Unhelpful 'strange' man during medical emergency

[JoMoJaney]

I'm returning after a bit of time not posting. So this happened last week. Aibu to not be able to help feeling angry about this unhelpful man.

My 16 year old DS was walking home alone after seeing friends at around 8.30 / 9PM. He suddenly felt a 'really strange' sensation in his chest and noticed his 'breathing felt a bit funny' he then noticed that his heart seemed to be beating very very fast. Within a couple of minutes he felt like he couldn't keep walking home as he was feeling very faint and dizzy and like he might pass out. He went to his phone to call me or his dad only to discover his battery was dead. (I'm always telling him to make sure his phone is well charged and believe me we have now had a very big conversation about always doing this in the future, but that's a side issue). Starting to panic my son approached a man who was cycling and who had stopped to do something to his bike and said I'm really sorry to bother you but .... (explained the situation) and asked if the man could ring us for him or just call him an ambulance as he was very scared and something was obviously wrong. Before I come back to the man in question what happened was that he had a heart rate of 210 due to going into an abnormal heart rhythm called SVT (supra ventricular tachycardia). The paramedics established this as the cause and he was taken to A&E. They corrected the abnormal rhythm in A&E with drugs. When I arrived at the hospital it was so scary as I expected to find him in a normal cubicle but he was in the 'resus' area and attached to so many things will all these wires. He stayed in hospital overnight for observation and left the following day after the consultants ward rounds. The condition and what we have to do next has been fully explained to us and it should not have a debilitating effect on his life. He can continue as normal and if he keeps getting these episodes there is a very effective key hole surgery type procedure that can provide a cure. I'm cutting a long story and lots of information short.

I should say the staff of a local restaurant near were my son was taken ill were wonderful. Both me and my son have been to talk to the manager and staff who helped him and thanked them. I'm so grateful those people helped. Also the doctors and nurses - absolutely amazing can not praise enough. My son said the paramedics were also brilliant...... the man who my son approached for help - not so much.

Firstly, my son is a softly spoken and polite boy who isn't especially big for a 16 year old and this was a middle aged man so I don't think there is anything intimidating about my son. My son said to him that he was really sorry to bother him but explained what happened. My son did not ask to use his phone but asked if he (the man) could call us (his parents) or an ambulance for him. He explained everything and I know he must of looked and sounded terrified because the lovely people in the restaurant told me that he did. The man in question had the initial response of "I don't know, it's a bit strange" my son replied I know I'm sorry it's just I don't know what's wrong with me I just (proceed to explain what happened and his symptoms again and show his phone was dead). My son then sat down on the floor at this point because he felt like he was about to pass out. When he sat down and said he felt very faint the man said "now this is getting even more strange. I think you need to walk to one of the restaurants if you need help. I do have a phone but this is just all very starnge". At this point my son decided no matter how faint he felt he needed to do that and walk to a nearby open restaurant. As he walked away the guy said "well I hope you get better but this is all very strange".

I know I shouldn't dwell too much on one person who wouldn't help when the people in the restaurant were so good - called an ambulance, called me, sat him down in the restaurant in a private area, talked to him, tried to keep him calm etc. But my son keeps saying he doesn't understand what the guy meant. Its bothering him because he wonders what the guy thought he was doing. He keeps saying he was "looking at me like I was a crazy person, like I was totally mad." I know it's not common to be approached by someone asking for help / saying that need an ambulance but if someone approached me saying that, without question I'd phone them an ambulance. I'm sure the vast majority of people would.

I'm so grateful for all who helped and I'm focusing more on that but I can't imagine how if anyone of any age approached you in the street in need of help and having an urgent medical problem why you wouldn't want to help. It's frustrating there are people like that. If it was them or their child or any member of their family in need of help presumably they would want someone to help. aibu to think the only one who was 'strange' in all this is him?

Also to add: the paramedics literally wouldn't let my son walk from the restaurant to the ambulance, they brought the stretcher in. My son said he though he could walk as he didn't want to be stretchered out but they said they couldn't let him walk with such a high heart rate and a low blood pressure (apparently the SVT episode can also often cause blood pressure to drop) and that it would be possible to pass out... so its not overkill to say in getting up from where he sat on the floor to walk to the restaurant could have made him pass out.

