Unhelpful 'strange' man during medical emergency

[JoMoJaney]

I'm returning after a bit of time not posting. So this happened last week. Aibu to not be able to help feeling angry about this unhelpful man.

My 16 year old DS was walking home alone after seeing friends at around 8.30 / 9PM. He suddenly felt a 'really strange' sensation in his chest and noticed his 'breathing felt a bit funny' he then noticed that his heart seemed to be beating very very fast. Within a couple of minutes he felt like he couldn't keep walking home as he was feeling very faint and dizzy and like he might pass out. He went to his phone to call me or his dad only to discover his battery was dead. (I'm always telling him to make sure his phone is well charged and believe me we have now had a very big conversation about always doing this in the future, but that's a side issue). Starting to panic my son approached a man who was cycling and who had stopped to do something to his bike and said I'm really sorry to bother you but .... (explained the situation) and asked if the man could ring us for him or just call him an ambulance as he was very scared and something was obviously wrong. Before I come back to the man in question what happened was that he had a heart rate of 210 due to going into an abnormal heart rhythm called SVT (supra ventricular tachycardia). The paramedics established this as the cause and he was taken to A&E. They corrected the abnormal rhythm in A&E with drugs. When I arrived at the hospital it was so scary as I expected to find him in a normal cubicle but he was in the 'resus' area and attached to so many things will all these wires. He stayed in hospital overnight for observation and left the following day after the consultants ward rounds. The condition and what we have to do next has been fully explained to us and it should not have a debilitating effect on his life. He can continue as normal and if he keeps getting these episodes there is a very effective key hole surgery type procedure that can provide a cure. I'm cutting a long story and lots of information short.

I should say the staff of a local restaurant near were my son was taken ill were wonderful. Both me and my son have been to talk to the manager and staff who helped him and thanked them. I'm so grateful those people helped. Also the doctors and nurses - absolutely amazing can not praise enough. My son said the paramedics were also brilliant...... the man who my son approached for help - not so much.

Firstly, my son is a softly spoken and polite boy who isn't especially big for a 16 year old and this was a middle aged man so I don't think there is anything intimidating about my son. My son said to him that he was really sorry to bother him but explained what happened. My son did not ask to use his phone but asked if he (the man) could call us (his parents) or an ambulance for him. He explained everything and I know he must of looked and sounded terrified because the lovely people in the restaurant told me that he did. The man in question had the initial response of "I don't know, it's a bit strange" my son replied I know I'm sorry it's just I don't know what's wrong with me I just (proceed to explain what happened and his symptoms again and show his phone was dead). My son then sat down on the floor at this point because he felt like he was about to pass out. When he sat down and said he felt very faint the man said "now this is getting even more strange. I think you need to walk to one of the restaurants if you need help. I do have a phone but this is just all very starnge". At this point my son decided no matter how faint he felt he needed to do that and walk to a nearby open restaurant. As he walked away the guy said "well I hope you get better but this is all very strange".

I know I shouldn't dwell too much on one person who wouldn't help when the people in the restaurant were so good - called an ambulance, called me, sat him down in the restaurant in a private area, talked to him, tried to keep him calm etc. But my son keeps saying he doesn't understand what the guy meant. Its bothering him because he wonders what the guy thought he was doing. He keeps saying he was "looking at me like I was a crazy person, like I was totally mad." I know it's not common to be approached by someone asking for help / saying that need an ambulance but if someone approached me saying that, without question I'd phone them an ambulance. I'm sure the vast majority of people would.

I'm so grateful for all who helped and I'm focusing more on that but I can't imagine how if anyone of any age approached you in the street in need of help and having an urgent medical problem why you wouldn't want to help. It's frustrating there are people like that. If it was them or their child or any member of their family in need of help presumably they would want someone to help. aibu to think the only one who was 'strange' in all this is him?

Also to add: the paramedics literally wouldn't let my son walk from the restaurant to the ambulance, they brought the stretcher in. My son said he though he could walk as he didn't want to be stretchered out but they said they couldn't let him walk with such a high heart rate and a low blood pressure (apparently the SVT episode can also often cause blood pressure to drop) and that it would be possible to pass out... so its not overkill to say in getting up from where he sat on the floor to walk to the restaurant could have made him pass out.

