint the man said "now this is getting even more strange. I think you need to walk to one of the restaurants if you need help. I do have a phone but this is just all very starnge". At this point my son decided no matter how faint he felt he needed to do that and walk to a nearby open restaurant. As he walked away the guy said "well I hope you get better but this is all very strange".

I know I shouldn't dwell too much on one person who wouldn't help when the people in the restaurant were so good - called an ambulance, called me, sat him down in the restaurant in a private area, talked to him, tried to keep him calm etc. But my son keeps saying he doesn't understand what the guy meant. Its bothering him because he wonders what the guy thought he was doing. He keeps saying he was "looking at me like I was a crazy person, like I was totally mad." I know it's not common to be approached by someone asking for help / saying that need an ambulance but if someone approached me saying that, without question I'd phone them an ambulance. I'm sure the vast majority of people would.

I'm so grateful for all who helped and I'm focusing more on that but I can't imagine how if anyone of any age approached you in the street in need of help and having an urgent medical problem why you wouldn't want to help. It's frustrating there are people like that. If it was them or their child or any member of their family in need of help presumably they would want someone to help. aibu to think the only one who was 'strange' in all this is him?

Also to add: the paramedics literally wouldn't let my son walk from the restaurant to the ambulance, they brought the stretcher in. My son said he though he could walk as he didn't want to be stretchered out but they said they couldn't let him walk with such a high heart rate and a low blood pressure (apparently the SVT episode can also often cause blood pressure to drop) and that it would be possible to pass out... so its not overkill to say in getting up from where he sat on the floor to walk to the restaurant could have made him pass out.

Obviously I was just so worried and stressed and the thought of someone basically telling him to f off when he needed help is horrible

[JoMoJaney]

seayork2020 ..

I do agree. Even at the time I knew that, but couldn't help feeling pissed as I guess I wanted to be able to lay the blame somewhere

[LookingGlassMilk]

I think you're right to be upset with the man.

If it happened to me, I would be aware that it could possibly be a ruse to steal my phone, but I would also be aware that it could be someone in genuine need of an ambulance. Would I rather take the risk of losing my phone, or take the risk of someone dying because they were denied an ambulance?

The answer is obvious. Any decent person would call the ambulance.

I was just discussing this thread with dh, and we were recounting the times in our lives that a stranger has asked us to make a phone call for them. It's happened to us both a few times. Every time was genuine. Neither of us have ever had our phone robbed.

[SinisterBumFacedCat]

One day this man will need help. Let’s hope he doesn’t get treated the same way.

[savetti]

Just read your update! Bloody hell, lots going on for him this week!
Soo good you can talk to him, he sounds great. X

[everythingthelighttouches]

You and your son have just had a very big shock.

One minute he is a healthy teenager, the next something serious has happened to him and now you’ve learned that he has a condition with his heart.

This is a lot to process and will have implications now and in the future.

Sending an unmumsnetty hug and

I’m sure with the right care he’ll be able to manage this condition.

You are distracted by an insignificant detail right now which is not an uncommon reaction.

Try to help your son focus on the important and positive things about this episode now.

All the best.

[everythingthelighttouches]

Try to help your son focus on the important and positive things about this episode now.


Sorry I meant to add

Like the fact it all turned out well, all the people who helped him and the fact this event allowed him to come out to you.

[eaglejulesk]

If I am honest with myself I'm someone who when something bad happens, there has to be a person to blame.

Unfortunately this is a disturbing trend I have noticed in recent years, someone has to be blamed for everything. At times someone is to blame, and needs to be held accountable - but that was not one of those cases.

I can understand the man's hesitation, and as many have said we don't know anything about him or his history, he may just have been nervous about being approached by a stranger and wondering if it was a scam, or he may have thought your son was on drugs. There were other people to help, he directed your son to them, he wasn't rude and didn't do anything to stop your son getting help - you need to let this go.

[Tavannach]

I was approached by a softly-spoken, polite boy of about 16 who asked if he could make a call. This being London I said sharply "I'm not giving you my phone." We were actually INSIDE a cafe so in reality the chances of being mugged were fairly slight. Just ingrained reaction really. But I did call his father for him, which it turned out was what he was asking for. It became apparent that the boy had some kind of learning difficulty and his father thanked me. I understand the fear that a strange teenager might be after your phone though.

It's lovely you have such a strong relationship with your son.

[Rollmopsrule]

Wow I'm so surprised by some of the reactions on here. Would it be deemed ok if this guy had ignored the request for help and told an elderly person to walk to the resturant. Why couldn't he keep his phone, move away and ring an ambulance or walk with your son to the resturant to make sure he was ok? I'm with you OP- his behaviour was awful. I hope he never requires a stranger to help him in an emergency. Glad your son's ok

[AndAnotherUsername]

The man obviously thought the risk of having his phone and bike stolen outweighed any potential risk to your son’s life.

He’s a disgrace for a human being and I can’t believe people are defending him.

I’m so sorry, must have been terrifying for your son.

[Leafbeans]

The man obviously thought the risk of having his phone and bike stolen outweighed any potential risk to your son’s life.

No, you're assuming that.

[Mummyoflittledragon]

@Justaboy

Honestly in the last 25 years of hubbys experience lots of people are genuinely scared and can't cope with things outside of what they are used to.

Quite, can he not carry an info disc thats got please call 999 whever in case of assistance required? This might convicnce some that hes for real, not a drunk, on drugs some sort of scam etc?.

