To think ex should bloody well bring them some lunch

[looseddaughter]

Ex was due to have the dc this weekend from yesterday - tomorrow teatime for the first time since the end of August. I woke at 7am to ds1 ringing me to say they will be dropped off after lunch as ex has a ob opening to look into. I said fine (what else could I say, and obviously I don't want ds feeling unwanted, because he's not!).

Then 10 minutes ago ds texted to say they will now be dropped off at 11. FFs, the constant meals drain the fucking life out of me and I just wanted a couple of days off from it. I have nothing in and was planning to go shopping this afternoon. I'm left feeling guilty about wishing my kids were away a bit longer and just so fed up. I'd love to text him and say fine but send them with some lunch! But I don't want him saying anything to the dc so I suppose I won't!

Kids are 11 & 13 so not babies but it's the meals, the constant chivvying them off screens and the noise (ds2 just got into K Pop ) that I just wanted a rest from. Also have heaps of marking to do and jobs around the house, which I can still do but will end up feeling guilty as they'll mainly end up on screens.

Pointless rant - I not BU though am I?

Of course you're being unreasonable! Single parents go on about "getting a break" it's quite frankly appalling! They're YOUR CHILDREN, you chose to have them! How would you "get a break" if you were still a couple? They're out at school all day, take your "break" then! As for the meals, kids need food, if you have nothing in, tell your ex to take them to McDonald's on the way home, or get him to order them a pizza to be delivered later.

@Tessabelle1

Of course you're being unreasonable! Single parents go on about "getting a break" it's quite frankly appalling! They're YOUR CHILDREN, you chose to have them! How would you "get a break" if you were still a couple? They're out at school all day, take your "break" then! As for the meals, kids need food, if you have nothing in, tell your ex to take them to McDonald's on the way home, or get him to order them a pizza to be delivered later.

ODFOD. Married parents don't carry 100%of the mental load. Married parents have another parent to take the children out for a few hours/go shopping/share cooking and cleaning.

Of course you're being unreasonable! Single parents go on about "getting a break" it's quite frankly appalling! They're YOUR CHILDREN, you chose to have them! How would you "get a break" if you were still a couple?

Can you really not fathom how you would get a break with a partner about? Really? Perhaps use your brain next time.

No baked beans in the cupboard? Spaghetti and a bit of grated old cheese?

Poor effort trolling from Tessa there 🙄.

@Tessabelle1

Of course you're being unreasonable! Single parents go on about "getting a break" it's quite frankly appalling! They're YOUR CHILDREN, you chose to have them! How would you "get a break" if you were still a couple? They're out at school all day, take your "break" then! As for the meals, kids need food, if you have nothing in, tell your ex to take them to McDonald's on the way home, or get him to order them a pizza to be delivered later.

Don't know why I'm bothering, but the reason I can't take a break when they're in school is because I'm also IN SCHOOL earning a LIVING to SUPPORT our children because he WON'T.

Loosed I can't believe how horrible & critical some people are. Most of whom are likely to have not walked in anything similar to the path you're on.
I get it. My ex hasn't seen our kids most of the older ones life, she doesn't really remember him, the younger one he never saw (all his choice). You sort of adjust to the situation you're in. For you though, your situation isn't consistent & your ex keeps moving the goalposts to suit himself. That's what's hard essentially.
He's unreliable & as a lonely parent, organisation is key which he is messing up for you. Sorry for you, your kids will look back & know who was always there for them. Hold onto that.

lone parent, not lonely parent!

Sorry for you. But your kids will look back & know who was always there for them.

I should proof read more accurately before posting

What GoldfishParade said:

Text back saying "great can you get dad to pick you up some sandwiches on the way please".

Make sure dad gets sandwiches/ lunch on the way back.
They are older enough to cook for themselves too so let that start happening. They can do one night one cooks the next night the other to give you a break. Cooking and cleaning up after the meal, pronto!

i don't mean to be negative but i think you are wasting energy and attention by agonising so much over this man's inadequacies.
life isn't fair, and is and ought will always be on parallel lines.
however much pointing out he is not doing what he ought to, will not make him do it. it's like banging your head against a brick wall.
you are just upsetting yourself.
that is how he is. try to rise above it, ignore as much as possible. make a life centred on your children, if you don't expect much from him, you won't be so disappointed.
the children are getting to age where they can contribute more to the running of the house, which will take some of the pressure off you. they will get a sense of pride from being part of the co-operative of planning/preparing meals etc.
all the best.

Op I feel your pain, Yanbu.

