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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think ex should bloody well bring them some lunch

247 replies

looseddaughter · 19/09/2020 10:46

Ex was due to have the dc this weekend from yesterday - tomorrow teatime for the first time since the end of August. I woke at 7am to ds1 ringing me to say they will be dropped off after lunch as ex has a ob opening to look into. I said fine (what else could I say, and obviously I don't want ds feeling unwanted, because he's not!).

Then 10 minutes ago ds texted to say they will now be dropped off at 11. FFs, the constant meals drain the fucking life out of me and I just wanted a couple of days off from it. I have nothing in and was planning to go shopping this afternoon. I'm left feeling guilty about wishing my kids were away a bit longer and just so fed up. I'd love to text him and say fine but send them with some lunch! But I don't want him saying anything to the dc so I suppose I won't!

Kids are 11 & 13 so not babies but it's the meals, the constant chivvying them off screens and the noise (ds2 just got into K Pop Sad) that I just wanted a rest from. Also have heaps of marking to do and jobs around the house, which I can still do but will end up feeling guilty as they'll mainly end up on screens.

Pointless rant - I not BU though am I?

OP posts:
midnightstar66 · 19/09/2020 10:48

They are 11 and 13 they can make their own lunch surely?

Original poster
looseddaughter · 19/09/2020 10:49

Not out of thin air, no!

OP posts:
GoldfishParade · 19/09/2020 10:50

Text back saying "great can you get dad to pick you up some sandwiches on the way please"

Lazypuppy · 19/09/2020 10:50

Send them to the shops with £10 and tell them to buy themselves some meal deals.

They are old enough to get their own food

Doidontimmm · 19/09/2020 10:51

I’d have said I have plans!

Nackajory · 19/09/2020 10:51

I hear you OP. Remember , this is why he's an ex. Tell him to drop them off after lunch then go out, treat yourself to a walk and a coffee or whatever will help you to recharge. You deserve it.

VettiyaIruken · 19/09/2020 10:52

Don't you have any food in the house?

I'm assuming the ex is a twat you can't say feed your bloody children you dick to?

It is draining being the one who has to always take care of the day to day while the other one walks his kids round a field and thinks he's a hero. Flowers

Afibtomyboy · 19/09/2020 10:53

First time since end of August?

So two weeks ago?

I agree that it’s a pain (almost single parent). But that’s actually not too long ago!

Original poster
looseddaughter · 19/09/2020 10:53

Goldfish ds hates being used as a messenger between us (not that I did to a huge extent but he doesn't even like making the arrangements for contact as I think ex moans about it).

Lazy - No I don't want to waste £10 on crap and we're not near any shops that do 'meal deals'. FFs, if they're old enough to sort it why isn't he old enough?

OP posts:
Afibtomyboy · 19/09/2020 10:53

Also a single parent, not almost

Doingitaloneandproud · 19/09/2020 10:54

Text him and say go pick up lunch or just send the kids when they get home, it's frustrating when ex's change the plans and mine always does but after so long I don't let it affect me now. Don't feel guilty about them being on the screens, or taking some time to yourself

IWantT0BreakFree · 19/09/2020 10:54

In future could you perhaps just say to DS "get your dad to call me please" and be non-commital with DS so as not to make him feel unwanted if you're worried about that? And then maybe a quick text to ex to say "just had a call from DS about drop off. If you want to change plans can you call me yourself please. I'll expect them after teatime unless I hear directly from you. I'm not actually going to be at home until later on today".
Obviously depends what your relationship is like. You might think it's easier for you and the kids to just put up with this if you think things could turn nasty if you dig your heels in. Not that you should have to bite your tongue, but I've been in the situation of dealing with someone who's a real nightmare and sometimes it was better for me to just let things go.
He sounds a complete arse btw. Very selfish and obviously views his contact time as an optional extra in his life rather than his time to actually do some parenting and shoulder his half of the responsibility for his kids.

GoldfishParade · 19/09/2020 10:56

So just call your ex and tell him to stop off and buy them sandwiches before coming by yours.

Also I understand your DS not liking being used as a messenger but he was the one who texted you today not your ex. So it makes sense to go through him. It's not really being a messenger anyway, hes 13, he will need to have his lunch and you dont have any food in, so he needs to make sure his dad sorts him.

Your ex is a dick though.

Original poster
looseddaughter · 19/09/2020 10:57

I've had them more like 3-4 weeks, tomboy.

Ok, I'm obviously pathetic. I thought MN was a supportive place for mothers (certainly used t be) but I see all the male apologists are here this morning.

OP posts:
midnightstar66 · 19/09/2020 10:57

I'm a single parent with a similarly shit ex so info get your frustration but I think if you text him he still won't do it and you'll be even more angry. Agree not to use ss as a go between. Just send them to the shop with a list - bread, ham, bananas, pack of biscuits etc. Don't need to waste a tenner on crap.

VettiyaIruken · 19/09/2020 10:58

Excuse me?!
Thanks a bloody lot.

GetUpAgain · 19/09/2020 10:59

Your ex is a useless dickhead, I'm so sorry for the impact this has on you. Totally get you wanting time off from relentless responsibility. Also totally understand you protecting DC from knowing this especially as their dad is so useless. You are doing the best in a shitty situation.

Winniewonka · 19/09/2020 11:00

It's a bit late now but could you say I've got nothing in, was planning to shop this afternoon so can you arrange something for their lunch even if it's McDonald's or whatever and text Ex directly.

Original poster
looseddaughter · 19/09/2020 11:00

Thanks breakfree Problem with saying I'm not here is he will bring them anyway as they have keys and are old enough to be left! Yes, he's a selfish prick.

OP posts:
Original poster
looseddaughter · 19/09/2020 11:01

@VettiyaIruken

Excuse me?! Thanks a bloody lot.
Oh God, I'm sorry. Missed your post. Sorry Thanks Thanks Thanks Yes, that's exactly what he's like!
OP posts:
tara66 · 19/09/2020 11:01

Why not have groceries/food/takeaways delivered? You can get same day deliveries with some companies.

HampsteadHeathen · 19/09/2020 11:01

You are not being unreasonable. It is exhausting being solely responsible for running a household and taking care of children as well as working and you were expecting a break.

On the plus side I'm sure your kids benefit from the security of knowing that you are always there for them. Sadly they may not feel the same way about their dad.

Lazypuppy · 19/09/2020 11:02

@looseddaughter a meal deal is a sandwhich, crisps and a drink thats hardly junk.

Trying to offer easy options for you which you obviously don't want to hear.

You need to learn to stand up to you're ex.

Also at those ages they don't need constant supervision, just carry on with what you were planning. Tell them there is no food in the house as they are coming back early so they need to speak to their dad.

Stop being a martyr and do something about it

mumwhatnothing · 19/09/2020 11:03

Wow.. everyone gives you advice to contact this dipshit directly to feed his kids or similarly useful ideas but you just want to be aggrieved. Keep it to yourself. I’ve seen no male apologists here.

MeanMrMustardSeed · 19/09/2020 11:04

There are a lot of male apologists around unfortunately.

YANBU. Your ex is a waste of space and I’d hate my weekend plans to suddenly be changed because someone else can’t sort themselves out. I wonder if maybe you should be ready with a reason why he can’t renege on a commitment in future. It’s not ideal, but maybe say to your children that you’re off doing such and such so when ex suggests DC texting you they can say you’re away / out / off. At those ages I think they’ll pretty soon learn who is making them feel unwanted.

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