Unhelpful 'strange' man during medical emergency

[JoMoJaney]

I'm returning after a bit of time not posting. So this happened last week. Aibu to not be able to help feeling angry about this unhelpful man.

My 16 year old DS was walking home alone after seeing friends at around 8.30 / 9PM. He suddenly felt a 'really strange' sensation in his chest and noticed his 'breathing felt a bit funny' he then noticed that his heart seemed to be beating very very fast. Within a couple of minutes he felt like he couldn't keep walking home as he was feeling very faint and dizzy and like he might pass out. He went to his phone to call me or his dad only to discover his battery was dead. (I'm always telling him to make sure his phone is well charged and believe me we have now had a very big conversation about always doing this in the future, but that's a side issue). Starting to panic my son approached a man who was cycling and who had stopped to do something to his bike and said I'm really sorry to bother you but .... (explained the situation) and asked if the man could ring us for him or just call him an ambulance as he was very scared and something was obviously wrong. Before I come back to the man in question what happened was that he had a heart rate of 210 due to going into an abnormal heart rhythm called SVT (supra ventricular tachycardia). The paramedics established this as the cause and he was taken to A&E. They corrected the abnormal rhythm in A&E with drugs. When I arrived at the hospital it was so scary as I expected to find him in a normal cubicle but he was in the 'resus' area and attached to so many things will all these wires. He stayed in hospital overnight for observation and left the following day after the consultants ward rounds. The condition and what we have to do next has been fully explained to us and it should not have a debilitating effect on his life. He can continue as normal and if he keeps getting these episodes there is a very effective key hole surgery type procedure that can provide a cure. I'm cutting a long story and lots of information short.

I should say the staff of a local restaurant near were my son was taken ill were wonderful. Both me and my son have been to talk to the manager and staff who helped him and thanked them. I'm so grateful those people helped. Also the doctors and nurses - absolutely amazing can not praise enough. My son said the paramedics were also brilliant...... the man who my son approached for help - not so much.

Firstly, my son is a softly spoken and polite boy who isn't especially big for a 16 year old and this was a middle aged man so I don't think there is anything intimidating about my son. My son said to him that he was really sorry to bother him but explained what happened. My son did not ask to use his phone but asked if he (the man) could call us (his parents) or an ambulance for him. He explained everything and I know he must of looked and sounded terrified because the lovely people in the restaurant told me that he did. The man in question had the initial response of "I don't know, it's a bit strange" my son replied I know I'm sorry it's just I don't know what's wrong with me I just (proceed to explain what happened and his symptoms again and show his phone was dead). My son then sat down on the floor at this point because he felt like he was about to pass out. When he sat down and said he felt very faint the man said "now this is getting even more strange. I think you need to walk to one of the restaurants if you need help. I do have a phone but this is just all very starnge". At this point my son decided no matter how faint he felt he needed to do that and walk to a nearby open restaurant. As he walked away the guy said "well I hope you get better but this is all very strange".

I know I shouldn't dwell too much on one person who wouldn't help when the people in the restaurant were so good - called an ambulance, called me, sat him down in the restaurant in a private area, talked to him, tried to keep him calm etc. But my son keeps saying he doesn't understand what the guy meant. Its bothering him because he wonders what the guy thought he was doing. He keeps saying he was "looking at me like I was a crazy person, like I was totally mad." I know it's not common to be approached by someone asking for help / saying that need an ambulance but if someone approached me saying that, without question I'd phone them an ambulance. I'm sure the vast majority of people would.

I'm so grateful for all who helped and I'm focusing more on that but I can't imagine how if anyone of any age approached you in the street in need of help and having an urgent medical problem why you wouldn't want to help. It's frustrating there are people like that. If it was them or their child or any member of their family in need of help presumably they would want someone to help. aibu to think the only one who was 'strange' in all this is him?

Also to add: the paramedics literally wouldn't let my son walk from the restaurant to the ambulance, they brought the stretcher in. My son said he though he could walk as he didn't want to be stretchered out but they said they couldn't let him walk with such a high heart rate and a low blood pressure (apparently the SVT episode can also often cause blood pressure to drop) and that it would be possible to pass out... so its not overkill to say in getting up from where he sat on the floor to walk to the restaurant could have made him pass out.

