Unhelpful 'strange' man during medical emergency

[JoMoJaney]

I'm returning after a bit of time not posting. So this happened last week. Aibu to not be able to help feeling angry about this unhelpful man.

My 16 year old DS was walking home alone after seeing friends at around 8.30 / 9PM. He suddenly felt a 'really strange' sensation in his chest and noticed his 'breathing felt a bit funny' he then noticed that his heart seemed to be beating very very fast. Within a couple of minutes he felt like he couldn't keep walking home as he was feeling very faint and dizzy and like he might pass out. He went to his phone to call me or his dad only to discover his battery was dead. (I'm always telling him to make sure his phone is well charged and believe me we have now had a very big conversation about always doing this in the future, but that's a side issue). Starting to panic my son approached a man who was cycling and who had stopped to do something to his bike and said I'm really sorry to bother you but .... (explained the situation) and asked if the man could ring us for him or just call him an ambulance as he was very scared and something was obviously wrong. Before I come back to the man in question what happened was that he had a heart rate of 210 due to going into an abnormal heart rhythm called SVT (supra ventricular tachycardia). The paramedics established this as the cause and he was taken to A&E. They corrected the abnormal rhythm in A&E with drugs. When I arrived at the hospital it was so scary as I expected to find him in a normal cubicle but he was in the 'resus' area and attached to so many things will all these wires. He stayed in hospital overnight for observation and left the following day after the consultants ward rounds. The condition and what we have to do next has been fully explained to us and it should not have a debilitating effect on his life. He can continue as normal and if he keeps getting these episodes there is a very effective key hole surgery type procedure that can provide a cure. I'm cutting a long story and lots of information short.

I should say the staff of a local restaurant near were my son was taken ill were wonderful. Both me and my son have been to talk to the manager and staff who helped him and thanked them. I'm so grateful those people helped. Also the doctors and nurses - absolutely amazing can not praise enough. My son said the paramedics were also brilliant...... the man who my son approached for help - not so much.

Firstly, my son is a softly spoken and polite boy who isn't especially big for a 16 year old and this was a middle aged man so I don't think there is anything intimidating about my son. My son said to him that he was really sorry to bother him but explained what happened. My son did not ask to use his phone but asked if he (the man) could call us (his parents) or an ambulance for him. He explained everything and I know he must of looked and sounded terrified because the lovely people in the restaurant told me that he did. The man in question had the initial response of "I don't know, it's a bit strange" my son replied I know I'm sorry it's just I don't know what's wrong with me I just (proceed to explain what happened and his symptoms again and show his phone was dead). My son then sat down on the floor at this point because he felt like he was about to pass out. When he sat down and said he felt very faint the man said "now this is getting even more strange. I think you need to walk to one of the restaurants if you need help. I do have a phone but this is just all very starnge". At this point my son decided no matter how faint he felt he needed to do that and walk to a nearby open restaurant. As he walked away the guy said "well I hope you get better but this is all very strange".

I know I shouldn't dwell too much on one person who wouldn't help when the people in the restaurant were so good - called an ambulance, called me, sat him down in the restaurant in a private area, talked to him, tried to keep him calm etc. But my son keeps saying he doesn't understand what the guy meant. Its bothering him because he wonders what the guy thought he was doing. He keeps saying he was "looking at me like I was a crazy person, like I was totally mad." I know it's not common to be approached by someone asking for help / saying that need an ambulance but if someone approached me saying that, without question I'd phone them an ambulance. I'm sure the vast majority of people would.

I'm so grateful for all who helped and I'm focusing more on that but I can't imagine how if anyone of any age approached you in the street in need of help and having an urgent medical problem why you wouldn't want to help. It's frustrating there are people like that. If it was them or their child or any member of their family in need of help presumably they would want someone to help. aibu to think the only one who was 'strange' in all this is him?

Also to add: the paramedics literally wouldn't let my son walk from the restaurant to the ambulance, they brought the stretcher in. My son said he though he could walk as he didn't want to be stretchered out but they said they couldn't let him walk with such a high heart rate and a low blood pressure (apparently the SVT episode can also often cause blood pressure to drop) and that it would be possible to pass out... so its not overkill to say in getting up from where he sat on the floor to walk to the restaurant could have made him pass out.

