Unhelpful 'strange' man during medical emergency

[JoMoJaney]

I'm returning after a bit of time not posting. So this happened last week. Aibu to not be able to help feeling angry about this unhelpful man.

My 16 year old DS was walking home alone after seeing friends at around 8.30 / 9PM. He suddenly felt a 'really strange' sensation in his chest and noticed his 'breathing felt a bit funny' he then noticed that his heart seemed to be beating very very fast. Within a couple of minutes he felt like he couldn't keep walking home as he was feeling very faint and dizzy and like he might pass out. He went to his phone to call me or his dad only to discover his battery was dead. (I'm always telling him to make sure his phone is well charged and believe me we have now had a very big conversation about always doing this in the future, but that's a side issue). Starting to panic my son approached a man who was cycling and who had stopped to do something to his bike and said I'm really sorry to bother you but .... (explained the situation) and asked if the man could ring us for him or just call him an ambulance as he was very scared and something was obviously wrong. Before I come back to the man in question what happened was that he had a heart rate of 210 due to going into an abnormal heart rhythm called SVT (supra ventricular tachycardia). The paramedics established this as the cause and he was taken to A&E. They corrected the abnormal rhythm in A&E with drugs. When I arrived at the hospital it was so scary as I expected to find him in a normal cubicle but he was in the 'resus' area and attached to so many things will all these wires. He stayed in hospital overnight for observation and left the following day after the consultants ward rounds. The condition and what we have to do next has been fully explained to us and it should not have a debilitating effect on his life. He can continue as normal and if he keeps getting these episodes there is a very effective key hole surgery type procedure that can provide a cure. I'm cutting a long story and lots of information short.

I should say the staff of a local restaurant near were my son was taken ill were wonderful. Both me and my son have been to talk to the manager and staff who helped him and thanked them. I'm so grateful those people helped. Also the doctors and nurses - absolutely amazing can not praise enough. My son said the paramedics were also brilliant...... the man who my son approached for help - not so much.

Firstly, my son is a softly spoken and polite boy who isn't especially big for a 16 year old and this was a middle aged man so I don't think there is anything intimidating about my son. My son said to him that he was really sorry to bother him but explained what happened. My son did not ask to use his phone but asked if he (the man) could call us (his parents) or an ambulance for him. He explained everything and I know he must of looked and sounded terrified because the lovely people in the restaurant told me that he did. The man in question had the initial response of "I don't know, it's a bit strange" my son replied I know I'm sorry it's just I don't know what's wrong with me I just (proceed to explain what happened and his symptoms again and show his phone was dead). My son then sat down on the floor at this point because he felt like he was about to pass out. When he sat down and said he felt very faint the man said "now this is getting even more strange. I think you need to walk to one of the restaurants if you need help. I do have a phone but this is just all very starnge". At this point my son decided no matter how faint he felt he needed to do that and walk to a nearby open restaurant. As he walked away the guy said "well I hope you get better but this is all very strange".

I know I shouldn't dwell too much on one person who wouldn't help when the people in the restaurant were so good - called an ambulance, called me, sat him down in the restaurant in a private area, talked to him, tried to keep him calm etc. But my son keeps saying he doesn't understand what the guy meant. Its bothering him because he wonders what the guy thought he was doing. He keeps saying he was "looking at me like I was a crazy person, like I was totally mad." I know it's not common to be approached by someone asking for help / saying that need an ambulance but if someone approached me saying that, without question I'd phone them an ambulance. I'm sure the vast majority of people would.

I'm so grateful for all who helped and I'm focusing more on that but I can't imagine how if anyone of any age approached you in the street in need of help and having an urgent medical problem why you wouldn't want to help. It's frustrating there are people like that. If it was them or their child or any member of their family in need of help presumably they would want someone to help. aibu to think the only one who was 'strange' in all this is him?

Also to add: the paramedics literally wouldn't let my son walk from the restaurant to the ambulance, they brought the stretcher in. My son said he though he could walk as he didn't want to be stretchered out but they said they couldn't let him walk with such a high heart rate and a low blood pressure (apparently the SVT episode can also often cause blood pressure to drop) and that it would be possible to pass out... so its not overkill to say in getting up from where he sat on the floor to walk to the restaurant could have made him pass out.

