Unhelpful 'strange' man during medical emergency

[JoMoJaney]

I'm returning after a bit of time not posting. So this happened last week. Aibu to not be able to help feeling angry about this unhelpful man.

My 16 year old DS was walking home alone after seeing friends at around 8.30 / 9PM. He suddenly felt a 'really strange' sensation in his chest and noticed his 'breathing felt a bit funny' he then noticed that his heart seemed to be beating very very fast. Within a couple of minutes he felt like he couldn't keep walking home as he was feeling very faint and dizzy and like he might pass out. He went to his phone to call me or his dad only to discover his battery was dead. (I'm always telling him to make sure his phone is well charged and believe me we have now had a very big conversation about always doing this in the future, but that's a side issue). Starting to panic my son approached a man who was cycling and who had stopped to do something to his bike and said I'm really sorry to bother you but .... (explained the situation) and asked if the man could ring us for him or just call him an ambulance as he was very scared and something was obviously wrong. Before I come back to the man in question what happened was that he had a heart rate of 210 due to going into an abnormal heart rhythm called SVT (supra ventricular tachycardia). The paramedics established this as the cause and he was taken to A&E. They corrected the abnormal rhythm in A&E with drugs. When I arrived at the hospital it was so scary as I expected to find him in a normal cubicle but he was in the 'resus' area and attached to so many things will all these wires. He stayed in hospital overnight for observation and left the following day after the consultants ward rounds. The condition and what we have to do next has been fully explained to us and it should not have a debilitating effect on his life. He can continue as normal and if he keeps getting these episodes there is a very effective key hole surgery type procedure that can provide a cure. I'm cutting a long story and lots of information short.

I should say the staff of a local restaurant near were my son was taken ill were wonderful. Both me and my son have been to talk to the manager and staff who helped him and thanked them. I'm so grateful those people helped. Also the doctors and nurses - absolutely amazing can not praise enough. My son said the paramedics were also brilliant...... the man who my son approached for help - not so much.

Firstly, my son is a softly spoken and polite boy who isn't especially big for a 16 year old and this was a middle aged man so I don't think there is anything intimidating about my son. My son said to him that he was really sorry to bother him but explained what happened. My son did not ask to use his phone but asked if he (the man) could call us (his parents) or an ambulance for him. He explained everything and I know he must of looked and sounded terrified because the lovely people in the restaurant told me that he did. The man in question had the initial response of "I don't know, it's a bit strange" my son replied I know I'm sorry it's just I don't know what's wrong with me I just (proceed to explain what happened and his symptoms again and show his phone was dead). My son then sat down on the floor at this point because he felt like he was about to pass out. When he sat down and said he felt very faint the man said "now this is getting even more strange. I think you need to walk to one of the restaurants if you need help. I do have a phone but this is just all very starnge". At this point my son decided no matter how faint he felt he needed to do that and walk to a nearby open restaurant. As he walked away the guy said "well I hope you get better but this is all very strange".

I know I shouldn't dwell too much on one person who wouldn't help when the people in the restaurant were so good - called an ambulance, called me, sat him down in the restaurant in a private area, talked to him, tried to keep him calm etc. But my son keeps saying he doesn't understand what the guy meant. Its bothering him because he wonders what the guy thought he was doing. He keeps saying he was "looking at me like I was a crazy person, like I was totally mad." I know it's not common to be approached by someone asking for help / saying that need an ambulance but if someone approached me saying that, without question I'd phone them an ambulance. I'm sure the vast majority of people would.

I'm so grateful for all who helped and I'm focusing more on that but I can't imagine how if anyone of any age approached you in the street in need of help and having an urgent medical problem why you wouldn't want to help. It's frustrating there are people like that. If it was them or their child or any member of their family in need of help presumably they would want someone to help. aibu to think the only one who was 'strange' in all this is him?

Also to add: the paramedics literally wouldn't let my son walk from the restaurant to the ambulance, they brought the stretcher in. My son said he though he could walk as he didn't want to be stretchered out but they said they couldn't let him walk with such a high heart rate and a low blood pressure (apparently the SVT episode can also often cause blood pressure to drop) and that it would be possible to pass out... so its not overkill to say in getting up from where he sat on the floor to walk to the restaurant could have made him pass out.