Obviously I was just so worried and stressed and the thought of someone basically telling him to f off when he needed help is horrible

[GinAtMerlottes]

A very close friend of mine had a nightmarish experience - broad daylight at a campus uni. He was in the quad and started getting chest pain (18, far from home, just started uni). This was pre mobile days and he staggered in to reception and asked them to call him an ambulance. They refused and said he was drunk. He left and by this point was confused, so started to walk to the hospital, and then collapsed. Woke up in hospital, his lung had collapsed.

This still upsets me to this day, because we are hard wired to think other people will help us, and when they don’t, it’s incredibly distressing. A stranger helping you is the last safety net, and when it’s not there it makes you realise how vulnerable we are. It’s worse for your boy, because he’s a child, and he’s been raised to look to adults for help. He’s upset because that quiet pillar of reassurance has gone.

I’m so sorry that happened to him and wish him a quick recovery.

[Standrewsschool]

Your son behaviour probably looked a bit strange and he was acting weirdly so the man probably thought he was on drugs. By directing him to the restaurants, he was helping your son, and maintaining his personal safety.

There’s more safety in numbers with the people in the Restaurents.

I know think you should think of the first person as being unhelpful, but someone who was maintaining his personal safety.

[Sanpro]

I think the main reason for you posting is not about this man, who is probably just wary of things (a sad indictment of society but anyway)...I suspect the real reason behind your post is you want to share the story of your son’s SVT and subsequent treatment because you’re flying high after finding out it’s nothing serious after all the adrenaline of the event.

That’s ok. You can tell us about it. It’s wonderful it’s nothing serious and it’s super wonderful that lots of nice people helped him and fixed him. And he sounds like a nice, level headed lad. I’m glad he’s well. Don’t focus on this man who is a minor player in a dramatic day.

[Piewraith]

I know it's not common to be approached by someone asking for help / saying that need an ambulance but if someone approached me saying that, without question I'd phone them an ambulance. I'm sure the vast majority of people would.

Its not common for a teen to have a medical emergency, but unfortunately it is very common to be a victim of crime.

I used to work at a restaurant and it was the rule that after closing, we were not to open the door, no matter what. Even if someone banged on it and said they were hurt or running from someone. We were to call 999 but not open the door. Sounds harsh but they had been robbed several times using this method.

[MitziK]

I'm sure the vast majority of people would

I have helped people before. I'm a trained First Aider. But, in all honesty, I'd be very wary of the situation in this case and would try to encourage them to go to a nearby business premises, if nothing else, so that there were witnesses; your training tells you first of all, ensure your own safety and then call for help.

If I thought there was potentially something heart related, whether drug related or not, I'd say they needed to go into the supermarket instead, as I know they've got a community defib, but above all, there would be witnesses and CCTV if it turned out to be a new scam/method of robbery for my area.

[JoMoJaney]

Thank you for the replies, they have actually - genuinely - helped me in switching my brain from emotional response to the objective. Of course I did understand the reasons why someone may have been nervous or apprehensive but it is difficult to see it like that when its your son and you have been terrified by something that happened. But I do get it- and I know that if he had just genuinely not cared he would have ignored my son or literally told him to f off. The fact he kept making these comments about it being strange I guess give away that he was worried about something- like being robbed or or it being someone on drugs or whatever. I do get all that but my emotional response has not let me think that way! ...... I know I need to let it go and I will (I haven't quite yet lol but I will). And thanks for the kind words about my son who is fine:)

[Justaboy]

GinAtMerlottes Wow!, thats awfull this bloke was a saint compared to the Uni crew!

Could be unmpteen reasons, the bloke may have bene a bit on the simple side and scared and just didnt know what to do among other things.

Also I bet your bloody wound up about your boy anyway!, best to make sure hes got a charged mobbile and perhgaps a GPS track locater so if he becomes unresponsive to calls etc least you might be able to find him, possibly tell the powers that be where he is if push comes shove!..