Obviously I was just so worried and stressed and the thought of someone basically telling him to f off when he needed help is horrible

[SchrodingersImmigrant]

@Oxyiz

As an autistic poster who's married to an autistic man, I'm a bit about the endless "maybe he's autistic/dim" comments. Can you knock it off now please? Its disablist and plenty of posters here have said they'd assume this was a scam.

It's bit of a standard response to anything now, isn't it. I always wondered how actually autistic people feel about it.

He sneezes differently.
Maybe autistic.
He has this annoying habit.
Maybe autistic.
She is rude to me.
Maybe autistic.
He murdered 6 people and thinks it's ok.
Maybe autistic.

Please note that if the subject is over 50, it is not autism, but dementia.

Back to the thread. I would think "yeah sure. No way, mate. I am not that stupid" too tbh. I wasn't always a cynic. The shitbags made me and many others into that over the time🤷🏻

[Oxyiz]

As an autistic poster who's married to an autistic man, I'm a bit about the endless "maybe he's autistic/dim" comments. Can you knock it off now please? Its disablist and plenty of posters here have said they'd assume this was a scam.

[Pobblebonk]

I was once stopped outside a a London station by a woman who said that she'd injured herself and just wanted to get back home but didn't have enough money, asking if she could just have enough money for that purpose. Her clothes had bloodstains, she did seem quite distressed, and my immediate instinct was to give her the money. But my first offer was to call for an ambulance, and she didn't want that; I also suggested that they'd have first aiders in the station, and/or would give her a free ticket, but she didn't want help in exploring that either. Then I realised that I'd expect someone with that sort of injury to show signs of shock, e.g being pale and sweaty, and she didn't; I also became aware that her distress was turning into impatience with every alternative offer of help I suggested. So I ended up saying that all I was prepared to offer was to call an ambulance and if she didn't want that there was nothing I could do, and I walked away to a bit of a volley of abuse. When I came back later, she was still there approaching people coming out of the station.

It's a really sad fact that no-one can really take cries for help at face value.

[lhmakeup]

You can say what you would do all you want, but your actions may not correspond when you are actually faced with that specific situation.

Yesterday a man brashly asked me to move from some seats at the exit of Tesco as he needed to sit down, I did, and he was really apologetic. Thinking nothing more, I walked to my car but by the time I got in, he had collapsed on the floor (cutting his head) and was having a seizure. I felt awful because I could have done more to help him - I could have asked if he was okay, possibly calling the ambulance myself or provided reassurance. He may not have hurt his head etc. Instead there I was thinking he was a bit rude for asking me to move, but in reality he was very unwell and even at his lowest point he had the courtesy to apologise to me.

Strangers approaching you in need of emergency assistance is a rare occurrence and you may not always notice the signs. It is slightly more likely that they’re okay and you might be overreacting, or that they are trying it on

[Dee1975]

Glad your son is ok and sounds like the local restaurant staff were super.
This man sounds like he may have some kind of learning difficulty or maybe ASD or maybe just a very nervous person.

[WeeWelshWoman]

The cyclist was being odd. YANBU. I've helped distressed teens before, and I'm 5 foot nothing.

[Hopoindown31]

Any first responder training teaches you to make sure you are aware of risks around you and to ensure your own safety before responding to an incident. It was very clear by his response that this man felt unsafe in this situation. Please bear in mind that he did not know your son or his background and you don't know this man's background either. Fixating on this man and trying to blame him for what happened to your son is not helpful or fair.

[afaloren]

Really glad your son is ok and on the bright side it’s a cracker of a coming out story!

[OverTheRainbow88]

I have SVT, it’s very scary when an episode happens but it’s good to know that an episode isn’t dangerous short term, while it happens it feels horrific but it will be ok.
I had the procedure I think you’re talking about- an ablation, was life changing, highly recommend.