Obviously I was just so worried and stressed and the thought of someone basically telling him to f off when he needed help is horrible

[Shizzlestix]

He probably thought your ds was high or faking it to snatch his phone. It’s awful, but I might think the same and be worried I was being scammed.

I hope your son is ok and it isn’t an ongoing issue.

[CSIblonde]

He just panicked & thought it was a scam prob, for money so wasn't being logical & mixed that your son was v wyounf & Inc unwell. I live in NE London, there's a woman who walks around asking for money saying she's got a brain tumour.

[Hardbackwriter]

So some old posh bloke decided the language a teenager used, in a mangled heap on the road, with broken bones, as a result of a bike accident, was sufficient reason to leave him to it.

Or the language he used made him seem threatening or frightening to the old man?

The thing is, a lot of people find teenage boys a bit intimidating. I know that when it's your teenager and you know they're lovely and no threat to a fly that seems ridiculous and upsetting but a lot of people would be wary.

[gandalf456]

I've have been in a couple of situations like that and I have to say it throws you.

Both involved me in the car and it did occur to me car/phone theft.

In both situations, I tried to help but didn't quite know what to say or do as it felt a bit surreal and I honestly ended up as useful as a chocolate teapot.

In both situations, I am glad I gave the benefit of the doubt. If they had robbed me, on their conscience be it but I couldn't let anyone vulnerable be alone and in danger and possibly die because I chose to drive past and not get involved

[MomToTwoBabas]

YABU but I'm glad your son is ok.

[DontBelongHere]

I can see why you're upset by this. Your precious son needed help in a life-threatening situation and the man basically didn't give him, any except direct him to a restaurant, which is basically washing his hands of him. It's a horrendous thought for a parent to think that when your child needed help, you weren't there to give it, and another person didn't step in to help.

I also think posters are being a bit quick to leap to the man's defence. So what if some people use it as a way to mug people? I'd rather risk losing my phone than risk a teenager being seriously ill and doing nothing about it.

People nowadays seem so afraid of one another and particularly of young men. I come from a family with a strong ethic of caring for strangers, my Dad particularly. I'm not great at it, but he is inspirational in how he approaches the world. Sometimes it might not work out but in general, a bit of care, amongst folk who don't know each other, is what makes humanity a worthwhile venture.

Ok we don't know the man's situation, blah blah, caveat all of the above with any myriad of possible issue that could be dreamt up for him. But still, I understand your feelings.

[MomToTwoBabas]

My son asked a lady for help when he broke his arm in 2 places at 12 years old while out with friends at about 2pm. She said no and told him to move his bike which he said he couldn't as he only had 1 working arm and had gone into shock and she told him he was rude. His arm did look broke but I suppose she wasn't to know.

[ChrisPrattsFace]

A young girl (13/14)?) once asked me for help, told me she was scared and had been attacked and asked if I could call the police for her as she has ran away.
I got my phone out and she attacked me and attempted to mug me.
It’s made me incredibly cautious of anyone asking for help, and I likely would have directed your son to a near by occupied business too.

[treetopss]

Glad your son is ok.

I imagine the man thought it was a scam to rob him etc. Especially since it's possible not to look that ill with SVT. I'v had several episodes in my life and often the first external sign to others is me passing out unconscious in front of them.

[BanningTheWordNaice]

More than once I’ve had someone pretend to be in a dire situation and ask to walk with me to a cash machine - all with convincing stories until I probe further. I’m really sorry OP but I don’t 100 pct know how I’d react in that situation if someone asked me to get something out.

[Hardbackwriter]

I also think posters are being a bit quick to leap to the man's defence. So what if some people use it as a way to mug people? I'd rather risk losing my phone than risk a teenager being seriously ill and doing nothing about it.

Have you ever been mugged? It's really quite a horrible and upsetting experience, even if absolutely no violence is involved, that makes you feel scared and vulnerable out and about for a long time afterwards.