Actually, in our home, my husband works full time, 12 hour days as a nurse, and I work full time 12 hour days as a carer so no, I don't get to share anything. I do it all on the days I'm home, as does he. He doesn't take them away for weekends, or for 2 weeks in the holidays, neither do I. Your ex is no doubt a shit, but so is your phrasing. Many single parents have no ex in the picture, when do THEY get a break? Your in a better position than some, worse than others, the same as the rest of us

Who has won the race to the bottom on this thread then

@Tessabelle1 so when he is home when you are at work, he does stuff around the house and presumably looks after your children, no? If you were working those 12 hour shifts alone and they were in, say childcare, you would have to do everything around the house, do all drop offs, pick ups, pick them up if they're poorly, and make sure all events, appointments, school holidays etc are coordinated with either your leave or sorting it with someone else. If you are poorly you could surely ask DH to put them to bed, make their dinner or whatever if he is home; if you're alone then you don't have that option. Having support and a break doesn't neccessarily mean a physical break. It's not a race to the bottom anyway, why the fuck should OP be grateful for a lazy ass part time dad?

I don't get to share anything. I do it all on the days I'm home, as does he.

If that's not sharing the parenting load I don't know what is

Nowhere did I say she should be grateful, the point is she DOES get a break. My sister has been a single parent 21 years, not once has she had any help so some is better than none. You take what you will accept, she's taken him being shit, he'll keep on being shit. That's what she's willing to accept so no point moaning about it. Give the kids beans on toast and start getting them to help around the house, my 4 year old puts her washing away etc. And for the record, I do 99% of the child related activities, washing etc, because that's what I'M willing to accept. If my husband left, I'd actually get a proper break as he'd have his visits and I'd get the house to myself

@RegularHumanBartender

I don’t understand what you need ‘support’ for though, you chose to have kids and are annoyed that they need a lot of stuff

And another one! What did you get out of plopping onto a thread and posting that shite? Were you giggling away at your deliciously spiteful little comment as you sat there typing away? Melt.

Glad you said it. Some people’s comments on here are disgusting.

OP, I’m here in solidarity. Completely!

I feel you’re pain, I’m a single parent to a 7 yr old and have no contact with my ex who also pays no child support I rely on my Mum to give me a break. As you children get older they will wise up to their Dad and how he treats you. Maybe you should be asking them to tell him you have gone away for the weekend and they have forgotten the door keys if he pulls a stunt like this again. What are the odds he wanted to go to a mates BBQ or do something child free today. In a few years they probably won’t even want to visit him at weekends preferring their mates company so he’s the loser.

I’m not even a single parent and I’m annoyed for you. You’re working all week, juggling two kids and keeping the house running. It’s totally reasonable that he can step up to do the small amount of parenting he has committed to doing without treating you as the fall back for when he gets a better offer. I’d be fuming.

@Tessabelle1

Nowhere did I say she should be grateful, the point is she DOES get a break. My sister has been a single parent 21 years, not once has she had any help so some is better than none. You take what you will accept, she's taken him being shit, he'll keep on being shit. That's what she's willing to accept so no point moaning about it. Give the kids beans on toast and start getting them to help around the house, my 4 year old puts her washing away etc. And for the record, I do 99% of the child related activities, washing etc, because that's what I'M willing to accept. If my husband left, I'd actually get a proper break as he'd have his visits and I'd get the house to myself

I mean it genuinely when I say I hope you don't get to live out your final sentence in reality. It might not be as great as you think, especially if your ex started messing you about and not turning up when you expected - then you might not get those breaks after all.

And sorry, where did I say AIBU to think I've got the worst luck and worst situation ever? I didn't because that's not what I think but I was pissed off about being messed around at the last minute. Most people would be but it doesn't mean no one else has it worse but their situations aren't relevant.

And you can keep your bollocks about him being shit because I've 'accepted' it. If you think you can change someone else's behaviour, well, all I can say is you've not had much life experience. When they are the father of your children, not abusive and loved by the children it's not as simple to set boundaries as it would be if you alone were affected by the behaviour.

And also keep your patronising comments about children helping round the house - why assume mine don't? They do plenty but it didn't change the circumstances we were in yesterday - obviously they don't decide when the weekly shop gets done. What you clearly don't realise is it's not the physical part of housework that's so hard when you're alone, but the mental load, which is not fair to put on kids. It's the decision making and planning and even nice moments, like sitting in school plays and not having anyone's eye to catch who loves that child as much as you do (and yes , I'm well aware some couples have to attend events alone).

Your comments are so lacking in empathy and understanding of the situation I've outlined it's taken my breath away.

And and to everyone who has posted supportive comments. Double helpings to those whose ex's seem even worse than mine but who still saw where I was coming from!

Just say no to your ex next time. Don’t take the kids back before the agree time. Your time is also valuable. Stand up for yourself

A four year old that puts clothes away, I’m dying at the attempt to sound like your kid is helping. And who folds up the clothes and washes them? Utter drivel by @Tessabelle1 but hey her “sister” is a single parent so she knows everything yawn

He sounds like the self centred ex from hell. How dare he be so disorganised and thoughtless toward his own children!

It’s awful for them to be so far down his priority list and awful for you to have to shoulder so much responsibility.
Well done for getting rid and remember in a few years, they will be making their own choices. I doubt many will involve him, whereas if you continue to be a great mum, they will have a great adult relationship with you.