Tell your son if his heart does that again; to hold his breathe and push down like he’s doing a poo, whilst holding his breathe. Splash super cold water on his face, and generally to avoid alcohol and caffeine, and avoid bending down and standing up too quickly- that can set off an episode.

Regarding the man, maybe he was mugged before or something.

[ApolloandDaphne]

My DD collapsed when out running on the local golf course and despite a number of golfers walking past her not one stopped to help her. They also didn't help me locate her after she called me and I was running about the golf course like a loon looking for her. Some people just don't give a shit. I had to half carry her to my car and still no one assisted. We hardly looked threatening.

[Cherrylipbalm]

Focus on your son.

Perhaps the man was Asperger's or has anxiety or whatever but why is this the focus

[hahahahatake4cards]

I think he was thinking it was a mugging tactic. He didn't need to keep saying it was strange, he should of just asked him to go into a restaurant and said he didn't have a phone. I would in that circumstance gone with him on my bike to the door.

Glad your son is ok !

[Shinyletsbebadguys]

I'm glad to see you've moved on and are letting it go OP I think we do focus on different things in emergencies especially afterwards.

On the man though I suppose I swing to two extremes on the one hand perhaps he was worried and anxious about being mugged. Sad but understandable in this day and age. Also within this possibly he does have MH concerns or LD. totally understandable to hesitate.

On the other though, some people genuinely cannot comprehend anything outside their narrow existence and I personally have little time for that. I've seen in on here and in real life a lot the faux wide eyed "but it's so strange , why is it so strange" it's a somewhat arrogant belief that anything outside of your own experience and perception must be off somehow so he could be one of those. In that case refusing to help because he doesnt "understand " is abhorrent.

Either way you are never likely to find out. In reality for most people who are rational and have capacity there are lots of ways he could have helped and kept himself safe. But he didnt and thankfully you are all ok.

[BuggerOffAndGoodDayToYou]

If the man was that nervous of OPs son he could have gone to the restaurant himself to seek help. What sort of human being just ignores another asking for help when there is a way to safely get that help?

[HyacynthBucket]

YANBU and neither is your son. He was right to expect help in an emergency, and this man's reaction borders on the criminal imo. He is the one who is VERY strange to react as he did. We should all be looking out for each other, and he was negligent at best. I wonder what part of the country you live in OP, and whether town or rural. I cannot imagine that happening in the West Country area where I live. Hope your son is OK now..

[Fyzz]

I have SVT, as does my DS. I know what happens in A&E because I've been in resus for SVT.
They have give you lots of advice but I don't know whether they will refer your son to cardiology. The keyhole procedure mentioned is called an ablation and can be a low risk very effective permanent cure. Its well worth asking uour GP for a referral because in my experience the fear of another attack is actually worse than the attack itself.
As someone else said it's not visible to anyone else until you keel over so your son probably looked fine.

[Lumene]

Glad your son is OK.

Unfortunately there are a lot of scams around so people are wary. Or this person may have had mental health issues, or had a bad experience in the past.

[Kanaloa]

The man was a little odd but you never really know I suppose. If someone has been mugged previously it’s such a frightening experience that it can stick with you. I have a friend who was mugged, someone stopped her and asked the time and when she took her phone out they whipped it out of her hand and ran off. If someone tried to stop her now she would probably ignore them and walk past.

It’s a sad world when we can’t all stop and help each other but you really never know what’s going through someone else’s head.

[ArnoldBee]

Yes hubby did wear an SOS necklace but noone ever looked at it as they didn't want to get that close. He has the ICE function on his phone set up but again other to steal his belongings noone likes to get that close. There have been so many stories of scams that folks just want to look after themselves and not get involved.

[MitziK]

@MandosHatHair

*The man obviously thought the risk of having his phone and bike stolen outweighed any potential risk to your son’s life.

He’s a disgrace for a human being and I can’t believe people are defending him.

I’m so sorry, must have been terrifying for your son*

This! I mean if it was just over the road the man could have gone over to the restaurant and asked them to call an ambulance on his behalf. If OPs son was a mugger he probably wouldn't still be there by the time he was over the road. He didn't have to whip is phone out in front of him but he could have done something to help.

