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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think ex should bloody well bring them some lunch

247 replies

looseddaughter · 19/09/2020 10:46

Ex was due to have the dc this weekend from yesterday - tomorrow teatime for the first time since the end of August. I woke at 7am to ds1 ringing me to say they will be dropped off after lunch as ex has a ob opening to look into. I said fine (what else could I say, and obviously I don't want ds feeling unwanted, because he's not!).

Then 10 minutes ago ds texted to say they will now be dropped off at 11. FFs, the constant meals drain the fucking life out of me and I just wanted a couple of days off from it. I have nothing in and was planning to go shopping this afternoon. I'm left feeling guilty about wishing my kids were away a bit longer and just so fed up. I'd love to text him and say fine but send them with some lunch! But I don't want him saying anything to the dc so I suppose I won't!

Kids are 11 & 13 so not babies but it's the meals, the constant chivvying them off screens and the noise (ds2 just got into K Pop Sad) that I just wanted a rest from. Also have heaps of marking to do and jobs around the house, which I can still do but will end up feeling guilty as they'll mainly end up on screens.

Pointless rant - I not BU though am I?

OP posts:
Charliecatpaws · 19/09/2020 11:04

What would your ex do if you were out for the day? People think this really piss me off, why should you be the one to drop everything for this man child who can’t cope with looking after his own children?

TheChiefJo · 19/09/2020 11:05

OP, you're not being unreasonable. He's an infantile twat. How do you manage job interviews, etc? Is it by dropping the kids on him at mealtimes with zero hours notice? Nope.

Obviously not much you can do this time but send him a clear message that in future you'll only pick up his duties in emergencies. And he needs to plan meals.

TheFormerPorpentinaScamander · 19/09/2020 11:05

YANBU. Its exhausting always having to be 'on' and ready. I bet if the roles were reversed and you decided to drop them off to him at short notice he'd expect them to be fed!
I have to feed mine (16 and 13) when they get home from their dads as they are given the same size portion as their toddler siblings. Hmm

Rainbowqueeen · 19/09/2020 11:05

He’s a dick and that will never change.

Your food situation can change - by going shopping. So at least there’s that
But yes, super frustrating. Could you take the kids out for a nice lunch, do the shopping and then have sandwiches for dinner??

VettiyaIruken · 19/09/2020 11:06

Flowers it's ok and it's understandable to need a rant. It isn't fair at all on you. He needs to be an actual parent!

LupinsNotLilys · 19/09/2020 11:07

Not unreasonable to want a break op

Not unreasonable to be annoyed he's bringing them back early

I've had my 3 on my own since January except for 4 nights.

I'd definitely speak to ex directly though, no good your Ds being the messenger (my eldest is 13 fwiw) and no need to feel guilty of them on the screens for a few hours, you had plans/marking/shopping etc

Hope the rest of the day goes well op

Original poster
looseddaughter · 19/09/2020 11:07

@mumwhatnothing

Wow.. everyone gives you advice to contact this dipshit directly to feed his kids or similarly useful ideas but you just want to be aggrieved. Keep it to yourself. I’ve seen no male apologists here.
Well, I do appreciate advice, but, yes, I want to feel aggrieved because I bloody am! It's no good contacting him because he'll either ignore or have a rant to the kids about it, which isn't nice. Not everyone lives near a shop kids can walk to and it isn't really the point. I just wanted someone else to sort meals for a couple of days and not have my plans changed at the last minute by him.

But I'm sorry if I've been rude, and I know some people have been supportive and all are trying to help. It's just not fair though!

OP posts:
SchadenfreudePersonified · 19/09/2020 11:07

YANBU - it IS exhausting - even having to think what to cook day in day out is exhausting, never mind having to shop for it, cook it and watch their faces on occasions ("BROTH! I don't want broth - I want a pizza!").

Your ex is a tw*t and you are well rid. Doesn't help you in practical terms today though.

And looking forward to a bit of "me-time" and having it snatched away without warning is blooming' awful!

CanIHelpYou · 19/09/2020 11:09

I'd love to text him and say fine but send them with some lunch! But I don't want him saying anything to the dc so I suppose I won't!

Why not? I would.

You don't have to be confrontational if you're worried about the kids hearing but you can say 'thats fine, but you will need to stop off to get them a sandwich or something on the way as I have nothing in as was due to go shopping later today'.

Also, I hope your 11&13 yr olds can make their own lunches. You can still have a break, they need the basics like bread and filler but they can certainly make their own sandwiches.