Obviously I was just so worried and stressed and the thought of someone basically telling him to f off when he needed help is horrible

[Therarestone]

The man could have had ASD, or been caught by someone ill intentioned in the past, or knows someone that was. Give him a break, glad your son is ok

[Oxyiz]

I'm really surprised by how many posters are angry at this bloke, calling him names or suggesting he must have learning difficulties. His reaction sounds totally normal to me. Lots of people won't help others when they're scared. Lots of people have learned the hard way that this sort of thing is a scam. We don't live in a perfect world.

(Also, some of you sound so very trusting - you must have led much nicer lives or lived in much nicer areas than I have!)

[BananaLlamaConCalma]

www.tigermobiles.com/faq/common-mobile-phone-scams/

[stoptheworldiwant2getoff]

Simple, he thought he was going to steal his phone or attack him. It's sad the world we live in but some twats have created that fear so it's kind of understandable. He may have thought that he was acting. Sorry your son went through this

[FippertyGibbett]

I remember hearing about a scam years ago where you would be driving late at night and come across a man lying in the road.
You would stop and get out to help, then his mates who are hiding would jump into your car with him and steal it.
I was taught to lock your doors, shout out your window that you’re going for help, put your window back up and drive to where you can still see the man, then phone 999.

[Pobblebonk]

@Nottherealslimshady

People are selfish. There was a chance it was a trick to rob him and he was more concerned for himself and that small risk than a child seemingly very ill.
I watch videos about unsolved crimes and so often there are witnesses to kidnappings that chose to keep themselves out of it rather than help someone. Human nature unfortunately

Unfortunately it isn't a "small risk". Objectively, the chances that this is a scam are higher than the chances that a young man is genuinely ill and has no other means of getting help.

[Pobblebonk]

The man obviously thought the risk of having his phone and bike stolen outweighed any potential risk to your son’s life.

Well, no, @AndAnotherUsername. He directed a young man who was able to walk and to talk lucidly to an alternative source of help. He had no realistic reason to believe that it was a choice between him helping and death, and nor indeed do you.

[MrsMcMuffins]

OP The man should have helped your son or if he didn’t feel able to help gone to fetch someone nearby to assist him. I would also have been disturbed by the lack of help from this person if this was my son. Being worried about getting mugged does not supersede helping someone close to collapse and yes children and young people get get seriously ill and be in need of help too.

[Angelina82]

I’d feel sad about this too if it were my son asking for help OP, but at the same time you can’t blame the bloke for being wary, and I’m sure he would have helped if there was no alternative. The main thing is that your son is ok, so try to focus on that and be mindful that other people sometimes have good reason to behave as they do.

[terriblyangryattimes]

The thing is you'll never know what the man was thinking/ feeling, so try and put it to the back of your mind.

Glad son is okay. Please buy him a small pocket phone charge block so he can have one on him at all times in future just in case!

[Soubriquet]

I’m very glad your ds is safe and I’m glad you can see the perspective of the man now too

My dh once had a teenager ask him for the time. When dh looked at his phone to check the time, the teenager tried to rob him. It didn’t work. Dh is built like a brick shit house and was able to scare him off but it shows the tactics some teens go to

[AndAnotherUsername]

@pobblebonk, the boy asked for an ambulance to be called and explained how he felt and then sat down on the ground saying he felt faint.

No matter how high the risk it was a scam, in that situation you need to help, in a cautious way. The poor boy could have fallen and cracked his head walking elsewhere.

[Brunt0n]

I think you’re concentrating too much on this guy because you’ve had a hell of a fright regarding your son.
None of us truly know how we would react in an emergency and none of us know anything about the man. Time to forget about it. Hope your son is feeling lots better now!

[lioncitygirl]

When I was robbed - I ran crying looking for anyone who would call the police for me. I ran into a jogger and instead of helping me straights away - he jogged away from me and told me not to approach him. He asked what I wanted and then called the police. After the police came - he explained he had been robbed like that before , a ‘victim’ coming up to ask to ‘borrow’ a phone as she had been mugged and needed to call the police so he was very wary. Let it go OP.

[Rainbunny]

Sorry OP, I hope your DS will be okay.

Sadly the man's reaction was totally expected IMO. Until you're in trouble one day and have to rely on asking a stranger for help, I think most of us assume people will help. I've learnt the hard way that it's actually the opposite mostly, people don't want to get involved or recognise that you're in trouble.