I wonder what the responses to this thread would have been if OP's DC was a teenage girl.

Mine would be exactly the same.

Keep myself safe first. Then look for other people who could provide help/support/backup/equipment/could phone for me. And if that involves crossing the street to a premises such as a restaurant, yes, I would prefer to get them there rather than be out in the street where bystanders are more likely to walk by or start filming than provide help.


Teenage girls are just as likely to be under the influence of substances (which makes anybody potentially aggressive or at the least, unpredictable) or involved in robberies. They're also, just like boys, on the whole taller than me from the age of 13 and far fitter and stronger than I am.

Both, if they have a heart issue - just as with adults or elderly adults, would be better off in a place where there could be a community defib. If it came to having to use one due to loss of consciousness, as it involves removing/cutting the clothing to expose the chest, whilst the person might not be in a position to care at the time, it could be distressing for them to be exposed in the street where they are more likely to attract a crowd of rubberneckers with their phones and shouting at you to do something completely wrong (epilepsy gets people shouting about putting shit between the teeth, for example).

In addition, if it came to CPR, it's hugely physically demanding. Having somebody to take over from you before you are too exhausted to continue is vital. I can do it (on a dummy) for around 3 minutes before I need to stop - admittedly, the adrenaline rush from needing to help a real person would increase that time, but it's better to be able to change over after 4 rounds and be able to sustain compressions until an ambulance comes (or a defib is retrieved by somebody else from another location - another reason for needing other people round).


A lone person isn't just at risk of attack (and my sister had somebody pretend to be unconscious on the road back in 1983 - she spotted movement in her peripheral vision and was fortunately able to accelerate away - as two men came out of the trees with what looked to be metal baseball bats - without running over the decoy) they are the least able to physically cope with the demands of providing first aid in an emergency situation.



Am I a dick or a cunt for providing help but not at the expense of my personal safety or when it's safer for the person concerned for me to ahve access to other people to help or provide essential equipment? Was I being a dick or a cunt when I jumped out of a still (slowly) moving vehicle at a roundabout to help a motorcyclist who had fallen off his Goldwing to get him off the road and never mind his wonky arm or bike before an HGV travelling downhill ran over the pair of us? As it was, the HGV driver was going slowly enough to be able to stop and literally block off the entire roundabout and dual carriageway that led to it.



Some people are completely paralysed by accidents, emergencies or illness. This person helped. Not in the way expected or wanted at the time - but he helped.

[zingally]

I voted YANBU, but also, let it go. Your son got the help he needed and is now okay.
This odd man didn't actively hurt your son and didn't threaten him. I don't know this man, and don't really want to internet-diagnose, but maybe he had learning difficulties or autism? Anything could have made him confused/unable/unwilling to help.

The moment is gone, your son is fine. Forget about it. Only thing that needs to happen now is your son needs to learn the importance of always having a charged phone, or carrying a charging pack. Maybe he could also benefit from wearing a medical bracelet, which would lend credence to his story if it were to happen again.

[sqirrelfriends]

Don't dwell on it, I don't agree with the posters saying the man wasn't in the wrong, what kind of person risks someone's life because "its all a bit strange"?

I'm glad your son is ok.

[NoIDontWatchLoveIsland]

I understand why the man might have been cautious but I also find it odd not to help. But then I often find people are increasingly un-neighbourly and kind these days. There's a lot of selfishness. When I was (visibly) pregnant with DS I was knocked down a shortlist flight of steps (like 5 steps) in a tube station. I was a bit shaken but absolutely no one stopped, or offered me a hand to stand back up. It was sad really.

[GreekOddess]

I always remember when I was 17 I felt very ill and collapsed in the street. Before I passed out I was having excruciating stomach pains and was sat on the pavement. I asked for help from people passing by and I received none. I don't have a huge amount of faith in people.

These days people would prefer to film an ill person and put it on Facebook so they can be part of the drama.

[PiggyWasntPushedSheWasBullied]

Maybe a hallucination?