[eatsleepread]

YABU for providing so much unnecessary detail
Really hope your son is ok The only 'strange' thing about the situation was the useless fecker who refused to help! What has society come to if we can't even phone an ambulance for someone in need.
YANBU

[Arthersleep]

I suppose that it could seem a little strange if someone walked up to you and asked for you to call ambulance for them, or failing that, their Mum. It's not what you would expect as young fit looking people walking and talking, don't usually need ambulances. So he may just not know whether your son was exaggerating or what the right thing to do was. His response saying that it was strange, is a little odd. Perhaps he meant the way that your son suddenly felt unwell.

[Purpledaisychain]

I agree with others that the man was probably just nervous.

But, from what you have said, your son must have been showing external signs of being ill/scared. When dealing with so.eone who is ill/injured, you sit them down. You don't have them walk to a restaurant. What he should have done instead, if he didn't want to get his phone out, was have your son sit down and then go to the restaurant himself and ask for an ambulance to be called. The man your son approached handled it badly but I doubt there was anything malicious about it.

[Pomegranatemolasses]

I'm glad the thread has helped you to process this Op. I agree with Pp in that the passerby was unnerved and scared by this situation. It's not how I'd respond, but I don't think he was pure evil.

I'm so glad your Ds is recovering.

[ArabellaScott]

Glad your son is going to be okay.

I think you and your son have had a massive shock, OP, and it's very common to focus on tiny details of the event afterwards. Take good care of yourself, be gentle with yourself for a bit. And wishing your son a swift and full recovery.

[funnylittlefloozie]

This is Mumsnet where people refuse to answer their own front doors, or say things like "no is a complete sentence"... and yet this man is slated for not wanting to be a Good Samaritan. It would have been nice for him to help but he guided your son to a place that could help.

I am very glad that your son is ok, though. Read him the riot act about keeping his battery charged in future.

[waltzingparrot]

Actually could you see it that, in a way, he did help your son. He suggested to him that he went for help at the restaurant. In his panicked state, your son might not have thought to do that. You'll never know why the man didn't phone the ambulance himself.

[Miljea]

My friend's son, 15, mid but dark evening, came off his bike in a cut through, (i.e. quiet suburban street) mainly because he had something thwacking in his front wheel so leant forward to 'sort it', mid cycle. 🙄

Ended up in a mangled heap on the very quiet residential street. Swearing.

Asked the first passer-by to help (older, well dressed, bloke) who refused to help him, having heard his swearing. His reason to walk on by? - the lad's language.

Posh Cambridge.

He managed to contact his brother who came and found him, and walked him home, prior to mother getting him to Emergency to tend his broken wrist, one arm; elbow, the other. Theatre.

So some old posh bloke decided the language a teenager used, in a mangled heap on the road, with broken bones, as a result of a bike accident, was sufficient reason to leave him to it.

[Leafbeans]

Glad your son is okay, must have been scary him and for you. The reality is you know nothing about this man, he wasnt unkind to your son so he probably isn't just an arse (although even if he is meh he isn't obliged to help although you'd hope most people would); but the fact he kept saying it's strange he probably did feel uncomfortable and fair play to him for maintaining his boundaries.

[TheEC]

In all honestly it sounds like the man had his own issues and anxieties. Clearly an average person wouldn’t respond like that and the man doesn’t sound malicious. I think you need to move on. Wishing the best to your son

[BritWifeinUSA]

Well, you only have your son’s version of events and it’s possible that he wasn’t as polite as you said he was. As others have said, it may be a case of “once bitten, twice shy” on the part of the man - perhaps he was mugged or robbed in the same way before or he had been set up by someone claiming to need help who then tells the police that he was attacked by the man. Or he didn’t want to do something wrong through lack of first aid skills and later find himself responsible for someone’s death.