My experience was far different but the same in terms of people practically running away from me rather than help me. I was attacked by a strange man (he was clearly mentally disturbed) in a crowded public area of a holiday spot in the middle of the afternoon. The man zeroed in on me for some reason (I'm small and was a very shy young woman so I'm guessing I looked like a perfect victim) and he wouldn't leave alone, he kept grabbing me and kept trying to pick me up and drag me off onto a empty walking path - all in clear public view. I managed to approach several groups of people and families to ask very politiely for help and they would see I was distressed but wouldn't acknowledge me and hurried past. This happened several times and I as getting more and more terrified that no one would help me. In the end I managed to run to a cafe type place and the waiter inside saw what was happening. He made sure I stayed safe inside the cafe and even called and paid for taxi to get me back to my hotel.

My lesson from all this, don't ever expect help from members of the public but if you can get to a shop or restaurant, people are much more likely to help you. I look back now at that experience and realise it was one of the most valuable life lessons I've ever learned.

[SerenityNowwwww]

Recently my son got mugged by 3 guys. As he was in the ground getting kicked a woman on her phone walked by (she did look and kept walking). Didn’t say a thing, or even scurry off and phone for help, or go into a park building less than 2 mins ago to raise the alarm with staff.

A parkie passed by just after and he told him. Parkie shrugged his shoulders and kept waking.

Some people just ‘ooooo, don’t want to get involved’.

[Leafbeans]

That's different @SerenityNowwwww as those who witnessed it could have used their own phones to call the police without interaction with anyone else, or putting themselves in danger.

[oakleaffy]

@JoMoJaney Very sadly ''ill people'' have been used in ''distraction thefts''
I was asked by two children who knocked on the door that one of them was ill, and could he come in ''for a glass of water''

I offered to bring water out.and asked what appeared to be wrong... and was told in no uncertain terms to ''F&ck off''!

It was a scam to gain entry and steal.

The man probably thought it was a scam... but glad other people were helpful.

[SchrodingersImmigrant]

Everyone is a hero in their imagination and on the internet. However, sadly we all have survival instinct and if you are by yourself and oddly behaving person approaches you with what looks like a robbing trick, it's not as easy to do what people think they would do.

Some people are dicks, no argument there, but most are simply just logically vary.

[oakleaffy]

@Rainbunny

I too was randomly targeted and attacked by a very tall strong woman in a bakery...no one helped for what felt like an age, then a wonderful man came in from the street and hauled her off.

So grateful to him. {Needed medical care for injuries...the woman got away. I always try to help if at all possible.
Mobile phones make it easier to call for help, too these days.

[Positivevibesonlyplease]

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable, as I imagine you’re going through worst case scenarios in your head. However, perhaps this man had had a negative experience with teenagers, perhaps he’d been mugged in the past...Equally, perhaps he was afraid of being tagged as a paedophile, if your son is so small and softly spoken, he may have assumed he was much younger. He was afraid, I think. We don’t know his personal circumstances. I’m so happy for you that your son was helped by the amazing people in the restaurant and that he’s now OK. Please don’t give this man another thought. It’s wonderful that your son is now fine.

[Goatinthegarden]

If I am honest with myself I'm someone who when something bad happens, there has to be a person to blame.

This comment is problematic. The man wasn’t as helpful as he could have been, which in an ideal world would not have happened. Your son fell ill and is now recovering, why does blame need to be apportioned to anyone?

For what it’s worth, my 6ft 4 brother had a young teenager approach him for help on a semi busy street about 8pm one evening. Whilst my bro had his phone out trying to aid him, the ‘ill’ lad straightened up and tried to mug him, clouting him round the head, my bro fought him off but was left with a (thankfully minor) head injury.

Bikes are in short supply at the moment since lockdown and there have been many reported muggings in my city where people have had their bikes taken from them by teenagers. I’d like to think I’d help anyone in need, and indeed have helped any time I have come across someone In help...but I don’t doubt that I might struggle if I felt vulnerable or at risk myself.

[TatianaBis]

For whatever reason this man couldn’t cope. Either because he thought it was a trap as posters have suggested. or because he simply couldn’t deal with a genuine emergency. He may have mental health problems.

On balance, I think if he really thought it was a trap he would have taken more action rather than standing around saying it was ‘strange’.

[Goatinthegarden]

That should have said; someone in need of help

[Thehollyandtheirony]

My first guess was that he was scared of being mugged. Some bikes are incredibly expensive and most bike geeks that I know have unfortunately been a victim of theft at some point.
Alternatively, he might have been from a country where you have to pay to call an ambulance.
Or he genuinely had somewhere he had to be and couldn’t wait until the ambulance arrived. Once you call, then you feel responsible for taking care of that person until it comes (sometimes a long wait).