Obviously I was just so worried and stressed and the thought of someone basically telling him to f off when he needed help is horrible

[bumblingbovine49]

Up. I think you and your son are in shock. I imagine you keep thinking what would have happened if the man was your sons it option for help . Take some time to process but it is true that most people don't immediately trust a stranger ( with often good reason) and teenage boys are are a particular recipient of this . Your son has at a very early age come to the realisation that he is mortal ( being scared for your life is something a lot of people avoid in their teenage years) and also that not everyone around him will help him. It is part of growing up but usually it is a gradual realisation ( if we come from loving homes and manage to avoid much trauma in our childhoods) Fom our son it was a trauma, he must have been very very scared and probably.terrified and almost despairing when the man refused to help personally

Your ds may be ruminating on it a bit which won't help. Try to get him to see what the other man might have ' a teenager acting strangely and asking for a phone' and then just focus on the fact that some people did help.

[BlueJava]

So sorry for you having a massive scare about your son, that's a horrible thing to go through OP. I think you are over-thinking the weird bloke though. I know you say your son is gentle, kind and not intimidating, but unfortunately some people do have a bit of a weird "thing" about teenagers of any "type". One of my own DS found lockdown very hard mentally, and he used to go for very early morning walks in a huge park near us. On a couple of different mornings he told me he had met a woman who seemed petrified of him and ran in the other direction (there was no one else around, it was deserted) and another morning where an older man seemed scared of him. Obviously he doesn't want to frighten people - the same as your son - but sometimes people are wrapped up in a stereotype (and my son although very skinny is over 6 foot). Pleased your son is much better now!

[Plussizejumpsuit]

OP I've read your updates you've obviously had a massive shock as has your son. You seem to have taken on board others thoughts and reflected in a very emotionally intelligent way. Which I'm sure isn't easy right now. Maybe he felt taht vulnerable moment was a good time to open up about his sexuality. It's wonderful he feels he can speak to you.

[Chicchicchicchiclana]

I'm impressed your 16 year old knows your phone numbers from memory. I must get round to getting all the family to learn each other's. I know my husband's but not my son's or daughter's. They wouldn't have a clue about ours - not even our landline!

[MrsMomoa]

Your son is fine.
I'd focus more on that.

Perhaps the man has learning difficulties/disabilities?
You don't know him and what he's got going on.
I can imagine the vast majority of my students would really struggle in a situation like that.
And so their behaviour may come across as 'strange'

[yetanothernamitynamechange]

The people saying the man on the bike might have thought your son was on drugs.... well yes but to be honest even if he WAS on drugs if he was unwell his health/life could have been in danger so I dont see why thats a reason for not calling the ambulance. I also think that if he had his bike with him it would have been quite simple to position the bike between him and your son while calling for an ambulance if he was afraid. Esepcially since the son was sitting and he was standing.
That said - the language he used - repeatedly saying "its all very strange" makes it seem more likely to me that he had his own stuff going on as well.
Also - this reminds me of an awful case in America where a teenage girl was in a car crash and knocked on the door of the nearest house asking for help.... the guy SHOT her because he thought she might be trying to rob him. I don't think he went to prison either. I can't even begin to follow the thought process there.

[Justsocross]

The man was probably worried that he was going to be scammed or something.

If they offer your son an ablation get it done . My whole family suffer from svt and having the ablation is fantastic. On most of us it’s cured the problem completely

[Snaketime]

Personally I find people in general very unhelpful, not as bad as your son, but i remember several years ago when i was heavily pregnant, i was rushing to get my 3 year old DD to a public toilet (she doesn't have very good bladder control and when she needs to go she has to go) and I fell over pulling my DD down with me, i was just lucky i didnt fall on my bump, my poor DD skidded on the gravel, I made a mess of my knee but other than that we were ok, but not 1 person came to help me and there was a man I had known since I was a child stood there watching me. It still gives me the rage a bit even now, I couldn't imagine just standing there watching a heavily pregnant woman fall over and not go and offer some help.
I would like to think that if it had been me with your son I would have at least phoned the ambulance, I would probably have been a bit nervous and positioned myself in a way I could have protected myself but would have phoned the ambulance and then gone into the restaurant for more help, but I can't know unless in that situation. Stop giving the man headspace and just concentrate on your son.