Obviously I was just so worried and stressed and the thought of someone basically telling him to f off when he needed help is horrible

[goldensummerhouse]

He probably thought it was a set up, that as soon as he unlocked his phone to make the call that your son would grab it and run off. It's unfortunate, but perhaps he has been caught out that way before.

I'm glad your ds is better.

[JacobReesMogadishu]

Some people who may or may not have issues of their own would definitely have been a bit freaked out by this. He may have kept saying it was strange as he may be someone who tends to verbalise their internal thoughts especially when stressed. I have a friend who does this quite a bit.

[muckycat]

Hope your son is well OP. Its not ideal but echoing PPs, the man may have had bad experiences or serious anxiety.

I have epilepsy and have been irritated in the past when a police officer got in my face immediately after a tonic clonic fit asking repeatedly what drugs I had taken, and another occasion a woman started crying and making a fuss and I felt, the situation about her. Also a man started insistently offering me a shoulder and back massage after a fit. People often don't know what to do or how to react. This man handled the situation badly but try not to dwell. The main thing is that your son got the help he needed

[Lovely1a2b3c]

I hope your son is okay OP. It must have been a huge shock and very scary for both of you. A close family member of mine has Wolff-Parkinson White and has similar episodes.

With regard to the stranger- it was probably either because he had something like Autism and couldn't cope with something so unusual happening or because he misunderstood and thought that your son must just be messing around and/or about to steal from him.

[tobee]

@SugarbabyMilly

I hope & think I'd have rung an ambulance for your son. But I'm a bit gullible.

Gullible for wanting to help someone who clearly is unwell? Crikey 🤯

Well just that I'm quite good at falling for scams. But in this case I'd think that was a good thing.

[notangelinajolie]

Leave it. Don't dwell on this and try to help your son not to dwell on this either. Thinking this out will not help because you and your son will never (unless you find the man) find the answer.
Be glad that your son got the treatment he needed,

[Foliageeverywhere122]

Really glad to hear your son is doing ok and sorry he encountered someone like that

About 5 years ago I was crossing a main road and turned my ankle (repeated injury that kept happening!) this time it was much worse and later found out I’d torn the ligament. The pain sent me into a kind of shock and as I’d managed to stay upright just focussed on getting across the road and to a bench. However the injury meant I was walking like a drunk and as soon as I sat down I vomited on the pavement I just remember people avoiding eye contact, and when I tried to ask to borrow a phone walking straight on. Was such a horrible experience!! Eventually someone did sit down with me and said ‘oh right, I thought you were just another drunk student’

[Cyberattack]

What a horrible world where a grown man is unwilling or afraid to call an ambulance for a sick child.
I am glad your son is ok. It must have been very frightening for him.

[thecatsabsentcojones]

Oh god how horrible, I can see why you’re so distressed. I think the media has made so many people feel so suspicious about anyone they don’t know, it’s just horrible.

I’d have helped him without reservation.

[simitra]

Situations where someone pretends there is an emergency and tries to get you to open the door and let them into your home CAN be a ruse. This happened to a relative of mine when someone knocked on her door late at night (about 11pm).

My relative is elderly and does not allow strangers into her home without a relative present. She called out through the door and a young female voice answered saying she had been attacked and needed help. She claimed to have lost her phone. My relative offered to call the police but would not open the door. Female continued to beg her to allow her in and in the end my relative called a male neighbour who agreed to come over while she let the girl in and await the police. By the time he arrived (few minutes) there was no one in sight. It has obviously been a ruse or scam of some kind - possibly with accomplices waiting for elderly relative to open the door. Once they knew a male was on the way they decamped. When she reported the incident to the police the next day they told her she had handled the incident wisely and that offering to call a third party for help (or emergency services) is a good tactic.

[TheJessicaClarke]

Refusing to call an ambulance for someone is sick.

[Love51]

Way back in the 1960s when Piliavan, Rodin and Piliavan did the first studies on bystander apathy, they found that the presentation of the person needing help made a difference. They looked at drunk Vs carries a cane, but irregular heart rate, dizzy etc look like drug use, so the man may have thought either he's on drugs, it's a ruse, or both. Check out the studies to see how few people are helpful!
Don't let this guy upset you. He will have had his reasons and you will never find out what they are.