If your son was really in such a poor state, I find it hard to believe that he formed an elaborate and polite sentence when speaking to the man, as you say he did. If it was as severe as the paramedics found, likely he would have been very distressed and not “I’m awfully sorry, sir, and I know it sounds strange but could I possibly trouble you to use your phone to call...”. If he was able to converse like this, the man may have questioned the severity and genuinity of the claimed emergency. He didn’t do anything wrong. He didn’t abandon your son. He recommended going to the restaurant (which was a very good idea as they have water, chairs, phones, first aid kit, ice, sugar in case it was a blood sugar issue, etc) and he wasn’t to know that getting him to walk across the street was a bad idea. He obviously wasn’t a doctor.

[Buttybach]

I hope your son is ok. In these situations we like to think that most people would have the sense to help someone asking for support.
Sadly in this world people are sometimes too quick to judge teens.

He may have been on the autistic spectrum and things that happen out of the blue are unnerving?
He may have just been a knob!

I am a girl guide leader in my spare time and a few years ago one of my 16 year old rangers had a full 2 ft Mohican and lots of chains hanging off her. She was very sweet but looked scary!
One Saturday she found an elderly man who had collapsed on the floor and she was dressed in her guiding uniform as she was on her way to a fete. The elderly man wouldn't let her help him at first but in the end she explained she was a guiding member and had first aid training. She called an ambulance and managed to get a neighbor to get a blanket to keep him warm.
It goes to show that you can't judge a book by its cover! Even if it has ripped fishnets and hair glazed with wood glue!

[LoftyLucy]

You should stop dwelling on this.

Maybe the man has been mugged before.
Or his bike is very expensive and thought he was being set up for a robbery (not that unusual).

It is unusual that a person like your son wouldn't have a phone to call for help.

Tbh, having been in a situation myself (a number of years ago now, in a foreign country) where I was scammed (robbed) in a not dissimilar situation... Yes, it has made me wary of this type of thing.

[Connellschain]

I have SVT - best advice is no / limited caffeine, be mindful going from hot to cold temperatures like sauna to plunge pool and personally I find that if I get dehydrated and tired then I’m pretty certain to have a episode. Your son should start to track not just heart rate but also environmental factors as previous which will help him. Ablation has a really high success rate.

[FrankskinnerscRoc]

I saw a video on YouTube where a young boy was sitting at the side of the road looking like he needed help. An older man stopped, took his wallet out & was just about to give the boy money when someone leapt from the bushes behind & whipped the wallet out of his hand. The man jumped off his bike to chase after him, meanwhile the young boy who he’d stopped to help jumped up & nicked his bike. Perhaps that bloke had seen the same video.

Seriously though, hope your boy’s OK. Similar happened to me years ago when I was about 17. I felt faint, managed to get myself into a shop & ask for help. The woman in the shop said that if I was going to be sick could I go outside.

[1Morewineplease]

@Sanpro

I think the main reason for you posting is not about this man, who is probably just wary of things (a sad indictment of society but anyway)...I suspect the real reason behind your post is you want to share the story of your son’s SVT and subsequent treatment because you’re flying high after finding out it’s nothing serious after all the adrenaline of the event.

That’s ok. You can tell us about it. It’s wonderful it’s nothing serious and it’s super wonderful that lots of nice people helped him and fixed him. And he sounds like a nice, level headed lad. I’m glad he’s well. Don’t focus on this man who is a minor player in a dramatic day.

Absolutely

[EvilPea]

I wonder if your son came across as too calm and too polite for the man to believe him, in a “he can’t be that bad to need an ambulance” type way

Thank goodness he got the help

[ArnoldBee]

My hubby has this as a health condition and also goes unconscious. Resus can be a scary place to find your loved one but its where he needed to be.
Honestly in the last 25 years of hubbys experience lots of people are genuinely scared and can't cope with things outside of what they are used to.
The man directed him to somewhere with lots of people which indicates he couldn't cope with this by himself.
Hubby has had folks call the police rather than an ambulance as in this day and age its assumed to be drugs or alcohol related rather than someone being ill.
Don't dwell on it some people are natural panickers - I'm a coper. I've just been talking about pokemon battles whilst waiting for hubbys ambulance- the lady on the phone seemed quite concerned that I was too calm!
I dont know if caffeine consumption has been discussed with your son? Hubby can't have any at all as it sends him into svt.