[Goatinthegarden]

I also think that if he had his bike with him it would have been quite simple to position the bike between him and your son while calling for an ambulance if he was afraid.

Given I’d be afraid my bike might be taken from me, I wouldn’t have done that. If I’m commuting home from work, my laptop, purse, keys and phone would all be in the pannier attached to my bike too.

I’d like to think I’d help the lad if I was in the same position as the bike man, but I do think I might feel vulnerable and afraid if the boy didn’t look visibly unwell.

[Regularsizedrudy]

It’s just further evidence that cyclists are jerks. I wouldn’t over think it.

[Thisbastardcomputer]

Very strange, your son sounds like a lovely boy, I would have helped him. Sending best wishes and hope he will ok

[ElsieMc]

Some very strange behaviour recently. My gs2 fell off his bike in a country lane and hurt himself. He was lying on the road when a middle aged cyclist went past. He asked gs if he was ok and gs said no. He then just cycled off and left him. GS managed to call us out but I think the guy in question just didn't know what to do. Very bad response but there you have it.

I am really glad your son is okay op. Thankfully there are good people about.

[JoMoJaney]

I just want to thank everyone for all these replies, I have read them all and they have all helped. I'm pleased to say when I woke up this morning I found I'd let the issue go and felt a bit better, now focusing on more important things. My son has just gone out with s friend, I of course would rather have him under constant house arrest lol but I can't do that - he does however have a full phone battery and his charger!!! ..... thanks again everyone x

[THisbackwithavengeance]

"It’s just further evidence that cyclists are jerks. I wouldn’t over think it."

This.

This reminds me of when I was literally about 3 days off giving birth to DD and I fell down the steps at my local post office.

A man literally stepped over me (lying on the pavement bleeding from cuts on legs) and said "Sorry, I don't have time to help you".

Do these people not worry about karma?

[PiggyWasntPushedSheWasBullied]

Maybe a hallucination?

[GreekOddess]

I always remember when I was 17 I felt very ill and collapsed in the street. Before I passed out I was having excruciating stomach pains and was sat on the pavement. I asked for help from people passing by and I received none. I don't have a huge amount of faith in people.

These days people would prefer to film an ill person and put it on Facebook so they can be part of the drama.

[NoIDontWatchLoveIsland]

I understand why the man might have been cautious but I also find it odd not to help. But then I often find people are increasingly un-neighbourly and kind these days. There's a lot of selfishness. When I was (visibly) pregnant with DS I was knocked down a shortlist flight of steps (like 5 steps) in a tube station. I was a bit shaken but absolutely no one stopped, or offered me a hand to stand back up. It was sad really.

[sqirrelfriends]

Don't dwell on it, I don't agree with the posters saying the man wasn't in the wrong, what kind of person risks someone's life because "its all a bit strange"?

I'm glad your son is ok.

[zingally]

I voted YANBU, but also, let it go. Your son got the help he needed and is now okay.
This odd man didn't actively hurt your son and didn't threaten him. I don't know this man, and don't really want to internet-diagnose, but maybe he had learning difficulties or autism? Anything could have made him confused/unable/unwilling to help.

The moment is gone, your son is fine. Forget about it. Only thing that needs to happen now is your son needs to learn the importance of always having a charged phone, or carrying a charging pack. Maybe he could also benefit from wearing a medical bracelet, which would lend credence to his story if it were to happen again.

[MitziK]

@MandosHatHair

*The man obviously thought the risk of having his phone and bike stolen outweighed any potential risk to your son’s life.

He’s a disgrace for a human being and I can’t believe people are defending him.

I’m so sorry, must have been terrifying for your son*

This! I mean if it was just over the road the man could have gone over to the restaurant and asked them to call an ambulance on his behalf. If OPs son was a mugger he probably wouldn't still be there by the time he was over the road. He didn't have to whip is phone out in front of him but he could have done something to help.

