To think ex should bloody well bring them some lunch

[looseddaughter]

Ex was due to have the dc this weekend from yesterday - tomorrow teatime for the first time since the end of August. I woke at 7am to ds1 ringing me to say they will be dropped off after lunch as ex has a ob opening to look into. I said fine (what else could I say, and obviously I don't want ds feeling unwanted, because he's not!).

Then 10 minutes ago ds texted to say they will now be dropped off at 11. FFs, the constant meals drain the fucking life out of me and I just wanted a couple of days off from it. I have nothing in and was planning to go shopping this afternoon. I'm left feeling guilty about wishing my kids were away a bit longer and just so fed up. I'd love to text him and say fine but send them with some lunch! But I don't want him saying anything to the dc so I suppose I won't!

Kids are 11 & 13 so not babies but it's the meals, the constant chivvying them off screens and the noise (ds2 just got into K Pop ) that I just wanted a rest from. Also have heaps of marking to do and jobs around the house, which I can still do but will end up feeling guilty as they'll mainly end up on screens.

Pointless rant - I not BU though am I?

I don’t understand what you need ‘support’ for though, you chose to have kids and are annoyed that they need a lot of stuff?

My ex hasn't been seen for 10 years I'm at that stage where I couldn't bare to be away from my son now and even I think YANBU he sounds like a dick. Moan away OP. You should have made him take them to McDonalds on the way back and picked you up something to (he obvs pays)

Why have you got nothing in? You've got children, you should always have something in as you never know when one of you will be ill or suddenly self isolating.

Also a single parent.

The difference (at least in my house) between getting a sandwich meal deal for lunch, and McDonald's is me cooking in the evening or not. If I'm expecting a day to myself, where I can eat back of cupboard meals, and end up having the dc home for 2 meals I hadn't planned for then yes its annoying.
I'd never let the dc know I was annoyed, but if i could minimise cooking by getting a takeaway of some kind then I will!

And it sounds like OP has the same kind of ex as me. If she tells him she isn't in and he has to keep the DC a bit longer he will turn it round on her and bad mouth her. And yes the dc will know Dad didn't want to spend time with them. So all the less reason to give him ammo to think Mum doesn't either!
My ex has seen the DC 3 times since the start of lockdown. The last time was around 23rd August. Just because he's seen them less than OPs ex doesn't mean I can't sympathise with her!

I'm gobsmacked by most of the answers on here!! I have four DC with my cheating each who thinks he has 50/50 care because he has kids 3 single nights each week ( well 2 now for older DC and they said it was too much time with dad 🙄). He pays no maintenance and it's not worth the abuse to persue this and I but ever trying as that's why the government gives me tax credits apparently (I also work very hard in a busy job btw). I do enjoy my child free time but I'm ALWAYS on whereas when he doesn't have the DC he is not contactable.
I think separated father's need to be held to the same standard as separted mothers are.
If we just told about kids that we needed to drop them off as we were busy, we would quite rightly be looked down upon.
OP you have my every sympathy, I have too many stories to mention about my kids 'wonderful' father but ya know I would be seen as bitter if I elaborated.

@tara66

Iceland do same day or next day deliveries and they are not expensive - though their range is some what limited (and rather basic) compared to bigger supermarkets. They were also very reliable and available during the lock down.

I agree with that, also the Co-op which does some lovely things.

However the op is concerned Right Now.

Plus we do not know her financial circumstances.

@GarlicMcAtackney

I don’t understand what you need ‘support’ for though, you chose to have kids and are annoyed that they need a lot of stuff?

It's not asking for 'support' to expect the child's other parent to do their fair share of parenting. I booked a theatre trip for the dc and I last year during the summer and didn't okay the date with ex. This was because I'd sent him two texts asking what he wanted to do about seeing them over the summer and he ignored one and replied 'okay' to the second (my text had read 'let me know when you want to the see the dc over the summer', so 'okay' was a useless response?!

When the theatre trip came along it turned out he wanted to see them that day and I had to say no (though offered to drop them off next morning). He kicked off saying I think I 'own them', but it turns out I do own them when it suits him to drop them off at a moment's notice.
That's what this is actually about, as many people, but not all, have understood.

I don't get why it's so much hassle for you to sort meals out for your children, get them to help you, and get them off their screens, at least to prepare, and eat some food

Why do people post shit like this? Does it make you feel all warm and tingly inside because you've been a dick on the internet? We get it, you can't get enough of lovingly preparing nutritious meals for your rosy cheeked offspring, crack on. OP is tired, wanted a break and has been let down by a useless ex.

I don’t understand what you need ‘support’ for though, you chose to have kids and are annoyed that they need a lot of stuff

And another one! What did you get out of plopping onto a thread and posting that shite? Were you giggling away at your deliciously spiteful little comment as you sat there typing away? Melt.

Are people asking OP why she doesn't have food in, or why she finds it a hassle to feed her dc incapable of reading? The OP clearly says she wasn't expecting them home until tea time and was planning to go shopping this afternoon. So she would have had food in when the dc were home. Only the stupid ex decided his plans were more important. Who cares if Mum has plans right? As the female parent she should always be ready and prepared

Yanbu .
Does he have to see them anymore? Surely they're almost old enough to tell him to stick it? He's not bothering to parent much is he.

OP, I understand, I had the same problem with XH, no contact for weeks on end, so I have to go ahead with mine and DC's lives and plan things.. Then when he deigns to have time for them and they are busy, he says that I am deliberately making sure they are too busy to see him......... he just expects them to be free with no warning. Contact is often requested at 24 hours notice after weeks of nothing. It is so sad for the DC when they are treated like this.

