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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think ex should bloody well bring them some lunch

247 replies

looseddaughter · 19/09/2020 10:46

Ex was due to have the dc this weekend from yesterday - tomorrow teatime for the first time since the end of August. I woke at 7am to ds1 ringing me to say they will be dropped off after lunch as ex has a ob opening to look into. I said fine (what else could I say, and obviously I don't want ds feeling unwanted, because he's not!).

Then 10 minutes ago ds texted to say they will now be dropped off at 11. FFs, the constant meals drain the fucking life out of me and I just wanted a couple of days off from it. I have nothing in and was planning to go shopping this afternoon. I'm left feeling guilty about wishing my kids were away a bit longer and just so fed up. I'd love to text him and say fine but send them with some lunch! But I don't want him saying anything to the dc so I suppose I won't!

Kids are 11 & 13 so not babies but it's the meals, the constant chivvying them off screens and the noise (ds2 just got into K Pop Sad) that I just wanted a rest from. Also have heaps of marking to do and jobs around the house, which I can still do but will end up feeling guilty as they'll mainly end up on screens.

Pointless rant - I not BU though am I?

OP posts:
TitsOutForHarambe · 19/09/2020 12:27

My dad was like this. Just fucked around doing whatever he wanted, changed plans at the last minute, usually late or sometimes didn't turn up at all, always found ways to weasel out of paying for things or having to do any actual parenting. We knew he was an arse from a young age. Now as an adult with my own DC I don't need to tell you where my loyalties lie in regards to my parents.

Sorry, I have no advice at all, but it sounds like you just wanted to rant so I'm here in solidarity- men like this are dickheads and it's ok to be pissed off. I hope a bird shits on him when he's on the way to this job interview.

Original poster
looseddaughter · 19/09/2020 12:27

@Cantthinkofausename

Im basing my comment on your OP where you said your ex has the kids for the 1st time since the end of August. Someone else picked up on it also. How was i supposed to know youve had them from march to august on your own? Like everyone im commenting on the information given
I haven't had them March-Aug on my own - he had them one night a week June- Aug. 'End of August' people seemed to assume was 31/8, but it was more like 23rdish. But even if it was 31st, I think 19 days (best part of 3 weeks)is a long time to go without seeing dc? Most people surely see them at least weekly - even this knobhead does when he's not on holiday or lockdown!
OP posts:
DatingDickheads · 19/09/2020 12:29

Hey op Flowers my ex is a dick, your ex is a dick, I imagine quite a high percentage of women have kids with a man who is a dick. If we want to feel pissed off and have a moan about it we can! Enjoy your mcds!

Potterpotterpotter · 19/09/2020 12:30

You said you didn’t want to give them £10 for junk and then spent £10 on junk going to McDonald’s 😂 the irony 😂

Afibtomyboy · 19/09/2020 12:31

Mine are lot younger and it’s once a fortnight

I do sympathise but given ages.... I would think that it wouldn’t be quite so annoying as it clearly is to you

TheDuchessofMalfy · 19/09/2020 12:31

OP some people in relationships who have kids don’t realise the difference between having the kids all on your own for 19 days straight, and having them with a partner around. With a partner (unless they are a shit or work away) you get bits of time to yourself all the time, and share the pressures.

There is nothing wrong with a divorced / separated/ single parent saying that this is a long time!

Afibtomyboy · 19/09/2020 12:32

@Potterpotterpotter

You said you didn’t want to give them £10 for junk and then spent £10 on junk going to McDonald’s 😂 the irony 😂
I chuckled at that!
Afibtomyboy · 19/09/2020 12:32

* With a partner (unless they are a shit or work away) you get bits of time to yourself all the time*

They’re 13 and 11!

ToastyCrumpet · 19/09/2020 12:33

@Potterpotterpotter McD’s is hot food, a treat and the OP doesn’t have to cook it. So nuts to you.

TheDuchessofMalfy · 19/09/2020 12:35

Why did you just accept his change of plan? He wants to do something this afternoon and so did you - is his time more important than yours?

When you have an ex like this it’s really hard to hold the line. Their deeply held believe that their own time is more important can really overwhelm you. There’s also the concern about the the kids feeling unwanted by both parents if you push back in the way you would in any other situation.

BillywilliamV · 19/09/2020 12:35

Tell him to drive thru McD’s on the way back, easy!

TheDuchessofMalfy · 19/09/2020 12:35

* With a partner (unless they are a shit or work away) you get bits of time to yourself all the time*

They’re 13 and 11!