I wonder what the responses to this thread would have been if OP's DC was a teenage girl.

Mine would be exactly the same.

Keep myself safe first. Then look for other people who could provide help/support/backup/equipment/could phone for me. And if that involves crossing the street to a premises such as a restaurant, yes, I would prefer to get them there rather than be out in the street where bystanders are more likely to walk by or start filming than provide help.


Teenage girls are just as likely to be under the influence of substances (which makes anybody potentially aggressive or at the least, unpredictable) or involved in robberies. They're also, just like boys, on the whole taller than me from the age of 13 and far fitter and stronger than I am.

Both, if they have a heart issue - just as with adults or elderly adults, would be better off in a place where there could be a community defib. If it came to having to use one due to loss of consciousness, as it involves removing/cutting the clothing to expose the chest, whilst the person might not be in a position to care at the time, it could be distressing for them to be exposed in the street where they are more likely to attract a crowd of rubberneckers with their phones and shouting at you to do something completely wrong (epilepsy gets people shouting about putting shit between the teeth, for example).

In addition, if it came to CPR, it's hugely physically demanding. Having somebody to take over from you before you are too exhausted to continue is vital. I can do it (on a dummy) for around 3 minutes before I need to stop - admittedly, the adrenaline rush from needing to help a real person would increase that time, but it's better to be able to change over after 4 rounds and be able to sustain compressions until an ambulance comes (or a defib is retrieved by somebody else from another location - another reason for needing other people round).


A lone person isn't just at risk of attack (and my sister had somebody pretend to be unconscious on the road back in 1983 - she spotted movement in her peripheral vision and was fortunately able to accelerate away - as two men came out of the trees with what looked to be metal baseball bats - without running over the decoy) they are the least able to physically cope with the demands of providing first aid in an emergency situation.



Am I a dick or a cunt for providing help but not at the expense of my personal safety or when it's safer for the person concerned for me to ahve access to other people to help or provide essential equipment? Was I being a dick or a cunt when I jumped out of a still (slowly) moving vehicle at a roundabout to help a motorcyclist who had fallen off his Goldwing to get him off the road and never mind his wonky arm or bike before an HGV travelling downhill ran over the pair of us? As it was, the HGV driver was going slowly enough to be able to stop and literally block off the entire roundabout and dual carriageway that led to it.



Some people are completely paralysed by accidents, emergencies or illness. This person helped. Not in the way expected or wanted at the time - but he helped.

[ArnoldBee]

Yes hubby did wear an SOS necklace but noone ever looked at it as they didn't want to get that close. He has the ICE function on his phone set up but again other to steal his belongings noone likes to get that close. There have been so many stories of scams that folks just want to look after themselves and not get involved.

[Kanaloa]

The man was a little odd but you never really know I suppose. If someone has been mugged previously it’s such a frightening experience that it can stick with you. I have a friend who was mugged, someone stopped her and asked the time and when she took her phone out they whipped it out of her hand and ran off. If someone tried to stop her now she would probably ignore them and walk past.

It’s a sad world when we can’t all stop and help each other but you really never know what’s going through someone else’s head.

[Lumene]

Glad your son is OK.

Unfortunately there are a lot of scams around so people are wary. Or this person may have had mental health issues, or had a bad experience in the past.

[Fyzz]

I have SVT, as does my DS. I know what happens in A&E because I've been in resus for SVT.
They have give you lots of advice but I don't know whether they will refer your son to cardiology. The keyhole procedure mentioned is called an ablation and can be a low risk very effective permanent cure. Its well worth asking uour GP for a referral because in my experience the fear of another attack is actually worse than the attack itself.
As someone else said it's not visible to anyone else until you keel over so your son probably looked fine.

[HyacynthBucket]

YANBU and neither is your son. He was right to expect help in an emergency, and this man's reaction borders on the criminal imo. He is the one who is VERY strange to react as he did. We should all be looking out for each other, and he was negligent at best. I wonder what part of the country you live in OP, and whether town or rural. I cannot imagine that happening in the West Country area where I live. Hope your son is OK now..