[Serin]

Hardbackwriter
I completely agree that some people find teenagers alarming. I've recently had a conversation with my 2 (both 6'2" tall lads) about how not to scare people unintentionally. Especially when out at night dressed in all black / hoodies on.
You couldn't wish for softer kids (ones a student nurse the others a computer geek) but a passerby isnt going to know that.

I hope you can forget about the unhelpful passerby and focus on the good things.

[OvertheRainbow2U]

I've said YUNBU but who knows what this person is experiencing, thank goodness he directed your son to help and thank god your boy is okay. Don't dwell

[EyesOpening]

YANBU to get upset at this man's behaviour but also the man was also NBU
I'm in the camp of thinking that there are many times where this has been a ploy and the man did suggest he go to the restaurant (although I'm not sure how far that was), this was the best suggestion in these circumstances, he may have done something different if the restaurants weren't close by
Try to direct your energy and your thoughts towards your son and away from this man's actions
I hope your son is ok

[BlindBat]

Seriously? This man was an dxxxk and anyone suggesting otherwise is missing the real issue.
He wasn’t capable of providing help and failed your son. Thank goodness others could.

[whatisheupto]

I think it sounds like the man may have some sort of learning difficulties.

[tobee]

I hope & think I'd have rung an ambulance for your son. But I'm a bit gullible.

I hope your soon is ok and you can both have piece of mind restored from the other bystanders/paramedics behaviour.

[TheSeedsOfADream]

He sounds neither a dick or like he has learning difficulties. He sounds like exactly what everyone has said- it's one of the oldest scams in the book especially for younger thugs, both boys and girls. One of them acts the ill/just been mugged part and the other leaps in to actually attack the good Samaritan.

And no idea what the swearing kid coming off the bike has to do with anything

[Anon778833]

The man was a c*nt. Sadly our society has become one of selfish arseholes who only take care of number one.

Your son was clearly collapsed and in distress and he did nothing? I hope he gets his dose of karma for being happy to let someone possibly die.

[Anon778833]

I hope & think I'd have rung an ambulance for your son. But I'm a bit gullible.

Gullible for wanting to help someone who clearly is unwell? Crikey 🤯

[SE13Mummy]

I'm glad your son is going to be OK and I'm sorry the first person he asked for help couldn't/wouldn't. That must have been scary for your DS given how he was feeling at the time.

Given he now has a diagnosis, I wonder if it might be helpful for you to support him to reframe what happened. Yes, it was unfortunate that on this occasion the person he went to first didn't help but what reasons might there have been for that e.g. pandemic worries, feeling vulnerable etc. It may be the case that your DS needs to ask others for help in the future so it may be important for him to still feel able to do this should the need arise. Would some sort of medi alert thing, or medical card be useful so anyone being asked for help can be shown it's a genuine medical emergency?

FWIW, my DD of a similar age was caught up in an incident that meant her phone battery had died and she was a long way from where she was meant to be meeting me. She approached an older couple, explained and asked if they would call me if she told them my number. They just gave her their mobile and said to use it. Later on, she was still trying to get out of the area and sobbing and flustered, approached a postman who was emptying the boxes right outside the main PO. He not only let her use his phone but had her plug hers into the charger in his van. He said she could sit in the van with the doors open if she wanted - he was in and out of the PO - but she sat nearby.

I'm telling you this because I think your DS was unlucky in that he approached someone who was probably vulnerable rather than someone who didn't want to help.

[ithinkiveseenthisfilmbefore]

A lot of older people are set up to be mugged by distraction techniques...

I'm glad your son is going to be ok. But please forgive the man in your head and let it go.

[Pantsomime]

Man on bike sounds like he wanted to help but was scared of being duped as others say, hence his odd comments as if thinking help him/ no attack coming etc

[ekidmxcl]

It's because we do live in a world where people invent situations like this in order to steal stuff from people. I know someone who broke their back in a car accident and several people drove by, having to mount the kerb to do so. He was there for 30 mins before someone called an ambulance. It was late at night. Classic ruse I guess - look like you need help and then that person/a friend pounces.

It's very sad we treat eachother like this.