OP has made it clear what things she wants a break from.

Afibtomyboy · 19/09/2020 12:35

The pp suggestion of meal deal was sandwich crisps and drink Presumably as said the children could sort themselves

midnightstar66 · 19/09/2020 12:36

Most people surely see them at least weekly - even this knobhead does when he's not on holiday or lockdown!

No, mine doesn't. Not even when court ordered he didn't turn up once for his weekday contact (too much hassle, girlfriend was at work so he'd have had to get the bus) but he managed to get that dropped from the order. He just wants his every other weekend although as I said he's at work all day so sees them for approx 2 hours each day. He's supposed to have them 1/3 of the school holidays too but hasn't once used that. If u came across unhelpful it wasn't intended. Just felt your frustrations and understand that providing constant meals is draining so that, as one thing that can be easily delegated to dc you should take advantage of that

Original poster
looseddaughter · 19/09/2020 12:38

@Potterpotterpotter

You said you didn’t want to give them £10 for junk and then spent £10 on junk going to McDonald’s 😂 the irony 😂
Glad I've given you a laugh Hmm
OP posts:
Original poster
looseddaughter · 19/09/2020 12:39

Sorry to hear that, Midnight. I didn't mean to imply I think that every single parent sees them weekly - I know there are some men even more useless than my ex and I'm sorry yours is one of them Flowers.

OP posts:
1forAll74 · 19/09/2020 12:44

I don't get why it's so much hassle for you to sort meals out for your children, get them to help you, and get them off their screens, at least to prepare, and eat some food.

Afibtomyboy · 19/09/2020 12:45

Hey! My ex isn’t useless!

But he sees the children once a fortnight. Very full on job, whereas I don’t and... I love having weekends with them! Surely it’s the time when not juggling school, homework etc? Every weekend would be crap

Potterpotterpotter · 19/09/2020 12:46

[quote ToastyCrumpet]@Potterpotterpotter McD’s is hot food, a treat and the OP doesn’t have to cook it. So nuts to you.[/quote]
Wouldn’t have to cook a meal deal either would she but that’s ‘junk’ so didn’t want to do that 😂
Didn’t know it mattered if lunch was hot or not either 😂

Pumperthepumper · 19/09/2020 12:47

Just here to point out, again, that I’m not PumperTrumper - always worried that people think we have the same views 🤮

He’s a shit father. You having your kids since the end of August means he hasn’t seen his children at all in that time. They’ll grow up remembering that absence.

Puffalicious · 19/09/2020 12:47

Look OP, he's a prick and you're completely justified in feeling angry. It is beyond me why people have children then think they can shirk responsibility (I'm including my lovely neighbour's daughter in this who prefers her child to stay with her grandmother, ie my neighbour, than herself as she has a new partner and childrenAngry).

I'm one of the lucky ones with an Ex who wasn't a very good husband but is a great father. Flowers

MyTwoLeftFeet · 19/09/2020 12:47

I don't get why it's so much hassle for you to sort meals out for your children, get them to help you, and get them off their screens, at least to prepare, and eat some food.

Probbly because OP works all week and is tired. Getting her kids of screen is a hassle she has all week and she wanted a day off from it. It's not exactly rocket science to understand it surely?

Afibtomyboy · 19/09/2020 12:48

Not if he previously saw them every weekend as the OP has stipulated!

greengreengrass14 · 19/09/2020 12:49

I had, have an ex in the 'useless' and 'deliberately difficult category'.

It was and is almost as if they are in some way adolescent in the worst sense, i.e. changing arrangements, (or indeed making arrangements i.e. invited relatives round, and not telling me until the last minute and then making out it was unreasonable of me to complain).

In fact it is really difficult to juggle life with young kids, you have got your fair share of unpredictable happenings anyway without someone chopping and changing arrangements.

So would say you've done well. And you are holding down a job to boot. So in the long run you will be better off being a single parent and without him. Even though it is hard to do, at times at least your decisions are your own, That sounds really weird perhaps but it is true.

Your kids will probably appreciate a bit of down time whilst you are marking. It sets them a good example that you are conscientious etc.

Try not to worry about the screens. We've all had to choose our battles in Covid.

SupremeDreamz · 19/09/2020 12:50

Some people are missing the point that if you ask a useless dude like this to do something he should have thought to do by himself anyway it only ends up being more hassle than it's worth.

Enjoy lunch out OP.