[WoobyWoo]

He was probably thinking drugs op or that he was about to be mugged or something. Some people have strange reactions to being approached unexpectedly, it’s a self preservation thing and he may have had a bad experience previously. You know your son wasn’t a threat but this guy didn’t. It’s a bit rubbish not to help someone in trouble but for whatever reason this guy obviously didn’t feel he was able to.

[Nomoreilove]

Could he have had mental health/learning difficulties? Some people appear normal but are not very right in the head.

[Bingowin]

I agree with some of the others,he was probably a bit suspicious (for whatever reason).

A bloke approached me a few weeks back and asked to borrow my phone. He’d run out of petrol and needed to call a friend to bring him some fuel.
I said no he couldn’t borrow it (this was in lockdown!) but I would call his friend for him which I did.

I’m in London so possibly more wary than others?

[FlamingoAndJohn]

He was neither a dick nor a cunt. (And you can type those words, no need to piss around with asterisk).
It’s a very common distraction technique. People used to ask for the time and would nick your phone when you got it out to check.
Although your son is no doubt lovely teen can seem scary I’m sad to say. My DH is not a teen but is very tall which people find intimidating. He is always careful about walking behind women at night for example because of this.

The end result is that your son is ok and got the help he needs.

[Justaboy]

Honestly in the last 25 years of hubbys experience lots of people are genuinely scared and can't cope with things outside of what they are used to.

Quite, can he not carry an info disc thats got please call 999 whever in case of assistance required? This might convicnce some that hes for real, not a drunk, on drugs some sort of scam etc?.

If i were that passer by i'd weigh up the situation and see if it looks as if anyone else is around to nick whatever, but my daughter told me the other day with my size and build i looked scarey anyway!

Can't win!!!

[MrsEricBana]

I don't think you should dwell on this. It's very unfortunate that the man felt unable to help your son for whatever reason, but thankfully the restaurant staff did. Hope your ds is ok going forward.

[Barrowmanfan22]

Nobody is being unreasonable. You had a fright. But I can understand that the man felt worried that he was about to be attacked / your son was on drugs

Glad everyone is OK. Focus on that

[Viviennemary]

It's sad but sounds like the man was simply afraid t help. He may have thought it was a sham and he'd be robbed. I don't think he behaved in an unkind way. Perhaps he had a bad experience of a mugging. You don't know what has gone on in people's lives.,

[QuestionableMouse]

Not sure if this has been mentioned, but you should probably get a medical alert bracket or such for you son.

[mathanxiety]

I can see why he might have suspected your DS would grab his phone and run as soon as he started paying attention to dialing the numbers, but when your DS had to sit down on the ground he should have realised there was no threat at all and he should have helped.

[alexdgr8]

also many men esp are wary of youngsters, in case they are accused of being sexually inappropriate with them.
i saw a tv show where a history teacher was calmly told by a girl of about 15 that the whole class would not attend his lesson on friday afternoons. the reason being that they liked to start the weekend early. when he protested, saying they had to be present, she said then i will say you touched me inappropriately and the rest of the class will back me up.
she was so calm and calculated about it, he found it chilling. he gave up trying to make them attend on friday pm.

[JoMoJaney]

I'm so grateful for all replies- ones in agreement and ones challenging and ones inbetween. All valid and helpful. Of course, as I'm sure people can understand, when it's your child and you have had the shock of your life you can easily pass judgement on someone / anyone who didn't help.

My son is alive, well, healthy, has a condition which he needs to take seriously but can be treated and is shared by others and thank you especially on here to those who said they have SVT and suggested ways to manage and lifestyle issues to look at.

If I am honest with myself I'm someone who when something bad happens, there has to be a person to blame. Something bad happens to my son and I'm looking for the peroson to blame, even if no peron exists.

I suppose being a parent is unpredictable and you have to go with what happens. I started writing this reply before talking more with my son. I talked to him more about what happened, the people who helped and didn't, and the whole situation. During the conversation he said to me "I really liked that French doctor " (the senior A&E doctor who was looking after him was French). I agreed and he replied that he was "so lovely and very hot" (this is a Male doctor).. long story short, on top of all this my son just came out... absolutely fine, i don't care and it's not unexpected as I already thought that's maybe the case. Fine.

This is far too much for one thread

[seayork2020]

I would be more worried about how my son is now then the fact some person did not do things the way you think they should have been done

Focus on what is important