I understand wanting a break, don't feel bad for that but definitely stand up to your ex!

tara66 · 19/09/2020 11:11

Iceland do same day or next day deliveries and they are not expensive - though their range is some what limited (and rather basic) compared to bigger supermarkets. They were also very reliable and available during the lock down.

VinylDetective · 19/09/2020 11:11

@GoldfishParade

Text back saying "great can you get dad to pick you up some sandwiches on the way please"
This.
CanIHelpYou · 19/09/2020 11:11

There are a lot of male apologists around unfortunately

Who has done this? All anyone has suggested is that the OP can and should tell her ex to sort it or get something on the way. I'm not apologising for the man, just explaining what I would do in that situation.

I agree he's a shit but can we not also offer suggestions too?

WorraLiberty · 19/09/2020 11:12

I'd love to text him and say fine but send them with some lunch! But I don't want him saying anything to the dc so I suppose I won't!

Just ask him to pick up a loaf of bread and some ham or cheese on his way over.

He doesn't even need to leave the car, as one of the kids can run into the shop.

He sounds like a dick but this doesn't have to be bigger than it is.

MrsRogerLima · 19/09/2020 11:13

If they are old enough to be left, then why is he bringing them home?

More like he's on a promise or something. Urgh.

I agree though, stand up for yourself op. No confrontation needed. Just be factual. 'ok, but I have no food in. Get your dad to stop off at McDonald's or somewhere on the way please'

TOFO1965 · 19/09/2020 11:13

It's tricky is this, because he is not going to change. Men can be tedious creatures. If it happens again say you're out and he can't bring them back. You're entitled to space and air without your children in it all the time, they're his too, force him to own it.

Original poster
looseddaughter · 19/09/2020 11:13

Thanks everyone! They're still not here btw - he just does it to mess me around. Yes, if they do come before lunch I think we'll go to MacD's.

lupins 4 days since Jan puts my situation into perspective - hope you have support around you.

Thank for understanding Vetti.

OP posts:
BloggersBlog · 19/09/2020 11:14

It's no good contacting him because he'll either ignore or have a rant to the kids about it, which isn't nice

Im with you there, mine is exactly the same. Wont even drop them somewhere else (no extra mileage) because I am apparently "telling him what to do". Idiots

MusicWithRocksIn1t · 19/09/2020 11:15

He sounds like an arsehole.

Could you not txt him directly and say 11 doesn't work as you will be at the shops because you now have to feed 2 extra mouths then you had planned for over the weekend, but he's welcome to get some shopping (and give him a detailed list) if he has to drop them off earlier.
Also you should draw his face on a potatoes and stab forks into it.
Always makes me feel better!

Smallsteps88 · 19/09/2020 11:16

Is there really nothing in the house? Bread, beans, tin of soup, crackers, cheese, a couple of eggs, pasta, pot noodles, a couple of bits of fruit?

NoSquirrels · 19/09/2020 11:16

If they’re old enough to be dropped off alone for a bit, then he doesn’t need to bring them back early - he could’ve left them at his while he went to the job interview, or dropped them in a town with a McD’s and picked them up after. But as he’s a lazy git who hasn’t even bothered to contact you himself about changing plans, then presumably he’s never inclined to put himself out or problem solve.

I do think you should let him know how pissed off you are.

He could come back & pick them up later...

madcatladyforever · 19/09/2020 11:16

Tell your ex to not be such a massive twat and get them some lunch before drop off or else and sod what he says to the kids, let him moan to them all he wants.

TheFormerPorpentinaScamander · 19/09/2020 11:16

FWIW I wouldn't be able to tell my ex the dc needed feeding before he bought them home/he needed to send food. All that would result in would be me getting messages about how I'm a shit parent and should make sure I have food for them at all times. Even when I'm not expecting them to be at home. He would also involve the dc in that by telling them im a shit parent who doesn't care. Angry

EveryDayIsADuvetDay · 19/09/2020 11:17

I think I'd be more hacked off that arrangements have been changed with no notice from tomorrow late afternoon to this morning, TBH.

If there is literally no food in the house., they don't need lunch at 11 am (assuming he gave them breakfast).
Go shopping as soon as they're dropped back, buy lunch out or a sandwich/something they can eat straight away in the supermarket, or something that is fast to prepare the moment you're in.

madcatladyforever · 19/09/2020 11:17

Or better still you should have turned your phone off and pretended to be out.

Smallsteps88 · 19/09/2020 11:18

Lazy - No I don't want to waste £10 on crap

It’ll cost you at least £10 to go to McDs!