If i were that passer by i'd weigh up the situation and see if it looks as if anyone else is around to nick whatever, but my daughter told me the other day with my size and build i looked scarey anyway!

Can't win!!!

This was the poster, whose dh goes unconscious, think. That’s a hard one. This thread fills me with dread as the parent of a child with a medical condition, who loses consciousness. She doesn’t have enough time or the ability to get a card out to show someone once she knows a reflex anoxic seizure is coming on. She knows to immediately lie down. I once passed out in a pub - exercised then went out to the pub, drinking a couple of cokes. I was helped outside by a guy working in there. The guy stayed with dh and me until I recovered. Until he saw me totally sober and feeling a lot better, he was persuaded I was drunk despite protests I hadn’t touched a drop. It is common for people, who are drunk or high to deny being drunk or high. And infuriating for those with medical needs to be categorised in the same way.

[LadyofTheManners]

OP, I'm with you, as a Mum if that happened to one of my DCs and someone behaved with no interest yes I would think he was an ignorant prick as well.
I'd be inclined to see if DS can remember what house he was at if that was his house and put a note through the door.
Otherwise, you could ask the local paper to anonymously praise the restaurant whilst mentioning how someone else refused to help, the tool may see it and have the good grace to feel bad.
Sadly we seem to be a selfish society today, and I'm OK sod the rest of you gang. Just the answers here not understanding how upsetting it could be to realise how lucky it was your son got to the restaurant when he wouldn't help. I would be livid actually.

[Avelosa]

Someone did this to my 80 year old nan. As soon as she got her phone out they snatched it, pushed her over and ran away. She has said she would never help anyone again because of this, which is sad because next time it could be a genuine emergency, but I don’t blame her for thinking that way. Glad to hear your son is okay

[DidoAtTheLido]

He might be on the Srx Offenders register and told to stay away from teenage boys and was in a dilemma between helping and wondering if he was allowed to help, and therefore panicking....


OP, SO pleased your Ds is OK, what a terrifying experience for him. He did really well in asking for help.

[MandosHatHair]

The man obviously thought the risk of having his phone and bike stolen outweighed any potential risk to your son’s life.

He’s a disgrace for a human being and I can’t believe people are defending him.

I’m so sorry, must have been terrifying for your son

This! I mean if it was just over the road the man could have gone over to the restaurant and asked them to call an ambulance on his behalf. If OPs son was a mugger he probably wouldn't still be there by the time he was over the road. He didn't have to whip is phone out in front of him but he could have done something to help.

I wonder what the responses to this thread would have been if OP's DC was a teenage girl.

[MandosHatHair]

Oh dear, bold fail

[Itgetsthehoseagain]

Your son sounds so lovely! It seems to me the cyclist may be on the autistic spectrum and find new situations challenging. I work with young adults with autism and the description you provide sounds very familiar to when some are trying to politely extricate themselves from a situation whilst simultaneously feeling that they should be doing something whilst also simultaneously not being sure what the right course of action is.

[ReceptacleForTheRespectable]

@MandosHatHair

*The man obviously thought the risk of having his phone and bike stolen outweighed any potential risk to your son’s life.

He’s a disgrace for a human being and I can’t believe people are defending him.

I’m so sorry, must have been terrifying for your son*

This! I mean if it was just over the road the man could have gone over to the restaurant and asked them to call an ambulance on his behalf. If OPs son was a mugger he probably wouldn't still be there by the time he was over the road. He didn't have to whip is phone out in front of him but he could have done something to help.

I wonder what the responses to this thread would have been if OP's DC was a teenage girl.

The response a would also be different if it had been an elderly person asking for help, but I dont see a problem with that.

Realistically, young to middle aged men present the biggest risk in terms of attacks and robberies. I would feel far less concerned about helping an elderly person or a teen girl because they do genuinely represent a lower risk to me. That's totally rational.

As I say, I've been in a very similar situation and I did help, but I kept my wits about me and was very aware that it may have been a ruse to rob/attack me. I dont think that was wrong.

[BananaLlamaConCalma]

There's a big scam where people dial a number and it costs shit loads. I don't care who asks, I'm not doing it. If it's a real emergency he'd be asking for 999/112. I'd call family after the emergency services only.

[LunaLula83]

You're focusing and obsessing on the wrong thing.

[chatterbugmegastar]

The fact he kept making these comments about it being strange I guess give away that he was worried about something- like being robbed or or it being someone on drugs or whatever.

This

I would have been very scared of your son and the potential scam he could have been about to start

I think I would have walked quickly away whilst ringing 999 - but I wouldn't have hung around as I would have been genuinely frightened

[FippertyGibbett]

He probably thought your son was going to rob his phone.

[BananaLlamaConCalma]

My post isn't clear at all. There is a big scam where people approach you with some kind of emergency and ask to use your phone to call friend/relative because their phone has a problem. They then ring a number that costs you a lot of money or gives them access to use your phone for international calls and you don't find out until your bill comes through. Also some people log onto venmo and transfer themselves money.

[Nottherealslimshady]

People are selfish. There was a chance it was a trick to rob him and he was more concerned for himself and that small risk than a child seemingly very ill.
I watch videos about unsolved crimes and so often there are witnesses to kidnappings that chose to keep themselves out of it rather than help someone. Human nature unfortunately