Your XH also "chose to have kids" and therefore he should be pulling his weight the same as you. Sadly some don't and we are the ones left picking up the shit 24/7.

@TheDuchessofMalfy your ex is mine too! So ‘desperate’ to see DS he paid to go to court, he was furloughed but still went 5 weeks without seeing him. I’m always getting phone calls to pick him up or changing plans.
OP you have my sympathy, it would be like a babysitter repeatedly letting you down at the last minute. But it’s worse because he’s as much of a parent as you are. You have plans and need time alone, there’s nothing wrong with that at all. You’re still a employee, friend, daughter etc you don’t have to sacrifice yourself to being a mum. Being away from your DCs for a few nights doesn’t make you a bad mum, they are with their other parent. Its firmly your ex’s fault for this. He’s a terrible dad.

@GarlicMcAtackney

I don’t understand what you need ‘support’ for though, you chose to have kids and are annoyed that they need a lot of stuff?

He also chose to have kids. Why is op expected to do all the parenting?

I don’t understand what you need ‘support’ for though, you chose to have kids and are annoyed that they need a lot of stuff

Are you always socially blind or are you just having an off day? Most adults with or without kids want a break and some support sometimes. I chose the job I accepted and knew what it would entail but it annoys me when my colleagues don't pull their weight and I have to do more work than I should. Likewise most of us went into parenting as a team and didn't expect to do 99% of the work. I have a helpful husband and love my kids but after a long week sometimes I just can't be arsed and want a day to myself. If I was alone all week I'd feel like this alot more often.

Wow some really fucking nasty replies on here, hope you all feel good about yourselves.

OP said she was planning to go shopping today, having been a single parent for a few years I can conclude that it's much easier than dragging children around to do the food shop, and not everyone wants to get a delivery- although that would be an option if needed to isolate at short notice. It's not unreasonable at all to assume that the children's other parent will actually spend the time they have to agreed to with their children to allow you to go shopping. It's horrible how no one tearing the OP down seems to have an issue with the feckless father. That time to yourself means a lot, and making plans even just to have some time to yourself to be disrupted often by your ex using your DS as the go between to say they actually can't be arsed is really hard. Yes he should have at least got them some lunch, why do men get such a pass in situations such as this, it's depressing.

Hope you enjoy lunch OP.

You should have kept your theatre trip. Next time you ask what days he wants over Christmas, summer etc, set a deadline to tell you, and explain youR happy to work around dates he gives you before then but will be booking all your plans after that and he will have to fit in with them, then follow through.

When he drops them off wave the kids into the house, lower your voice and say nicely they know you’re getting rid of them early you know. Good luck when they are older and only visit when they feel like it.

I don't get why it's so much hassle for you to sort meals out for your children, get them to help you, and get them off their screens, at least to prepare, and eat some food

I don't get why MRAs and general apologists for feckless, irresponsible fathers have nothing better to do with their lives than to blame women for men's behaviour on a women centred forum.

Confusing world indeed.

Confusing world eh?

Imagine if you had to make them all the time with no break 😊

@Leafbeans

Wow some really fucking nasty replies on here, hope you all feel good about yourselves.

OP said she was planning to go shopping today, having been a single parent for a few years I can conclude that it's much easier than dragging children around to do the food shop, and not everyone wants to get a delivery- although that would be an option if needed to isolate at short notice. It's not unreasonable at all to assume that the children's other parent will actually spend the time they have to agreed to with their children to allow you to go shopping. It's horrible how no one tearing the OP down seems to have an issue with the feckless father. That time to yourself means a lot, and making plans even just to have some time to yourself to be disrupted often by your ex using your DS as the go between to say they actually can't be arsed is really hard. Yes he should have at least got them some lunch, why do men get such a pass in situations such as this, it's depressing.

Hope you enjoy lunch OP.

If you are a single parent, especially right now, you should always have something in to feed your children. Being mother Hubbard is not good parenting.

When my boys were young my ex used to do anything to avoid feeding them, he’d have them for the weekend and give them late breakfast/brunch and something in the afternoon, never a full meal then drop them home starving! Then complain the youngest was always grumpy because he was hungry! Used to drive me mad, all grown up now but still head straight for the fridge when they come to visit!

@PablosHoney

Imagine if you had to make them all the time with no break 😊

I do because my children are 7 and just 10

13.... surely own breakfast and lunch possible on occasion?

I have mine all the time without no break. I've had one night off in two years, and that was on a work night.

I still think the OPs Ex is a pathetic dick and she deserves a break.

What a waste of space as a Dad!!

Is even bothering to pick them back up later? At 11 and 13 he could have surely left them at his or in the car for a few hours 🤷🏽‍♀️

Thanks Time but we did go to the theatre. He kicked off but I ignored him - I have got better at dealing with him over the years but if standing up to him could end up upsetting the dc, that's when I tend to back off. They were excited about the theatre so it was a no-brainer to ignore his tantrum!

I'm not Mother Hubbard, ffs . There are crackers and cereal bars and meat in the freezer, as well as dried pasta, lentils etc and tins of toms and pulses. Just nothing filling and fresh to shove in a sarnie. Your 13 years may all be capable of coming in and whipping up a pasta sauce with canned toms and chicken breasts etc but mine would need some help and I couldn't be arsed today! However, should we need to self-isolate we won't starve while waiting for a delivery, ffs.